Heaving for oxygen, Evan lay down on the ground next to his car and rested. If he’d been in human form, he’d have been sweating so hard, he’d be freezing. But in wolf form, he could only pant. He lay on the gravel and cocked his head toward the moon and the stars while he waited for his labored breathing to slow.
When he could delay no longer, and found himself chilly even in his fur, he shifted, yanked open the car door, and jerked all his clothes back on, heedless of whether or not they were straight, backward, or right-side out.
The car warmed rapidly as Evan rubbed his freezing hands on his jeans and waited for the windshield to clear.
God, she was gorgeous. He closed his eyes. The memory he’d had of her undernourished frame, her lank hair, and her deep sad eyes had been shattered by the woman he’d seen tonight. She’d put on weight. She was still skinny, but healthy. Her eyes glowed brighter, a green he could get lost in. And her hair had shown in the light.
Her smile, when she allowed herself to release it, brought tingles to his palms. He wanted to see that expression on her face more. Maybe it would erase some of the destruction.
Oh, who the hell was he kidding? He didn’t know if she could ever overcome what she’d been through, and he had no idea if he was capable of rising to the task of her knight in shining armor.
•●•
Twenty minutes later, Evan was back at home. His coffee pot still sported the tiny orange light in the corner, indicating it had yet to time out and shut off. It would still be hot.
He grabbed a mug, filled it, and sauntered down the hall. At the first door on the left he paused. He stared hard at the dark wood finish, wishing what lay beyond had never existed. But as had been his custom for months, he turned the knob, took a deep breath, and entered the spare bedroom. There was no bed. Hell, there wasn’t a dresser or a desk. Nope. The room’s only contents were two massive folding tables and a spread of paper that would put the police department to shame.
It was time to work. It was late, later than he usually started working. He hoped he could sleep soon, but until his eyes drooped to the point of no return, he didn’t dare go to his bedroom. The only thing worse than perpetual insomnia was falling asleep only to wake up an hour later covered in sweat, panting as though Evan himself had been the one kidnapped four years ago instead of Ashley.
Evan set his coffee cup on the corner of the table and laid his hand on the piece of paper he’d been perusing before sleep had claimed him last night. The room would look haphazard to anyone who saw it, not that anyone had, but to Evan it was organized chaos. He knew every single slip of paper, where it was located, and when he’d written on it.
This was not his office. Another bedroom across the hall contained the items of a real office—desk, fax machine, computer, filing cabinet. This room was special. This room had everything he needed to investigate one single case.
Damon Parkfield.
Unlike every night for as long as he could remember, Evan couldn’t bring himself to sit on the only folding chair in the room. He didn’t keep a nice sturdy desk chair in this room. He preferred to maintain a certain level of discomfort when dealing with the whereabouts of Mr. Parkfield. The bastard rankled him.
No one was paying Evan to continue looking for Damon. Josh mentioned on the answering machine he’d considered it. But the truth was, no one knew about his obsession. Evan was determined to bring to justice the man who called himself a member of the shifter community and had terrorized the woman Evan was fated to love.
Even though the elders of the wolf shifter community were investigating Damon and working hard to find him, Evan couldn’t let it stop there. He wanted—no, needed—to make sure the bastard was brought to justice fast. He couldn’t rest until then.
Evan smoothed his fingers across the table. He didn’t have it in him tonight. His shoulders slumped. Perhaps it was the breakneck run, or the stress of having seen Ashley face-to-face tonight, but he was exhausted.
He stared at the unfinished coffee and left it sitting there as he backed out of the room and shut the door behind him.
Sleep. Was there a chance he could actually slumber peacefully finally?
Too tired for anything else, Evan used the bathroom that adjoined his room and brushed his teeth. He dropped his clothes in a line on the way to his bed and climbed between the sheets naked. He always slept naked. He preferred the feel of the silk against his skin to the confinement of boxers.
He closed his eyes and steadied his breathing.
Ashley.
•●•
Dark blonde hair danced along his chest, its owner’s face curtained by the thick locks as the woman licked a trail across his pecs and then flicked her tongue over his nipple.
Evan moaned. He arched his back into the sensations tickling across his chest.
When she continued down his stomach, he gasped. Her chin bumped into his cock as she swirled her tongue around his belly button. He grasped his thick shaft in one hand, unable to tolerate the torture of her sweet mouth on him, teasing him with promises of more. Instead of lowering her mouth to take his cock into her warmth, she nibbled her way back up to suck his nipples.
Her tiny moans filled the room.
He pumped his length harder, unable to stop himself with her scent filling his nostrils, her hair dangling across his chest, her soft lips torturing his skin. Her fingers danced across his chest, molding and sculpting his muscles as she kissed him.
With a loud groan, Evan came, pulsing against his stomach with more force than he ever remembered an orgasm having in the past. For a moment he lay there, relishing the experience with his mate…
His eyes shot open. He gasped into the darkness of the night. There was no Ashley. There was no sweet set of lips on his chest. Just blackness. Although he swore he could smell her lingering scent as though she’d been there.
Oh God. He had it bad.
Chapter Eight
Ashley’s entire body was on fire. Her heart wouldn’t stop pounding at a rate that threatened to explode out of her chest. Every cell was alive and sensitive.
She’d uncurled from the tight ball at some point, stripped off her clothes, and climbed between the covers of the bed, hoping the cool sheets would bring her temperature down. She’d never been so hot. For years she’d been cold. She spent many nights in a damp basement or dark unfurnished spare rooms with no covers. She’d learned to wrap herself in a ball and hug her knees to her chest to stay warm.
Even after she’d come back home, she still rarely got between the sheets. Being covered was too confining. It made her feel trapped and afraid she couldn’t get away fast enough. She always covered up with a throw blanket these days, but usually on top of the bed. Like she had tonight, before she’d started losing her mind.
In her bra and panties, she stretched out on the mattress. Her mind provided her with only one image—Evan. She’d pictured him in many different scenarios, some imagined, some real. She couldn’t shake him from her head. And she couldn’t sleep either.
Her bra felt too tight, her nipples abrading against the cups. She tried to ignore it but eventually unclasped the confining lingerie and tossed it aside.
Well, that didn’t help. Now her breasts rubbed the sheets. She set her hands across her belly in attempt to tent the cotton away from her chest.
Her nipples pebbled anyway, as though she were cold instead of burning up.
Maybe she had a fever.
Or maybe it was true what they said—once a shifter meets their mate, there is no turning back.
She groaned. No. No no no. She wasn’t ready for this. She didn’t think she’d ever be ready. But certainly not now. She wasn’t whole. She wouldn’t wish that on another being.
When a tingling started in her pussy, she spread her legs a few inches, hoping if she didn’t rub them together, her clit wouldn’t demand attention.
Again. All useless wishfulness.
Breathe. Eyes wide, she stared at the ceiling.
Evan Harmon. He was a big guy. And he was a PI. Maybe he could keep her safe if she gave him a chance. Or maybe she’d drag him down her path of destruction, endangering his life by having met her.
Ashley squeezed her eyes shut against the pain she felt, for herself and for everyone around her. The stress of her burden seemed insurmountable in the dark.
And here she lay, for the next six hours at least, trying to keep anything from touching her skin and torturing her with the contact.
•●•
Ashley leaned back in the armchair she’d chosen in her parents’ basement den. She pulled her knees up to her chest in her usual stance.
She didn’t move any more than necessary, but she let her gaze follow Evan as he wandered around the room admiring her mother’s collection of porcelain angels.
It would have been comical and she would have laughed outright at his feigned interest, had she not been so terrified.
Brunch had been fine. Pleasant. Okay, maybe passible is a better way to put it.
Her parents had made small talk and she’d learned a lot about Evan and his work, where he lived, how long he’d been there, what his hobbies were…
Now they’d been banished to the den to “get to know each other.”
Suddenly he turned and leaned against the far wall, crossing his legs at the ankles and his arms across his chest. He narrowed his gaze at her. “I’m sorry. I know you’re uncomfortable. I want you to know I didn’t plan this.”
In a way he had. He could have kept this secret to himself forever, taken it to the grave.
She realized that was unfair, but under the circumstances she wasn’t feeling generous.
She swallowed and licked her dry lips. “I don’t know what to say.” All my thoughts are jumbled and scattered and…mean.
Her body warred with her mind. Ever since he’d arrived she’d had the urge to wrap her arms around his middle, squeeze him tight, feel his warmth, relax. Instead, she’d managed to distance herself and stay on edge.
She couldn’t decide if she was teetering at the top of a mountain peak, trying desperately to avoid falling, or if she had actually already fallen and was in a free spin, flailing toward the ground.
Either way, she wished she could control her body’s reaction to this man. Her palms sweated, her face flushed, her nipples wouldn’t stop poking into her bra.
“I know I make you uncomfortable and that’s to be expected, I guess. You’ve been through hell. It seemed prudent for me to leave you alone for as long as possible, and perhaps it’s selfish of me to come forward even now, but it also would be unfair of me to keep our connection to myself and not give you the opportunity to tell me to take a hike.” He grinned.
“It’s not you. I’m…empty inside. Not whole. I don’t know when or if I’ll ever be normal again. It would be unfair of me to keep you on a leash tethered to a woman who may or may not ever be able to look you in the eye.”
“I’m only asking you to give me a chance. You don’t know me. Maybe I’m a good guy. Maybe I can rise to the challenge and be your everything.”
“Maybe I will destroy your faith and make your life a living hell.” She cringed.
“I doubt that. I’m tough.” He approached her slowly.
She shook, her arms and legs stiff and tight as he knelt in front of her. In this position, his face was lower than hers and he looked up at her with pleading eyes.
Shocking herself, she unleashed one arm from around her knees and grazed a finger across his cheekbone. So firm and masculine. Warm.
He lifted his own hand, encompassed her small one in his larger one, and tipped his head sideways to snuggle into her touch.
Her mouth went dry. Holy mother of God. She froze. Her eyes wouldn’t close to blink. She stared into his unwavering gaze and drank him in. As though the contact united them in some ancient way of wolves, she struggled to breathe. Her world tipped on its axis, making her dizzy. She released her grip around her knees and leaned forward until their faces were mere inches apart. Her body calmed and warmed and came alive all at the same time.
Her breath mingled with his, and she shifted her gaze to his lips. What would they feel like? With the hand he held against his cheek, she reached her thumb out to stroke across his lower lip. He gasped and she smiled inwardly at her ability to affect him. Thank God she wasn’t alone in this.
Ashley reached with her free hand to set it on his chest. The resistance of his rock-hard pecs made her shiver. She’d never intentionally touched Damon’s chest, but he didn’t work out. She’d always thought him soft and scrawny. Evan was everything Damon would never be.
Large, foreboding. Hard. A gentle giant. Kind.
Again she wished she had met him five years ago instead of yesterday. Her life would have been so normal, not filled with pain and suffering.
Evan reached tentatively with his free hand toward her face. He swiped his thumb across her cheek, catching a tear she hadn’t known had escaped from her eye. His sensitivity astounded her. Her body came alive under his touch. Her jeans felt tight and rubbed against her pussy, stifling the folds of her sex and squishing her clit under its hood.
Ashley squeezed her legs together, closed her eyes, and inhaled long and deep the scent of her mate. It felt so right.
And then he scooted closer and she opened her eyes to gaze at him once more. Lust darkened his chocolate eyes to a deeper shade, almost black.
She panicked. Fear flooding her system as she shuffled away from him with both feet, jerking her hands from his grip and his shirt, leaning back in the chair as though the air there might not be as thin.
She heaved a deep breath. “I can’t do this.” She knew her eyes were wide with fear.
Evan sat back on his heels and set his hands on his knees. “It’s okay,” he murmured, smiling at her.
“No. Really. It’s not.” She shook her head, gripped the arms of the chair so tight her fingers ached.
“I didn’t mean to pressure you.” He stood and took a step back. “I’m sorry.”
“No. I’m sorry. Sorry Fate dragged you into my nightmare. This isn’t fair to you. You should go. Find a woman who will make a better mate. Someone whole. Someone not damaged.” She fought the tears that welled up in the corners of her eyes. Do not cry.
“Oh, baby, you are so much more than damaged and unwhole. You just need more time to work through years of abuse.” He rubbed his neck as he spoke, clearly uncomfortable.
She shook her head. “Please, just go. I’m not ready for this. It’s too overwhelming. I can’t face mating anyone. It’s not on my long list of things to do and that list is very long. Please. Let it be. I understand it’ll be hard, but the less time we spend together, the easier it will be to separate. Find another mate. Claim someone else and forget about me.” She ducked her head, letting her hair fall around her face, hoping it would hide her feelings, her emotions, her…self.
Evan stood and backed away. She didn’t look up, but she sensed his distance as it grew with each step. It hurt. Her chest felt like it was being crushed by weights. Each step he took increased the pressure. You told him to go. Insisted.
She breathed shallowly, not wanting to miss a moment of his presence. She’d never feel again in her life what she’d felt for the two minutes she’d stared into his eyes. His scent would linger in the room, but it would dissipate over time.
She needed to hold strong. She was no good for him. He was a nice man. He deserved better than what she could ever offer under the best of scenarios.
The door to the basement snicked shut as he disappeared at the top of the steps. She jumped in her seat, lifted her face. He was gone. She sucked in a lungful of oxygen and let the tears fall down her face. A sob escaped.
It was for the best. She knew that. But it still hurt. And the pain would linger for a long time.
Chapter Nine
Two months later…
“Evan? Where are you? I’ve been trying to reach you forever.
” Josh sounded rushed and frantic through the phone. Was something wrong with Ashley?
“I had to leave town to follow a lead.”
“Just like that? I thought you weren’t traveling anymore. You left without a word. You’ve been gone for weeks.”
“Listen, Josh. It was too hard. I couldn’t stay in St. Louis. It’s a big city, but not big enough for both Ashley and I to occupy if we’re to deny our mating.” He’d grown to agree with her, strengthening his resolve each day. She was right. It would be impossible to try and make something work between them. There were other fish in the sea. He’d find one…eventually.
Josh took a deep breath. “You don’t seriously believe you can walk away, do you?”
“She gave me no choice.”
“She’s confused,” Josh shouted. “And this isn’t helping. Now she’s worse.”
Evan sank down onto the mattress of his hotel room, his shoulders slumping. He didn’t need to hear all that.
“Please, come home. Come over and we can talk. She needs you, even if she won’t admit it.”
“I can’t right now. I’m in the middle of a case.” Never mind he was chasing his tail trying to locate Damon Parkfield. And never mind every lead he followed up on led to nowhere. Whatever that bastard was up to, Evan grew more impatient with each passing day.
If he couldn’t be with Ashley, the least he could do was spend his days seeking justice on her behalf.
“Why do I think there’s something you aren’t telling me?”
Evan squeezed his eyes shut. Because there are lots of things I’m not telling you, and you’re a smart guy.
“You’re hunting that bastard, aren’t you?”
“Who are you talking about? I’m always hunting a bastard.”
“Sure. But this time you’re chasing Ashley’s ex. Don’t fuck with me, man. Stop it and come home. The Head Council is working on it. You don’t need to make this your mission.”
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