by G. C. Julien
Perula rests her long fingernailed hand on Mavis’s arm and grins from ear to ear. “Oh, the muscles on him,” she says, and Mavis looks so disgusted, you’d think she ate a spoonful of warm vomit.
What muscles? What’s she talking about?
Perula catches me staring because she forces an awkward smile. “What is it, child?”
I shrug. I’m trying hard to be nice to them, but I’m getting sick of being pushed around and lied to.
“Are you all right, dear?” Perula asks.
I realize I’m glaring now, but I can’t help myself. And I also can’t keep my mouth shut anymore. I just can’t. I hate people. I hate this place. I hate this world, and deep down, I hate Eve. She’s the reason my mom’s dead. If it weren’t for her and her stupid beliefs, my mom would’ve never left me in that abandoned warehouse with Clarissa, the lady in the blue dress, and with all the other kids. I sat there for days, waiting for her to come back, but she never did. It was only Eve who came back for me. I was so grateful to have her, but I know now that I’ve been holding on to something for way too long: why couldn’t Eve have died instead of my mom? If my mom were leading this place, things would be so much better.
“What’s Devil’s Breath and why are you guys making it?” I ask, my nostrils flared.
Mavis lets out a stupid laugh, then slaps a hand over her mouth. “Well, I’ll be damned to eternal hell and hung by my left foot.”
What’s she talking about? Why does she always have to make things so complicated by saying things that make absolutely no sense?
“What?” I say, but it comes out more like a bark.
Mavis’s beady eyes meet her sister’s, and her colorless, wrinkled lip is curled up on one side. “The little twit’s not as dumb as we thought.”
I grind my teeth and bite down, my temples pulsing. “Little twit?”
“Oh, ignore Mavis.” Perula flicks her wrist. She walks toward me, limping with every step. “We didn’t want to implicate you,” she says. Her voice is as sweet as honey, and I have to try to ignore how nice she’s being because otherwise, I’ll lose my anger. And I need my anger right now.
“Well I am implicated,” I say. “So spit it out. Is this Eve’s big idea? Is she poisoning the women?”
Perula pulls her head back and crinkles her nose. “Poisoning? Goodness, no. We use this nightshade plant”—she points her fingernails toward the dying plant in the corner—“to create scopolamine.”
“I know what it is,” I say. “I read up on it.”
Perula looks at her sister, probably wondering where I could have possibly read something like that.
“In Magical Herbs,” I clarify.
Perula tilts her head back, her mouth open, and black spots on her molars come into view. “Ahhh, I see.”
I cross my arms and raise two impatient eyebrows.
“We use it to create Devil’s Breath, as you know,” Perula continues. “And then we use that to create a little tea—something we call Devil’s tea.” She leans her body weight against the big wooden table in the middle, trying to reduce the pain in her hips. “It makes the women of Eden… happy.”
“Happy?” I say. “You mean high?”
“Oh shush your blabberin’ mouth,” Mavis goes off. “You damn kids don’t know a damn thing.” She slaps a hand beside her cauldron and stares me dead in the face, her pencil-thin eyebrows squishing together. “You ’ave no idea how much Eve has sacrificed to get us here! Everything she’s done! Everything she’s lost! Women can be stupid, especially when it comes to men.”
Her face is beet red, and small blue veins stick out on her forehead.
“You think you can just come on up in ’ere and start questionin’ how she gets things done?”
I swallow hard, wondering if I should’ve kept my mouth shut.
“Mavis…” Perula tries.
“No!” Mavis smacks another hand on the table. “The only reason we’re still alive is because of Eve. So what if she wants to use a bit of herbal tea to make women happy in this miserable hellhole? To have them be more receptive and more complacent? Because God knows women like to have their way, and if it wasn’t for Eve, there’d be no goddamn control in this place!” She points a crooked finger at me. “Look at you! You’re a perfect example. Eve asked the children of Eden not to choose Healer, and what did you do? Hmmm? She gave you free will, and you chose to disobey!”
She’s staring at me with humongous eyes and I can’t help wondering if they’re going to pop out and fall into her cauldron. She reaches up and scratches her matted hair. “This is exactly why,” she mutters to herself. “Look at this one. Look at her. She’s a friggin’ teenager, and she’s questioning our leader already.”
She swings around. “Eve is our shepherd, and she needs us to be sheep!” Saliva spews from her mouth, and she points her stiff finger at me again. Her arm moves up and down because she’s breathing so hard.
“All right, that’s enough,” Perula says, limping toward her sister. She reaches for her, but Mavis whips around.
“Leave me be!”
Perula looks at me with soft eyes. I can tell she feels bad about Mavis’s behavior, even if I’m the one who provoked it. She pushes her chin out, and I know exactly what she’s asking me to do. She’s asking me to step outside so she can talk Mavis down.
I creak the big wooden door open and step down into the grass. The sun is shining bright, so I rest against the cabin, letting it warm my face, neck, and arms. I close my eyes and breathe in the smell of fresh lavender, then look up at the beautiful purple flowers.
Maybe Mavis is right. Could be I need to let it go and let Eve take charge. If it weren’t for her, we wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t be here. I realize that might be why she’s been distant and cold with everyone… Because she’s stressed out all the time. She has hundreds of women and children to take care of, including me, who disobeyed her by choosing to become a Healer.
I feel like a failure… like I’m the one who took a bite out of the apple.
“Lucy!”
I look up. It’s Emily. She’s running away from Ruby, who keeps barking at her and dropping on her front legs with her tail wagging in the air. Behind her, Zack is following with a big smile on his face. He keeps laughing and pointing at the dog. He’s wearing cotton shorts and no top, so his light brown skin is all sweaty underneath the sun.
Maybe this is the closest thing there is to paradise in this horrible world… Friendship and laughter.
Why do I keep trying to find an answer? It’s like I think that the harder I look, the closer I’ll get to my mom. But she’s gone, and she’s never coming back.
“Come on!” Emily says.
I run to catch up, but Emily plops herself down into the grass and lies on her back. Ruby licks her all over her face, and she lets out a playful laugh.
Zack sits down beside Emily and rubs his hands over his sweaty face, then through his curly hair. “I used to have a dog,” he says, and the smile on his face disappears.
“What happened?” Emily asks.
Zack shrugs. He looks heartbroken. “He ran away when all the shooting and stuff started happening.”
Emily stares at the ground. “I’m so sorry,” she says. He doesn’t respond, so she clears her throat. “I used to have a great dad.”
Zack looks at her, waiting to hear what she has to say. I’m surprised Emily’s talking about her dad again. She knows the rules in Eden. Zack might not know them, but she does. And every time we talk about our pasts, we feel bad about it. I understand now why Eve says she doesn’t want anyone bringing up the past. She wants us to be happy.
“You remind me of him in a weird way,” she says.
He smiles big, but I can tell he’s uncomfortable. “Me? What? Why?”
She giggles, sounding like she’s eight years old, then points at his hair. “I think it’s the hair… My dad was so hairy, and they used to call him Beaver.”
“Beaver?” I ask, and
I can’t help but laugh because all I can picture is a man with huge front teeth. “Beavers aren’t that hairy. Did he have big teeth or something?”
Even Zack is laughing now. I don’t know anything about him, but he seems like a good person.
Emily shakes her head. “His name was Castor.”
“I don’t get it,” Zack says.
Emily rolls her eyes and playfully slaps him on the arm. “It means beaver in French.”
She’s smiling, but it’s a sad smile. I can tell that deep down, it’s torturing her.
Zack’s dark eyes roll toward me. “What about you? Have you lost anyone?”
I stare at him for a second, looking at the tiny mustache that’s trying to grow in and at his thick eyebrows that seem perfectly combed. He looks genuine—the kind of guy who wouldn’t even squish a bug. Maybe there’s a reason he’s here.
Then I realize something… If Eve let him into Eden, she’s not all bad. It means that even though she hates men more than anything in the world, there’s still a bit of humanity left in her.
That’s got to count for something, right?
I lean back, resting on my palms, and smile at him. “Don’t worry,” I say, “there’ll be plenty of time for us to get to know each other. Not like we’re going anywhere, right?”
I reach for a stick in the grass and chuck it far away, watching Ruby chase it, her long tail whipping in the air.
Zack’s still staring at me, looking like this is the happiest day of his life.
“I’m looking forward to it,” he says.
Lucy – Flashback
“Lucy, wake up,” Clarissa says.
I rub my swollen eyes and look up at her. She looks like a fuzzy ball to me right now, but I know it’s her because she’s wearing the same blue dress she wore the first day I met her.
“What?” I ask.
“Someone’s here for you.”
I sit up in my bed. Well, it’s not a real bed. It’s a pile of old clothes and blankets. My vision gets a bit clearer, and I rub my eyes again.
“Lucy.”
My heart starts to race. Am I dreaming?
“Lucy, honey, it’s me.”
Clarissa pats my back and tells me it’s okay. It’s okay if I get up and leave. I’m not a prisoner.
“Aunty Eve?” I ask.
She’s standing right in front of me, wearing torn jeans and a T-shirt full of blood. Her hair is pulled back in a messy ponytail, and she has no makeup on, but she’s smiling at me like I’m the best thing she’s ever seen.
“Oh, Lucy,” she says and sticks her arms out on both sides.
For the first time in what’s felt like weeks, the smell of pee and poop doesn’t bother me. I forget that I’m dirty, that I’m hungry, and that I stink so bad sometimes I find it hard to breathe. I jump up and run straight into her arms, feeling the warm skin of her neck against mine.
I hug her tight and burst out crying. I want to ask her where Mom is, but I’m not stupid. I know. I know she’s gone. Because if she wasn’t, she’d be here with me. I cry so hard that my head starts to hurt.
“Shhh, it’s okay,” Aunty Eve says. “I’m here, honey. I’m here. I’ll protect you.”
I nod against her neck, and she squeezes me tight and doesn’t let go. “I’ll do whatever I have to. Whatever it takes to keep you safe,” she says.
I nod again, but my throat hurts too much and I can’t say anything.
“Do you hear me? Whatever it takes.”
CHAPTER 37 – EVE
Eve – Present Day
“Do you realize the situation you’ve put me in?” I say, looking down at him like the filthy vermin he is.
He looks like a beaten dog with his swollen face, bruised abdomen, and bloody forehead. I should feel sorry for him, but I don’t. I should be thankful, but I’m not. The only word I can use to describe how I feel toward this man right now is hatred.
“I did… didn’t,” he tries.
“You d-d-d-didn’t what?” I mock.
It takes everything in me not to jab my heel into his broken ribs.
“I don’t want any trouble,” he says.
I scoff. “Well, it’s a bit late for that.”
He doesn’t respond but instead, stares into me like no one’s ever done before. It’s like he knows me, but I’ve never seen this man in my life.
“What were you doing outside of Eden’s walls?” I ask.
“Eden?” he repeats.
“This place,” I say. “What were you doing? Waiting to infiltrate? Or waiting for us to come out? Which one is it? You think you can stroll around this godforsaken desolate country in search of women? Like we’re nothing but prizes to you?”
He shakes his head. “It’s not like that,” he says. “I knew about this place. I knew about Alpa”—he draws in a sharp breath—“but I was trying to help a friend find his daughter. Then my old crew… These really bad guys… I couldn’t let them hurt anyone.”
I throw my head back and laugh, the sound resonating throughout the cold basement. “And I’m supposed to believe you’re some saint? That you’re so different from all the misogynistic, testosterone-driven pieces of shit that led the world to what it is today?”
I loosen my jaw, realizing that I’m talking through teeth clenched so tight I’m barely making sense.
“Believe what you want,” he says, grabbing at his ribs again. “But I’m not like them. We’re not all like that.”
I wish I could believe him, but I’ve seen what men are capable of. They’ve brought nothing but death and destruction to this world, and even if by some miracle this man were a saint, it wouldn’t excuse the behavior of the other millions of men who took part in a war against women.
“I truly want to help,” he says.
“How on Earth could you possibly help?” I say. “All you men are good for is reproduction.”
He lets out a grunt and drops his head against the cold cement floor. “If I knew about Alpa,” he breathes, “other men know about it, too.”
My heart pulsates in my neck.
“I agree with you,” he goes on. “There are a lot of bad men out there—there’re a lot of bad people in this world. And some of those bad people would do anything to get their hands on a colony full of women.”
He turns his black-haired head and looks at me. “I don’t know if you guys—women, I mean—are even equipped. Do you have guns? Weapons? Or are you living in some made-up fantasy world where you think everything is rainbows and butterflies?”
I raise my chin and clench a fist. “I suggest you watch your tone.”
He quickly raises an open hand. “I’m honestly not trying to be offensive. I’m trying to explain something to you. The world out there is still horrible… If you’ve been here since the war… You have no idea how messy things are right now. Men are killing each other over territory. Cutting off body parts and beating each other senseless. Women are killing, too, just trying to save their children. And it isn’t only that”—he holds his stare a little longer than I like—“the surviving women will eventually make their way to you if you honestly do offer everything you’ve promised. This place can’t possibly hold millions of women.”
Millions, I think. I’ve been so caught up worrying about surviving—about ensuring that the few women I brought with me remain safe and happy—that I forgot about the outside world. I forgot that outside of this paradise, women are dying of disease, starvation, and dehydration every day.
I can’t keep turning a blind eye to them.
I slowly stand up, my body casting a shadow over his. Even if I hate him, I realize, he could prove to be valuable for the greater good.
I swallow my pride and stretch my neck, feeling a pleasant snap. “What do you propose?”
Eve – Flashback
“It’s her.”
“Are you sure?”
“That’s her—that’s Eve!”
“Eve!”
I squeeze Lucy’s hand
and pull her closer to me, refastening the blindfold over her eyes. Women begin appearing all around me, rising from piles of rubble and dead bodies. If I allow myself to take in what’s going on, I’m afraid I’ll drop to my knees and cry until I die.
There are so many bodies everywhere, and the smell is enough to make me want to reach into my mouth and pull out my own stomach.
And then, there’s a dreadful silence in the air—a silence like no other. No airplanes fly overhead; no lights emit a soft buzzing sound; no music blares through a radio speaker; no cars drive by.
There’s nothing but dead bodies and a gray overcast.
An old woman suddenly collapses in front of me, pressing her crispy lips against my bloody sneakers. “Eve, our savior!”
I pull back, violated, when someone else reaches for my hand. She’s covered in dirt from head to toe, her blue eyes looking like diamonds in contrast.
“You saved us,” she says. “V-V-Vrin, a lady in a uniform, told us everything.”
I turn in circles, noting all the women who are coming forward, kneeling down on bruised knees as if I’m some goddess worthy of worship. They’re trying to smile, but they’re broken. Wet tears form silky lines on their filthy faces, and one of them lets out a sob so pained, my throat starts to ache.
It has a ripple effect, creating a unified lament powerful enough to seemingly stop time itself. I want to fall—to join these women and to cry for everything I’ve lost—but I can’t.
I have to step into the role I’ve created for myself.
I have to be exactly what they need of me: a savior capable of erasing all the pain they’ve endured.
CHAPTER 38 – GABRIEL
Gabriel – Present Day
For the last five years, I’ve been playing it over and over in my head—what I’d do if I ever saw this woman again. It was my job to protect President Price, and I failed. I’ve been carrying a sickening guilt ever since that day… Ever since she stabbed a bayonet into President Price’s chest.