by Susan Lewis
‘Oh fab!’ Roxy cried excitedly. ‘I promise I won’t get in the way, and if you want some private time you just have to say the word and I’m gone, aren’t I Mum?’
‘Really? Not so’s I’d ever noticed,’ her father cut in.
‘Oh, it’ll be such bliss,’ Roxy gushed on, ‘having that pool to swim in, and spending time with you, Lis. I won’t miss Mum half as much as long as I know I’ve got you. Oh, and I’m going to have the old VW Polo they use for the garden centre and stuff, so you won’t have to worry about ferrying me around or anything like that.’
This was still happening too fast, yet was clearly already so well planned that Lisa barely knew what to say.
‘My Smart is on offer, if you want it,’ Amy told her. ‘I know you always laugh at it, but don’t forget, it’s environmentally friendly, zero road tax, and parks on a sixpence, which you’ll need going in and out of Bristol, especially Clifton.’
Lisa turned to David, but seeing how thrown he was now looking too, she buried her face in his shoulder, giving herself a moment to turn the urge to cry into a laugh. ‘All this is acceptable,’ she said, bringing her head up again, ‘as long as I get my dog back too.’
‘Ah, well, we thought that went without saying, didn’t we, Luce?’ Roxy said, stooping to give the watchful Lucy a bruising hug.
Lisa turned to David again, and this time found herself wondering if the prospect of her niece and her dog moving into the house was making him feel as trapped as he was suddenly looking.
‘Well, I have to admit, from what you’ve been telling me I was expecting him to be practically schizo or something,’ Amy commented, as Theo left her and Lisa alone in the kitchen. The meal was over now, and the men were catching up on the Ashes while Roxy went off to check her emails. ‘I mean, I can see that he’s a little … how would I describe it? Distracted? Yes, distracted now and again, but we’re all like that at times.’
Since they’d spent most of the past two hours discussing Amy’s move Lisa guessed there was nothing left to be said about it at this stage, so why not let Amy return the subject to David? ‘I take it you noticed that he hardly spoke,’ she said, continuing to rinse the plates. ‘That’s what he does these days when we’re in company. He just sits back and lets everyone else do the talking, and if you ask him anything he gives the briefest possible reply. Is that the David you know?’
Amy was shaking her head curiously. ‘I suppose not,’ she replied, ‘but he’s always been a good listener, and Theo and I were jabbering on so much about ourselves it was difficult for anyone to get a word in.’
This was true, but Lisa didn’t blame her for it. ‘So you think I’m worrying about nothing?’ she said.
‘I wouldn’t say that, exactly, because obviously you’re not making up all the arguments and stuff, but it’s hard for me to be a judge when he seems perfectly normal to me.’
Turning as Lucy came skidding into the kitchen, apparently having only just woken up to the fact that leftovers might be going into the bin instead of her bowl, Lisa tried to smile past the lump in her throat. ‘There you are, you rascal,’ she said, catching Lucy’s face between her hands and planting a kiss on the top of her head. ‘I wondered when you were going to show up.’
‘There are some scraps over there,’ Amy told her, pointing to a plate on the dresser.
‘It’s clear you’ve been completely spoiled living in this house,’ Lisa informed the dog as she gave her the scrumptious addition to her Pedigree supper. ‘Things are going to change when you come to me, so be warned.’
‘Oh yeah?’ Amy said mockingly. ‘This from you, who’s always slipping her a little something when you think no one’s watching.’
Forcing a laugh, Lisa handed over the plate to go in the dishwasher, and leaned back against the counter top as she said, ‘I haven’t had much time to think this through yet, but I was wondering how you’d feel about Lucy going to Lawrence?’ Though the mere thought of it was making her ache with longing for Lucy’s faithfulness, she had to consider how much time she and David would be spending in London.
Closing the machine, Amy reached for a towel to dry her hands and turned to look at her. ‘Actually, I had a feeling you might suggest that,’ she said, ‘so I suppose my first answer is, she’s your dog, so it should be your decision.’
‘Yes, but we both know she’s yours really.’
‘Well, whoever’s she is, we both love her to bits …’
‘This isn’t about not wanting her,’ Lisa interrupted hastily, ‘please don’t think that, because it couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m just thinking about the amount of time we’ll be away, and when we are she’ll probably have to go into kennels, which she’d hate, and considering how attached she and Lawrence have become to one another … Well, you know what I’m saying.’
‘Of course I do, and in principle I think it’s a good idea. He’s a sweet boy who obviously doesn’t have many friends, and when I saw them together at the wedding and how much they’ve bonded … Well, to put it bluntly, Lisa, it’s not him I’m worried about. It’s his mother.’
Sharing the same concern, Lisa drew in her breath.
‘She’ll obviously know where Lucy’s coming from,’ Amy continued, ‘and I’d hate to think of her being cruel, or neglecting her, just because she was ours – or more particularly yours.’
‘I understand what you’re saying, but would she really take out her prejudices on an innocent dog? Especially one as loving and daft as Lucy.’
Amy was still looking worried. ‘How can we say when we don’t actually know her? The question is, do we want to take the risk?’
Lisa was very far from sure. ‘I’ll have to talk it over with David,’ she said, ‘but if we do end up convinced she’s going to a good home, you never know, she might not only become Lawrence’s best friend, she could go some way towards lessening hostilities between me and Rosalind, because I’d call her a pretty special sort of olive branch, wouldn’t you?’
‘I certainly would, but I don’t think you should do it unless you’re certain it’s for Lawrence, and not for you.’
‘You’re right,’ Lisa agreed, with a sigh, ‘but I would sorely like to know if she’s finding her father as difficult as I am – or maybe she’s used to it because this is what he’s like all the time. How would I know? Actually, he’s probably completely different with her.’
‘Listen, you two will sort it out one of these days,’ Amy said comfortingly.
Lisa was too tired to sound convinced as she said, ‘I hope so, because she surely can’t keep this up for ever. Or maybe it won’t matter, if David and I end up not working out.’
David was alone in the constituency office, sitting in front of the computer with his head buried in his hands and his phone turned off. He was unable to speak to anyone for the moment, and too afraid to do any more research into what was happening to him. There would be no point to it anyway, because he’d downloaded so many specialist websites and read so much expert opinion over these past few weeks that he couldn’t fail to know the answers by now. He matched all the symptoms, and the kind of tests he’d been put through since his last visit to Dr Knoyle had left little room for doubt, or hope, in spite of the fact that he’d had no results yet.
He’d always been disgusted by self-pity, it wasn’t an indulgence he’d ever allowed himself before, not even during the darkest hours of Catrina’s ordeal. His feelings had all been for her then, and Rosalind, but now he was drowning in a welter of sorrow for his pathetic, blighted self. Why was this happening? What was the point? How could anyone, least of all him, benefit from this terrible disease? He wanted to smash his computer, kick out at the walls, rage and rant at the malicious fate that was striking him down. It made no sense. He was a normal, healthy man in every other way. He had a new wife, the woman he’d loved passionately and quietly over so many years. Why had they been given a second chance only to have it crushed like this?
When he fina
lly lifted his head to look at the computer screen again, he felt the claws of terror digging so deeply into him that he almost cried out in a rage of denial. Dear God, no. Anything, anything but this.
Unable to look at any more, he closed the screen down and got to his feet. He had to leave now, and by the time he got to Rosalind’s he must somehow summon the inner strength and courage to continue as though none of this was happening. It wasn’t applicable to him, he would tell himself. Somehow he’d got it wrong and the tests that were still to come would prove it. He would grasp that final sliver of hope, as intangible as a ray of light, and use it to keep himself steady, or feeling as he did right now he’d never be able to hide his fears from his family, much less be brave enough to go through what still had to be faced.
Had Rosalind not been so strung out following a bitter and frustrating call to Jerry, she might have been able to muster more pleasure in Lawrence’s whoop of joy when he spotted Lucy jumping out of her father’s car.
In a flash he was out of the house, dashing towards the dog, teeth bared in one of his biggest smiles, arms jutting out behind him in what Jerry called his aeroplane run. When he wrapped Lucy in a boisterous embrace and allowed her to lick his face, Rosalind barely felt the surprise of this rare gesture, merely registered it through blurred, bloodshot eyes, which she then turned to her father. He was clearly enjoying the reunion, while trying to dodge the whip of Lucy’s tail.
After he’d exchanged some words with Lawrence, who’d appeared on the point of taking off with Lucy before saying hello, David started towards the house, giving her a wave as he spotted her watching from the window.
Remembering the glass of wine she’d left on the draining board, she quickly emptied it into the sink and was just closing the dishwasher when her father came in.
‘I didn’t realise you were bringing the dog today,’ she said as he kissed her.
‘I hope it’s not a problem,’ he replied, going to help himself to a cold drink from the fridge, ‘because I’m about to say she can stay if you’d like her to.’
Rosalind gave a distracted murmur. ‘That’s fine,’ she said. ‘For how long?’
‘For good,’ he told her. ‘I’ve got her bed and …’ he frowned as he took a breath, ‘so she can be Lawrence’s dog if you’re prepared to take her on.’
With a dismissive wave of her hand she said, ‘OK, why not? It’s what he wants …’
Regarding her more closely, David said, ‘Has something happened? You’ve been crying.’
She shook her head, but tears welled in her eyes. ‘I just spoke to Jerry,’ she said raggedly. ‘He’s still refusing to come home, or even discuss where we should go from here.’
Before David could respond the phone rang, and she grabbed it so quickly she almost dropped it. ‘Hello?’ she said, clearly hoping it would be Jerry.
‘Hello, darling, it’s me,’ Dee announced. ‘Just letting you know we’re back from Spain, so any time you want to come over …’
‘That’s lovely,’ Rosalind mumbled, so crushed by the disappointment that it was almost impossible to get the words out. ‘Will you come for lunch on Saturday?’ she invited, almost by rote.
‘Of course. I’m looking forward to it. Now, how are you? Any news from you know who?’
‘Not really,’ Rosalind answered thinly, putting a hand to her head. What was her father looking for? Why did he have to open every damned drawer?
‘Oh dear,’ Dee murmured. ‘I’m so sorry I was away when it happened, but I’m sure it can all be sorted out, you know.’
‘Yes,’ Rosalind said, feeling no such certainty.
‘And how’s Dad? Have you seen much of him?’
Actually, she hadn’t seen him anywhere near as often as he’d promised for the summer, but she wouldn’t say that while he was standing there, because she wasn’t up to a row. All she said was, ‘He’s here at the moment. I can put him on if you like.’ She’d like to tell her aunt how frustrating he’d been lately, upsetting the accountants, accusing them of getting things wrong when, according to them, he was the one at fault. He never used to question them, had always considered their word to be final as far as the company finances were concerned, so now she didn’t know who to believe, and wasn’t even sure how much she cared, with everything else that was going on. Maybe, if Dee spoke to him, she’d be able to get some sense out of him.
‘Oh no, it’s OK. Just say hi from me,’ Dee said. ‘I’ll catch up with him once I’ve had a chance to unpack and get myself straight. Wills and Daisy are staying till tomorrow, so if you’d like to pop over this evening they’d love to see you.’
‘Thanks,’ Rosalind mumbled, and after ringing off she glanced briefly at her father. He seemed to have given up the hunt for whatever he’d been looking for, or maybe he’d found it.
‘Sit down, and have a drink if you want one,’ he said, surprising her as he pulled out a chair and pressed her into it. ‘Is there a bottle open?’
‘It’s in the fridge door,’ she answered dully. ‘That was Dee, in case you didn’t guess.’
‘I did,’ he replied, and putting a glass of wine in front of her he sat down too, taking out the notebook that he often had with him these days. After casting a quick look through it, as though making sure he had enough time to deal with this before having to go on to wherever he was due next, he said, ‘Right, about the dog. I need to know … Before I say … There are …’
‘Dad, please come to the point,’ she cried.
‘I’m trying to ask,’ he said quickly, ‘if you … I don’t want to say …’
‘I can’t deal with this,’ she choked, getting to her feet.
‘Are you happy to have the dog?’ he asked in a rush. ‘Before I tell Lawrence …’
‘It’s what he wants, so why not?’
‘But dogs are a big tie.’
‘I know. It’s fine. We’ll work it out.’
‘Rosalind, sit down!’ he suddenly snapped.
Obediently she dropped back into her chair, and when she saw the anger in his eyes giving way to concern her heart flooded with guilt. She shouldn’t take her frustrations out on him.
Reaching for her hand, he held it comfortingly as he said, ‘You know who the dog belongs to, so please tell me … I need to know that it won’t affect the way you treat her.’
After taking a moment to understand what he was saying, she regarded him in complete bemusement. ‘You can’t really think I’d ever treat an animal badly,’ she said. ‘It’s not Lucy’s fault she belongs to her. She didn’t get any choice in the matter.’
‘No, she didn’t,’ he agreed, ‘but Lisa and I have talked it over, and she wants to do this for Lawrence. If you have a problem with it …’
‘Dad, I don’t want to talk about this now,’ she said, pulling her hand away. ‘The dog is welcome, if that’s what you want to hear. I’m sorry, I just can’t seem to get my head round anything else while this is going on with Jerry.’
With a sigh he sat back in his chair. ‘Actually,’ he said, glancing at his notebook again, ‘I have some news.’
She looked up, expectantly. He’d seen Jerry. He was making everything all right, the way he always used to.
‘He rang me last night,’ he told her. ‘He’s going to be in London next week and he wants to see me.’
Rosalind’s heart started to thud in a clash of hope and dread. ‘What did you say?’ she asked, trying and failing to imagine what this might mean. ‘Are you going to go? Oh Dad, please tell me you’ll go.’
‘Of course I will,’ he promised, and capturing both her hands he squeezed them tightly. ‘I’m going to take the train to London and get off at Paddington,’ he said playfully, ‘and we all know the name of the bear who lives there.’
Realising that treating her like a child might make everything all right for him, she tried not to show her annoyance as she tugged her hands away and went back to the fridge.
Lisa was standing at the front door watch
ing David at the end of the drive. He seemed to be trying to open the gates, but if he was, she couldn’t understand why he wasn’t using the remote control. Perhaps he’d discovered a fault and was trying to repair it. Deciding to go and find out if there was anything she could do, she put the door on the latch and started towards him.
‘Is there a problem?’ she asked when she was in earshot.
Without turning round he said, ‘I can’t seem to open the gates.’
Her heart gave a twist of unease as she saw the car keys in his hand, which he seemed to be trying to use. ‘They’re electric,’ she reminded him.
Looking angry and strained, he turned and stared at her.
‘Where are you going?’ she asked.
‘I just want to go out,’ he informed her, and grabbing the upright bars he started to pull with all his might.
‘Don’t do that, you’re going to injure yourself, or damage … David, the gates are electric. We open them with a remote control. You do it every day, so why are you … ?’
‘Will you please just open them?’ he cut in fiercely.
‘Not until you tell me where you’re going.’
‘What is this?’ he cried. ‘I want to go for a walk and suddenly I’m locked in my own home, like a prisoner. Now, please, open the gates.’
Realising that to carry on arguing was only going to inflame him further, she took the car keys from him and walked over to the Mercedes. After turning on the ignition, she pushed a button on the underside of the mirror and the gates started to slide apart.
Without another word David walked through and set off down the lane.
She felt tempted to go after him, but since she didn’t much relish the idea of dodging in and out of shadows and hedgerows trying not to be seen, she watched the gates glide together again and went back into the house.
After pouring herself a coffee she stood staring at the phone, needing to tell Amy what had just happened, but since Amy had announced her plans for Australia Lisa had decided to stop confiding in her as much. It wouldn’t be fair to burden her with her problems when her sister had so much else on her plate, and it might be a good idea to start getting herself used to not having Amy within easy reach.