by Lucy Lixx
Sundays were easy days at the library. Hardly anyone came in and we were only open for about four hours. I don't think we had anything scheduled either, so it would just be me and the books. There would be plenty of time for me to fantasize as I stocked shelves and tidied up. In fact, I did this with some frequency. It was always so quiet between the shelves, the only sound was the squeak of the rolling cart as I collected discarded and misplaced books. I'd circle the second floor a number of times – the youth section alone was an impressive size – and then circle it again only to find more books strewn about lazily. I didn't mind picking up after patrons as long as the pages weren't torn or dog-eared. There was nothing more annoying than a disrespected book.
I pulled on a pair of daisy dukes, my favorite white pair with the red polka dots, and slipped a red blouse over my head that accentuated my shoulders by dipping down fairly low. I couldn't wear this to work, but I could wear it at home where it mattered. I tousled my hair in front of the wall mirror and puckered my lips. It wouldn't hurt to put a little eyeliner on. I did a quick winged look on each eye, dabbed a light shade of bronze over my lids, and then smoothed Chapstick over my lips. I was ready.
As I emerged from my room, I considered brushing my teeth and washing my hands as well. I hadn't washed them yet from rubbing myself raw only hours ago and I was sure I probably smelled like my juicy insides. Would he notice? I sprinted to the bathroom, washed up, and then walked carefully over the tan carpet to the kitchen where my family was bustling about the kitchen preparing breakfast. The table was already set with hot food and decorated with napkins and plates. I sat awkwardly in the chair closest to the hall.
“Good morning, Victoria.” My mother said with a smile while picking up pancakes from the griddle.
“Good morning, mom.” It came out like a squeak. I cleared my throat.
“Good morning, Vic.” Daddy was sitting across the table, a newspaper separating us. “How did you sleep?”
I swallowed the knot in my throat to prepare my response. I was nervous. The images from last night were still in my mind and I was trying hard to ignore the ache growing in my pelvis.
“I slept well.” I responded weakly.
Daddy peeked over his paper with a stern gaze.
“Thanks for asking, Dad.”
He smiled and resumed reading.
The interaction prompted my mother to turn around with an eyebrow raised.
“You two seem to be suddenly getting along fine. Did something happen overnight?” She laughed while my eyes widened.
I struggled to regain my composure and twisted anxiously in my chair. Was it time to go to work yet? I didn't want to spend much more time with the two of them in the same room. My mother set out the rest of our food and I chewed slowly, deliberately, pretending to be lost in thoughts of school rather than thoughts of hot sex covered in syrup and strawberries.
“When do you work today?”
“Noon.”
I sipped my juice nonchalantly.
“That sounds nice. I remember working weekends as a waitress and working all day. I got up with the sun and worked until it was nearly down.”
I twirled my pancakes. This was painful. Mom was about to go into another memory rant and I didn't have the patience to pay attention. I stood to clear my plate and washed it in the sink.
“You know, I think I'll change and head out early. They might need some help sorting books this morning. We had a pretty busy Saturday.” I wanted my sudden desire to leave to seem like a normal occurrence.
The excuse seemed to work just fine as my mother shrugged and Daddy nodded without looking up. He hadn't really looked at me much at all this morning. He'd spent his time mostly staring at the paper or looking up at my mother while she was talking. Was he ignoring me? I shook the thought from my head and went to my room to pull on khaki pants and a blue button down. I slipped into my black flats and gathered everything I'd need for work.
The only thing missing was my keys.
Panic swept over me and I swung around to look for them. They weren't on my desk like they usually were. It was then I recalled that Daddy had taken them the night before. A mixture of emotions gathered in my gut as I calmly composed myself to get ready to ask for them. I wasn't a child anymore. I didn't have to be afraid. As I headed to the door, I noticed them on the nightstand. Daddy must have placed them there when he poked his head in last night. I smiled and picked them up, rolling them over in my hands while looking at them fondly before leaving my room. I waved my goodbyes as I quickly retreated out the front door and into the fresh morning air.
Work didn't provide too much more of a comfort from home. Every page was a testament to my frustration. Home was distracting me which made it intensely difficult to focus on anything else. I nearly shelved several books incorrectly and kicked myself about a dozen times for small mistakes that I could have caught if I wasn't completely wrapped up in a fantasy. One of my co-workers, who was also a good friend, noticed my lack of concentration today.
“Hey, Vic. You alright? Something seems off.” It was Brad. He was a sweet guy with an unhealthy paranormal obsession. He frequently checked out anything dealing with the supernatural or with strange myths.
“I'm fine,” I responded with a carefree wave of my hand. “It's just a lazy Sunday.”
That seemed to be my typical response to most things that were distracting. “It's just a lazy day.” It didn't make sense, but people accepted it as fact, especially if you said it in the correct tone. I'd never say this to my boss which was why I was trying to shape up my attitude before she came poking her pointy nose around to see what we were accomplishing for the day.
“You know, we're all going out for dinner later. Do you want to come along?” Brad asked while shifting from one foot to the other.
“I'm not sure. I still have a paper to write before packing up my car to go back to my dorm tonight.” I examined a book that didn't exactly need examination.
“That's a shame.” He paused when Lillian approached.
“Yeah, that is a shame.” She chimed in. “Wait, what's a shame?”
I giggled. “Brad was saying you guys were all going out for dinner later and he was inviting me.”
“You're right. That is a shame.”
Brad playfully pushed Lillian's arm and she stuck her tongue out.
“We are going out for dinner and you are totally welcome.” She emphasized “totally” with a roll of her eyes and smirked in my direction. “Brad really wants you to go.”
I could tell she was trying to hook me up. It wasn't that Brad was unattractive or weird or sometimes a little awkward – he had a perfectly symmetrical face, a decently built body, and the most genuine smile – but it was just how preoccupied I was with Daddy. I didn't want to disappoint him by going out with another guy. Then again, it was with a group, so it wasn't so much a date as it was a friendly gathering. I considered it.
“Well, let me make sure my folks don't have anything planned.”
“You mean your mom and her sexy husband?”
“Lillian!”
“What? He's mega hunk territory and you know it. I'd do some wild things to that dude.” She twirled her bubblegum with her index finger. “He wouldn't know what to do with all of me.”
My face flushed red and I hurriedly gathered more books to examine and shelve. I pushed the stepping stool out in front of the history section and started stacking books in different places, making sure to double check that they were in the appropriate areas.
“You have a crush on him, don't you?” I could feel Lillian teasing me with her eyes and her famous mischievous smirk.
I turned to look back at her with a stern, but playful gaze.
“Never in a million years, girl.” I said. “He's not even my type. He's covered in tattoos, he rides a Harley, and I think he smokes pot in the garage when mom falls asleep.”
“So? He's the perfect bad boy
!” Lillian exclaimed.
I shook my head and went back to shelving whatever was left in my arms.
“Lillian, we're not in high school anymore. Those things aren't that impressive. I'm attracted to responsible men who have careers and goals, maybe even weekend hobbies. I don't have time for bad boy types.” I think I was trying to convince myself more than her that Daddy was just an irresponsible little man with that forbidden vibe that was all too attractive whenever I was sixteen. I'm nineteen now. I have priorities. Daddy is just a fantasy. He probably didn't even like me that way.
“I'm a responsible man with a career and goals.” Brad stated from my left.
Lillian and I laughed.
“Oh, come on. I'm the best clerk around here and I know everything there is to know about the paranormal. I'm a walking encyclopedia!” Brad stood in a superhero pose with his hands pressed firmly to his hips. “I'm a real man!”
“Okay, Mr. Real Man. We have some other crap to shelve over in the reference section. Let's get moving.” Lillian took Brad by the arm and started dragging him away while turning to wave teasingly in my direction. “Enjoy your bad boy daddy, Vic.”
My face turned hot again from embarrassment and I stepped down from the stepping stool. The cart was still halfway filled with books that needed to be sorted before closing. I had plenty of time. I just didn't want to be stuck with my own thoughts for that long. Maybe I should go out to dinner with Brad and Lillian even if it only distracts me temporarily from my awkward situation at home. I still couldn't figure out if Daddy was really checking me out this morning or if he was just trying to be fatherly towards me. I've never been a daddy's girl. I didn't have the experience to tell whether that's what he was doing or if it was entirely sexual. What about my mom?
I pulled my phone from my pocket to text my mother, asking if she had any big plans for dinner. When she asked why, I explained that Brad and Lillian had invited me to a diner nearby and that I wanted to see them before heading back to the dorm. She said it was fine and I put my phone back in my pocket where my hand lingered. Should I text Daddy, too? I wasn't positive I wanted this to be so formal and attached yet. I decided against the idea and went back to shelving books until we closed for the day.
Chapter Three
I didn't bother going home to change. I'm still not ready to encounter my parents yet. After I clocked out, Brad and Lillian rode with me in my car to the diner up the block that we'd been going to since middle school. We'd known each other for so long that I was upset when we didn't get accepted to the same university last year. It didn't make a difference because we worked in the same library and met every weekend for hikes, concerts, or beach trips. This dinner would have to count as our weekly gathering since I'd spent the night before with friends from college.
We arrived and chose the same booth we always sat in, and then made small talk as we waited for our server. Brad was filling us in on the newest otherworldly nonsense while Lillian interjected randomly to talk about someone's outfit or recent gossip. When I didn't make much of a peep, Lillian pointed it out.
“You know, you have been sort of off today.” I straightened my silverware on the small napkin that had been placed here when we sat down.
“I've just been so tired today. Sandy kept us out pretty late last night.” I explained meekly.
“Your new college friends sure like to party.” Lillian commented, rolling her gum again out of habit.
“Yeah, I think they were pretty sheltered growing up, so they're getting it all out now.”
Our server approached the table right as Lillian was about to speak and I thanked him with my eyes. We ordered our food, turned in our menus, and then went back to our meager conversation.
“Have you met anyone?” Lillian asked curiously while twirling a straw.
Brad perked up at the question and he met my gaze briefly before turning away to focus on something else.
“No, I haven't really had time to meet anyone else. Between studying, work, and spending time with you losers, I've been too preoccupied.” I smiled playfully as Lillian tossed the straw in my direction.
“You're such a dork!” She said. “Well, I met someone. And he's quite a hunk.”
She pulled out her phone to show off a tall, blond surfer whom she'd met at the beach a few weeks ago. We both giggled like little girls and she told me all about his life while Brad tapped on the table.
“What about you, Brad?” I asked, breaking his drum solo.
“Oh, uh...” He nervously stammered over words. “No, I haven't met anyone.”
“Not even a friend with benefits or anything?” Lillian was so nosy.
“No, I don't really...I don't like casual sex.”
“Neither do I.” I chimed in to make him feel a little more comfortable. “It's pretty useless if you ask me, like you're using people as masturbation tools. That's what vibrators are for.”
The two laughed at my comment, filling the awkward void of discussing the topic further. I didn't want to talk about my sex life or a boyfriend or anything like that. Any sort of topic that would make me think of Daddy was off limits at the moment. I just wanted to enjoy my food with my friends before having to head home and pack. I knew I'd have to run into my parents at some point, so I was trying to stretch out the time.
I hope they didn't mind me using them for that.
I've been standing outside the front door for about three minutes.
I want to go inside, but I'm still so incredibly nervous about encountering my mother and Daddy. After another minute of silent debate, I unlocked the door and walked in with the intent to head straight to my room. I stopped dead in my tracks when I encountered Daddy in the living room with a book in his lap.
“Hello, princess.” He's never called me that before. “How was dinner with your friends?”
“It was nice.” I responded quickly as I head down for hall. He stood to follow.
“Are you heading back to your dorm tonight?” He asked.
I responded over my shoulder as I walked into my room, “Yeah! I'm about to do some packing.”
“Do you mind if I help?”
“Not at all.” I turned to smile because that's what normal people do. “That would be great. Thank you.”
I grabbed my large tote and suitcase and started moving some items from my desk to the bed. I sorted a few clothes from the closet into the suitcase and began spreading out things I would possibly need to take back with me.
“What should I…?” His sentence faded as he looked around at the cluttered mess on the bed.
I explained which clothes go into the suitcase and how all my school related items went into the tote bag. He diligently followed my directions as I perused my shelf for needed textbooks. I was starting to shake with him in such close proximity. This is the longest he's ever been in my room. What was going on?
“So, where did mom go?” I asked while taking some books down from the shelf.
“She went out with some friends to get a few drinks. I think she'll be gone for a bit.” He explained. “Gives us some quality time to spend together.”
I stopped packing and averted my gaze towards the window. I didn't want to meet his eyes. I knew he was looking at me. I was sure that if I turned, I would simply explode into bits of confetti.
“You know, I heard you last night.”
Panic.
“I don't know what you--”
“I heard you in here, touching yourself. I stayed awake because I knew you would.”
More panic mixed with excitement. I watched his figure move closer out of my peripheral vision, shaking with every second that our lips weren't interlocked.
“Daddy knows everything.”
I turned to meet his gaze and nearly swooned. His eyes were such a bright blue. I hadn't realized they were so blue until now. I wanted to drown in the swirl of periwinkle outlined with a black border. They were so intense I could have prob
ably reached climax just staring at them. His hand met my hair and brushed it from my face. I quivered and ran for the bathroom. It seemed like I had been running away all day, like the weight of my fantasy was so out of control that I couldn't handle it inevitably coming to life.
I leaned into the wood of the door while attempting to regulate my heart beat. My Daddy is coming on to me and I'm not sure what else to do other than cry out of fear and excitement. I was at the point of a total break. I looked up at my reflection and questioned the girl I saw. She was so young, but grown in so many ways. Her mother had always told her that she was ahead of the game as far as maturity, that she was beyond her years. Was Daddy recognizing that? Did he want her to stay young or to be grown?