by Claire Adams
“Can you brush my hair tonight?” Gina asked.
“Sure,” I said.
“I like when you do it,” she said, standing up and allowing me to help her from the tub. “Daddy hurts my hair.”
“That’s probably because Daddy doesn’t have as much hair like you and me and he doesn’t have the practice I do.”
Gina giggled and covered her mouth. Her eyes sparkled as I rubbed the towel over her to dry off her little body. I wrapped it around her then pulled her against me in a tight hug. The very thought of losing Gina made me want to hold onto her longer. Maybe that was why Noah and I hadn’t discussed our future, because there was a chance that if we didn’t work out, my future wouldn’t include her, and I couldn’t bear the thought.
Noah and Mom were still outside after I changed Gina into her pajamas. I closed the door to the bedroom, not even wanting to hear the faint sound of Mom’s voice.
Gina and I sat on the guest room bed with her between my legs. I slowly pulled the comb through her hair, feeling the small pops as I moved through the tangles. She didn’t complain. I knew what she sounded like when Noah did it, and I tried to spare her that agony when I could.
“Did your mom do this when you were little?” she asked.
I didn’t have any fond memories of it, but I was sure she did. “Yeah.”
“I miss my mom,” she said.
I stiffened.
“I don’t remember her,” Gina said. “But I’m upset that I don’t have one. All the kids on T.V. have moms.”
“Well, it’s okay to be upset; have you spoken to your dad about this?”
“Daddy doesn’t like to talk about my mom,” Gina said. “He acts strange when I ask.”
“I’m sure he misses her too.”
She nodded. “I wish you were my mom.”
I stopped brushing, and Gina turned around to look at me. Her brown eyes pierced through my soul. What did she expect me to say? Had she heard my mom outside? Did she know about Noah and me?
Then she turned back around, and I continued brushing her hair, my hands moved automatically through the motions. Being so young, Gina didn’t know the effect of some of the things she said. And like when Mom asked about me and Noah, I had no idea what to say this time either.
Noah and Mom entered the house, and I turned my attention back to Gina’s hair. I smoothed it down with the brush and quickly twisted it into a loose braid. Lately, her hair started to go a little wild so keeping it back, even at night, helped with tangles.
“Daddy!” Gina said leaping off the bed.
Noah stood in the doorway, and he smiled down at his daughter. He scooped her up into a hug and whirled her around.
“You smell good enough to eat,” he said then growled against her neck.
I couldn’t help but laugh as she squealed at him to let her down.
He pretended to bite her a few more times before he let her to the ground. She came over to the bed and hopped up again. “Daddy, I want to sleep with you tonight.”
Noah sobered then glanced at me.
I nodded but said nothing. I could go one night without sleeping with him. Besides, I knew when we got back, Noah’s time would be filled with work again. He needed this time with Gina for the both of them.
“Sure, honey,” he said then looked at me again. “Your mom wants to start up the barbecue but needs some matches. I’m going to hop in the shower and get this sand off me.”
“Okay,” I said, heading out of the room.
He touched my arm. “I’m going to set Gina in front of the television. Your mom wanted to speak with you privately.”
Of course, she did. Probably to tell me to knock off my attitude. I was right, and I planned on making that perfectly clear.
“Thanks,” I said.
Gina shoved passed us toward the living room.
I kissed Noah lightly on the lips.
He smiled. “What was that for?”
I shrugged. “Just because.” Then I headed into the kitchen for the matches before I lost my nerve.
Mom was cleaning the barbie when I got out there with the matches.
“Thanks, love,” she said, taking them from me.
“I want to talk to you about earlier,” I said, diving right in. I wanted this to be resolved before dinner as I didn’t want to leave us in an awkward position for our last night.
“Love, it’s a conversation you need to have,” she said.
“You need to stay out of my business.”
“This is no longer just your business.” She took the matches from my hand and clicked on the starter. “You brought a little girl into my life and like hell am I going to let you hurt her.”
“How am I going to hurt her?”
“You’re lying to her. And if things go badly between you and Noah, Gina is going to be heartbroken. It’s better to hash this all out now and save yourself heartache down the line.”
“It’s fine,” I said. “I’m a big girl.” Yet why did she continually make me feel like a child? I wondered if that would ever stop. But as long as she was alive, she’d mother me until the day she died.
“All I’m saying is I want you to be careful and know what you’re getting into before Gina gets too attached to you.”
“It’s a little late for that, Mom,” I said.
“Well, then I think you need to pray that it works out. Because at the end of the day, she is Noah’s daughter. You can’t have one without the other.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Noah
Tuesday morning arrived before I was ready for it. I barely got any sleep the night before since I was jet-lagged worse than I ever had been before. The American flight attendants were less concerned with my sleep than the Australian attendants had been on the way down. Even though Gina, Jess, and I were in good spirits. That last leg of our journey dragged on much longer than it needed to. And after dropping Jess at her apartment, Gina and I went home and passed out.
It was a good thing I’d set my alarm for work because when it went off, my body and mind were in different time zones and I had no clue what day it was. Checking my phone, I realized it was Tuesday already, and I had to get ready for work.
I lingered in the shower for longer than normal, turning the water cold so that I could wake up. I promised myself I would get right to work when I returned from Australia. That was easier said than done.
It appeared to be the first day I’d ever gotten dressed since I put my pants on backward and went through two pairs of socks before I managed to match them.
By the time I got downstairs, I was a little more grounded in my schedule. I made a strong pot of coffee and guzzled two cups before Jess arrived.
“Good morning,” Jess said cheerfully from the doorway.
I glanced at the clock. I needed to leave now.
“Hey, Jess,” I said and pecked her on the cheek. “I gotta go.”
“Have a good day,” she said as I headed out the door to start what was going to be what I knew would be a rough first day back at work.
The coffee kicked in halfway to work, and by the time I got there, my hands were shaking. At least my brain worked again.
Even though Allison rarely came in before eight-thirty, she was at my door when I arrived at the office.
“Give me everything in order of importance,” I said, opening my office door.
“Everything is important today, Noah,” Allison said. “Last week was a bit busy for everyone.” I tried not to hear the twinge of attitude in her tone of voice. I seemed to recall her taking every single vacation day since she’d come to work for me. Yes, I was the boss, but I deserved some time off too. Even if it meant I’d regret it soon after when dealing with people like her.
I tried to calm my declining mood. It was only because of my lack of sleep. Allison had done nothing wrong.
She showed me a stack of paperwork on my desk. The sight of it was alarming as I generally worked through each day’s contracts an
d proposals and other miscellaneous things to sign on a daily basis. I’d never seen this much work on my plate before. For a brief moment, I regretted going on vacation at all. But as Jess said yesterday on the way home, everyone needed a vacation.
I wished Jess could understand why I never went on them. I didn’t regret going to Australia, but I should have expected this workload. It was easy for her since, at the end of the day, she didn’t have to take work home with her, or deal with employees’ livelihoods in her hands.
Yet the time I spent with Gina last week was priceless.
I hated that I constantly battled between my personal and professional life. The daily war waged harder today, and the only way I could deal with it was to bury myself in my job.
By noon, I’d barely dented the pile, but I’d fallen into my routine much quicker than I’d anticipated. Allison held off on any meetings or phone calls for me, so I was able to lock myself in my office and get caught up.
A little after noon, I received a photo from Jess. She and Gina were at the park on the swings. I took a satisfying breath and looked at their smiling faces. How I wanted to get back home to them and extend our vacation just a little longer.
Seeing the stack on my desk propelled me to work harder so I’d be able to get home to Jess sooner.
My phone buzzed. I groaned and picked up. “I thought I said I needed time to catch up.”
“I know, Noah, but the warehouse just called, and one of the trucks is out of commission, affecting three deliveries today.”
I hung my head. “Get me in touch with them now, please.”
As Allison connected me to the warehouse, I closed my eyes and tried to remember the calming crash of water on the shore from my many trips to the beach last week. I was already fired up and needed to calm down before someone else was about to be.
It was seven o’clock by the time I got home from work. I’d texted Jess to let her know she’d have to stay late that night. Guilt snaked through me at the fact that I wouldn’t be able to see Gina until tomorrow night, but it wasn’t something I could help. Once I got back on track, I’d be able to get home earlier, but I had no idea when that would be. We were backlogged an entire week, and with my stress levels, no one was going to have a good week. My company hadn’t been this off track since we’d first started.
“Hey,” Jess said to me when I got home.
I pecked her on the lips and placed my briefcase on the kitchen table. I had a lot of work to complete tonight, but now that I was home, all I wanted to do was go to bed.
“Rough day?” she asked.
I rubbed my eyes. “Rougher than I can remember for a long time.”
She placed a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sure tomorrow will be better.”
“I damn well hope so,” I said.
Jess frowned. “I made a casserole for dinner. Do you want me to heat it up for you?”
I checked my watch. “If you wouldn’t mind. I know it’s late though.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m sort of the reason you’re stressed out now.”
“It’s not your fault,” I said. “I should have done more work when I was over there. Allison significantly underestimated how much was going on while I was gone.”
“Do you think you can catch up this week?” she asked.
“Probably not; I have this week’s work to do as well. I’m going to be pulling a lot of hours this week. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Not at all,” she said. She opened the refrigerator and pulled out a glass container. She moved around the kitchen as it were her own.
I sat down on one of the bar stools and watched her take a plate from the cabinet and place a chunk of the casserole onto it.
“Gina really missed you today,” she said.
“I feel guilty enough, Jess. I don’t need to hear that.”
“I’m just telling you what your daughter said,” I noted a hint of annoyance in her voice. Her attitude wasn’t helping my mood. I knew Gina missed me, but what the hell was I supposed to do about that? I had to work. Someone around here did.
“It will take her a few days to adjust to the new schedule,” Jess said. “Sometimes vacations, especially ones halfway across the country, need a little time. That’s all I was saying.”
“I know,” I said. “Today is the first day in a long line of days of adjustment for me.”
Jess broke up the chunk of casserole with a fork while she spoke. “Well, it’s a good thing you have a lot of money. If it gets too stressful, you can always sell the business and retire comfortably. I know Gina would love having you around more. Or you could take a demotion and be a salesman if you get bored with retirement.”
What? “Retirement? Jess, I’ve worked too hard to retire this early.”
Her eyes met mine. “You’ve made more in a short amount of time than most make their whole lives.”
“And I intend to keep making that money until a proper retirement age.” I stood up. What did she know about my past? Not much. When we were alone, I monopolized the time to get to know her. And I guarded my past. Maybe if she knew about the struggle I’d had growing up, then she would get off my back about working. Wendy had done the same thing at times, even though she knew me back then. What was it with women always trying to fix me? I wasn’t broke. “I grew up in poverty, Jess. Like sometimes I didn’t eat for an entire day. I lived in a one bedroom apartment and slept on the floor. I’ve worked my ass off my whole life to never go back to that point again.”
“Noah,” Jess said. “I didn’t know.”
“And that’s my fault, but you should see where I’m coming from.”
“But you have money now,” she said. “You can do anything with it.”
“Like retire before I’m forty? She needs to look up to a strong parental figure. Not some guy who sits on his bank account and golfs all day.”
“I wasn’t saying that,” Jess said. “She knows you’re anything but lazy. Or a golfer.”
I knew she was trying to make light of the situation, but my mood wasn’t broken by her words.
“I’m more than that,” I said. “I’ve worked too hard to let it all go now. I’m in my prime, and I intend on going until I can’t go anymore.”
“What about Gina?”
“What about Gina?” I challenged.
“She only has one parent. Don’t you think it’s important to be there for her? Right now is a crucial time in her development—”
“Isn’t that why I hired you?” I said. The moment the words were out I regretted them.
Her lips pressed together until they were a thin white line. “I think I should go. Heat up the leftovers for a few minutes in the microwave,” Jess said and left the room without giving me a kiss.
I stood there, staring at her for several moments before I heard the front door close. She definitely wasn’t coming back to talk about what I’d said. That was her though. She always ran. She needed her space, especially after the stupid thing I said to her.
I went over to the plate and brought it to the microwave, following her instructions.
I watched the plate move in circles around in the microwave. I might have been a little too hard on her, but I’d had a rough day. I wasn’t sitting at home making a quilt and playing at the park. Jess had no idea what I went through each day. Though since she didn’t, it wasn’t fair for me to be rude to her. Tomorrow was another day. I’d apologize in the morning. We both needed time to cool off.
When the food was ready, I grabbed the plate and a slice of bread from that bakery Jess loved before heading up to my office. Our talk had given me an extra boost of energy that I needed to carry me through working the rest of the night, though Jess didn’t stray very far from my mind.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Jess
All night I stewed about what Noah said to me. He’d taken my words completely out of context. Of course, I knew he was a hard worker. I only suggested he retire since he had so much money and
had the opportunity to be with Gina more than he knew. What was wrong with that? With the progression of our relationship, didn’t he want me to be honest with him? When he worked, he didn’t think of anything else. He had no idea what long hours meant to Gina when she didn’t see her father for more than an hour a day. I wasn’t her mother, so there was no substitute for what she was missing.
Noah was the type who needed a push in the right direction when it came to his family. He had blinders on to the world around him. His eyes were focused on dollar signs when they should have been focused on his daughter who was growing up with a nanny. It wasn’t as if I wanted him to fire me, but in my first few weeks of working, he’d managed to come home at a decent time each night. I hoped we’d be able to return to that point soon. Gina was too young to understand a lot of this, but from her perspective, she always came last on Noah’s priorities. And for a three-year-old to comprehend that, well, it wasn’t right.
After thinking about it on the ride home, my mood softened a little. I assumed he had a bigger workload than he was used to so this had to be temporary. At least I hoped, for everyone’s sake. We’d had such a good time in Australia. I didn’t want to turn our happy memories into regretful ones. Or ones that would prevent Noah from ever leaving work for an extended period of time ever again.
Tomorrow would be better. He needed to get some sleep to clear his head, and I needed to give him the opportunity to talk to me about what he was feeling.
When I arrived at Noah’s the next morning, I took a breath before going inside. Today was a new day. Talking to him about our conversation last night would clear the air, and everything between us would be okay. This was our first serious argument, and we’d get through it and move on.