In the boot of the jeep was a rope, I tugged it a few times to check the strength hopefully I could use it for towing. I got in the jeep and started the engine all the time questioning myself as to if I was doing the right thing. In the end reasoning, it probably wasn’t the right thing but it was the best I had with what I was presented with.
As I got out of the jeep at the house and tried to hook the two cars up my hands were shaking so much. Was I really going to be able to burn a car out with a human being in? I’d seen it in movies many times the car blowing up, the hero or villain jumping out the way just in time but, had never seen anything like this in real life. I had seen the aftermath plenty of times, burnt out cars on the side of the road or in car parks but never the actual burning of the car itself, let alone with a human being inside.
I had to keep telling myself that I had to think of Thomas he was my number one priority. Maybe I was going too far but it was better to be safe than sorry. Comprehension dawned on me, that is what the big bloke on my street was doing burning an infected body.
I finished tying off the jeep and my car and braised myself for what I had to do, I checked myself over making sure no part of me was exposed took a deep breath and open the car door. With hands shaking I unhooked the handbrake and quickly shut the door. I tried to take a deep breath but couldn't. I'd only been holding it for mere seconds but it was like I had been holding my breath for an eternity and my brain had forgotten how to breathe altogether, panicking I threw off my mask and air hit my face suddenly, my brain remembered how to breathe again and I took so much air in I started to cough and choke. When I regained regular breathing and wiped the tears away that had stained my cheeks I told myself to get a grip, I hadn't even got to the hard part yet and already I was acting like a baby.
I got in the jeep and began slowly towing Jason and my car to the field. I wanted him far away enough that he shouldn't come into contact with anything. I got to the first field and had to get out to open the gate. I got back in and drove across it to the second field. Once I was far enough in I pulled over got out the jeep and unhooked it from the car. I drove the jeep back the way I'd come, away from car and hoped it would be safe. As I got out the jeep I noticed a packet of cigarettes and a lighter in the side door compartment, they must have been the stableman's because as far as I knew neither Susanne or Eric smoked. I didn't know if to thank whoever was up in the sky or curse them. I was trying to give up and hadn't smoked in 44 days. The temptation was too hard to resist if I ever deserved or bloody well needed a fag it was now. I place the long stick in my mouth and lit the end. The long-awaited nicotine hit my system and I couldn't help but sigh with relief.
Standing in the sunshine in the middle of a field smoking a dried up old cigarette I was having serious second thoughts at what I'd planned to do. I was far enough away from the house that maybe I could just leave him, standing here in two minds not knowing what to do was not going to solve anything. Thomas was at home with only Bert to protect him I needed to make a decision now! After a moment more of hesitation, I popped open the petrol tank, I grabbed the rag I'd found in the jeep and stuffed it in the hole. I had no idea if this would work I only had movies to go off. I told myself that if it didn't then that was a sign and I could just leave Jason here. I would make the call and hope that someone would come and collect him. If it did work …Well, problem solved I would feel guilty for the rest of my life but Thomas would be safe.
With a heavy heart, I lit the exposed rag and ran for the jeep, I jumped in and sped off. I had no idea how long I had or how big the explosion would be. I had just got back into the first field when I heard the biggest bang I'd ever heard before. I didn't know if it would even work so when it did it scared the shit out of me and made me swerve. I pulled the car to a stop and got out. Looking back all, I could see was smoke and flames. I stood there for a few minutes and said sorry and goodbye to Jason. When I got back in the jeep it felt like my body weighed a ton.
I got back to the house and called to Thomas that I was having a quick wash and then I would come watch the film with him. I didn't want to go near him with what I had on. I was probably being overprotected but my motto was now, better safe than sorry. Thomas called back. "Ok mum" He sounded sleepy so I was hoping I was right and when I got back down he would fall asleep and I could watch a bit of tv, try gain as much information as I could. Jumping back in the shower for the third time today I washed myself off put more clean clothes on and went downstairs to Thomas. He was curled up asleep on the sofa with Bert laying on the floor in front of him, his sandwich forgotten half eaten on the coffee table I went over to give him a kiss and stopped I couldn't touch him not until I was sure it was completely safe. He shivered slightly so, I covered him with a blanket and went to my spot in the kitchen and turned on the telly.
As I flicked the channels every one of them seemed to be reporting on what was happening, one channel was focusing on London so I left it on. Riots had broken out all over the city, everyone was in a state of panic, they were saying there was a shortage of food and medical supplies due to the divide, gangs had taken over small parts of city due to the shortage of police. Report after report came following the amount of damage and violence plaguing our streets. Feeling like my chest was closing up I flicked to another channel looking for information on anything to do with this N17 virus. The next one pictured a scene from around the world turning the volume down so as not to wake Thomas. I watched in horror things looked like they were really going to shit everywhere. Mass riots had broken out throughout the world, not just here. Cities looked to be destroyed and in flames, it showed a scene from Rome at the Vatican. There were millions of people gathered praying, I switched to the next channel hoping, praying myself for some better news, the ribbon at the bottom had N17 in capitals so I stopped and read what it had to say;
Hundreds of thousands of citizens across the UK are said to be infected survival rate is considered to be fatal in nearly 75-80% of cases. Once the virus has been contracted Symptoms begin within 2 hours with death occurring within 12 hours. Symptoms include fever, vomiting, coughing, bloodshot eyes, bleeding from eyes, ears, nose, and mouth.
Advice is to lock yourself away in as a secure place as possible. And avoid all contact with anyone nonessential. If you do witness any of these symptoms or if you know of anyone infected…. It was the same as the 999 messages.
DO NOT leave your house.
DO NOT go to an emergency room, hospital or doctors.
DO NOT have any skin to skin contact. Isolate yourself or the infect party in a separate room, apply gloves and cover all exposed areas of skin. Drink plenty of fluids.
A man came on screen obviously a doctor due to the uniform he wore and I turned the volume back up a bit, he was saying that the medical profession was trying everything they could to stop the virus but had never seen anything so aggressive, so violent. They were trying to trace the source of the virus but as of yet had no concrete facts. The doctor went on to say he theorized that the virus had come from the sinkholes that it was more than coincidence that within 24 hours of the first hole being reported thousands were dead. That's it was the same all throughout the world. He said he wasn't alone in his theory and that others agreed. The news anchor interviewing asked him why he was so sure it was the sinkholes causing this virus and he said it was the only thing that could explain the spread of infection to so many countries so quick but as of yet had no proof. Each channel I scrolled through showed the same thing. After a while, I turned off the TV. Dumbstruck, it was clear that things had deteriorated at an astonishingly fast rate, it really did look like the world was ending.
It was much worse than I had thought. With my head in my hands I began to cry. I couldn't hold them back anymore, I had no idea what to do, I was scared and alone to look after Thomas. I had never needed Ryan more than I did now. How was I ever going to keep him safe? With the larger towns and cities fairing as bad as they were, people would and had started to mov
e into more rural areas. I had seen that for myself this morning with the motorbike gang that's why they must have been here, fewer people, less chance of catching this virus. How long would we be safe here? It wouldn't be long before some arsehole or another wanted to check out the big house with gates. It was like a big neon light screaming come here, we are bound to have food and supplies. I had never thought that in my lifetime, fuck lifetime, that in one-week things could go so to shit.
What the hell had caused it all? Why now? I must have sat there sobbing my heart out for a good while, I cried because I was scared, I cried for Ryan, I cried for Jason, I think I even cried over the men from this morning or more over what I had done. As the last of my tears hit the floor and my breathing evened out I realised how much I had needed that, that perhaps holding them in thinking they were holding me together making me stronger had actually been the opposite that, until I let the tears go I had no room for any other emotion. Thomas would be awake soon. Feeling at a loss of what to do or how to move on but knowing I needed to gain some strength from somewhere I tried to visualise my emotions like I had when Ryan had passed away. I pictured a box this time like an old chest that had its lid wide open as if that's where my tears had been stored and inside the chest I pictured all my strength and power as a glowing ball sitting in the bottom freed, I took the ball in my hands and as I did the strangest thing happen, my belly felt like it fluttered and a warm tingling sensation came all over my body. My eyes sprung open unsure of what I'd just felt and the sensation disappeared, but I felt renewed like I could cope with what was to come. Getting up I walked over to the sink and splashed my face. With Thomas still asleep I would do an inventory of food see what we had exactly. I needed to contact Sol and let him know where I was and I would have to figure some way to maybe board the doors and windows so if people did come here and they would, we wouldn't make it easy on them. After all, I had nowhere else to go and even if I did here was probably the safest. I would also do a bag up with some essentials in it and stash it in Susanne's jeep, in case we needed to get away at the last minute.
Chapter 7:
Ispent a good while going through all the food supplies, by my reckoning we had at least a month's supply, we could probably make it last a bit longer if we were careful. I had tried to call Sol's Phone but it was just going to voicemail so I left him a message to call me at Susanne and Eric's, gave the number and tried to keep myself busy or I would worry myself silly that something had happened to him. Taking stock of the candles in case the power went out I had told myself I would start training. Susanne had turned one of the rooms upstairs into a gym. She didn't have too much in there a running machine, weights, some other machine that was meant to tone your stomach and a rowing machine for your legs but I would work on them every day, I wouldn't become miss universe or anything but I would have to venture out of this house soon and I reasoned I could at least try and be stronger, be fitter. I could see this world turning into a real state before it got better, a world where only the strong and smart would survive. I knew I could be smart not just book smart, I had a good bit of street smarts still in me. I was thanking my parents right about now maybe, the lifestyle I had grown up with would come in handy with all their wheeling and dealing ways, but I was built like a stick. I had a small frame even though I was quite broad. I couldn't run to save my life and I had the horrible feeling that this would be a time when you needed to know how to fucking run or it really would be your life. I couldn't really do anything about how I was built but I could definitely get fitter. I would get Thomas to work out too, with no school it would help keep his mind occupied.
Lost in my thoughts of how I was going to turn myself into a bad ass and protect Thomas at all cost I didn't hear my little man until Bert barked and brought me back to reality. I rushed in to see what he was barking about and Thomas was sitting up coughing, his cheeks were bright red and it looked as if he was struggling to get air in-between the coughs. I ran over to him telling him to breathe but hesitated a moment as to whether I should touch him. I was still scared in case I had anything he might catch. However, my mothering instincts kicked in and all I thought about was helping my baby boy.
Thankfully after a few minutes, his coughing subsided and he looked up but, he didn't look at me. His eyes looked all glassy, and was staring right through me like I wasn't even there.
"Thomas, Thomas can you hear me baby are you ok? Hey, Thomas look at me darling I'm here right here." I sat in front of him stroking his hair when he blinked as if coming too.
“Mummy I don't feel well my belly hurts and my head hurts.”
"Shhhh darling its ok mummy's here."
I used the back of my hand to feel his forehead and even though the gloves I could feel he was burning up, he felt like fire, I didn't know what to do? Panic began to seep in. I prayed to anyone listing that he didn't have this virus, please say he just had a normal bug, that the events of the last week had just caught up with him and with a bit of rest and paracetamol he would be perfectly fine. I laid him back down on the sofa and told him I was going to get some medicine and a cold cloth. I raced to the bathroom looking for a flannel to cool him down, wet it and ran back to Thomas. I laid the damp cloth on his head to help cool him down.
“How's that feel my brave boy is that a bit better?”
“Mummy I think I'm going to be sick.”
I reached over from my place next to him on the couch and found a vase with some fake flowers in, I tipped the flowers out and handed the vase to Thomas to put under him, within seconds he was being sick into it. So much liquid came out of him, I had no idea where his body had stored it all. I steadied the vase to keep the vomit from going all over him while stroking his back. Tears poured out his eyes, where the sick must have been burning his nose as it came out.
"Breath Thomas, it's ok baby I'm here." I wiped his face with the flannel. When he finally stopped reaching I gently helped him slip his water from lunch to try and help take the taste away. "Feel better? Is there any more?"
"No mum I think that's it, I'm so sorry I didn't know I was going to be sick and then it was just coming."
"Shhh… baby don't worry about that, its ok. Shhh, it's alright."
I put the vase on the coffee table picked Thomas up and placed him on my lap, stroking his mop of hair. He cuddled into me and tears silently fell down my cheek. Please, I prayed to all that could hear please let my baby be ok. I sat like that holding Thomas in my arms until his breathing calmed, I needed to give him some medicine to help with his fever I could feel how hot he was in my arms and me holding him probably wasn't helping to cool him down. He still had a pair of gloves on too why hadn't I taken them off? I laid Thomas on the sofa and began to take his gloves and his socks off. I'd always heard you lost heat quickest through hands, feet, and head.
“Darling I'm just going to get to some medicine.”
I hurried back into the kitchen in search of some children’s medicine, I knew where Susanne kept all her pills and was praying she had something I could give Thomas. Tearing through the cupboard where all the pills and medication was kept, at the back was an unopened box of sachets labelled infant paracetamol. Relief coursed through me for a brief moment.
I refilled Thomas’s glass of water and put some ice in to make it as cold as possible and returned to him. He looked so pale like the life had drained right out of him, hurrying I knelt beside him and tore open the sachets of medicine and gave it to him.
“This will help my brave boy, how are you feeling? Do you want a sip of this it’s nice and cold?” Thomas nodded and I passed over the water, he took a couple of small sips and handed it back to me with a weak smile. I patted his back with the cold flannel he was so hot, I wondered if I should put him in a cool bath. I had heard it somewhere but could not for the life of remember if it was the right or wrong thing to do. Thomas needed to see a doctor but if I called, would they even come? Would they even answer? No one had when I’d dialled 999 for Jason ear
lier. The drive to the hospital had to be at least 35 miles or so from Susanne and Eric's house, not much on a normal day but I had seen what it was like out there now. Could I get him to a hospital safely or even at all? As I looked at my poorly little boy I tried to quite all the thoughts swirling around my head, I couldn't let him see how panicked I was. I needed to focus on him, his eyes looked heavy so instead of silly bath ideas I let my instincts take over. I took off all his clothes and laid him down in his underwear and placed a blanket over him that way if his temperature changed and he started feeling cold I could lay another blanket on top of him or take it off depending on his needs.
I sat on the floor, next to him stroking his hair gently singing one of his favourite songs, it was an oldie of ours but never failed to put a smile on his face. By the time I had reached the second verse of “Down in the jungle” Thomas was starting to fall back to sleep.
I sat there awhile watching him, he looked pale around his eyes and his forehead but his cheeks were now beginning to turn bright red. His breathing was even and he seemed to be sleeping peacefully, oh my lovely sweet, precious little boy. We had stayed up quite late last night talking in bed so I knew he would be a bit tired today and why I thought I'd get away with an hour or two sleep from him. He had only been sleeping for about ten minutes when he stirred and opened an eye.
“Mummy can you tell me the story of how you how you and daddy got married?” he whispered quietly.
The Fifth: Darkness series Page 10