by John Corwin
"Lulu did this to me just before the wandslingers attacked us at the El Dorado waystation." I resisted the urge to scratch the back of my hand. I told him what the dragon said. "Then she opened her mouth and I thought she was going to kill me."
Kanaan pursed his lips and nodded. "This is good."
"Good?" Ambria's forehead pinched. "She said we were on our own and then tried to burn Conrad to a crisp."
"Lulu did this for a reason. If she meant to kill him, he would be dead." Kanaan inspected my palms. "Has anything unusual happened since then?"
I tried not to laugh and failed. "Yes, plenty of horrible and unusual things happened."
Kanaan tapped his temple. "Not without, but within."
"Oh." I shrugged. "Lots of weird dreams, and hypersensitivity to aether. Does that qualify?"
"We must discuss this more, but for now we should go." He turned away and waved us after him. "London awaits."
I thought Kanaan would ask me more questions on the train ride to London, but he lay down on the bench and went to sleep, so I followed his cue and got much-needed rest.
Kanaan took us to a hotel not far from the hidden entrance leading to Queen's Gate deep below the city. "There are eyes everywhere, so we must disguise ourselves to infiltrate the waystation."
"Galfandor said the wards at the university can detect illusions and even regular disguises," I said.
He nodded. "The perimeter wards do. Once inside, some of the buildings are warded. This is why we will bypass the normal route."
"Hidden tunnels?" I asked.
"No. We will use an omniarch in the waystation." He gazed through the window at the gathering dusk. "Disguises and the morning rush crowds should facilitate entrance. I will procure supplies and meet you here in the morning."
"Where are you staying the night?" Ambria asked.
"Nearby." Kanaan slipped out quick as a ghost before we could ask another question.
I wrapped an arm around Ambria. "Aren't you just the teacher's pet?"
"I have a competitive streak." She pulled me down to sit on the bed. "I called Max on the train. Still no word from Galfandor, and Percival is days away from finishing his memory potion. Otherwise, they seem safe."
"How is Max doing?" I asked.
"Well, he seemed a bit sad he can't join us, but he was also quite happy when I told him that you weren't interested in Ivy."
"Did you tell him about us?"
Ambria shook her head. "You didn't mention it last time, so I assumed you wanted to tell him in person." She laughed. "Not that it'll matter to him."
"He'll probably worry I might team up with you when you two argue."
Her eyebrow quirked. "Will you?"
I shook my head. "You two argue about the dumbest things."
"But I enjoy tormenting him."
I snorted. "Obviously."
"Oh, Kanaan taught me a neat spell you might like." Ambria pulled her wand from the satchel on the floor.
"Yeah? Will it make me the teacher's pet too?"
"Afraid not." She tapped the wand on her head and stepped to the side. A copy of her stepped sideways in the opposite direction. The pair grinned at me.
I brushed a hand at the closest one and found thin air. "That's his illusion spell!"
"I know. Isn't it the best?" She turned and walked to the room door. The illusion walked into the bathroom and vanished. "I know it's not a great demonstration, but the illusion is programmed to take another path once it splits off from you."
"Brilliant!" I took out my arcwand. "Can you send me the code?"
"I already uploaded it." Ambria showed me the shortcut pattern for the spell. "Just do that and tap the wand on yourself."
I stood and tried it out, but nothing happened.
"You have to move." Ambria pushed me back a step. A copy stepped forward out of me. "The illusion will split off and mimic you for a few seconds before taking another path. There's another version that makes you invisible so your illusion is a better decoy, but it requires a lot more power."
"I love it." I headed for the main door and watched my illusion vanish into the bathroom.
Ambria pressed a hand to my chest. "Is the magic sickness gone?"
I conjured a light ball and experimented with a few zaps of electricity without feeling sick. "I think I'm back to a hundred percent."
"You should aetherate as much as you can just to be sure."
I drew in aether. My palms tingled. The pulse of ley lines beat in time with my heart. The faces of the dead swarmed around me until I pushed them back into the void, out of my bubble of meditation.
Usually, it required only a few seconds of steady intake to reach my limit, but this time it took noticeably longer. I felt a distant connection to something else. Something far away, but connected through the network of ley lines. I closed my eyes and tried to touch it. The floor rumbled beneath my feet, nearly shaking me from my concentration.
"Did you feel that?" Ambria asked.
"Probably the subway," I said without opening my eyes. I continued to aetherate until the my well pushed back. Somewhere, just out of reach, I felt a powerful presence. "I'm full." I wished I could push past this wall and discover whatever waited on the other side, but try as I might, I couldn't budge another inch.
Ambria touched my wrist. "Run the calibration spell Ansel gave you."
I recalled the shortcut pattern and activated it, then cast a shield spell and conjured a glowball for measurement. Text glittered in the air. Cast Efficiency 63%, Aether 823, AP 21.
Ambria's eyes flared. "That's impossible. Measure again."
I felt like an overinflated balloon, the pressure of aether swelling me to my limit. I ran through the spells again before releasing the pent-up energy. The numbers remained the same.
Ambria blinked several times. "When was the last time you measured yourself?"
"Months ago." I shrugged. "Back before Zarin attacked Ansel."
"What were your stats?"
"Sixty-two percent, somewhere in the five hundreds for aether, and an AP of fourteen."
Ambria blew out a soft breath. "I don't understand." She ran the calibration spell on herself. Cast Efficiency 81%, Aether 504, AP 13. "I've only improved a little in the same time."
"It must be from all the times I've overextended myself." I couldn't even count all the magical battles I'd fought. "Fireblade wrecks me."
"Or it runs in the family." Ambria's forehead creased. "You are a Moore, after all. A blood relative of Moses himself."
"I wonder if overextending myself is why I keep having these bizarre dreams, or if it has something to do with aether burn from Lulu." I told her about the man in white and my visions. "Do you think it's connected to the dreams about the stars?"
Ambria tapped her chin. "I think you're having visions, Conrad. Whatever that man is trying to tell you might be important."
"Or he wants me to overextend myself so I'm too tired to fight Victus." A terrible thought gripped my guts. "What if he's one of the bad guys?"
Her eyes narrowed. "Does he seem evil to you?"
I thought back to the dream and couldn't recall feeling anything but fear and curiosity. "No, but that doesn't mean anything."
"Well, there's no harm in improving yourself." She looked at her stats. "My cast efficiency is nearly twenty points higher than yours. If you didn't rely so much on brute strength, you wouldn't overextend yourself as often."
I bowed. "Help me, oh master."
Ambria rolled her eyes. "Precision is key." She frowned. "All the power in the world doesn't mean much if nearly forty-percent of your potential is wasted." Ambria tapped a finger on her chin. "Efficiency is a combination of focus and containment. Let's go somewhere we can practice without destroying the room."
I flashed a grin. "You're going to teach me?"
Ambria smirked. "I'm going to try."
We left the hotel and went a few streets over into Hyde Park. It seemed mostly empty at this hour so we
made our way to the Serpentine—a lake in the middle.
Ambria made sure no one was near. "Calibrate again and fire a more powerful spell into the water."
I summoned the statistics spell then cast a shield followed by a gout of fire. My efficiency rose by one point. "Not much better."
"Do it again, but this time, use Fireblade to calibrate."
I repeated it, using all my concentration to cast the destructive spell. Water sizzled and sheets of steam rose where the ruby energy struck the lake. This time, my efficiency jumped to ninety-two percent. I looked at the number with befuddlement. "That doesn't make any sense."
"It makes perfect sense." Ambria watched the drifting clouds of steam. "Delectra's soul shard imprinted that spell so precisely in your mind that your efficiency is nearly perfect."
"That doesn't help my overall efficiency."
"Remember Kanaan's lesson about pinpointing?" Ambria flicked her wand. The tip flashed so brightly it blinded me.
"Ouch." I blinked away the afterimages. "Yes. Something about pushing the spell through a bottleneck."
She frowned. "You obviously weren't listening."
"I could swear that's what he said."
"That was a completely different lesson about throttling the power to a spell so you only stun the target instead of killing them." Ambria sighed. "You get so preoccupied sometimes, Conrad."
"I worry a lot."
"About what?"
"You. Max." Cold fingers gripped my heart. "My dead mother. Victus."
Ambria's lips pressed into a thin line. "We've all seen and done terrible things, Conrad. You've got to forgive yourself for what you've done, and realize that nearly everything else is out of your control."
"I know it's out of my control." My hands tightened into fists. "It doesn't stop it from haunting me."
"How many tragedies have you prevented by worrying about them?"
"Is that a rhetorical question?" I asked.
Ambria gripped my wand hand and pulled it up to eye level. "All that worrying is preventing you from being the best you can be. You're letting Victus cloud your mind. Letting him shut you down without even lifting a wand."
I blinked back a surge of anger. "I can't help it! It makes me sick to my stomach!"
"I know." Ambria's voice turned soothing. "It makes me sick too. But I don't let it interfere." She pressed my hand over her heart. "I overcome the anger, fear, and worry by focusing on the people I love."
It was a lovely sentiment, but I didn't know if I could do it. "I'll try."
"Don't try. Do it." Ambria tapped the end of my wand. "I want you to focus the zap spell so efficiently right here that it pops like mine did." Her eyes bored into mine. "Think about what matters most to you, not about the horrors of the past."
I could almost feel cold, dead fingers clawing at my ankles. "Okay."
Ironically, worry showed in her eyes. "Conrad, we need you. If you use up all your strength with imprecise casting, we'll be on our own. We might die."
Chapter 22
The truth was hard to hear, but Ambria was right. I had to improve. If I used up my strength in the first few seconds of a fight, I'd be useless.
Zap was a low-aether cost spell Esma taught us in magical defenses class. Though it wouldn't kill anyone, it delivered quite a shock. For the next hour, I tried to fill my mind with thoughts of those I loved instead of the death and violence I hated.
It only made my focus worse. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't clear my mind of the clutter. Images of the dead, of attacking wandslingers, and vicious werewolves lingered in my thoughts. Closing my eyes only made the nightmares more vivid.
I'd grown used to pushing aside the ghosts that haunted me. Replacing them with Max, Ambria, and Cora wasn't as simple as I'd hoped. It would take time and practice to completely change the way I'd learned to meditate.
"What's going on up here?" Ambria tapped my forehead. "Even Max's efficiency is higher than yours and he can't stop thinking about food."
I threw down my wand in frustration. "It's not working!" I pinched the bridge of my nose. "How do you do it, Ambria?"
She picked up my wand, but didn't lift her eyes from the ground. "I'm kind of ashamed to admit it."
I lifted her chin. "Tell me. Please."
Her eyes refused to meet mine. "I, um…" Ambria backed up a step. "I think about puppies and kittens playing together and it makes everything else go away."
My mouth fell open. I'd expected something more profound than that. "Puppies and kittens?"
Her eyes finally met mind. "What do you see when you close your eyes, Conrad?"
I tried to put my thoughts into words. "It's just fragments—terrible flashbacks. Blood, death, screams." I winced. "It's always a dull roar in the back of my head."
"Have you tried my method?"
I snorted. "I'm willing to try anything."
"Then do it."
I pictured puppies falling all over each other. Kittens playing with balls of yarn. Then I saw Victus splicing together puppies and kittens. Howls of pain tore through the happy thoughts and jerked me back to reality. I gasped and staggered back.
"Maybe a psychiatrist would be better." Ambria frowned. "How about this? Remember your first lesson with Ansel?"
I shrugged. "Yeah. I made myself sick trying to burn a hole through a diamond fiber chest."
"But it was a trick since diamond fiber is invulnerable to magic."
I nodded. "Well, Ansel seemed impressed that I made a black mark on it."
"I remember." Ambria wiped dirt off the tip of my wand. "You didn't know what you were doing, but you managed to put a mark on what should have been magic immune material."
"True." I wasn't sure where Ambria was headed with this. "But I burned through all my strength and was sick for days."
She smirked. "Well, you did put everything you had into it. You later told me that he asked if you'd used an avatar."
"Yes. But I've tried focusing on my avatars since then and it hasn't worked." My stomach felt a bit queasy just remembering the severe magic sickness I'd suffered after that.
"Ansel never mentioned avatars to me or Max," Ambria said. "In fact, I'd nearly forgotten about that part of your story until now."
I sighed. "Not like it does anything."
"Do you remember exactly what you were thinking?"
"It was over a year ago."
Ambria put a hand on my shoulder. "Think, Conrad."
I closed my eyes, but the darkness filled with horrors—a demon devouring Brickle. Lifeless eyes staring up at me from a mass grave. Lycans tearing Arcanes limb from limb. Victus blowing a hole through Harris Ashmore's chest. I gasped and opened my eyes.
The horror movie of my life, running on a constant loop. "There's too much to forget. So much death."
"I know, Conrad." She kissed my cheek. "It's madness, but we have to push through it." Ambria put a hand on my forehead. "Think back to that day. What went through your mind?"
I gritted my teeth and imagined Ansel's office as I first walked inside. He'd challenged me to fire off as many spells as I could in quick succession. I'd managed three. He'd told me how the words we used to cast spells had no magic—that it was all from our will and focus. That the strength of a spell came from within us—not the spell itself.
"He said that spells like Ignitus aren't weak, but because we were told they were and believed it, we made them weak."
Ambria nodded. "Yes, I remember you telling me this. What next?"
"He ordered me to burn a hole in the diamond fiber chest. He said if I didn't, he wouldn't teach me."
"How did that make you feel?"
"Angry and desperate." I closed my eyes again and saw myself standing before the chest. "I knew if I didn't pass the test, he wouldn't teach me. I would never defeat my parents." I flashed back to the day Cumberbatch resurrected my parents. Delectra held a cold blade to my throat, a wicked gleam in her eyes as she prepared to end me.
&nbs
p; I felt no malice toward my mother. Her innocence had been twisted and corrupted by demonic influence. She had died to save me. Tears burned beneath my closed eyelids. Still caught in the waking nightmare, I turned to face the real enemy—the man who'd bent her soul to his will.
Victus.
My father smirked at me. "Even death cannot stop me, boy. The only limits are the ones we create."
Rage burned through my veins and the tears evaporated. The fears and nightmares haunting me paled in comparison to what would happen if this man took over the world. My hatred burned so bright that I saw only the visage of the man who would be Overlord.
The only limits are the ones we create. Words to live by.
I opened my eyes and cast Zap. The harmless electricity spell crackled like lightning and plowed a furrow into the dirt. Thunder pealed, and the shockwave vibrated me to my core.
"Enough!" Ambria grabbed my wrist to stop another cast. "I think you found your avatar."
My shoulders slumped. "Then my avatar is hate."
Her eyes widened. "What do you mean? Isn't it Cora, or your mother?"
I shook my head. "It's my father."
Ambria's lips peeled back in a grimace. "Well, your efficiency was seventy-nine percent."
I shook my head to clear the angry haze. "That's it?"
"It's above average. Most Arcanes hover around seventy-five percent."
I jammed my wand in its holster. "Doesn't matter. All I need is one spell to finish off the bastard."
"I don't think you found your avatar, Conrad." Ambria hugged my arm. "Anger can help focus, but it's not why you're fighting Victus."
"It's a part of it." I stared at the blackened grass. "If it helps me kill my father, then I'll use it."
Ambria looked up at me with big eyes. "Conrad, are you fighting to destroy the man you hate, or to save the people you love?"
It was a profound question, and to my shame, I couldn't come up with an answer.
She sighed and rubbed my back. "It's okay. Let's go back to the hotel and rest."
The scar tissue on my hands tingle. I scratch and scratch until blood trickles down the sides, but it does nothing to stop the itch. The tingle turns to a burn. My flesh bubbles and boils. The scars and blood burn to ash. Blue fire erupts from gaping holes in my palms. I hold out my hands and scream.