Like Gabriel, his mother had dark hair, but her eyes were dark too, against pale, milky skin. She was fine featured and very beautiful.
In contrast, Gabriel’s father was gray haired with piercing sapphire eyes. He was attractive for an older man, but there was an overall harshness to his expression that Julia didn’t like. In the pictures, he rarely smiled.
At the back of the drawer, underneath a worn teddy bear, was a diary. Julia opened it and looked at the flyleaf.
This is the Property
of
Suzanne Elizabeth Emerson.
On impulse, she opened it to a random page. Her eyes alighted on the sentence written at the very top:
I’m pregnant.
Owen wants me to have an abortion.
He gave me money and said that he’d make the appointment.
He said that if I did this for him, he’d find a way for us to be together.
But I don’t think I can do it.
Julia slammed the book shut and hurriedly shoved it to the back of the drawer.
Gabriel could come looking for her at any moment. He’d be incredibly angry at what she’d done.
She already regretted it. Suzanne Emerson’s words flashed before her eyes. If Gabriel were to read them, he’d hate his father even more.
She placed the teddy bear back where she found it, along with the photographs and the jewelry box. She was about to return the train to the drawer when she noticed what was next to it, sitting atop the pile of unopened mail.
It was a letter.
She hadn’t recognized the handwriting, but it didn’t matter. Paulina’s name and address were neatly written in the top left corner of the envelope. Somehow, she’d discovered Gabriel’s address and sent the letter to their home.
Their home. The home Gabriel shared with his wife.
Julia wanted to fling the letter into the fireplace.
She was already beginning to keep secrets—reading his mother’s diary when he wasn’t looking. She couldn’t throw Paulina’s letter away, too.
Holding the envelope away from her body, she walked to the bedroom and handed it to him.
“Thanks, but I’ll go through the mail later.” He moved to toss the envelope on the bed, but she stopped him.
“Look at the return address.”
Gabriel glanced at the letter.
He cursed.
“Why is she writing to me? Not even Carson, my lawyer, hears from her now.”
Julia remained motionless, watching him.
He ripped open the letter, expecting to find a long, handwritten missive. He was surprised to find a single piece of cardstock.
He read the printed words quickly.
“It’s a wedding invitation.” He turned the card over, finding Paulina’s flowing script on the back.
Gabriel,
I would never be gauche enough to invite you to my wedding.
I simply wanted you to know that I’m getting married.
After all these years, I’ll finally be a wife and a mother, to two wonderful girls.
Now that we’re both happy, things are as they should be.
XO,
P.
He handed the invitation to Julia for her perusal.
Julia skimmed it.
“She’s getting married.”
“Yes.”
“How do you feel?” Julia searched his face.
He placed the invitation back in the envelope. Then he tapped it against the open palm of his left hand.
“She expressed it correctly—we’re both happy. She’s found the family she wanted.”
His blue eyes trained on Julia’s.
“She has you to thank.”
“Me?”
“You were the one who persuaded me to let her go. That she’d never find her own happiness while she was dependent on me. You were right.”
Julia shifted her weight at his praise, all too conscious of the fact that she’d been snooping through his personal effects only minutes earlier.
“You were right about Maria, too.” Now his eyes were sad.
Julia went to him, wrapping her arms about his waist.
“I wish I weren’t right about Maria. But sometimes loving someone means that you have to let them go.”
“I’ll never let you go. I’d challenge anyone to try to take you away from me.” He sounded fierce.
Julia pressed her fingertips to his lips. “Remember that when you’re working things out in your own mind. No matter what your troubles are, I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere.”
She kissed him again, then she disappeared into the hall.
Gabriel looked at the invitation, his mind wandering into the past.
Chapter Thirty-eight
January 2010
Toronto, Ontario
Paulina Gruscheva entered the lobby of the Manulife Building, her high-heeled boots clicking against the marble floors, her cell phone pressed to her ear. She’d been resident in Toronto for some time, but Gabriel had refused to see her, speak with her, or entertain any communication with her at all.
She’d grown tired of waiting.
When she reached Gabriel’s voice mail, she hung up and dialed his landline. She prayed silently that Julianne wouldn’t answer. It was bad enough that he was sleeping with her. She didn’t have to have their affair thrown back in her face.
Again.
Undeterred by the fact that he wasn’t answering his phones, she approached Mark, the security guard, demanding that he contact Professor Emerson immediately. When he refused, she fluttered her eyelashes and tried to cajole him. He was immune to her tall, blond, blue-eyed charms.
She raised her voice, creating a scene.
Within minutes, Mark contacted the Professor and asked that he please meet his guest in the lobby.
Paulina smiled triumphantly.
But her smile disappeared when she saw him, his expression furious, his eyes snapping, as he walked toward her. He grabbed her elbow roughly and half-dragged her through the lobby and out to the semicircular driveway in front of the building.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he spat, releasing her.
Paulina retreated a step, surprised by his fury.
“Well?” he demanded.
“I wanted to talk to you. I’ve been here for weeks. You wouldn’t see me!”
“We are not having this conversation again. I said all I had to say to you back in Selinsgrove. You know where you stand.”
He turned to go back into the building, but she caught his arm.
“Why are you doing this to me?” Her voice faltered as she blinked back tears.
Gabriel’s expression softened. Marginally.
“Paulina, it’s over. It’s been over for a while. I’m not trying to do anything to you other than persuade you to move on with your life. And to let me move on with mine.”
She looked up at him as the tears began to fall.
“But I love you. We have a history!”
Gabriel closed his eyes for a moment, and a pained look spread across his face.
He opened his eyes.
“I’m in love with someone else. I’m sleeping, exclusively, with someone else.”
“Yes, you are. And she’s your student.”
“Careful,” he growled.
She tossed her hair behind her shoulders.
“It’s remarkable the kind of information you can gather in a city of this size. Antonio from Harbour Sixty was quite forthcoming.”
He stepped closer. “You didn’t.”
“I did. Funny how you took her to the restaurant you always take me to when I’m in town.”
“I haven’t taken you there in a very long time, Paulina. Even after we stopped—” He
paused, struggling.
“After we stopped—fucking, Gabriel? Why can’t you say it? We’ve been fucking for years.”
“Keep your voice down!”
“I’m not your dirty little secret. We were friends. We had a relationship. You can’t just ignore me and treat me as if I were trash.”
“I’m sorry for how I treated you. But listen to yourself. Don’t you think you deserve to be the center of someone’s universe? Instead of chasing after someone who wants someone else?”
She tore her eyes from his. “You always wanted other women. Even when I was pregnant. Why should now be any different?”
He flinched. “Because you deserve to be with someone who wants you as much as you want him. It’s time to move on. It’s time to be happy.”
“You make me happy,” she whispered. “You’re all I want.”
“I’m in love with Julianne and I’m going to marry her.” He sounded determined.
“I don’t believe you. You’ll come back. You always come back.” She wiped a few tears away with the back of her hand.
“Not this time. In the past, I was weak and you held my guilt over me. But no more. We can’t see each other and we can’t speak. I’ve been patient with you and I’ve tried to help, but I’m done. As of today, your trust fund is frozen.”
“You wouldn’t!”
“I will. If you go back to Boston and begin seeing a therapist, I’ll see that you continue receiving support. But if you contact me again, or if you do anything to hurt Julianne, you’ll be cut off. Permanently.” He leaned forward menacingly. “And that includes doing anything to hurt her life as a student.”
“You’d do that? You’d just throw me away? I’ve sacrificed my life for you. I lost my academic career!”
Gabriel’s jaw clenched.
“I never wanted you to do that. I did everything I could to help you stay at Harvard. You dropped out.”
“Because of what happened to me. Because of what happened to us!”
His hands fisted at his sides.
“I don’t deny that I’ve behaved abominably and you have every reason to be angry. But my admission doesn’t change the fact that this has to end. Today.”
He leveled his gaze on her and for a moment, he wore a look of compassion.
“Good-bye, Paulina. Be well.”
He moved toward the sliding doors.
“You can’t. You won’t!”
His face wore a look of steely resolve.
“I already have.”
Gabriel walked into the Manulife Building without a backward glance, leaving Paulina outside, crying, and standing in the snow.
Chapter Thirty-nine
May 2010
St. James the Apostle Cemetery
West Roxbury, Massachusetts
Gabriel stood in front of the stone angels, their twin forms positioned like sentries on either side of the memorial. The angels were made of marble, their skin white and perfect. They faced him, wings spread wide, with a name etched on the marker that sat between them.
The monument reminded him of the memorials in Santa Croce, in Florence. The likeness was intentional, since this monument was crafted after his own design.
As he regarded the angels, he thought back to his time in Italy, of his volunteer work with the Franciscans. Of his experience next to St. Francis’s crypt. Of his separation from Julianne.
If only he could wait until July first, there would be the possibility of reunion. But Gabriel wasn’t sure that she’d forgive him. He wasn’t sure anyone would forgive him, but he had to try.
He reached into his pocket and retrieved his cell phone, dialing a number from the contact list.
“Gabriel?”
He took a deep breath. “Paulina. I need to see you.”
“What’s wrong?”
He turned his back on the monument, somehow unable to speak to her while staring at the name that was carved in stone.
“I just need to see you for an hour, to talk. Can we meet tomorrow?”
“I’m in Minnesota. What’s this about?”
“I’ll fly to Minneapolis tonight. Can we meet?” He was insistent, his voice tense and thin.
She sighed heavily. “Fine. Let’s meet at a Caribou Coffee tomorrow morning. I’ll email the address.”
She paused, and Gabriel could hear her fidgeting in the background.
“You’ve never flown across country to talk to me.”
He clenched his teeth. “No, I haven’t.”
“Our last conversation wasn’t exactly pleasant. You left me outside your building, crying.”
“Paulina.” His tone was slightly pleading.
“Then you cut off all contact.”
Gabriel began to pace, the phone pressed tightly to his ear.
“I did. And then what happened?”
She was quiet for a moment.
“I went home.”
He stopped pacing.
“You should have gone home years ago, and I should have encouraged you to do it.”
Silence reverberated between them.
“Paulina?”
“This is going to hurt, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know,” he confessed. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”
He ended the call and hung his head before returning to the grave of their child.
Paulina was nervous. She’d been utterly humiliated during her confrontation with Gabriel in the lobby of the Manulife Building. Acutely aware of her dependence on prescription sleep aids and alcohol, along with her dependence on her trust fund, she did what she’d sworn she would never do. She went home.
She found a job. She moved into a modest but nice apartment. Even more incredibly, she met someone. Someone kind and loving, who wanted her and only her. Someone who would never look at another woman for the length of their relationship, and possibly, beyond.
Now Gabriel wanted to talk, in person.
Paulina loved Gabriel. But she also feared him. He’d been elusive and unattainable, even when she was pregnant and they’d lived together. There was always a part of him that he would never let her touch. She knew it. She accepted it. But she never liked it and she always felt his distance hanging over her, like a dark cloud that might pour rain at any moment.
In the aftermath of their final confrontation, she realized he would never love her. She’d thought that Gabriel was simply incapable of love. But when she heard him speak about Julianne, it became clear that he was capable of loving someone and being faithful. How tragic that the woman he was capable of loving was someone other than her.
Once she accepted it, a degree of freedom accompanied the inevitable pain and longing. She was no longer a slave trying to win her master’s affection. She was no longer someone with limited aspirations, putting her future on hold in order to keep herself available for him.
As she entered the Caribou Coffee shop, she felt strong for the first time in years. It would be difficult to see him but she’d made so much progress in other areas of her life, surely she could make progress in her relationship with him.
She found him sitting at a table for two in the back of the shop, his long fingers wrapped around a coffee mug. He was wearing a jacket and a button-down shirt but no tie. His trousers were clean and pressed and his hair was tidy. He was wearing his glasses, which surprised her, since he only wore them while reading.
When he saw her, he stood.
“Can I buy you a coffee?” He offered her a restrained smile.
“Yes, please.” She smiled in return but felt awkward. In the past he’d usually greeted her with a kiss, but now he maintained a polite, proper distance.
“Still taking your coffee with skim milk and sweetener?”
“That’s right.”
He moved to the counter as she took
the chair opposite his.
As he waited for Paulina’s order to be filled, Gabriel scratched his chin. She looked different. She still moved like a ballerina, her spine straight and her limbs controlled. But her appearance had changed.
Her long blond hair was pulled into a low ponytail, her beautiful features free of cosmetics. She looked fresh and young, and much of the hardness that was evident in her expression the last time he’d seen her was gone.
Her clothes were different, too. She’d always dressed well, with a preference for skirts and high heels fashioned by the latest designer. But today, she was clad in a long-sleeved blue top that was casual and plain, and she wore dark jeans with sandals. It had been years since Gabriel had seen her in casual clothes. He wondered what it meant.
He placed the drink in front of her and took his seat, his hands moving once again to wrap around his coffee mug. He focused on the black liquid, trying to figure out what to say.
“You look tired.” Her blue eyes fixed on him with concern.
Gabriel avoided her gaze, turning to look out the window. He wasn’t particularly interested in the Minneapolis scenery. He simply didn’t know how to begin.
“We were friends once.” She sipped her coffee and followed the path of his eyes, watching the cars that drove past. “You look as if you could use a friend.”
He turned his head, his eyes starkly blue behind the black frames of his glasses. “I’ve come to ask for your forgiveness.”
Her eyes widened and she placed her mug down on the table quickly, so as not to spill it.
“What?”
He swallowed loudly. “I never treated you the way a friend or a lover should be treated. I was callous and selfish.” He sat back in his chair and looked out the window again. “I don’t expect you to forgive me. But I wanted to see you and say that I’m sorry.”
Paulina tried unsuccessfully to pry her focus from his face and his clenched jaw, but she couldn’t. She was almost shaking, she was so surprised.
He watched the traffic pass and waited, waiting for her to say something. But she didn’t. At last, he met her gaze.
Gabriel's Redemption (Gabriel's Inferno Trilogy) Page 26