by Kahlen Aymes
“Just to get that paper thing down and on the seat.”
“Okay.” I went into a stall with her and got her all set up, then went out to wait until she was finished.
Remi walked up to the sink with her hands out, but she was too little to reach. I turned on the warm water and lifted her, balancing her on my bent knee so she could get soap on her hands and then rub them together under the warm running water.
“This is just how my mommy does it,” she said.
“I think I’m going to like your mommy.”
When Remi was done, she nodded, and then went to dry her hands with the air dryer. The force of it blew her dark hair around her head. “I do, too. She’s real pretty, too. She’s a good mommy.”
If Remi was anything to go by, there was no question that Teagan was a great mom.
"Don’t you think you’ll like staying with us?” she asked, her little voice echoing around the tiled room.
“Yes, of course, we will.”
“Then, why are you sad?" Remi asked. I could see the curiosity in her expression, yet she seemed so understanding.
"I'm not sad, exactly, but I'm upset that I need so much help from your dad."
"Don't worry. All girls are damsels sometimes," Remi explained simply in her wise six-year-old voice. "Do you know what a damsel is?" Her green eyes were wide as she asked me, her little pink lips turned up in a bow. I could see why Jensen adored her so.
I smiled. I knew the definition, but I was curious what Remi would say. "No, what is it?"
"Well," she said thoughtfully, "it's a princess who needs help from a prince."
I couldn’t stop the helpless smile that lifted my lips. This little girl was so charming that I was beside myself, and already in love with her. "Oh, I see." I bit my lip to keep from out and out laughing.
"My mommy says boys need us to be damsels, cuz it gives them stuff to do, and makes them feel like a prince. I think Jensey needs you to be a damsel, right now." Her expression was serious, and I found her absolutely irresistible.
I couldn't hold back my delighted laughter any longer, and it burst forth breathlessly. "That's a wonderful explanation, Remi. Thank you. I'll keep that in mind." I smiled down at her.
She nodded in satisfaction. "Don't tell Jensey, I told ya. It's a secret between princesses. Kay?"
I hugged her close and then offered my pinkie with a big smile. Remi curled hers around it with a giggle, and we shook one time. "Definitely! Princess pinkie swear!"
JENSEN
We’d been driving for about two hours and were coming into Kansas City on southbound I-29. The soft rock coming out of the stereo speakers was relaxing as it filled the inside of the vehicle. Missy was driving her Lexus; an older model without the luxury of satellite radio and I’d just found the station.
After I was done fiddling with the radio, we drove in silence for a while; just listening. It gave me a chance to study her classic profile, wondering about the thoughts running through her head. She was so beautiful; more so when her expression was serene like it was now. I tried not to make my observation of her visible but had to remind myself to stop staring; thankful that my mirrored Ray Bans hid my eyes. I offered to drive after lunch, but she had opted to do so.
“Do you need gas?” I asked, glancing behind me to check on the kids. Their chatter had stopped about an hour outside of Omaha. They were both fast asleep on pillows that Missy had brought from Wyoming.
She shook her head. “Nope. Ben filled up last night when we got into Omaha last night, and he said it should get us just about to St. Louis.”
I turned my head toward her and smiled. I wish I would have had more time to get to know Ben; more time to get him comfortable with me. After all, I would be alone with his sister and nephew for fourteen hours. “He’s got your back.”
“He does,” she agreed happily with a wistful look on her face. “He’s a great big brother. I don’t know what I’d do without him.”
“Is it just the two of you?”
“Yes. My dad left us high and dry when we were little. My mom worked like a dog to support us, and Ben had a job after school bagging groceries to help out. As soon as he was old enough, he joined the Fire Department training program and moved to Wyoming after I was at college. What about you? Tell me about your family.”
“We were just the typical middle-class family. My parents both had to work very hard. My dad is a salesman for a restaurant supplier, and my mom worked the morning shift at a local diner. They worked together; my dad took me to school, and my mom picked me up until I was old enough to take the bus. All-in-all, I had a stable childhood, but no frills. I was lucky to get a chance to go to college.” My parents had scrimped and saved my entire life so that I could have opportunities that their parents were not able to provide for them. Still, I had to help, but thankfully, I had scholarships for academics and soccer.
“No siblings?”
“Nah. Chase is the closest thing I have to a brother.” I eyed her, wondering if she’d asked Remi anything about Chase when they went to the restroom at the hotel. “I’ve known him for years.”
“I’m still processing the story you told me about him, Teagan, and Remi.”
“Yeah,” I said in understanding. “I suppose if it weren’t for Remi’s illness, Chase and I might never have reconciled.”
“You don’t think Teagan and Chase would still have gotten back together?” She glanced at me and then back to the highway. “I mean, you said you were going to divorce when Remi was three, so maybe you would have anyway?”
“I’m not sure if Teagan would have gone to England and told him everything. He had the life she sacrificed so much to secure, and he wasn’t exactly open to hearing from either of us. He hardly ever came home from London.”
“Well, I’m glad it worked out. Remi is sure an angel,” she said, which of course brought a soft smile to my lips.
“That’s for sure. Dylan is a good boy, too. I figured he’d be shy after what you told me about his dad not being around, but he got in there,” I made a motion with my hands to mimic hooking up the trailer, “and told me how he helped his Uncle Ben.” I chuckled softly. “I was pleasantly surprised. If I’d have known, I would have asked him to help me, too.”
Missy glanced in the review mirror to see if the kids were still napping. “I don’t think he remembers much about Derrick, which, I’m grateful for.”
It was the perfect segue into finding out what I wanted to know since I’d met her. “Forgive me for asking, Missy, but it’s been eating away at me since we had dinner in L.A. What did that bastard do to you?”
Her hands tightened on the steering wheel, and she inhaled deeply.
“Look, I’m sorry to ask, but I’ve imagined all sorts of horrible things. If you’re not ready to talk about it, I understand.”
I could almost see the fear radiating out of her, and she paused meeting my eyes before training hers back on the highway. “I just don’t like to relive it, I guess. I don’t see the point.”
I sighed heavily. I understood, but something deep inside me was screaming to know everything about her.
“Why do you want to know?”
Boom. There it was. Everything, my mind acknowledged.
It was my turn to ponder my words. I looked at Missy for a good ten seconds. I didn’t want to scare her, so I chose my words carefully. “I want to know you. I believe we all carry the past forward, like it or not, and I think if you tell me, it might help you trust me.” I shrugged. “And I desperately want you to trust me.”
Her forehead wrinkled. “But, why? You barely know me.”
Here is where the rubber hit the road. To get her to feel secure with me, I had to be completely honest. “But I want to. I really, really, want to.”
She kept driving, not looking at me. “Doesn’t the fact that you’re here, alone with my son and me in my car driving through Missouri, tell you that I trust you? At least a little?”
“That�
�s true.” I had to admit it. “But I want you to trust me enough to let me get close to you.” I could see her stiffen and I put up my hand. “Don’t take that wrong. I’m attracted to you, yes. You know that already, and I’m hoping that you’ll agree to go on a date with me, but I don’t want you to think I’m disingenuous.”
Missy sighed, and I made a concerted effort not to watch her breasts rise and fall with her effort.
“I’ve had men in my face and trying to get up my skirt and in my pants on every job I’ve ever had, Jensen. I don’t want that to be you.” She got the little crinkle above her nose again as she frowned.
“I sensed that, but I am different. If I weren’t, I wouldn’t have told Walsh that I wouldn’t take assignments with my old team consistently. I don’t want to work with you, though it was fun, and we’d do great together. I asked him to put you with Jarvis because I knew he’d look out for you and not hit on you. Now, I’ll get assigned with that asshole, Lonnie. Do you think I’d put up with that idiot if I only wanted to sleep with you?”
Missy looked over at me again, an incredulous expression on her face. I wanted to reach out and touch her so damn badly. Her skin looked like silk, and I could imagine how velvet it would feel underneath the caress of my lips.
“I admit I was a bit disappointed that you wouldn’t be producing for my team because of the L.A. trip, but it helps to have an explanation,” she acknowledged with a half-smile, then her top teeth came out to bite her lower lip. It was adorable.
“Exactly. I’d like to know about your ex, so I know how to be around you. I understand if it’s too soon, but can you tell me if he was physically or mentally abusive?”
“Both.”
I cringed at her admission but held back the expletives I wanted to let loose. It was just as I’d thought. What a motherfucker!
“It was bad. Derrick was a tyrant. Dylan wasn’t allowed to make any noise or play with his toys; he was scared to death. Having one little thing out of place when his father came home meant he’d be punished. It made me sick. I’m not sure what his reaction would be if he ever saw Derrick again, but I hope I never have to find out.”
“And, you?” I prodded gently. I knew that knowing would probably eat at me even more than not knowing, but it was part of her, and the protector in me needed the truth. I had a feeling about this prick, and it wasn’t good.
“It was the same for me. I had to have everything just so; the house spotless, dinner on the table by a certain time, but if he was late and the food was cold, somehow it was always my fault. He beat me at the drop of a hat. Anything set him off. I tried so hard to be perfect, and I took it for years.” Her left shoulder lifted nonchalantly. “But, when he started directing all of his bottled-up anger at Dylan, I knew that we had to get out of there. I planned it out for months in advance; saving pennies left over from my grocery allowance until I had enough for the gas. Derrick had Dylan’s school in his pocket, and they called him for every little thing; if our son had a doctor’s appointment, if he was tardy, or if I called him in sick. I only had an hour head start before they would notify Derrick. The week I left was the most terrifying week of my life.” Missy seemed lost in thought, her voice soft. “I never want to make a trip like that again.”
Her words dropped off, and she shook her head, waiting for my response. Anger rose up inside me like a bomb about to explode. I knew where she was going with the story, and she didn’t have to. She didn’t have to say he forced her in bed, or that he beat her repeatedly; I could tell by the fear on her face and the shaking in her voice. It was written all over her.
My fingers curled into fists, and my teeth clenched, causing the muscle in my jaw to flex back and forth. “I don’t understand what motivates a man to beat a woman or a child. It’s seriously fucked up!” I spat out angrily.
“That trip, and how scared I was during it, was the only reason Ben agreed to let you meet us half-way. He knew I’d be terrified alone on the road with Dylan. I hate that Derrick has so much power over my emotions after all of this time. I fucking hate him!” Tears dripped silently from her eyes, and she wiped them away with one hand. “I’m sorry.” Her voice broke. “I don’t usually cry about it anymore.”
“He needs to die,” I said, letting my true thoughts slip out of my mouth before I could stop them. Missy let out a surprised gasp. “Bastards like that shouldn’t be walking around.”
She shook her head, adamantly. “There were many times I wanted to kill him,” she admitted. “But what would have happened to my little boy if something happened to me? He would have gone into the system, or worse; if I failed, Derrick would have raised him without me. Nothing is worth that, Jensen. He’s nothing now except an unpleasant memory.”
And a few scars, I thought heatedly. “He’s scum. Jesus Christ! I don’t even know him, and my blood is boiling! I can see you’re still afraid of him, Missy.” I wished I could comfort her or take those fucking memories away. She remembered it every time a man came close to her; whether she admitted it or not.
“I’ll always be afraid, but I can’t let him ruin the rest of my life, or Dylan’s. I try to make it through one day at a time.” She huffed out an embarrassed laugh and ran a hand through her hair, then wiped away the last errant tear from her cheek. “I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this. The less I talk about it, the less I have to remember. But moving—” she shrugged. “Atlanta is so much closer to Derrick, and I won’t have my brother with me. He was my security blanket. Ben and his firefighter friends would pummel the hell out of Derrick if he tried anything.”
Everything inside of me wanted to protect her and make her feel the same sense of security she had with her brother. I reached out an open palm in an invitation for her to put hers into it. I knew every step we took had to be her choice. After everything she’d gone through, if we were ever going to get to a place where I could touch her without her thinking about that bastard, I had to move at a snail’s pace.
When she gave me her hand, mine curled around it. “It’ll be okay. You’ve felt secure with Ben, and this is all new. Thank you for trusting me. I won’t let anything happen to you or Dylan, I promise.” I lifted her hand to my mouth and brushed my lips across her knuckles. “And, just so you know, nothing will happen between us that you don’t want to happen. If all you want to be is my friend, that’s okay, too.”
Her light blue eyes widened in disbelief. “Really? You mean that?”
I sighed and flashed her a big smile. “I do. It would seriously suck, but I mean every word.”
Missy laughed through her tears. “Thank you, Jensen. Again, you’ve left me speechless.”
I leaned back in my seat, still holding her hand in mine, and covering it with my other one. “Well, that’s a start.” I grinned again. “I want you to trust me, and I’m ready to prove to you that you can.”
Her fingers tightened around mine, and it was a physical and emotional rush. It meant she trusted me, and she was letting me touch her. I was encouraged.
“What did you and Remi discuss in the bathroom?” I asked, thinking that my little Remi would have a lot to say; she always did.
Missy burst out laughing, and I was glad to have distracted her from thoughts of her prick of an ex-husband.
“Oh, no.” My mouth quirked up at one corner in a lopsided smile. “What’d she say?”
“Just something about princes and princesses,” she said happily. “She’s just precious.”
“Ah!” I acknowledged. “Remi is well-versed on the subject. I think Dylan’s awesome, too. He asked if I could get ESPN jerseys for his friends, Marcus and Joey, too. Did you tell him it was from me?” The boy’s exuberance had been infectious, and he was cuter than hell.
“I told him a nice man named Jensen got them for us.”
“Nice?” I grunted in amusement. “Gee, thanks.”
“You’re a lot more than nice, Jensen. But I didn’t know that then.”
The corner of my mouth cur
ved in the start of a crooked smile. “Sure, you did, but okay,” I said with satisfaction. “I can live with that. For now.”
I squeezed her hand as the miles flew by. I was going to be sad when we pulled into Teagan and Chase’s driveway this evening. Very sad, indeed.
MISSY
It was almost midnight, and we were just getting into Atlanta.
Jensen was driving, and both of the kids were still sleeping. We’d been quiet for the last hour, and though I feigned sleep, I found myself studying my new…
Hmm. How should I classify Jensen? Co-worker? Yes. Friend? Definitely. Potential lover? A shiver ran down my spine and skittered like electricity over my skin.
I rubbed a hand up and down one arm and shifted in my seat, turning to face him. I had my seatbelt on, but I could still change position and pulled my knees up in front of my body, hugging them. I was acutely aware of the move after I’d done it. Maybe it was a subconscious way to shield myself from my feelings, or perhaps, to hide them from the masculine man across from me. My mouth suddenly went dry. I swallowed hard and then licked my lips as my eyes ran over his lean and muscular body. His eyes trained on the road, so when he spoke, I was surprised.
“Are you cold?” Jensen asked, concerned. In the short time I’d known him, he always seemed so in tune with me; noticing my slightest movement though, right now his attention was trained on the road and his expression, only moments earlier, had looked deep in thought.
The bluish-green glow from the dashboard landed on his strong profile, throwing parts of his face into shadow, but highlighting his strong jaw, nose, and firm lips. He made me hungry. I hadn’t been hungry for a long time, and maybe never this hungry. I recognized the flutters in my stomach and the involuntary rush of desire.
He reached forward to adjust the cabin temperature. It was warmer in Georgia than it was in Wyoming, but it was still fall, and there was a slight chill to the air. I seized the opportunity to use it as an excuse for my shivering. “A little.”