Sean had gone into town for more supplies and seedlings. Robert had promised to come around noon to help her deal with feeding his father. One o’clock came and went still with no sign of him. Jeb kept calling her, his voice growing more impatient as time passed demanding to be fed. Unable to stand it any longer she left the house in search of Robert. She found him soaked in sweat struggling with the plow. He looked so fatigued and overwhelmed with the work he was trying to do alone she didn’t have the heart to ask him to stop, walk all the way to the house and then come back again. He was apologetic when he saw her started to pull off the yoke when she stopped him.
“Don’t worry about it. You’re up to your neck with things to do already. I’ll manage with Jeb.”
He looked at her doubtfully but she insisted. Grateful for the reprieve he went back to his labor. He still had too much to do before nightfall. She walked back to the house determinedly. After all Jeb would never hurt her. So what if he talked weird. She would forgo seeing to his wound until Sean came home, but in the interim she would take him some lunch. She made his tray covering it with a tea cloth to keep it warm and headed upstairs nervously. Jeb looked wild eyed his hair unkempt because it was too painful to brush near his cut and his whole scalp seemed to be sore. She smiled with more confidence than she felt trying to relax and make him feel better too. It had to be lonely laying in here day in and out injured and in pain worrying about his crops which were his sole existence.
“I brought you lunch. Sorry it’s late today. I’ve been so busy.” she chattered apologetically.
“Tryin ta starve me.” he muttered angrily. He swept the cloth off the tray and bellowed. “Pig slop! Yer tryin ta poison me!” He threw the tray against the wall lunging at her in fury.
She screamed running from the room and down the stairs in a blind panic. Maybe it was the fact she was already off balance from the pregnancy or she didn’t lift her skirts high enough to keep from stepping on them but whatever it was it happened so fast that she didn’t have time to catch herself. Tripping she fell forward bouncing down each step crying out in fright as jarred her over and over again. By the time she reached the bottom rung she had faded into oblivion.
*****
It was dark before Sean returned from town. He waved to his cousin who was washing up undoubtedly about to head over to his house for dinner. He grinned. He knew for a fact Xzan was making his favorite meal tonight. Chicken and dumplings. Gooseberry pie. She tried to make something each man especially liked at least once a week. Last night she’d spoiled him with a bread pudding. He couldn’t wait to see her. He’d thought about her all day. Wishing she could have accompanied him into town. But they couldn’t leave Uncle Jeb alone in his condition. His eyes darkened with desire at thoughts of what they would do later in the privacy of their room. Her pregnancy had made her very sensual. She seemed to be in the mood all the time. Swore it didn’t hurt. He still didn’t understand how it could be comfortable with the baby moving around though. The little bugar had kicked him once when he was inside of her and the sensation hadn’t been pleasant. She had laughed saying she was used to it. He pulled the wagon up in front of the house. Robert could help him carry in the supplies later. Right now he wanted a kiss. Bounding up the front step in anticipation he threw open the front door calling, “Angel… I’m home…come give me…”
His eyes lit on her still form at the foot of the stairs. A sharp pain cut in to his heart like a knife as he ran to her. She looked lifeless. He thought she was dead. A sob tore from his throat as he leaned over to feel for her pulse. There was blood everywhere. Spreading from her thighs through the blue cotton dress to a crimson puddle in the floor. He started to pick her up to carry her to her room staring in horror at the lump that he felt in her skirts below her hips. He lifted her skirts to investigate with a sharp feeling of dread knowing before he saw the purple bloody mass what it was. He wasn’t even aware of crying. Sean felt helpless. Lost. He didn’t know what to do. Couldn’t bear to touch his dead child. Unable to leave his wife lying there alone like that tormented half out of his mind he screamed for his cousin.
“Help me Robert! Help me help her!”
*****
Robert beheld his cousin-in-law more intimately than he ever cared to remember. Sean was too upset to be of any use. Robert had made him undo the dress and cover her upper torso decently with a blanket that he’d fetched from her room so he could slide her body away from the baby and the childbirth. Instructing Sean to clean up the area the best he could Robert stuffed rags between her legs to try to slow the bleeding. When they got her upstairs into a clean nightgown Robert went back down taking the entire bloody mess, dress and all wrapped in a sheet burying it in the back yard. He fashioned two wooden sticks together to mark a grave knowing later that location would be very important to the couple. Then he scrubbed the floor wiping away the last traces of the nightmare.
He tried not to feel anything. However he was as shook up as Sean at the thought of losing Xzan. The tiny woman despite her bossy ways had a heart of gold and had brought femininity into all their lives they’d been sadly lacking since his mother died. Not just with her home cooked meals and thoughtful gifts but the way she treated each of them as if they were special. She mothered them the way his mother had. Worrying when they needed worrying over. Caring when they hurt. Always planning some little treat to make them happy. Here she was now lying upstairs hemorrhaging. Unaware she had given birth to her child prematurely. She would be so devastated if she recovered. They would all be shattered if she didn’t revive.
He’d never seen his cousin so overwrought. This reaction was even worse than when Pa had been hurt. He went back upstairs to see how she was doing wondering if he rode into town if the doctor would come all this way back with him. For the first time since coming west he hated being so far from civilization. Had never felt so helpless. He knew women bled after having a baby however the way she was losing blood didn’t seem quite right. There was too much too fast. Robert was so relieved when he rapped lightly on the door and found Xzan awake. She had been crying. Was obviously in discomfort. She had been told about the baby. Sean smiled grimly at Robert.
“The bleeding has slowed down. She says she aches all over but was probably a combination of the fall and the birth. She doesn’t want a doctor. But I don’t know. What do you think? Should we try to get one out here?”
Robert hated having that decision put on his shoulders. He knew what he wanted and what was possible were two different things. Xzan life hung in the balance if they made the wrong decision. The tiny woman took the choice out of their hands plucking at her sheet agitatedly.
“I don’t want a doctor. I want that man out of my house now!”
Both men looked at her in puzzlement. When she explained what had caused her fall and how terrified she had been Robert rushed out of the room in fury with Sean nipping at his heels. Xzan drifted to sleep for awhile waking to find her husband holding her hand so tightly she thought it would break. She squeezed his in a feeble effort to reassure him before sliding once again into a dark void. When she finally awoke feeling some of her strength had returned Sean was walking in to the room with a tray in his hand.
“Good.” he beamed. “I don’t have to wake you up. You need to eat. It will help you recover.”
She didn’t feel like eating but he coaxed her into a few bites. He made small talk skirting around the major issues just trying to give her some semblance of normality. When she had finished all she would eat he announced quietly.
“Jeb went home with Robert. You don’t have to worry about him being in the house. There is no one here except you and me.”
She looked so visibly relieved he felt guilty. Sean hadn’t realized what a strain she had been under. With what happened today she might be frightened of Jeb for the rest of her life and with him as a neighbor that could be a real problem.
“I’ll never leave you alone like that again Xzan.” Sean promised her solemnl
y. She protested weakly that it wasn’t his fault. He shook his head unconvinced. “No, if I hadn’t left you alone here none of this would have happened. From now on you go with me so I can take care of you.”
She didn’t want to argue. Couldn’t think about it right now. She just needed to sleep. Her husband was afraid to stretch out on the bed beside her nor did he want her to be alone. So he folded his long frame in to the rather dainty easy chair next to her bed dozing on and off checking on her anxiously each time he woke. He vowed she would never have to suffer this kind of pain one more time. Too many people he loved had died. He wasn’t going to lose her too.
*****
She recovered slowly. Was weak for nearly three months after her blood loss. She forced herself to get back up and around after only a few days despite her husbands protests. There were no broken bones but her left hip and right shoulder ached all the time. Sean massaged them for her several times a day which helped relieve some of her pain. However the constant throbbing kept her from sleeping deeply at night. In desperation she finally asked him to go to town for laudanum. He wouldn’t leave her so Robert went in his stead grateful for the reprieve for a few hours. His life had been harder than ever trying to do his father’s work and take care of him the rest of the time. He wouldn’t mind a few drinks in the saloon and maybe a game of poker to take his mind off of things for a few hours. Xzan asked about Jeb wondering if he was better or worse. Sean replied noncommittally .
“He’s doing fine.”
The grim truth was Jeb wasn’t doing well at all. Sean wasn’t going to tell his ailing wife that. His mind seemed to slip a little more every day even worse he had become more violent as time passed. The men understood it was something to do with having been kicked in the head by a mule but neither had the least idea of how to help him. Robert had talked to Dr. Merrylynde about Jeb at the same time he went to consult about Xzan’s accident. The physician was old refused to travel had told the young man what she needed to do in order to recover her strength.
“As for your Pa there is nothing I can do. Just take care of him the best you can. Understand that he doesn’t mean to be that way. Let nature take its course. It would be best to keep him in bed if you can for him to rest. Sometimes these things fix themselves. Others they get worse. Only time will tell.”
It wasn’t very promising advice. It was all they had to work with. The laudanum helped ease the pain and Xzan was finally able to sleep. It also made her extremely groggy the next morning. She was also nauseated until its affects completely wore off. She wasn’t sure which was worse. The medicine or the pain. As time passed she was forced to take more and more of it just to sleep. When she tried not to take it she was miserable. Craved it.
Sean had begun to complain that she slept too much. The house was still picked up but she only dusted on the surface instead of deep cleaning. She was in a haze all the time. Barely responded when he spoke to her. Seemed to live in her own world. Sean thought at first she was still recovering from her injuries perhaps even reacting with depression at losing the baby. As the weeks turned into months she continued declining. Her luxurious dark hair became dry and brittle. Her creamy skin looked sallow. She was still listless and so frail. He realized there was something wrong, just didn’t know exactly what to do about it.
She had begun going through laudanum like it was water. Several bottle a week. It wasn’t until she ran completely out when they were snowed in and couldn’t go to town for three days that he understood her addiction. Her withdrawal was pitiful. Xzan cried screaming, begging him for just a drop of the drug. Threatened him. She went through the shakes, sweats, threw up, slept, wandered the hall of the house slamming things down, searching desperately for some relief. She refused to eat or drink. Sleeping as much as she could because the pain was so excruciating without the laudanum to take off the edge.
When he knew when she was over the worst of it refusing to buy her any more of the medicine even when the roads had cleared for him to travel. His heart ached for her. He knew she was in genuine misery. That agony in her back was real. The only experience he’d had with an addiction was his Uncle’s drinking. He’d seen his withdrawal which was very similar to Xzan’s. Except Jeb had seen bugs and all kinds of other horrible things his mind produced to frighten him. Sean knew it only took one taste of whiskey for his Uncle to have to face that vicious cycle all over again. He had watched it many times over the past few years. He was determined not to let his wife suffer an endless agony. She did begin to recover after a few weeks. Regaining her appetite and her lucidity.
Her skin became pink and supple and her hair took on its former shine. Unfortunately she was still in pain physically. He doubled his efforts to give her relief by rubbing her for long periods of time. It would usually put her to sleep which was a godsend till she woke in the night hurting once more. The quality of her housework still lacked and she also became introverted. The joy they first knew became a familiarity. They hadn’t made love since her accident. She didn’t play the piano at all. Or do anything that used to interest her. Just sat looking bleakly out the window when she was through with her chores.
He was worried sick about her. Tried everything he knew to bring her back to life. In desperation he took her into town to see the Doctor who wasn’t very helpful. He gave her a bottle of tonic that was supposed to help her energy level and rebuild her blood because she was so anemic. His only other suggestion was a change of scenery and perhaps dinner at the cafe.
Xzan picked at the meal, seemed oblivious to the people around her. Till she saw something through the window that made her eyes light up. Following her gaze Sean saw a red skin taking pelts into the trading post across the street. He wondered if she was thinking about her time with the Indians, and a stab of jealousy poked at his upper region, him. That Indian medicine man Jaskarra or something.
Except to confide that one time in him Xzan had refused to ever talk about that part of her life any more. As long as he had known her, as intimate as they had been his wife was still a mystery to him. It bothered him. He wanted all of her. Her thoughts her feelings as well as her body. He refrained from commenting on her apparent interest finishing his steak then he paid for the meal and escorted her out into the street.
“Why don’t you do some shopping while we’re here?”
She nodded eagerly suddenly glad to be outdoors waking up to the frenetic activity around her. Wagons were everywhere. People hurrying here and there. Children playing, horses drinking from water troughs. The shouting back and forth as people of all ages, shapes, sizes and colors rushed to various destinations. Dressed in multi-colors. It had warmed up. It was almost hot in the blue velvet dress she had worn. She noticed for the first time how pretty everything was in the windows. Elegant dresses on mannequins in the latest fashions. Delicate pastries in the bakery window that whetted her seemingly non-existent appetite suddenly.
Sean bought her everything she seemed even the least bit interested in. From a cream torte which she licked enticingly to a pair of new boots. She bought some peach colored cotton material along with the lace and matching buttons to compliment it. She found three books to read and splurged on writing paper and a new quill and ink. As time passed she perked up even more eyes her sparkling with interest and cheeks flushed with happiness. Sean glowed in her warmth. Thrilled to see the life and spirit returning to his woman. She began getting tired around mid-day and he knew with the long ride home they should be on their way. He hated to end the magic hoping it would stay with her once they left town.
She fell asleep against his shoulder on the ride back. Woke only a few miles from the farm refreshed. He stopped for her to take care of a call of nature and they took time to eat bread, cheese and jerky, washing it down with fresh lemonade they had purchased in town especially for their dinner. It was ambrosia to her taste buds after so many months of starving herself. She dimpled sweetly at her husband, who stopped chewing and smiled back hopefully. Slowly she beg
an unbuttoning her bodice huge eyes half slits smoky with desire. She licked her lips provocatively. Looked him up and then down as if he were a tasty morsel. He shuddered with anticipation. She stepped out of her dress doing a slow striptease. One by one she peeled off every layer of clothing until she was standing on the buckboard only inches in front of him totally nude.
When he started to undress himself she stopped him straddling his legs while undoing the buttons on his shirt. Moving against him sensually grinding her hips in erotic circles against his thigh she laughed throatily. He reached out to grasp her hips and she pulled his shirt back imprisoning his arms where he couldn’t move. Xzan started nibbling his earlobe torturous working her way down and sucking on his nipples. Still holding his hands together she loosened his pants and pulled out his manhood which at this point was standing at full attention. She knelt down in front of him and did what she had never been able to do since her marriage to Brett. He inhaled sharply as she licked in circles taking him full in her mouth. She continued arousing him till he felt like he would explode. Sensing he was at the end of his limits she rose gracefully sliding onto his lap and took him in one swift movement. Capturing him inside of her she rode him with total abandon.
Every time he neared his climax she would change her motion. Slow it down and tease him by moving her hips in a circle. It was driving him into a frenzy. When she finally began moaning with her own orgasm she suddenly grew weak and he took control. She wrapped her arms around his neck eyes closed head bent back her long hair streaming down her back like a soft cloud. She was unable to move any longer just feeling the sensations as he rocked her up and down. She rolled her head back and forth crying out in ecstasy which put him over the edge. She tightened inside and the spasms forced him to drive deeper until he was crying out with her in sheer pleasure.
Singing Heart Page 24