by Skyler Andra
Huh.
For a moment, I stood on the curb in front of the public library, wondering what in the world I had just done. Was this the full extent of my cupid powers? Tuning into people’s hearts and interpreting their love connections? Giving good relationship advice? Maybe there might be a career in that…hmmm. Seriously though, what else could I do? Rane had said that all the gods feared Eros and without his stabilizing influence, the gods were going mad. So what else could I do as his earthly manifestation? Something to figure out once things settled down and I connected with my Boise contact.
Shaking my head, I made my way into the building. Was it wrong of me to interfere in such a way? When it was none of my business. The feelings between them were real. Strong. Unwavering. All I had done was give them a push in the right direction, and a little sooner than their life paths might have intended. But was I messing with things I had no comprehension of? The future? Fate? Soul mates and all that crap?
Wrapping my hands around my waist, I entered the library, not wanting to dwell on it, and torture myself with guilt. What was done was done. Hopefully it was the right thing for them both. From my reading of their cords, it seemed the right thing.
Public terminals along one wall of the library were available for use, under an honesty ‘sign in’ system. Snatching one, I signed it out under a fake name for the full two hours. Trust me to end up at a cranky computer that was light years too slow. No wonder they classified it as free computer and internet access. Trapped between a mother who had her baby wrapped up and hung off her chest and an old man who told me all about the Nigerian prince who had bequeathed him money. Who would have even known Nigeria had a prince? The man’s smile stretched for days, and I didn’t have the heart to burst his bubble and tell him it was a scam, but I might have to if he handed over his retirement fund.
On the keyboard, I typed in Boise State University, and clicked on the website after it dawdled to load. Searching through list of academics, I quickly found Byron’s email. A strange pleasure zinged through me at the fact that it listed him as a professor now. After the way we’d left things, I didn’t have any right to be proud of him, but somehow I was. Byron hadn’t drawn any better than I had when it came to parents and circumstances. That’s why he’d been able to easily move far away with no strings tying him down. Though, while I got strangers off over the phone lines to fund my study, he enriched the youth of America. In comparison I felt like such a lowlife. But then I thought, who has two mysterious agencies chasing them down? Not him! Not exactly something to be proud of, but at the moment, it was really all I had to make me feel a little better.
I moved the computer mouse icon and hovered over his email address. Would he answer me? After the way we’d left things? I bet he’d wiped me from his mind. The last person he’d want to hear from. It was a stretch contacting him, but one I was willing to risk. Byron had never let me down before, and now I needed him more than ever. I hoped what had happened between us was water under the bridge and he’d moved on.
God, what if he was off in England or France on some kind of research thing…I’d be screwed!
Get over it, Locke. The sooner you figure out if he’ll help you, the faster you can decide if you need to try to get into a homeless shelter for the night.
A shiver ran through me at the thought. Then what? Where would I go? I’d been on my own for a long time after my mom died. I had never been what most people would call actually homeless, but there had been long stretches of time when I’d stayed on friends’ couches and yes, I’d had to spend the odd night in crisis shelters. They were loud places with harsh lights, filled with unhappy people who sometimes lashed out. I wondered briefly if I would rather spend the night rough outside, but I had a feeling that the Idaho fall night might be colder than I wanted to reckon with.
Finally, I opened up my email account and started typing.
Hey, Byron. It’s Locke from college. Do you remember me? Are you in town right now?
Hell, I was leaving a lot unsaid, especially the whole I’m in trouble part. But if I mentioned that, he might just ignore me or tell me to fuck off. If there was a chance he was going to do that, I’d rather not explain my entire sorry situation to him.
Biting my lip, I hit the send button and leaned back in my chair. Exhaustion clawed at me, despite the sleep I had gotten in Jeff’s car, and if I wasn’t careful I might nod off here at the terminal. To keep myself occupied, I looked around the library, checking out the other patrons. I wasn’t thinking about much, and my eyes relaxed and my mind emptied. That might have caused what happened next.
The same strange sense of calm that settled over me with Jeff, when I followed the cord from his chest to his love interest, hit me again. Strings emerged from all the library patrons’ chests, most red, some blue or yellow or orange. There was a sense of rightness with it, as if I was seeing something that had been there all along.
Idly, I picked the string coming from the young mother next to me. From the cord, I interpreted her frazzled state of mind as she busily looked up job opportunities. Eyes closed, I followed the red strand from her heart to its logical conclusion, connected to a man working in the kitchen of a fry shop not far away. In my mind’s eye, I ran a hand along the cord, feeling its warmth. If I tugged hard, I could see it would not break, and that made me smile, because it told me the bond remained strong.
Wanting to explore further, I turned to the old man sitting next to me, and to my surprise, two red cords sprouted from his chest. Curious, I followed one, quickly realizing that it led to a graveyard, dipping into the ground to a love long lost. Tracing the second, it led to an older woman in her kitchen not far away, frowning at her computer. She was coding, I realized, while also chatting with someone on Skype who looked like a grandchild, perhaps.
You should probably be helping this dude not get scammed out of his retirement money, I urged the woman, and she glanced up from her screen.
The link between them was strong, but there was something transparent about it. This left me wondering the difference between the cord of the young mother versus the old man. I came to the conclusion that the mother cherished her relationship with her fry cook, while the older coder’s relationship with my computer neighbor was more tenuous, more a possibility than reality.
Maybe I should help this along…
The thought occurred to me as naturally as thinking that it was a little cold that day, or maybe I should water the plants in the window at my apartment.
Shocked, I sat up in my chair. Since when did I interfere in the lives of others? That wasn’t me. I’d always let people sort themselves out, and maybe at most, I wished them the best. It didn’t pay off to get too involved with other people’s lives. From my experience on the phone-sex lines, people were just in it for themselves, wanting to get off or get their problems off their chest. They didn’t want my advice, nor ask for it, and it wasn’t my place to give it.
But then I thought of Lisa and Jeff, and how they’d assisted me, a stranger in need. Maybe it was my time to repay that favor in the only way possible: with my newfound gifts. Wasn’t that why I’d been chosen? To fill people with love? Fill the world with it?
Unsure of what to do next, I buried my face in my hands. It felt as if everything in the world hit me too fast. I didn’t want to know what romantic affections people felt for others, or to have to make decisions of the heart. What if I made the wrong choice for them? Did the powers of cupid entail seeing into the future to determine if these people were the right match for each other? What if I created havoc for them a few years down the track? Heartbreak? Divorce? A divided family?
In that moment, I think I would have given anything to crawl back into the life I’d had last week. I hadn’t been happy, exactly, just plodding along, studying, working, surviving. But I hadn’t been unhappy either. I certainly hadn’t been dealing with all of this.
“Miss, are you all right?” someone asked me, snapping me from my thought
s.
Chapter 14
I glanced up, blinking, taking a few seconds to chase off the daze that had settled over me. The old man sitting next to me at the computer terminal waved a feeble hand in front of my face. Concern combined with the nervousness crammed behind his eyes. I supposed that no one wanted their seatmate at the library to be stricken suddenly with a terrible meltdown. Nevertheless, he looked worried and I had no doubt he would help me if I needed him to.
“I’m…I’m all right,” I said, rubbing my forehead. “Thank you.”
I smiled, appreciating his concern.
“So. Um. Your coder friend.” Oh god. The words tumbled from my mouth. I hadn’t thought that I would say anything, but now apparently I was committed.
Just the mention of his lady friend brightened his complexion considerably, and at the same time, a haze fell over him. The same blur that had fallen over Jeff right before he’d dropped me off.
“Oh, Nancy,” the old man replied with a smile that could power the whole city. “Great lady. I met her through her daughter, who’s a nurse at my doctor’s office. Smart as a whip and sweet as honey, but you wouldn’t know it if you heard her shout at one of her clients. Ha, why I remember when this one gent in California was trying to bully her and she just tore a strip out of him before coming back to lunch, sweet as you please.”
“Oh, she sounds great,” I murmured, wondering what it was this Nancy did for a living.
When I glanced at his computer screen, I winced when I saw that he was actually typing his banking information into an email.
“No, no, this is a bad idea, let me get that for you.” I reached over to close out the email and the offer, surprised at myself for meddling in the affairs of others. But, I didn’t see much of a point in doing it halfway.
“Oh, but there was some real money.” Disappointed crossed his face.
“No, there certainly was not,” I said. “That was some kind of scam. Wait. You know what? I bet Nancy would be happy to tell you why you don’t want to do what you did.”
The man looked down, and I was a little surprised to see a blush on his wrinkled cheeks.
“She’s always muttering about idiots that shouldn’t be allowed on computers…”
I held back a laugh.
Nancy might be the type of lady who refused to suffer fools, but I thought there was a better-than-average chance that she would make an exception for this man.
“Just go ask her,” I insisted. “Trust me. Hey, I’ve always found that bringing some gifts makes people less irritated about helping you. What does she like to eat?”
“Italian.” He perked up at my suggestion. “From this place on Main, Delmar’s.”
From the fond look on his face, I understood he’d made a study of what Nancy liked, her favorites and the things that just made her happy.
“Good.” I nodded. “That’s really good. Why don’t you call her, ask her if she’s up for dinner? Take her out, ask about your computer plans, and see what happens.”
There was something tentative about this man. I could tell that more than once, he must have been stricken with shyness and doubt, especially after his wife died, and he hadn’t dated in forty years. I wondered if his wife had been the go-getting type; it certainly looked like Nancy was.
When he was talking to me, with that dazzled look in his eyes, and the brilliant red line running between him and Nancy, there was no doubt at all.
“Yes,” he said. “Why, that’s a very good idea. I think I will do that.”
An instinct inside of me told me, that just like Jeff, the old man wouldn’t remember this conversation. It would be something like a blur of memory, and later on, after he had talked with Nancy, it would all seem like his own idea.
I watched as he rose from the computer, walking out of the library with a determined step. He picked up speed as he went, charged with excitement to ask Nancy to dinner with him. His email was still logged in on the terminal, and with a sigh, I logged him out. Maybe Nancy could help with that.
Leaning back in my chair, I wondered what I was doing all over again. Was my meddling ethical? I was human after all, and did not purport to have the full insight of a god. Was this what having the power of Eros was all about? I didn’t feel any different. Certainly not like a god. All I knew was that I was making some kind of change to these people’s lives, and who in the world knew where it was going to end? My chest tightened with guilt. What if I matched someone up with a serial killer? What if I kickstarted a marriage that might make a couple and their children miserable for the next forty years?
Before I spiraled off into waves of doubt and fear, my computer chimed, alerting me to a message in my inbox. Disappointment sank through me at the online clothing shop advertisement that wanted to offer me an amazing deal on fall dresses. But underneath this waited an email from Byron. I ignored the fact that I was shaking a little as I opened it.
Of course I remember you! What are you doing in town?
It wasn’t an amazing response, but it sure was better than “Fuck off. I never want to speak to you again.”
I typed back: It’s kind of complicated. And I need a place to stay.
I hesitated on hitting send on my reply. All of the rules I’d ever abided by involved not letting the other person see you sweat. I had always maintained a distance from the people whom I was involved with. Friend, boyfriend or colleague. I never wanted them to think I was clingy or that I needed them.
Of course that was all a terrible lie I hid behind. Right now, I definitely needed Byron. I had some vague ideas of what I would do if he turned me away, but all of those options were horrible.
I added in the following to my text: And I need to eat too. I’m starving.
It was true, and that would tell him what he was in for if he met up with me. I wasn’t in a great place to be independent and aloof right now.
Not going to lie. I’m in some trouble, and I need help.
Shit. Why did I type that?
Somehow, this was harder than running away from men in black or dealing with men who might be godly avatars. I paused for a moment, and my hand trembled as I hit send. My stomach tossed a little with unease, but there was something weirdly freeing about it as well. He had two choices? Ghost on me and tell me where to stick my plea for help. Or he could help me. I’d just taken a lot of guesswork out of the next little while at least, and the surety was kind of nice.
Before I started to get anxious, or even navigated away from the email page, he responded.
Wow, way to bury the lead. Tell me where I can pick you up and when you’ll be there. I’ll bring some food, and we can figure things out from there.
I had to grin a little. That was Byron all over. A lot of people mistook him for a quiet nerd who hung around in the background, but he was always watching, always ready for the next awful thing which might happen. I heard somewhere this resulted from a dysfunctional childhood. You simply assumed shit was going to go down because after a while, you realized that shit was always going down. You might not be able to prevent it, but you could start to fix it when it did.
It’s not like I’m sitting here with a gun to my head. I’m at the public library downtown. Thank you.
I sent the email and almost immediately received the response.
Fifteen minutes.
Despite the situation, and the fact that I was calling on someone whom I hadn’t spoken to in years, I felt a wave of relief come over me. In its wake, it left a strange nervousness that I couldn’t quite figure out.
Though I ‘d tried to put it out of my mind, I still remembered the one kiss that Byron and I had shared years ago, right before our big fight. The kiss had been a mistake, the fight had been a mistake, it had all been terrible. But still, that kiss topped my list as pretty amazing.
Oh god. I’d literally been sleeping with another man about twelve hours ago. Does being the avatar of the god of love turn you into a man crazy woman or something?
&n
bsp; The problem with this was that no matter how much I tried to scold myself about all of it, all I could think of was Mads touching my leg, my incredible time with Rane and that kiss with Byron as well. It was too easy to think about Byron’s dark eyes, how they glittered when he was angry, but he hadn’t been angry right before he kissed me. At least, he hadn’t been just angry, I didn’t think.
I shook off thoughts that I definitely should not have been having and logged out of the computer. Soon I was outside, waiting, while the sun set, and a cool wind washed over Boise.
Maybe Byron would show. Maybe he wouldn’t. Time would tell.
Chapter 15
Thank Eros that Byron showed up in ten minutes, not fifteen like he’d promised, and when he stepped out of the car to walk towards me, I stared. He ran his eyes over me, studying me, absorbing every inch of me, like one of his textbooks.
My throat choked up at seeing him again after so long. After so much not said between us. “What the hell?” I managed to spit out.
He tilted his head, looking at me quizzically. “Er…I don’t know what that’s in response to.”
I waved a hand at his body up and down. “This…all of this.”
Back when we’d known each other at university, he had been tall, with an element of lankiness to him. He’d looked as if he could use a good meal or six, and most of the time, he’d vanished into the background. It amazed me how small he could fold himself up; it was like his party trick, if he had ever been interested in being the center of attention at a party.