Diary of a Teenage Murderer
Page 10
“It’s disgusting in there!” “How can you live like that!” and “Can you please keep that door shut, I can’t bear the smell or shame!”
Under the bed was by far the worst part of the job, finger/toenail clippings, crisps, two old mugs growing new life forms, half of a cheese sandwich, many socks, suspicious tissues and a dead mouse. The mouse really made me jump and it just goes to clarify what a state the room had gotten into, not even rodents can survive in it.
Washing up – check
Hoovering – check
Ironing my school uniform – check
Mugging my dad for £20 – check! (Not such a bad bloke at times!)
I met Sasha at the train station and we kissed. A natural kiss, no pressure, no nerves just a simple yet meaningful kiss. A kiss that just held enough in time to matter – an elongated peck with a dash of passion. OK, I’m overdoing the kiss now. But it was amazing.
We had decided yesterday that we would head up to London and watch a screening of Clerks at the Prince of Wales cinema in Leicester Square. I have been to this cinema before and it is one of my favourite places. It is a really old place that I think closed down years ago, but has been reopened as a sort of ‘retro’ cinema experience. They don’t show new movies at all, but instead show all manner of classics. To give you an idea of what it is like, here is the listing for last week:
Monday, 6th Feb
AM: Sing-a-long-a- Sound of Music – is it wrong that I really like the sound of this?
PM: Reservoir Dogs – great film! I especially like the high impact poster advertising this classic. ‘A man, a gun, a blood splat!’ would have been a far better advertising slogan in my opinion. They opted for the rather tame ‘Let’s go to work’.
Tuesday, 7th Feb
AM: An Officer and a Gentleman – I watched this about a year ago with my mum. Great film, although ever so slightly spoilt by my mum blubbing all the way through it.
PM: Citizen Kane – apparently one of, if not the, best films ever made. I have added its viewing to my mental ‘to do’ list.
Wednesday, 8th Feb
AM: Mary Poppins – I love this film, surprised not to see it listed as one of those sing-a-long-a types!
PM: All Quiet on the Western Front – never seen it, pretty sure it’s a war flick though.
Thursday, 9th Feb
AM: Casablanca – never seen it, not even slightly interested (some kind of famous lovey-dovey film I think, not really my cup of tea).
PM: The Blair Witch Project – a lot of people dislike this film, but I love it. I remember watching it one evening at Martin’s house when I was in year 10. I am not sure what terrified me more, the film or the short walk home at 11pm.
Friday, 10th Feb
All Day (starting at 11am): The Matrix Trilogy – love the first film, cannot stand the others.
Saturday, 11th Feb
AM: The Lion King 3D – really? 3D? I thought it was crap in 2D, but they seem to have managed to add a whole new dimension of crap, very clever of them.
PM: One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest – a big fat slice of cinematic brilliance!
Sunday, 12th Feb
AM: Clerks – this is our showing.
PM: Sing-a-long-a Rocky Horror Picture Show – I must make sure we leave the building as soon as our film finishes to avoid the bunch of weirdoes that this film seems to attract. I watched the first 10 minutes of it a few months back at Martin’s house and was not impressed.
We caught the 9.32 train from Worthing station, changed at Brighton for the London train and jumped on the Tube at Victoria. The train was great, we sat huddled together, my arm around her shoulder and her hand caressing my leg. We talked about all sorts of rubbish, who was seeing who in school, what music we loved and hated, where our families were from, life and death, politics. All the time we were relaxed and comfortable, as if we have been close for years.
Once at Leicester Square we stopped at Café Nero for a coffee and a muffin, then across the square for some Häagen-Dazs ice cream. We wrapped our arms around each other and fed each other in turn. I had rum and raisin, Sasha had chocolate and fudge. It was amazing, especially as I hate fudge so much; even shit food tastes amazing around Sasha!
We watched the film that I have seen a million and two times and she laughed all the way through it and I laughed with her. Every time she laughed I had to look over at her and see the effect it had upon her face, laughs had a way of lighting her up. I enjoyed the film just as much as I did the first time I saw it.
After the film we walked through the streets of London, not knowing where we were going, laughing, stopping to kiss and popping into the occasional shop to look around. We eventually ended up in Bond Street (which on a map seems like we walked quite some distance from Leicester Square!).
We took our Tube to Victoria and cuddled up on our train back to Brighton. When we got back to Worthing I walked her home and we kissed for nearly an hour outside her house, after which I pretty much skipped all the way home and got in at about half past twelve. I am pretty sure I am in love with her, or at least falling fast. I have spent the whole day with her, and still want to be with her. I do actually miss her; I have a funny little ache in my stomach when I think of her. Surely that’s what love is? Or maybe I’m just going a little bit soft?
Why can’t all days be like this?!
Monday, February 13th
After the best Sunday in history (or any day for that matter!), it was obviously going to be the blandest and most boring day today, and it didn’t let me down. Sasha was out at her nan’s today, Martin was heading to a campsite somewhere in northern France with his dad and I was stuck in doors revising and yearning for someone to talk to or just something to do to break the monotony.
I have been thinking about this love thing and I am interested in hearing what other people think on the subject, so I have started my own little project (may even lead me to writing a book on the subject one day I suppose). I thought that a good place to start would be with my parents. They do seem to get on OK, but I wouldn’t exactly say that they were in love, but maybe I’m wrong. I am interested to know whether it has always been this way, or were things different when they were younger?
I asked both my parents the same question: “What is love?”
My mum was quite blunt about this and seems to feel that love doesn’t really exist. “It’s something that young people do,” she said. I then asked her if she was in love with Dad, she replied, “Look, Matt, either bugger off or lend a hand!” I will ask her again when she is not stressed out by the huge pile of dirty dishes and endless loads of laundry she was putting in and out of the washing machine.
My dad gave me a much more interesting answer, can’t quote him exactly but it was something like this:
“I love you, your brother and your mum. I suppose it’s about really caring for someone so much that you would do anything for them, even die for them. I was lucky to have great parents too, but your mum wasn’t. Her dad was always gambling away the shopping money and she never had anything growing up. Her old man was never at home, and on the rare occasion that he was, he was usually so drunk and angry that no one dare go near him. I really believe that he would have sold your mother for a couple of beers and a bit of money for the horses. So just being related is no guarantee of love! I suppose what I am saying is that love is about taking responsibility for someone you care about and doing what you can to make sure that they are happy.”
Wise words from the ol’ man.
I don’t think I am in love just yet. I really like Sasha, but if it was life or death between the two of us, it’s a no brainer. I’d even put the bullet in her myself!
Tuesday, February 14th
I spoke to Sasha today and we are meeting up tomorrow, ‘at her house!’ because her ‘parents are away’! Holy shit, are we going to have sex?
I do have a bit of a dilemma going on in my head about this situation. I’m not 100% sure that I am ready to actually have se
x with Sasha at the moment. Don’t get me wrong, I fancy the pants off her. How couldn’t I? She really is damn hot. But I really don’t want to ruin things by going too fast. I am worried that if we had sex things may get a little weird between us, especially if I am utter rubbish at this sex thing (which I fully expect to be by the way!) I think I like her and respect her far too much to take such a massive step like this sex thing too soon. I am pretty sure that this does not mean I am gay however.
Truth be told, I am nervous about this ‘meet up’. Everything I have done today, pick up a pen, wash some dishes, walk to the shops to buy some bread, I have done to the faint tingle of butterflies in my slightly flabby stomach. The fact is, we will probably just end up watching a film and chatting and not having sex at all. After all we have only been a couple for six days. I did however decide to buy a packet of condoms at the shops today, just in case.
Some people seem to think that buying condoms is a difficult thing to do; I don’t get this at all. This was my first time buying condoms and I have heard that some people get incredibly nervous when they approach the counter. I simply walked in, grabbed a pack (Durex Gossamer by the way) and proudly handed them to the young girl behind the counter and paid with a bit of a smirk on my face. It was like I was effectively saying to the shop assistant, “Hello, I am going to have three shags!” What’s wrong with that? Nothing, that’s what. If anything, I felt incredible