by Butcher, Jim
Carmichael grabbed Rudolph by the front of his shirt and shook him. “Listen up, rook,” he said, his voice harsh. “It’s still there, and it can do it to us just as quick as to Hampy. Shut your hole and do what I told you.”
“R-right,” Rudolph said. He straightened, and started jerking me back down the hall away from the records office. “Who is this guy, anyway?”
Carmichael glared at me. “He’s the guy who knows. If he comes to and says something, listen to him.” Then he picked up a riot gun and stomped over to where Murphy was getting set to lead a group through the hole in the wall after the loup-garou. She was going over instructions, that if she went down one of the men was to pick up her gun and try to put out the thing’s eyes with it.
The rookie half dragged and half led me around the corner and down the hall to the Special Investigations office. I stared down at my feet as he did, at the trail of bloody footprints behind me, giggling. Something was nagging at me, somewhere behind the madness of the laughter, where a diffident, rational corner of my mind was waiting patiently for my consciousness to take notice of an important thought it had isolated. Something about blood.
“This isn’t happening,” Rudolph chanted to himself along the way. “This isn’t happening. Sweet Jesus, this is a trick for the new guy. A prank. Got to be.” He stank of sour sweat and fear, and he was shaking horribly. I could feel it in my biceps, where he held me.
I think it was his terror that let me see through my own hysteria, fight it down and shove it under control again. He hauled me through the door, into the Special Investigations office, and I stumbled to the battered, sunken old couch just inside the door. I gasped for air, while the rookie slammed the door and paced back and forth, his eyes bulging, wheezing for air. “This isn’t happening,” he said. “My God, this isn’t happening.”
“Hey,” I managed, after a minute, struggling to sort out all the input raging through my body—tears, bruises, maybe a sprain or two, a little bit of chill where shock was lurking, and aching sides from the laughter, of all things. The rookie didn’t hear me. “Hey, Rudy,” I said louder, and the kid snapped his eyes over to me as though shocked that I’d spoken. “Water,” I told him. “Need some water.”
“Water, right,” Rudolph said, and he turned and all but ran to the water fountain. His hands were shaking so hard that he crushed the first two paper cones he took from the dispenser, but he got the third one right. “You’re that guy. The fake.”
“Wizard,” I rasped back to him. “Harry Dresden.”
“Dresden, right,” the kid said, and came back over to me with the paper cone. I took it and splashed the contents all over my face. It was a cool shock, something else to draw me back from the land of giggles and throbbing nerve endings, and I clawed for all the sane ground I could get. Then I handed the cone back to him. “One more for the inside.”
He stared at me as though I was mad (and who’s to say, right?) and went to get another cone cup of water. I drank the second one down and started sorting through my thoughts. “Blood, Rudy,” I said. “Something about blood.”
“God,” the rookie panted, the whites of his eyes glaring. “It was all over Hampton. Blood all over the room, splashed on the Plexiglas and the security camera. Blood, goddamn blood everywhere. What the fuck is that thing?”
“Just one more tough bad guy. But it bleeds,” I said. Then fastened on the idea, my brain churning to a ponderous conclusion. “It bleeds. Murphy shot it and put its blood all over the floor.” I gulped down the rest of the water and stood. “It bleeds, and I can nail it.” I lifted my fist to shake it defiantly over my head and strode past the stunned Rudolph.
“Hey,” he said, feebly. “Maybe you should sit down. You don’t look so good. And you’re sort of under arrest, still.”
“I can’t be under arrest right now,” I said back to him. “I don’t have the time.” I limped down the rows of desks and partitions to Murphy’s office. It’s a little tacked-on office, with cheap walls of wooden paneling and an old wooden door, but it was more than anyone else in the disfavored department had. There was a paper rectangle taped neatly to the door, where a name placard would be on any other office in the building, which read in neat, block letters of black ink: LT. KARRIN MURPHY, SPECIAL INVESTIGATIONS. The powers that be refused to purchase a real name plaque for any director of SI—sort of their way of reminding the person they stuck in the position that they wouldn’t be there long enough to matter. Underneath the neat paper square, at an angle, was a red and purple bumper sticker that said: TRESPASSERS WILL BE KILLED AND EATEN.
“I hope she didn’t leave her computer on,” I mumbled and went into Murphy’s office. I took one look around the neatly organized little place and stepped in to pluck my blasting rod, bracelet, amulet, firearm, and other accoutrements I’d had in my possession when I’d been arrested from the table next to the computer. The computer was on. There was a cough from the monitor as my hand passed near it, and a little puff of smoke, then a bright spark from somewhere within the plastic console of the hard drive.
I winced and collected my things, putting on the shield bracelet with fumbling fingers, ducking my head into the loop of my pentacle amulet, stuffing my pistol into the jumpsuit’s pocket, and taking my blasting rod firmly in my right hand, the side of the body that projects energy. “You didn’t see that, Rudy. Okay?”
The rookie had a stunned look on his face as he stared at me and at the smoking computer and monitor. “What did you do?”
“Nothing, never came close, didn’t do anything, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it,” I muttered. “You got that paper cup? Right, then. All we need is a stuffed animal.”
He stared at me. “Wh-what did you say?”
“A stuffed animal, man!” I roared at him. “Don’t mess with a wizard when he’s wizarding!” I let out a cackle that threatened to bring the wild hysteria that still lurked inside of me back in full force, and banished it with a ferocious scowl. Poor Rudolph bore the brunt of both expressions, got a little more pale than he already was, and took a couple of steps back from me.
“Look. Carmichael still keeps a couple of toys in his desk, right? For when kids have to wait on their parents, that sort of thing?”
“Uh,” said the rookie. “I, uh.”
I brandished my blasting rod. “Go look!”
Maybe the kid would have taken any excuse at that point, but he seemed willing enough to follow my instructions. He spun and ran out into the main room and started frantically tearing open desks.
I limped out of Murphy’s office and glanced back at the bloody footprints I left on the puke-grey carpet behind me with my soaking sock. The room was getting colder as I lost more blood. It wasn’t serious, but it was all the way at the bottom of my considerably long body, and if I didn’t get the bleeding stopped before too much longer it was bound to cause problems.
I was going to bend over and try to get a better look at my wounded foot, but when I started to, I swayed and wobbled dangerously, and thought it would be a better thing to wait until someone else could do it. I stood up and took a few deep breaths. Something nagged me about this entire deal, something that was missing, but I’d be damned if I could figure out what it was.
“Rudy,” I called. “Get that animal yet?”
The rookie’s hand thrust up from one of the partitioned cubicles with a battered stuffed Snoopy doll. “Will this work?”
“Perfect!” I cheered woozily.
And then all hell broke loose.
Chapter Nineteen
From out in the hallway, there came a scream that no human throat could have made, a sound of such fury and insane anger that it made my stomach roil and my guts shake. Gunfire erupted, not in a rattling series of individual detonations, but in a roar of furious thunder. Bullets shot through the wall, somewhere near me, and smashed out a couple of windows in the Special Investigations office.
I was on my last legs, exhausted, and terrified half crazy
. I hurt, all over. There was no way I was going to have the focus, the strength I needed to go up against that monster. Easier to run, to plan something out, to come back when I was stronger. I could win a rematch. It’s tough to beat a wizard who knows his enemy, who comes prepared to deal with it. It was the smart thing to do.
But I’ve never been known for my rational snap judgment. I gripped the blasting rod and started sucking in all the power I could reach, scooping up my recent terror, reaching down into the giggling madness, scraping up all the courage I had left, and pouring it into the kettle with everything else. The power came rushing into me, purity of emotion, complex energies of will, and raw hardheadedness, all combining into a field, an aura of tingling, invisible energy that I could feel enveloping my skin. Shivers ran over me, overriding the pain of my injuries, the ecstasy of power gathering my sensations into its heady embrace. I was pumped. I was charged. I was more than human, and God help anyone who got in my way, because he would need it. I drew in a deep, steadying breath.
And then I simply turned to the wall, pointed my rod at it, and snarled, “Fuego.”
Chapter Twenty
I awoke in a dark place. It was like the inside of a warehouse, or a big, underground garage, all black, with a smooth, even floor, and a pool of bleak, sterile radiance in the middle of it that came from a source I could not see or identify. I felt like hell, and looked down to see myself covered in scratches, bruises, welts, blood, bandages, and ill-fitting clothing. I wore none of my implements or devices, and there was a curious sense of distance between me and the pain of my injuries—I was more than aware of them, but they seemed to be something that was merely noted in passing, and unimportant to my life as a whole.
I stood just outside the circle of light, and it seemed to me proper that I move forward into it. I did. And as I did, there appeared in the circle opposite me . . . me. Myself. Only better groomed, dressed in a mantled duster of black leather, not the sturdy, if styleless canvas that I wore. My double’s pants and boots and shirt were all black as well, and they fit him as though tailor-made, rather than off-the-rack. His eyes were set deep, overshadowed by severe brows, and glittering with dark intelligence. His hair was neatly cut, and the short beard he wore emphasized the long lines of his face, the high cheekbones, the straight slash of his mouth, and the angular strength of his jaw. He stood as tall as I, as long limbed as I, but carried with him infinitely more confidence, raw knowledge, and strength. A faint whiff of cologne drifted over to me, cutting through my own sour sweat and blood smells.
My double tilted his head to one side, looked me up and down for a long minute, and then said, “Harry, you look like hell.”
“And you look like me,” I said, and limped toward him, peering.
My double rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Hell’s bells, you make me sick with how thick skulled you are, sometimes.” He took steps toward me, mirroring my own movements. “I don’t look like you. I am you.”
I blinked at him for a few seconds. “You are me. How does that work?”
“You’re unconscious, moron,” my double said to me. “We can finally talk to one another.”
“Oh, I get it,” I said. “You’re Evil Harry, lurking inside Good Harry. Right? And you only come out at night?”
“Give me a break,” my double said. “If you were that simple, you’d be so insufferably boring you’d probably blow your own head off. I’m not Evil Harry. I’m just Subconscious Harry. I’m your inner voice, bub. Your intuition, your instinct, your basic, animal reactions. I make your dreams, and I decide which nightmares to pop in the old psychic VCR at night. I come up with a lot of the good ideas, and pass them along to you when you wake up.”
“So you’re saying you’re wiser than me? Smarter than me?”
“I probably am, in a lot of ways,” my double said, “but that’s not my job, and it’s not why I’m here.”
“I see. So what are you doing here, then? You’re going to tell me how I’m going to meet three spirits of Harry Past, Present, and Future?” I asked.
My double snorted. “That’s good. That really is, the banter thing. I can’t do the banter very well. Maybe that’s why you’re in charge. Of course, if I was in charge more often, you’d get laid a lot more—but no, that’s not it, either.”
“Can we speed this along? I’m too tired to keep on guessing, ” I complained.
“No joke, jerk. That’s why you’re asleep. But we don’t have long to talk, and there are some issues we need to work through.” He said “issues” in the British manner, iss-ewwws.
“Issues to work through?” I said. “What, am I my own therapist, now?” I turned my back on my double and started stalking out of the lighted circle. “I’ve had some weird dreams, but this has got to be the stupidest one yet.”
My double slipped around me and got in my way before I could leave the circle of light. “Hold it. You really don’t want to do this.”
“I’m tired. I feel like shit. I’m hurt. And what I really don’t want is to waste any more time dreaming about you.” I narrowed my eyes at my double. “Now get out of my way.” I turned to my right and started walking toward the nearest edge of the circle.
My double slipped in front of me again, apparently without needing to cross the intervening space. “It isn’t that simple, Harry. No matter where you go, there you are.”
“Look, I’ve had a long night.”
“I know,” my double said. “Believe me, I know. That’s why it’s important to get some of this out now, before it settles in. Before you blow a gasket on your sanity, man.”
“I’ve not worried about that,” I lied. “I’m as solid as a brick wall.”
My double snorted. “If you weren’t getting pretty close to crazy, would you be talking to yourself right now?”
I opened my mouth. Closed it again. Shrugged. “Okay. You’ve got a point.”
“I’ve got more than that,” my double said. “Things have been happening to you so quickly that you haven’t had time to think. You need to work through some of this, and then you need to do some hard thinking, fast.”
I sighed and rubbed at my eyes. “All right, then,” I said. “What do you want to hear?”
My double gestured, and there was Murphy as she had appeared in the hallway of the police station, the flesh of her bicep tented out by the broken bone, her face pale, spotted with blood, and streaked with tears and hopeless anguish.
“Murph,” I said, quietly, and knelt down by the image. “Stars above. What have I done to you?” The image, the memory, didn’t hear me. She just wept silent, bitter tears.
My double knelt on the other side of the apparition. “Nothing, Harry,” he said. “What happened at the police station wasn’t your fault.”
“Like hell it wasn’t,” I snarled. “If I’d have been faster, gotten there sooner, or if I’d told her the truth from the beginning—”
“But you didn’t,” my double interjected. “And you had some pretty damned compelling reasons not to. Ease up on yourself, man. You can’t change the past.”
“Easy for you to say,” I snarled.
“No, it isn’t,” my double said quietly. “Concentrate on what you will do, not what you should have done. You’ve been trying to protect Murphy all along, instead of making her able to protect herself. She’s going to be fighting these kinds of things, Harry, and you won’t always be there to babysit her. Instead of trying to play shepherd, you need to play coach, and get her into shape to do what she needs to do.”
“But that means—”
“Telling her everything,” my double said. “The White Council, the Nevernever, all of it.”
“The Council won’t like it. If I tell her and they hear about it, they might consider her a security risk.”
“And if you don’t make her able to understand what she’s fighting, something’s going to eat her face some dark night. Murphy’s a big girl. The Council had better be careful if they decide to go mes
sing with her.” My double considered Murphy for a moment. “You should ask her out sometime, too.”
“I should what?” I said.
“You heard me. You’re repressing big time, man.”
“This is all getting way too Freudian for me,” I said, and stood up, intending to walk away again. I was confronted with an image of Susan, as she had appeared on the steps to the police station, tall in her heels and dress suit, elegant and beautiful, her face stretched with worry.
“Think she’s going to get a good story out of this?” my double asked.
“Oh, that’s below the belt. That’s not why she’s seeing me.”
“Maybe, maybe not. But you’re asking yourself that question, aren’t you?” My double gestured to himself and to me, demonstratively. “Shouldn’t that make you ask a few more questions?”
“Like what?” I asked.
“Like how come you don’t trust anyone,” my double said. “Not even someone like Susan who has been going out on a limb for you tonight.” He lifted a long-fingered hand and stroked at the short beard with his fingertips. “I’m thinking this has to do with Elaine. How about you?”
And then there she was, a girl of elegant height, perhaps eighteen or nineteen years of age—gawky and coltish, all long legs and arms, but with the promise of stunning beauty to add graceful curves to the lean lines of her body. She was dressed in a pair of my blue jeans, cut off at the tops of her muscled thighs, and my own T-shirt, tied off over her abdomen. A pentacle amulet, identical to my own, if less battered, lay over her heart, between the curves of her modest breasts. Her skin was pale, almost luminous, her hair a shade of brown-gold, like ripe wheat, her eyes a startling, storm-cloud grey in contrast. Her smile lit up her face, made her eyes dance with secret fires that still, even after all the years, made me draw in a sharp breath. Elaine. Beautiful, vital, and as poisonous as any snake.