by Geri Glenn
When I’m done, he hands me his plate, not saying a word. As I move to stand, Tease reaches out and gently places his hand on my arm. Shocked at the gesture, my eyes shoot to his.
He maintains eye contact when he says, “Thanks, Charlotte.”
I can’t help myself. I smile brightly at him. “You’re welcome.”
I know better than to ask Tease where Ryker is. He may not scare me so much anymore, but I know we won’t be having a conversation anytime soon. I’ve never heard the man say more than three words at a time. Leaving him to brood on the step, I go inside to do some brooding of my own.
Finally, at two o’clock, I give up waiting for Ryker and ready myself for work. I ride with Tease, who drives me right to the entrance before turning his bike around and going to sit and wait in the shade across the parking lot for me to finish my eight hour shift. I feel kind of bad that he has to just sit there, but Ryker had assured me that this was part of his job, and that he’d had worse gigs.
About an hour into my shift, I look up to see Jeremy approaching, one hand held behind his back. He smiles at me, flashing his perfect white teeth. He really is very good looking and he’s a great guy. Any woman would be lucky to have him – I just know I can’t be that woman.
“Charlotte. You’re looking lovely as usual.” He approaches the nursing desk, coming around to stand beside me.
I turn to him and smile back. Smiles haven’t been coming easily to me tonight, and I’ve really had to work at being cheerful. Ryker’s silence is making me nauseous. I just want this shift to end, so I can talk to him and see if he’s ok – if we’re ok. If he had just used me for sex, my heart would be broken. I shrug off that thought and concentrate on my friend, forcing myself to sound cheerful. “Hey Jeremy. How are you?”
“I’m great!” He pulls his hand out from behind his back, revealing a large bouquet of mixed flowers. They’re gorgeous. My stomach drops. I don’t handle these situations well. I like Jeremy, but not in the way that he likes me, and I don’t know how to let him down without hurting his feelings. “I got you these.” He grins, holding them out to me. I see a ribbon woven into the bouquet saying “Get Well”.
I relax just a little, realizing that he’d gotten these because of my “car accident”, not because he was attempting to be romantic. At least I hope that’s the case. Taking them from him, I force my most cheerful smile.
“Oh, Jer! Thank you so much! You didn’t have to do that!” I look up at him and he winks.
“I know. I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you. Now …” He looks down at his watch. “I have to go see a patient. See you later, Charlotte.”
“Bye Jer,” I say to his retreating back. He throws another smile over his shoulder and then he’s gone.
The flowers are beautiful. I love fresh flowers. Every pay day, I go to the florist and get a fresh bouquet for my bedroom. I wouldn’t be doing that again until I get a new vase though. The reminder causes my smile to fall. Ryker hasn’t mentioned anything else about Krueger. I can only pray that he’s right and I have nothing else to worry about. Remembering that horrible night feels like a nightmare. It was easily the scariest moment of my life.
I finish out my shift, gathering my coat and flowers on my way out the door. Expecting to see Tease, I’m surprised to see Ryker sitting on his bike at the end of the walkway. Relief washes over me. Grinning, I walk out of the building towards him. He sits up when he sees me, reaching back to grab the helmet. He does not smile back.
“Hey,” I breathe when I approach him. He just nods, handing me the helmet. I see the moment that he notices my flowers.
His eyes shoot to mine. “Nice flowers.” His voice is so deep, causing me to shiver, realizing just how much I’ve missed hearing it.
“Yeah! Jeremy got them for me.” His jaw tightens and I see him clench his fists. I hurry on with my explanation. “Because of my “car accident”. They’re just “get well” flowers.” I force myself to continue smiling at him, hoping for even a ghost of a smile in return, but his eyes are narrowed at something across the parking lot.
Looking over to where he’s glaring, I see Jeremy walking to his car. His head is turned, watching Ryker and I. Ryker revs the motor and growls at me. “Get on.” I jump a little at his command. “Now!”
My hands shaking, I hurriedly put on my helmet and jump onto the back of his bike. He’s so angry. Grasping onto Ryker, I can feel the tension in his body. My heart drops. I know now for sure that something is very wrong, and I also know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I won’t be escaping this night with my heart still intact.
***
Ryker
It takes me the entire twenty minute drive home to compose myself. When I’d seen that bouquet of fucking pansy ass flowers in Charlie’s hand, I knew right away they’d come from that fucking douche, Jeremy. Then he’d fucking eyeballed me again. Fucker.
The worst part was, Charlie had looked so goddamned beautiful standing there holding a bouquet of flowers that some other man had given her. She deserves that shit – flowers. She obviously loves them. This serves as yet another reminder that I can’t be the man for her. I don’t buy flowers. Ever.
We walk into the house, and after placing her flowers in a milk pitcher she found in the kitchen, she moves towards the bedroom to get ready for bed. She hasn’t spoken to me once, and I know that she’s feeling the tension that must be rolling off me in waves. I need to talk to her now and just get this shit over and done with. Put us both out of our misery.
“Charlotte?” She stops, her back to me, shoulders tensed. Slowly she turns around, apprehension clear on her face. “We gotta talk.”
She nods, so I gesture to the couch. I sit on one end, right at the edge, elbows to my knees. She positions herself at the far end of the couch, feet up, wrapping her arms around her knees. My heart clenches when I see her in that self-protective position … because of me. I don’t look at her as I speak.
“What happened the other morning with us was a mistake.” I hear her soft gasp and have to force myself to keep going. “It was great, but it can’t happen again. I don’t have room in my life for an old lady, and you are definitely not old lady material.” Her body jerks as if I’d struck her. “You deserve a good life, with a good man, Charlie. Someone like Dr. whatever the fuck his name is.” I glance over at her again. She’s staring down at her fingernails, eyes filled with tears. She doesn’t speak. “I have a lot of shit going on in my life, and it would just complicate things to –“
“Don’t I get a say in what I deserve? What I want?” Her voice trembles with anger. I look up to see her glaring right at me. Our eyes lock. I want to grab her, crush her to me, and never let her go, but I can’t. I have to finish this shit before we get in any deeper.
“It doesn’t matter what you want.” I hold her gaze, ignoring the flinch my words caused. “We’re done. In fact, we never started. We fucked. Big deal. Like I said, it won’t happen again. You’ll stay here until Krueger is gone for sure, then you can go back to your life. Without me.”
Her body trembles. I almost take it all back. I can’t stand the thought that I’ve done this to her. Me. Tears spill over onto her cheeks, and she quickly dashes them away before taking a deep breath. “I … I just ...” She shakes her head and clenches her fists. “You know what? Fuck you, Ryker.”
She stands and walks back to the bedroom, shoulders squared and her head held high. My heart cracks. I want to chase her down and apologize – kiss away all of those tears I’d just caused. I feel like such a dick. The thought of her hating me makes me want to claw my own eyes out. I know it will get better in time, but I need to find Krueger fast so I can get her the hell out of here, and get back to living my life. A life without Charlie.
I want nothing more than to go back to the clubhouse and pound back a few thousand beers, but Tease needs a night off, and I won’t leave her here unprotected. Grabbing the throw blanket off the chair in the corner, I curl up on the
couch.
I can hear her sobs coming from down the hall. Laying there, on my shitty couch, in my tiny house, I curse myself for being the one to make her cry – for not being the man she needs. I’m still laying there long after the sounds of her crying end and the sun is rising. Sleep never does come to me.
Chapter Fifteen
Charlotte
Crushed. Smashed. Shattered. I don’t know which word best describes the way my heart feels right now. Last night, when Ryker had told me that he didn’t want me, that I wasn’t good enough for him, I didn’t even argue. What was the point? When he’d called me a mistake and said that I was just a fuck to him, my heart bled.
I knew our worlds were different, and I’d been so lost in the amazing way he made me feel, that I’d never stopped to think I wasn’t right for him – that he didn’t feel the same for me. At first, I’d been scared by his club and his way of life, but Ryker had done nothing but make me feel safe. I’d let myself get swept away by that. What an idiot.
I’m also angry. Ryker had played my heart and my body. I wasn’t just some woman he could fuck when he wanted then push to the side when he was done. I will never let myself be that woman – not for anyone. When James had broken up with me, all those years ago, I’d been sad, but it was nothing compared to the heartache I felt when Ryker called, what had been the most amazing morning of my life, a mistake. I’d been a fool to think we’d connected on a deeper level.
After gathering up my bruised and battered pride and telling Ryker to go fuck himself, I’d proceeded to the bedroom, where I had cried until there weren’t any tears left to shed. I would’ve left, but I had no car here, and no way home. I knew if I’d called a cab, he’d refuse to let me leave because for some strange reason, he still wants to keep me safe – to keep his conscience clear, most likely.
I hadn’t slept well and I’d stayed in bed until almost noon to avoid Ryker. It wouldn’t have mattered though because when I came out to use the washroom, he’d been gone. Tease had been in his usual spot, smoking a cigarette on the front step. After a cup of coffee and some toast, which was all my roiling stomach would allow, I went into the bathroom to get ready for work.
I looked like complete crap. It wasn’t hard to tell I’d spent the entire night crying. I made an attempt to fix my puffy eyes, then yanked my mass of dark curls into a messy bun before putting on my scrubs. When I’d come out of the house, Tease had frowned a little at my appearance, then shook his head before climbing onto his bike. Accepting the coffee and toast I’d given him, he’d taken me to work. He then dropped me off without a word, but the way he looked at me appeared almost concerned. I’d forced a smile at him before going into the building.
This brings me to now. I’d had an off day since I’d gotten here. I’d mixed up several charts and fumbled the pills a few times, even going so far as to drop an entire bottle of morphine on the floor. It had taken me almost five minutes to find all of them and put them back into the bottle. Several patients had asked if I was ok when I forgot something or had to keep retaking their blood pressure. My mind was on Ryker and my wounded heart. Finally, after scolding myself for the hundredth time, I decided that Ryker didn’t deserve any more of my head space. I had an important job to do, and I needed to be mentally present for it.
So far, I’m doing well at this, even though my guts are churning and my heart is sad. It’s helped that Jeremy is off today because I don’t think I could handle his kindness. I know he wants to be more than friends and at the moment, I want absolutely nothing to do with any man, including him.
Ten minutes before my shift ends, I get a text from an unknown number.
Unknown: It’s Tease. Got a meeting at the club right after 11. I have to be there. I’ll take you, then Ryk takes you home.
So many emotions from that one text flow through me. Anger. Ryker had given Tease my number because he was so done with me that he couldn’t even be bothered to give me that information? Nervousness. Ryker is taking me home? I don’t know if I can ride on his bike with him again. I don’t even want to see him, let alone wrap my body around his for the ride home. More anger. I’m done staying at Ryker’s house. I know he’s trying to protect me, but I just can’t be around him anymore. He’d told me that Krueger was gone so why can’t I just go home?
I don’t bother replying to the text. Like a good little girl, I climb onto the back of a noticeably worried Tease’s bike and accept the ride to the King’s clubhouse. Tease deposits me on a barstool and wordlessly gets me a cold beer before disappearing into another room. I can hear the sounds of a group of men coming from in there, so I figure that’s where the meeting is happening. I can’t hear what they’re talking about and I can’t say I even care. I nurse my beer and sit, lost in thought about how I can get out of going back to Ryker’s place tonight.
“You still fuckin’ here?” Those words said in such a nasty tone cause me to jump. I spin around looking for who spoke them. The club whore from the other day is standing three feet behind me, sneering in my direction. I frown at her, confused.
She takes a few steps and comes right up beside me, pulling the beer from my hand and taking a swig. “Ryker said two nights ago that he was gettin’ rid of you.”
Shocked, I stare at her. Getting rid of me? I knew Ryker didn’t want to be with me, but knowing that he’d said that he was getting rid of me to this woman felt like a punch to the gut. And two nights ago was the same day we’d had sex.
She takes another long swig from my beer, grinning when she pulls the bottle from her lips. “Don’t look so surprised. He was balls deep in my pussy two nights ago. That man knows how to fuck like a stallion.” I mustn’t be successful in hiding my shock because she looks at me with a vicious smirk on her face. “You really think he’d want a fuckin’ uptight bitch like you, when he has me to fuck him the way I know he likes it?”
I can’t breathe. Ryker had sex with her two nights ago? I’d spent that night waiting for him to text me back, stupidly thinking we had something special, and he’d been here the whole time fucking Lucy. I’m such an idiot. I swallow thickly, trying to fight the tears back before answering. “Yeah, well … don’t worry. I’ll be gone soon. He made it clear we’re not together.”
She smirks and finishes off my beer, slamming it down on the counter. “Fuckin’ right he did. That’s ‘cause he has me.” She stabs her long, phony thumbnail towards her chest. “He always comes back to me. Keep your fucking hands off my man, bitch.” She puts her face right in mine, her finger positioned right next to my eye. “Or I’ll claw those filthy doe eyes right outta your head. Got me?”
I move to get off the stool, ready to rip this bitch’s fingernails off and shove them up her ass, when Jase comes strolling in. He sees Lucy in my space and scowls. “Luce. Back the fuck off of Charles before I throw your skanky ass out on the street.”
Lucy returns his scowl, but steps away. Looking back at me one last time, the warning clear on her face, she walks to the other side of the huge room. I glare back, fists balled at my side, anger burning in my chest.
Jase approaches, an easy smile on his gorgeous face. “Hey, Charles. Don’t let that whore bother you. You just gotta put bitches like her in their place so they’ll leave you alone.” He pauses, looking at me more closely and leans towards me. “You ok, honey?”
I peel my eyes from the back of Lucy’s bleached out head, forcing a smile I know looks as phony as it is and nod. “Peachy.” My voice is hoarse. The emotions tumble round and round in my mind like wet clothes in a dryer. I feel like I’m about to throw up.
Jase frowns and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Talk to me.”
Before I can respond, Ryker and a few other guys come stalking out of the meeting room. “Charlotte! Let’s go!” Jase glares at him, his frown deepening at the way Ryker had barked at me.
I look up at him, forcing another smile, trying my best to reassure him. “Looks like I’m outta here.” I place my hand on his cheek. “
Don’t worry about me, handsome. I’ll be ok.” I give him a wink and move towards Ryker, who stands glaring at us by the front entrance.
***
Ryker
Charlie climbs onto my bike without a word and I take her home. I do my best to ignore how good it feels to have her arms wrapped around me, thighs hugging my hips. The tension between us is like a physical force, laying heavy on my chest. Before getting on the bike, I’d looked into her eyes and what I saw there made it hard to breathe.
Charlie’s usually bright, brown eyes are dull and sad. She averts her gaze immediately, doing everything she can to avoid eye contact. The silence guts me. I couldn’t handle it if she hated me and it crushes me to see her look so wounded. I’d done that to her.
She’s been through so much in the last few days and my actions have only added to that. Her indifference to me is the hardest to take. I can’t imagine being around her while we search for Krueger, and have her look right through me like that; it will kill what little bit of heart I have left. I’ve distanced myself for good reason, but that doesn’t mean she has to hate me. I need to fix this.
After she’s gone to bed, I approach the room, knocking quietly on the door. My ears strain to hear any sign of her from behind it. After a second, she calls out, her voice hoarse. “Yes?”
Pushing the door open slowly, I see Charlie sitting in my bed, wearing a pink tank top and covered to her waist with blankets. The only light in the room comes from the table on her side of the bed. Her side? Funny how quickly we’d developed sides.
“Can we talk?” She looks at me, uncertainty and anger swimming in her eyes before she nods. I move to her, sitting on the edge of the bed beside her feet. “Look, I know you’re pissed at me.” She snorts and rolls her eyes before looking back at me, eyebrow arched.
Fuck. This sucks. My mind races, looking for something to say that’ll take that pained look from her face. “Charlie, I’m just not good with this shit.” I open my mouth to continue, but she cuts me off.