As the weather got colder going for 'walks' was no longer an option. I needed a new way for watching. I needed a new therapy. I noticed the house directly behind me was for sale. I never knew the people who lived there before, I rarely talked to any of my neighbors. Heck, I doubt they even know what happened to my family. For all they knew they all just moved out and left me here all alone.
On a whim I decided to take an open house tour of the house. It was a decent sized house, but nothing really fancy. It had the basic three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a respectable living room. The ONE thing that stood out to me was the living room, kitchen, and dining room all faced towards my house... and they all had large unshaded windows. My house's kitchen was elevated on the second floor, so it provided a great view, a great view for watching. This house had potential.
I realized how disturbing this was, came up with a fake excuse, and thanked the realtor for her time. I went straight home and sat in the darkness thinking. I needed to stop this. This was not helping me; in fact I feel that it's hurting me. This was not how normal people cope. This was not healthy. I needed to find an alternative. I tried to stop, I really did. But, sometimes when you stop cold turkey, and then fall off the wagon you fall off hard. Ask any addict.
I made it a couple weeks without watching, but with every day that passed the more and more empty I felt. I needed a family. I needed family time. I needed to watch. I was nearly losing my mind when something finally happened. Someone bought the house behind me, and not just someone, a family. A family bought the house behind me; complete with a husband, a wife, and two young boys. I noticed them moving in on a Saturday and by Sunday they were having dinner in their kitchen, right within my line of sight.
I did everything in my power to resist. I really did. It was too much. It was so tempting. It was just so easy to watch. I didn't even have to leave my house. I could watch them from here and they would never know. I caught myself a few times casually glancing through the window towards their house catching snippets of their day. At one point I noticed that I had stopped right in the middle of my hallway and had been staring at their house for at least five minutes straight. I didn't even realize I was doing it. Luckily no one saw me, but this temptation was too much to bear. I was going to slip up and slip up bad if I didn't do something. I had to get my fix.
I told myself the only way to get this out of my system was to have scheduled and controlled time for watching. Something was better than nothing. Maybe if I gave myself these scheduled times that my desire would diminish. Dinner seemed the most logical. I was home a little after five every night and they had their dinner at six. About halfway through a random work day I decided to do it. I was going to do it tonight. I was going to watch the new family. I couldn't describe my excitement and elation. I got nothing else done at work. All I could think about was watching. I was going to be part of their family tonight.
Before I knew it the time had come. I got home just a tad after five and begin to get things ready. As excited as I was I still had to think this through and do it smartly. I didn't want anyone to notice me. It was already dark outside so I had that going for me and they had most of their lights on in their living room and kitchen. It made for perfect illumination. I could see everything. I feigned preparing dinner for myself and after some time passed I turned off the lights in my kitchen and 'migrated' downstairs... or so anybody who was watching me thought.
Once the lights were out I moved my wooden kitchen chair right against the glass patio door, took a seat, and began to watch. I could see them all gathered around the table; the wife with her strawberry hair and purple blouse, the balding father wearing a darkish green polo, and the two boys sitting impatiently at the table. One of the boys was wearing an 'Avengers' shirt and the other a 'SpongeBob' shirt. They were the perfect family, the 'All-American' family.
I was in paradise. I felt like I was there. I felt like I was part of their family. For the past six months it felt like parts of me were missing and for a brief moment during this watch I felt whole again. I had found those missing pieces. I felt like myself again. I felt like I was there. I felt like that was my family. I could envision their conversations in my head. How was your day? How was school? Did you get homework done yet? How was work?
At the same time of enjoying the show I was also as nervous as could be. What if they saw me? What if I got caught? Is this even illegal? I'm pretty sure staring at someone is within the law. Is there anything to worry about? I made some coffee in the dark to clear my head. The coffee seemed to calm me down and I was able to enjoy myself again.
The wife made what looked like a great dinner. It was pork chops and scalloped potatoes. Not my favorite but the family seemed to enjoy it. The husband and the oldest kid ate it all up but their youngest stabbed, scooped, and rearranged his dinner over and over again. He seemed to enjoy the pork chop but refused to eat the potatoes. How ungrateful. My son wouldn't get to leave the table until his potatoes were gone.
After their dinner the family went their separate ways. The two boys went in the basement to play some video games while the husband and wife went into the living room and put on some new prime time sitcom that I had never heard of. The dinner was over, the event was over, and so was my high. My family time for the day has passed. Thirty minutes. That was it. I now only had to look forward to tomorrow's time with the family.
After the first night it became routine. I watched every night. Some days were better than others, just like with other families. Sometimes there was laughing, other times anger, other times indifference. But, they had each other and they had me. That was all that mattered.
Chapter 5 Hazel
It was Jacob's idea to move. I was happy with where we were. Yes, we struggled here and there and we were behind on some credit cards, but was that enough to justify moving hundreds of miles away from everything we know? I think not.
He got a job offer. He wasn't even looking for a job as far as I knew. In fact it surprised both of us. We were carrying on with life like normal when randomly an e-mail was sent from some talent recruiter at S.K. Corporation. I'm not sure how they heard of Jacob, but they offered him an opportunity that meant an additional twelve hundred a month before taxes. Twelve hundred more a month. Can you imagine what we could with that amount of excess per month? It seemed too good to be true, and it was. There was a catch, as always. We had to pick up and move. Pick up and move to an unknown city in an unknown state. It would be a complete and total change. I don't care what they say, change isn't good... it's bad.
I protested. I had spent my whole life here. I still see people I went to highschool with in the grocery store and at the gas stations. Heck, I even see some of my old elementary school teachers around town now and again. I'm from a smaller town, one where everyone knows everyone. If you've ever been a part of a community like that you know how hard it is to leave. It's all you know. You go from knowing everybody to not knowing a soul.
Despite my protests the money persuaded us. (More so Jacob, but I went along with it begrudgingly.) Our boys were just getting into school and we didn't want to worry about money. We wanted to be able to go on vacations, to get them the latest toys, for them to have a rewarding childhood. Logan, our oldest at 8, was in second grade and Lucas, age 5, was just starting kindergarten. We felt if we were to move now would be the best time as they had both just started school and would have plenty of time to adjust to their new environment and to make new friends. The younger the child the easier it is, or so I've read.
Jacob accepted the job. The next week the two of us dropped the kids off at his parents and we drove the four hours up to Carolsburg to begin house hunting. The first day I swear we looked at twenty houses, and I couldn't stand any of them. Maybe I was just being pessimistic. Jacob did seem to like a couple of them. The next three days were full of house hunting. We drove from one mundane house to the other. I could tell how I felt before we even left the car. It was too drab, not enough yard, d
idn't like the neighbors, any reason I could find for a no. As we drove up to a new house I could tell it was a no. No. No. No.
After the third day of house hunting I realized how difficult I was being, and could see Jacob's frustration. He didn't come right out and say anything but I could tell that he was getting impatient. He was leaning on me to pick our new house. I think he felt guilty about the move. Was this his way of making it up to me? Was this his olive branch? I get to pick our house? I was never good at making decisions. Each house just seemed so plain, so uneventful. Was I being too picky?
That's it. We're buying the next house I somewhat like. Even if I like it just a little bit. No ifs ands or buts. After all, a house is a house, isn't?
--
Well, we found one. It was nothing special, but I did like the neighborhood. The house was a basic two story with the main level living room, kitchen, and dining room all connected and open. There were stairs going up to the three bedrooms to the right of the living room just in front of the main entryway. I was hoping for a fourth bedroom for a study so that I could work on my writing, but oh well.
The way I saw it there were two perks to this house. It had a finished basement which would be great for the kids to play in and would give Jacob and I some privacy in the living room, and the other perk was the neighborhood in general. It had the small town look and feel even though Carolsburg had a population of over one-hundred thousand. There was a walking trail, playground, pool, and even a lake for fishing. (The boys would love that lake!) The plentiful trees gave the illusion of a 'forest,' even though we were in the city.
The company that hired Jacob even paid for the moving. We packed everything up in neat tidy boxes. Our entire lives packed, organized, and put in a truck. It was almost surreal to see our lives boiled down to a random assortment of cardboard boxes. The movers were finished packing everything up on Friday and we decided to drive through the night and check out the house. We got there at about seven Saturday morning. The neighborhood was quiet. All you could hear were the birds chirping and the occasional owl hooting.
We pulled into the driveway, walked up to the front door, and Jacob unlocked it. The boys were nearly bouncing with excitement. They couldn't wait to see their new rooms, let alone the whole house. He opened the door and the boys ran in without a moment of hesitation. Logan went right and Lucas ran left at full speed. I'm surprised they didn't run right into each other headfirst when they met in the kitchen. Once they checked out the main level they sprinted up the stairs, with Lucas nearly tripping and falling right back down. A moment later we heard them come thundering back down the stairs, run past us, and then run down to the basement.
As the boys ran all around the house I began to take a look around myself. I strolled through the living room, into the dining room, and casually into the kitchen. I didn't realize how much bigger this house was then our old one. With our old house we had three bedrooms as well, but there is something to be said about having a bigger living room and kitchen not to mention the finished basement. There was quite a lot of house here, and after roaming the rooms the whole place just seemed so... empty. Hopefully that feeling will go away once the movers get here and we start putting everything in its right place. I'm sure it will look and feel more like home with time.
After the boys finished their survey of the house and calmed down a notch I suggested that we all go out for breakfast while we waited on the movers. Jacob agreed and off we went. I wanted something unique. I didn't want to go to one of those chain restaurants where everything was the same. I wanted to find a Mom & Pop diner specifically in Carolsburg. If you want to experience a new city or town then you need to try the local diners.
After some searching we found a small restaurant just outside the main drag of the city nestled in a side road next to a dry cleaner and convenience store. I was a little nervous that all the sign said was 'EATS.' The place didn't even have a name, just 'EATS,' and not to mention it wasn't in the best of shape. The grayish paint was chipping on the outside walls and there were even some bars on the windows. Despite our reservations, we went inside anyways.
The best way I could describe it was one of those twenty-four hour breakfast restaurants but with ten times the grease. I was starting to regret my decision but we pushed forward and decided to give it a try. New town new experiences, that type of thing.
I got the French toast, Jacob the sausage and mushroom omelet, and the boys each shared a stack of pancakes with a side of bacon. The food was decent but the atmosphere was truly interesting. I don't know what it was about this town but they somehow kept that small town feel even after exceeding six figure population. You could tell the waitresses new everyone who came in. Bill, Tom, Larry. 'How's it going today?' They'd say. Then there would be a five minute conversation about their problems of the day. It just seemed like a really friendly place. Maybe I'll like it in Carolsburg after all.
We finished our breakfast and took our time getting back to the house. We made it back at about eleven, just in time for the movers to show up. The rest of the day was a whirlwind directing the movers of what goes where and what to unload next. By six we were all beat and ordered some pizza. We ate as a family sitting in the dark living room with boxes all around us. Yes, I said dark living room. Jacob forgot to get the power turned on.
After dinner we got our sleeping bags out of the car and all went to sleep in the living room while the candlelight flickered against the wall. I would have preferred my bed over an uncomfortable sleeping bag, but at the same time these are the kinds of family memories that stick with you for life. I know I'll look back at this day ten to twenty years from now and smile. The whole family all snuggled in their sleeping bags in a living room surrounded by boxes with the one lit candle flickering against the wall.
Sunday was crazy, to say the least. Jacob and I got up at five that morning and started organizing right away. The entire day was spent unpacking and getting everything in the right place. We moved furniture, boxes, and it seemed like everything else. The house really started to come together about three that afternoon. It started to look like it was lived in. Our dining room table was in the kitchen, the couch was positioned in the living room, and the kitchen cabinets were stocked with plates and silverware. I think we were ready for our first official dinner.
Chapter 6
It had been two months since I started habitually watching my new family. Out of all of the dinners over those past few months I had only missed two, and both of those times things were out of my control. (Work project and car trouble.)
On some days I would continue to watch long after their dinner was complete and on others I would be reading a book casually glancing out the window every few minutes to check in on them. Their presence and their lives had made me whole again. They had provided a bandage for my gaping wound.
--
I had my usual dinner with my new family and enjoyed their company yet again. But, I realized after tonight's dinner that I was beginning to feel empty again. The wound was festering yet again. Watching wasn't enough anymore. The connection with my family seemed to be fading. I had no idea why. I was with them every night. I could see their faces, I could see them. Why wasn't it enough?
I've never been into drugs but I have always heard about junkies always needing to go bigger to get a new high. Their body becomes accustomed to the drug, they gain a tolerance to it, and they need to go bigger to obtain their next high. Maybe that's what it was? Had I gained a tolerance to these dinners? It felt like my high had diminished. It was still enjoyable but it had lessened. I needed a way to increase it. I needed a way to crank up the volume. I needed to relive that first feeling of watching my new family.
Today was the first warm day that we had in awhile and by warm I mean sixty degrees. It was nothing crazy, but it was nice enough to have the windows open. That is what I noticed. Their windows were open. Now, not a big deal as they were all still playing and hanging out in their living room.<
br />
As they went to bed I realized something. They didn't close one living room window next to their deck. All the lights upstairs went out but their window was still open. Why was that window still open? Was it an honest mistake and they just forgot to shut it? Or, were they inviting me in? Inviting their new family member to join them?
I was torn. Half of me knew I shouldn't but even more than half of me knew that I HAD to. I had to go over there. I had to go in that window. I had to go in their house. I had to be with my family. I had no idea what my goals or intentions were once inside... I just felt that I had to. I stared at the window all the while debating in my head.
I waited until about midnight. I didn't want the chance of anyone still being awake. I slid open my porch door and walked across my yard in the dark dew covered grass. The whole neighborhood was quiet. All I could hear was the faint sound of a barking dog in the distance. It had cooled down quite a bit, but it was still nice sleeping weather.
When I got to the edge of my yard I hesitated. I thought about what I was doing. Was this really worth it? What if I got caught? This was crossing a new line. I could get arrested for this. I could go to prison for this. I pushed through these negative thoughts and shoved them to the back recesses of my mind. I had to visit my family. I had to be with them.
I crawled over the fence separating our yards and begin to ascend their deck to the open window. When I reached the top I glanced over across the yard at my house. I was taken aback at the complete blackness of it. There were no lights, no life, nothing. It just looked like a hole, a big black gaping hole. A black hole here in Carolsburg. There is no love in that house. The only love tonight is in this house and I had to go inside.
The window that was open was right at deck level so it made it fairly easy to reach. I just had to climb over the railing of the deck and lean towards the window to get a grip. Luckily there was a little bit of a window ledge for me to stand on. I climbed over the railing with ease and reached towards the window. Once I was steady I pulled myself over to the window ledge and began to remove the screen. It took some jimmying but I eventually got it out. I sat the screen gently inside and then climbed in through the window.
Close Your Eyes: A Horror Story Collection Page 14