by Shea Balik
“You can’t kick me out.” The outrage was back, the tears nowhere to be found.
“Actually, he can.” Lowen turned to find Brogan, of all people, standing at the door to the employees’ area. “Your little stunt not only is getting you kicked out today, but I’m banning you from the winery for the next three months.”
Surprised his boss had his back, Lowen nearly sagged in relief that this incident hadn’t gotten him fired.
“But I was planning on attending the fireworks show on the fourth,” Apple said as if that would sway Brogan.
But Brogan wasn’t buying it. “More than happy to reimburse you. We have a waiting list for the event.” Then he turned to Blue. “Actually, Lowen will be doing the tasting during the day. All our employees are allowed to stay on for the evening festivities. Maybe you’d like your mother’s ticket to spend the night with Lowen.”
Lowen had to bite his tongue not to instantly accept on Blue’s behalf, but that had to be up to his lover. He knew he’d enjoy it, but since the fourth was still a month away, they hadn’t discussed the date. It was kind of early in their relationship to make plans that far in advance.
“That would nice,” Blue told Brogan. “That is, if you want to spend the evening here,” he said to Lowen.
He put his arms around Blue. “So long as I’m with you, I’m happy.” Then he leaned in to give Blue a much more chaste kiss than earlier, since his boss was standing right there.
They could hear, “Awww’s,” from several of the patrons, which reminded Lowen he really did need to get back to work. “I need to get back to work, but I get off in two hours. Do you want to stick around?”
Blue smiled. “Sounds good.”
“But you came with me,” Apple said. “You promised to spend the day with me.”
Lowen went back around the bar to start pouring more tastings. Good thing he had a great memory on where he left off as they were six different groups at the moment. Plus, two more sets of foursomes had come in during the hullabaloo.
“Actually mother, according to you, I’m only here for a date.” Blue smiled over at Lowen. “And that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
Then he walked up to the bar and took a seat.
Apple stood there staring at her son, clearly not understanding what was going on. It was Brogan who finally escorted the speechless woman outside.
Lowen felt bad for her in a way. It couldn’t be easy to realize the one person she’d manipulated for so long had not only stood up to her, which, according to Blue he did quite often, but for once, she had no recourse.
As mad as he was at Apple at the moment, Lowen knew he would have to find a way to get along with her at some point. If things continued with Blue as they were, one day, they would be in-laws. He hoped.
CHAPTER 11
Guilt was a cruel bitch. One Blue’s mother knew how to wield with deadly precision. At first, Blue didn’t even try to call her after her stupid stunt. But that was two weeks ago. Two full weeks of not hearing a word from her should have been a blessing, but it only served to make Blue feel like crap.
“Hey,” Lowen squeezed his hand as they walked through the vineyard of The Twisted Vine. “You worried about Apple?”
Blue stopped, his mouth agape as he stared at Lowen in amazement. “How do you do that?”
Lowen cocked his head, his brows drawing together to create a furrow between them. “Do what?”
“Know what I’m thinking?” Blue wasn’t sure whether to be impressed, flattered that Lowen paid such close attention to him, or pissed. Considering his emotional state because of his mother, Blue hated to admit it, but he was leaning toward pissed.
He knew it was unfair to Lowen, but he needed someone to take his guilt and frustration out on and his… boyfriend? “What are we?” he blurted out, completely changing the subject.
Based on the completely befuddled expression Lowen gave him, the abrupt shift really had been out of left field. The thing was, Blue couldn’t seem to help it. He wasn’t used to his mother not letting her anger be known, especially to him. The only time he didn’t hear from her was when she was dating, which, according to a few of her friends he’d seen around town, she wasn’t.
When he’d tried to ask about her, they’d just said she was good. Or the one he usually got, “she’s being Apple.” What the fuck did that even mean?
Oh, Blue knew what it meant for him, but for her friends? No clue. Lowen had been there for a couple of those friends and even he couldn’t get more out of them and Lowen was usually great at getting people to say things they never meant to repeat.
He shook his head, realizing he’d once more jumped topics in his head. There he was, with a man he had fallen in love with, even if he hadn’t admitted it to Lowen yet, and all Blue could do was worry about why his mother wouldn’t talk to him and whether or not he should call Lowen his boyfriend.
Okay, well, that one was at least related to Lowen. Still, it was a pretty evening, with the setting sun creating a myriad of pretty colors along the mountains. He should be basking, not fretting.
Maybe he was more like his mother than he thought, because even as he chastised himself for not being in the moment, he said, “Our relationship - are we dating, boyfriends, lovers, partners…” He shook his head at the last one. “We haven’t been together long enough for that, but what about the others? Am I just a convenient fuck buddy?”
That was what scared him the most. There were times when Blue felt as if they’d just morphed into a relationship but it wasn’t really real. Like they got along as friends, yet loved sex, so just sort of combined the two.
Other times, Blue could swear he felt Lowen’s love. Like it was more than a feeling, but something tangible he could reach out and touch. In the end, he was a mass of confused emotions that weren’t helped by the fact that he feared his mother was going to make him pay for his betrayal for the rest of his life.
He just wasn’t sure that would be a bad thing. He loved his mother, even with all her quirks, but sometimes she had a way of making him feel as if he would never be good enough for her. Shouldn’t his mother be the one person who loved him unconditionally?
“Hey,” Lowen said, shaking Blue slightly when it was obvious he’d been trying to get his attention but once more Blue was too wrapped up in his own head to listen. Maybe he was more like his mother than he thought.
His gaze landed first on those lips he loved to kiss, then moved up to Lowen’s cinnamon-colored eyes that he could stare into all day and never get tired. Without thinking, he said, “I love you.”
Those pretty eyes widened just a bit as the corners of Lowen’s mouth lifted into a beautiful smile. “I love you too, Blue.”
Then those soft lips were against his and everything else in Blue’s world melted away as he just let himself feel the man he loved hold him as they kissed under the hazy reds, oranges, and yellows of the mountain top sunset. This was what he wanted for his life. This man, who had a way of making everything better with nothing more than a smile and a kiss.
Hands rubbed up and down his spine as Lowen pulled him closer until their bodies were as close as their clothes would allow. But the kiss remained soft and sweet. Neither of them were looking to turn this into something more than a way to show their love for each other.
When it ended, Blue rested his head against Lowen’s shoulder as they held onto each other tightly. The moment was perfect. If only he could stop worrying himself to death.
“First of all, we are whatever you want to call us,” Lowen said. “We’re a little old for the word boyfriend, but I also agree with you that it’s a little soon for partners. Lover fits, but it also gives out what’s personal between us. I’m not sure a name matters, but I do love you, Blue. And I’m hoping, in time, that will include everything, including marriage.”
Blue stepped back, staring at Lowen with what had to be shock, since that was what he was feeling. “Marriage?” Did that come out as a squeak. “W
e’ve only been dating a few weeks.”
Lowen chuckled, which for some reason, the deep sound of his voice helped to calm Blue’s racing heart. “I don’t mean now. I’m talking about the future. I’ve never felt so much for someone until you. I’m hoping you feel the same way.”
“I do,” Blue assured, even if he wasn’t quite ready for what Lowen was talking about. “But, maybe we could hold off on the marriage thing for a while. Like, a long while.”
Those beautiful lips grinned at him. “Deal. How about we revisit it in a year?”
The pressure that had been squeezing his lungs, making it impossible to breathe, let up, allowing Blue to take in his first full breath since Lowen said the ‘M’ word. “That I can do.”
As if they’d settled things, which in a way they had, Lowen took Blue’s hand again and started walking along the rows of vines. “Now, you going to tell me what’s going on in that head of yours about your mother?”
Remembering this was how the whole conversation got started, Blue shook his head. “One day you’re going to have to tell me how you read my mind so easily.”
Lowen squeezed his hand and laughed softly. “That’s easy, my Blue. You show all your emotions on your face. I would definitely not take up poker because you hide nothing from the world. I just happen to pay more attention than most.”
That made sense, since he’d had several people tell him his expressions were hilarious, especially when he was exasperated. Still, it was more than a little unnerving for others to know what he was thinking. Not that he was going to be able to do anything about it. He hadn’t even realized how much he showed on his face, so how was he supposed to control it?
“Now, you’ve stalled long enough,” Lowen told him. “If you don’t want to talk about Apple, I understand, but it’s obvious you’re upset and I’d like to help if you’d let me.”
Not sure how anyone could help, Blue considered telling Lowen he’d rather just enjoy the evening. But the fact was he couldn’t stop thinking about his mother, so there really wasn’t much point in not saying anything. It might even help to admit the crushing guilt.
“I’ve tried calling her, going to her house, and even talking to her friends, but no matter what I do, she won’t talk to me.” Instead of helping with the guilt, saying all that out loud bubbled up the anger he hadn’t realized he’d still felt toward his mother. “Is what I did that bad? I mean, she tried to set me up on a blind date right in front of you. She’s the one who should be trying to apologize to me, not the other way around.”
With each point, Blue couldn’t help but notice his voice was getting loud, and harder. He was mad. Really mad. “Since I was a kid she ignored me and my siblings whenever she had a man in her life. I didn’t try to break them up. So why would she do it to me?”
“Did you ever think it could be because she is narcissistic?” Lowen asked. “That she can’t help but put herself first.”
“But she’s my mother,” Blue practically yelled. “Shouldn’t her kids have come first? I mean, not now, but when we were growing up?”
Lowen stopped and pulled Blue into his arms. “Yes. She should have. But people like her usually have no clue they’re being selfish. It doesn’t make it right, or even okay, but maybe by understanding this is who she is, you might be able to find some peace when she behaves the way she does.”
“Why should I?” That was what Blue struggled with the most. He hated the way his mother treated him. None of it had been fair, especially growing up. “Everything about my life was about her, not me. Even my being gay somehow gave her some sort of status that she flaunted to everyone though it got me beat up on a regular basis.”
He stepped back from Lowen and started to pace a few steps back and forth. Throwing his hands up in frustration he whirled to face the man who somehow was making him feel like he finally had someone in his corner. “Surprisingly my injuries were turned into a tragedy for her. She used to whine to her friends how hard it was for her to watch her child be beaten for who he was.”
“I’m so sorry, my sweet Blue,” Lowen said as he once more pulled Blue into his arms. “No one deserves to grow up like that.”
He soaked up Lowen’s warmth and love like a sponge. It felt so damn good to just be held as if he mattered. None of his previous boyfriends had ever felt like that was something necessary. To them, a relationship had meant dinners, occasional sex, and someone by their side for any family or business functions.
It had been far more lonely than Blue had realized until he had met Lowen, who exuded care and concern. Even when it came to strangers, Lowen was happy to lend an ear to at least listen. But for Blue? He smiled. Blue received so much more than anything Lowen gave anyone else.
He had Lowen’s love, and that was worth everything. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I swear I’m going to do everything within my power to continue to deserve you,” he whispered fiercely.
“Ah, my sweet Blue, you were just yourself.” Lowen pressed a kiss to the side of his head. “That is so much more than anything I have ever hoped for.”
Blue wasn’t so sure about that, especially with his family drama, but he wasn’t going to argue. The last thing he wanted was to convince Lowen he would be better off without Blue in his life.
Zero doubt, Lowen was a keeper and when the time was right, he would marry him in a heartbeat.
CHAPTER 12
“Come on, Shine.” Lowen was ready to pull out the big guns if necessary. “As rotten as Apple has been as a mother, she’s still Blue’s mother and he wants her in his life.” Well, sort of. “Or at least for her not to hate him.”
To be honest, he wasn’t quite sure Blue even knew. His sweet Blue had such a kind, loving heart, Lowen suspected he just wanted to be sure his mother was really okay. Although, deep down, he was fairly sure what Blue wanted was his mother to give a shit about him, just once.
It would be nice since she was his mother and all. But he doubted Apple had the ability to think of anyone but herself. Most likely, she’s been crying to her friends how her son turned his back on her, leaving her all alone. It would explain why her friends had been giving him a hard time when it came to details about Apple.
By the scowl on Shine’s face, he wasn’t buying it. “Look, I feel for Blue, I do, but even if I invited her to a special tasting, she’d never come. She can’t stand my family because she feels my father led her on when they were younger.”
He grabbed another box from a pile when he’d finished filling the previous one. They were at Shine’s distillery because Shine, his daddy, and grandpappy were busy trying to finish bottling and boxing the last of their most recent moonshine blend called Americana.
They had created it to be sold from Memorial Day through the Fourth of July, although, knowing how well it was doing, they would probably make more for the rest of the summer. It was actually pretty good, for moonshine. Lowen tended to be more of a beer drinker and obviously wine, since he worked at the vineyard. Moonshine tended to be a little too high octane for him.
But the Americana was something Lowen was able to drink, with a little something added to it. He liked using lemonade, but any of the clear sodas worked just as well with the cherry, blueberry, and lemon concoction. He hadn’t thought the combination would work but whatever spices they had added really made the whole thing succeed.
The lemon wasn’t overpowering. In fact, if he hadn’t been told it was in there, he probably wouldn’t have known, but according to Montague, it was the lemon that brought out the flavors of the cherry and blueberry without making them taste like medicine, instead of a delicious drink. It’s also how he knew to add lemonade to the alcohol, making it into a refreshing beverage instead of something to get smashed off of just one glass.
Once Shine had the next box in place, he glanced over to Andrew, who had been nice enough to come with Lowen to make his case. “Why don’t you just tell her she can come to the Fourth of July event at the winery? There�
�s no way she’d missed that.”
Lowen wasn’t sure who laughed harder, him or Andrew. “Are you kidding?” Andrew asked. “King Brogan has given his decree. No way he’s changing his mind. Hell, he’s considering banning her permanently after that stunt she pulled.”
Andrew may be one of the four men who owned The Twisted Vine, but it was Brogan who ran the day to day operations. When it came to the kinds of wine they’d create, Andrew was king. West was head of marketing and sales, while Deacon was in charge of the vines. Everything else was under Brogan’s domain, which, according to Andrew, gave the high and mighty asshole a head too big to fit through the door.
Lowen hadn’t worked there very long, but he was fairly sure there was something between Andrew and Brogan. He hadn’t seen them together too often but the few times he had, sparks flew. The kind that would ignite into an inferno if anything flammable were near. But in Lowen’s experience, the line between love and hate often didn’t exist.
According to David, the two needed to be locked in a room until they either killed each other or fucked themselves stupid. Lowen was inclined to agree.
“The point is,” Lowen said before Andrew went on another tirade about how someone needed to knock Brogan off the pedestal he’d put himself on. “Apple isn’t going to be able to go to the vineyard. Plus, it’s still a couple of weeks away and Blue is miserable the longer this lasts.”
“I’m still not sure what you think I can do about it,” Shine said. He pointed to his father, who was bottling not more than twenty feet from them. “I told you, Apple hates my father and it’s not going to help that he’s dating again when she just got divorced.”
“Fine,” Andrew said. “What do you suggest we do, because Lowen is right, Blue is very upset. The Shine I know and love would never allow one of his friends to hurt and not butt in.”