“It’s my fault. I took too long gettin’ stuff from the store.” Her shoulders slump a little more. “I’m stupid and slow. Always makin’ a mess of things.”
I swallow hard to keep myself from interrupting her so I can tell her she’s not stupid, just a little lost.
“It’s just hard, ya know… strugglin’ to do things right.”
I want to reach out and take her hand but hold myself back. “You’re not stupid, Stella. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. If someone makes you feel like less or treats you with a lack of respect, then you should really consider leaving the person. You shouldn’t have to be in a relationship where you fear your partner. We can offer you the protection and the help you’ll need to distance yourself from the person.”
“It’s not that easy,” she mumbles. Her eyes meet mine, and I see the cry for help in them. “It’s too late. I’m in too deep.”
“It’s never too late, Stella. You still have options.”
She shakes her head and gets up, and I feel frustrated that our conversation wasn’t of any help to her.
“I’m off tomorrow night if you want to get together. As friends,” I blurt the words out.
“I don’t know,” Stella begins to refuse.
“I’m still new in town, and it’s hard meeting people while I work nights. It would be nice to just hang out with someone.”
She twists her hands together, then says, “Maybe some other time. I don’t want to upset him right now.”
“I understand.” I walk with her to the door, and add, “Please take my contact number and the one for the front desk.” I reach over to the desk and quickly write both numbers down on a sticky note, then hand it to her. “I’m here every night except for Saturdays. Don’t hesitate to call if you’re in any danger.”
“Thanks,” she whispers, and tucking the strip of paper in her pocket, she leaves the room.
I let out a heavy sigh as I watch her walk down the hallway before I clean up so I can go check to see where else my help is needed.
CHAPTER 16
Zac
“Zac, Aiden,” Capt. Harris calls out as he walks by our section. “My office. Now.”
I glance at Aiden as I get up. “You know what it’s about?”
“Nope. Let’s go find out.”
We walk to the office, and Aiden closes the door behind us.
“Bring me up to date with your cases.” Capt. Harris removes his jacket and hangs it on the back of his chair, then sits down and locks his eyes on us.
Aiden looks at me. “We closed two this week, right?”
“Yeah.” I do a quick count then say, “We have five ones pending further investigation.”
“What about the meth case? When are you wrappin’ it up?”
“Roberts Senior was released this week. We’re hopin’ he gives us a new lead,” I answer.
“We need to close that case. I’m getting heat from the town council. They’re not happy about us harassin’ Pastor Doug. Their words, not mine.”
I let out a bitter burst of air. “Harrasin’ my ass.” Shaking my head, I add, “He’s bound to slip up.”
“Make sure the evidence is solid this time around. If he walks again, it will cost me my badge.”
“We won’t let you down, Captain,” Aiden says. “We’ll get them.”
Capt. Harris nods then gestures to the door. “Get back to work and bring me some results.”
“Yes, Sir.” We say the words at the same time before we leave.
“I’ll start surveillance tonight and keep at it until we bust their asses,” I snap as I sit down behind my desk again.
“I’ll take care of the daily routine and paperwork. You head out. Just make sure you get some rest and keep me up to speed on what’s going down.”
“Will do.” I’m out of my chair and heading out the door, determined to close this case once and for all.
I’m using one of the precincts unmarked cars, seeing as the whole town pretty much knows what I drive.
I’m taking turns surveying the church, Doug’s house, and Roberts’ place, and so far things have been too quiet.
“Jordaan,” I whisper, saying Chloe’s last name for the hundredth time. I’ve been practicing pronouncing it right, and I think I’m actually getting the hang of it.
I’ve downloaded an app to learn Afrikaans, and with all the time I spent in the car, it’s going faster than I thought it would. It’s just something to help pass the time.
Needing to stretch my legs, I get out of the car and walk around the neighborhood where Roberts’ place is.
“Fuck, this is frustrating as hell,” I grumble as I head back to the car a couple of minutes later. “I wish I can just catch a damn break with this case.”
I decide to drive past the church before stopping at home to grab something to eat.
It begins to rain just as I finish my round, and I stop by the precinct to switch cars, then head home.
Pulling up the driveway, the first thing I see is Chloe standing in the middle of the lawn with her face turned up toward the sky. I get out and jog over to her. “You’re soakin’ wet.”
“Hey.” Instantly her smile widens, and she looks at me. “You’re home early?”
“Let’s go inside,” I say, but as I take a step toward the house, Chloe grabs hold of my hand.
“Not yet. Just stand in the rain for a little bit.” She grins as she closes her eyes and tilts her head back. “This is better than taking a shower. Let the rain just wash your worries away.”
She looks so damn happy and stunning all I can do is stare at her.
Chloe
Maybe it’s because I’m tired and stressed that I don’t think clearly, and my resistance crumbles when I bring my eyes back to Zac’s face and see how he’s staring at me.
Our eyes lock through the drops of rain falling, and the air begins to buzz with intensity.
“You make it so hard to keep my distance,” Zac’s voice grumbles low. He takes two steps closer until our wet clothes touch.
My mind is screaming at me to stop this from going any further, while my heart whispers to take the chance.
Unable to stop myself, I stand on my toes and press my lips to his. Grabbing hold of his shirt, all my common sense up and vanishes when his hand slips behind my neck, and he begins to kiss me back.
I bring my hands up his chest, wrapping them around his neck, and the moment our tongues touch, I lose control.
Letting all self-restraint go, I give myself over to an ocean of crazy-good feelings. It’s the ultimate high for me. Our tongues dance passionately, trying to taste as much of the other person as we can.
And shit, he tastes good.
Usually, I would have no problem in being the one to initiate sex, but with Zac kissing me, it seems to be enough. When he pulls slightly back, our rushed breaths mingle, and his eyes burn in mine.
‘There’s no going back,’ his eyes tell mine.
‘I’m too scared,’ I silently admit. ‘I’m scared I’ll hurt you. I’m scared I’ll lose myself. I’m scared we’ll end up destroying each other. You mean too much to me to take the risk.’
For a long moment, he just stares deep into my eyes until it feels like the intensity between us is becoming a living thing which I won’t be able to control.
With the little willpower I have left, I push against his chest, and I take a step back to put some space between us.
Letting out a burst of nervous laughter, I try to make light of the moment by jokingly saying, “That was some welcome home kiss.”
“Sure was,” he agrees, still not taking his eyes off mine.
The moment keeps growing until it feels overwhelmingly intimate.
“I… I’m gonna go get ready for work,” I mutter uneasily.
I rush into the house, running away from the mistake I made. Shoving my bedroom door open, I dart inside, then shut it and lean back against it.
Closing my eyes against the realit
y of what just happened, I take a couple of deep breaths.
What the bloody hell was that?
Zac is not a one-night stand guy!
Shit.
I suck in some more air, trying to ease the panic whirling in my chest.
There can never be anything more than friendship between Zac and me. Zac has already suffered so much heartache, and I care too much for him to add to his pain. Being his friend is the best I can do.
It’s safer for both of us.
Zac
I didn’t expect any of that to happen.
More so, I didn’t expect how it would make me feel. I knew I was attracted to Chloe, but kissing her… It felt right. It felt like it was meant to be.
The kiss stirred life back into my heart.
Knowing we’ll have to talk about what happened before she leaves for work, I head inside, and after drying off and putting on clean clothes, I head to the kitchen to prepare dinner.
My back is to her room when I hear the door open. I keep stirring the sauce, listening for her movements.
“You really don’t have to make dinner every night. I can grab something on the way to work,” she says, her voice tense.
I clear my throat and remove the pan from the stove. Turning to face her, I say, “We need to talk.”
She huffs out a breath of air and looks down at her feet as if she’s a kid who’s about the get a slap upside the head.
“There’s nothing to talk about. We kissed. We can blame the rain and full moon tonight.”
“So… are you tellin’ me I’m just another guy?” My directness catches her off guard, making her eyes jump up to meet mine. I lock my gaze with hers, so she’ll see I’m dead serious.
Her features tighten with frustration before there’s a flash of pain in her eyes.
“We should ignore it because you’re not just another guy,” she admits.
The last thing I want to do is hurt her. I need to be straightforward with her because I’m not going to play any games.
“You want us to ignore what’s happenin’ between us?”
Not being able to hold eye-contact, she glances at the front door. “Nothing’s happening between us, Zac. The kiss was a mistake.”
I take a step toward her. “We both know somethin’ happened between us.”
“I’m not denying it,” she argues, then stops to take a breath. “Why do we have to talk about this. Can’t you just let it go?” She looks at me all confused, clearly not on the same page as me.
Chloe wants to run and hide, where I want to face this obstacle between us head on and get past it.
“Normally when people like each other they get involved, Chloe,” I spell it out for her. “People talk things through, so there are no misunderstandings.”
Her eyes widen as she finally gets what I’m saying. “No, we can’t get involved. It doesn’t matter how much we like each other.” She waves wildly between the two of us. “I’m finally on the right track and not messing up my life. And you… let’s be honest. I don’t think you’ll ever have space in your heart after Laurie. You love her, Zac. What happened was a mistake. Let’s not let it ruin our friendship.”
Her words sting, but I remind myself of her commitment issues. I’ll have to find a way around it.
“Look,” she levels me with a gaze that tells me I’m not going to like what she has to say now, “I’m a one-time kind of girl. I don’t have it in me to do anything remotely long term.”
“You can’t be happy with being used all the time, Chloe.” My words are harsh, and I immediately regret them. “You have to want more from life.”
What if I can’t make her see things my way? Chloe’s the first woman I’ve been interested in since Laurie, and she’s happy being every other fucker’s one-night stand? Fuck no. Just the thought alone makes my chest burn with frustration and jealousy.
“I’m happy with the way my life is,” she whispers softly as if she's cautious delivering the death blow to a relationship that could’ve been amazing. “I’ll be your friend, Zac. But… I can’t give you more.”
I pin her with a forceful stare. She needs to know I mean every word. “I don’t give up easily, Chloe. I’m a very determined man. If I see somethin’ worth the chance, I don’t give up until I have it. You’re worth the chance, worth fightin’ for, and right now you need someone to fight for you. You are worth so much more than being someone’s one-time deal. You’re a forever kinda’ girl, and I’m gonna make you see it.”
Her eyes are wide but filled with sadness. I can feel it rolling off of her in waves. I stalk toward her and framing her face, I force her to look up at me. I place a quick but passionate kiss on her partially open lips.
“I’m gonna take the chance, Chloe. Nothin’ you say will change my mind. You might as well give up and accept that this is going to happen between us.”
Letting her go I walk back to the stove.
“What will it take?” she exclaims. When I don’t answer her, she continues, “Why does it have to be serious. Can’t we just have fun with no strings attached?”
I force myself to pay attention to the cooking.
“Are you ignoring me now?” she snaps, and the anger in her voice makes me turn around.
“Are you willin’ to have a sensible conversation?” I snap back.
Her eyes blaze at me, and her cheeks flush with anger. “Jy’s donners onmoontlik,” she snaps in Afrikaans. “I’m going to work,” she bites the words out, leaving me clenching my jaw so I don’t say anything I’ll regret later.
Fuck this. I’ll show Chloe there’s more to life. The sooner she gives in, the better for us both because I never give up if I want something – and I want Chloe.
CHAPTER 17
Chloe
He’s bloody impossible.
I’m definitely not a forever kinda’ girl. Dammit! Things were going so well.
Ugh!
I’m still trying to wrap my mind around everything that happened tonight.
I hate being a bitch but the only way I can show Zac I’m a waste of time and that he should stick with his beautiful memories of Laurie, is by pretending I’m not interested. Zac is one hell of an amazing man for any woman to land, just not me. I don’t deserve someone like him. He wants a happily ever after and I’m not it.
I’ll give him time to realize what happened between us was a mistake. Hopefully, things will go back to the way they were between us.
Because I left home in such a hurry, I’ll be an hour early if I go to work, so I decide to stop by Emma’s place.
I need to talk things out with my friend.
“Maybe I’m just not the type to settle down,” I say to Emma.
“I don’t think so,” Emma replies. We’re sitting in her room, and folding laundry while catching up. “You’re not afraid of commitment, Chloe. You fear being abandoned after giving your heart away.”
I’ve been talking to Emma about my parents, and have yet to mention the kiss between Zac and me to her.
I think over her words as I fold a shirt. “It’s one hell of a risk to take. Putting your trust in someone and hoping for all that’s dear they won’t end up stabbing you in the back.”
“I know.” Emma reaches over to me, and placing her hand on mine, she gives it a squeeze. “You never know what will happen in the future. You can’t let the risk of getting hurt keep you from taking a chance.”
“You know what scares me more than being abandoned?” I ask her. It’s something that’s been weighing heavily on my mind. Emma squeezes my hand again for encouragement, and I continue, “I’m scared I’ll turn out to be like my father.”
Emma shoves the pile of laundry between us to the side and gets up so she can place a sleeping Laurie in her crib.
She comes to sit next to me again and links her arm through mine before holding my hand. Her eyes meet mine with a serious look.
“You’re not your father. I get you’re worried, but having one person’s act
ions affect your entire life is not right, Chloe.” I nod, and I understand what she’s trying to say. “If I treated everyone the same because of what my mother did, I’d never touch another human being. I’d live in fear, and I wouldn’t have Aiden and Laurie.”
I lean my head on Emma’s shoulder as anger for her mother burns through me, making me forget my own worries for a moment.
“She was such a bitch. I still can’t believe what she did. I wish I had met you sooner so I could’ve helped you escape earlier.”
“I would still be in that house if I didn’t give you a chance, Chloe,” Emma whispers.
Her words sink in, and I nod, knowing exactly what she’s trying to tell me.
“I like Zac,” I admit out of the blue.
Emma leans a little forward, trying to see my eyes, but I hide my face against her shoulder as I begin to smile.
“As a friend or more?” she asks as she pulls away from me so I can’t hide.
Our eyes meet, and I let out a soft chuckle. “Friendship… and more. I don’t want to ruin what we have now. I’m really happy. I have a job I like. I have a home where I feel comfortable and safe. Zac and I get along, and I…” I let out a heavy breath. “I just don’t want to ruin it.”
“All I want for you is to be happy.” Emma nods, and I wonder how I ever got so lucky to have a friend like her. “There are no guarantees in life. The only thing you can do is try to live in a way so you won’t have regrets. Don’t push Zac away because of what happened between your parents. I’m not saying this because I’ll be over the moon if you and Zac were to get together, but because I don’t want you looking back years from now, regretting that you made the wrong choice.” We look at each other, and seeing the understanding in her eyes makes me feel like I’m not alone in this mess. “Make the right choice for you, and only you.”
“I think I just need time to think about it all,” I whisper.
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