by Claire Adams
“All right, cool. I’ll ask her what she wants.” He stepped closer, making me nervous. “Thank you, again, for everything that you are doing. It has really been a lifesaver. Work is really busy this time of year. It always has been, and it’s the bread and butter of my company.”
“It’s really no problem, I like Kayla a lot,” I said, easing my shoulders a bit. “She’s a bright young lady, and I really hope that eventually she accepts me more in her life. She is hurting, and I want you to know that I am here to help in any way I can. I can’t imagine what the both of you are going through.”
“That means a lot,” he said. “I actually had someone remind me how important family is today, blood-related or not. I’m doing okay. I am pretty much at the point where it doesn’t hurt anymore, and I’m ready to move forward. The hard part is figuring out how to change our lives to be more normal and have Kayla open up and start moving forward as well. I know she will never actually get over it, but she can at least maybe start to accept it and pull herself out of this funk. We are all here for her, but she is the only one that can do it.”
“Well, I think that time will help,” I said, taking in a deep breath. “But I’m going to hit the road. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“All right, be safe driving,” he said, watching me as I left.
I couldn’t believe the things that ran through my head while I was standing in that kitchen. As I made my way to the car, I felt completely out of sorts, unsure of what was ahead. I had some seriously off-kilter feelings about my stepbrother, and it was starting to get intense.
Chapter Five
Ryan
The past week had flown by, especially with the amount of work that I had riding on my shoulders. I was having to split my days, driving back and forth to different work sites, making sure they were being managed properly. I ended up making one of my longtime employees an assistant manager just so that I knew things were getting done when I was away. I ended up running into Juan again about midweek since he was doing another job across the street from ours. We set up a time to have a few drinks, which was where I was headed.
I had stopped by the office to change clothes, since I was covered in dirt, and to call and check in on Alissa and Kayla. They were doing fine, and Alissa was helping Kayla use the new computer software I got her to ignite her interest in interior design. Kayla seemed to be up and down when it came to opening up to Alissa, but that was better than nothing.
Alissa had stayed and had dinner with us once, but she seemed to clam up a bit whenever I would come home. Maybe she felt the same way as me, or maybe she was just a shy person. Either way, being around her all the time definitely didn’t help me get over my crush on her. She was nice enough to stay at my house and watch Kayla while I had drinks and caught up with Juan. I walked into the pub and looked around, finding Juan sitting at the end of the bar, eating pretzels and drinking a beer. He waved at me and smiled, and I felt slightly normal for the first time in a while.
“Hey, man,” I said, giving him a hug and sitting down next to him.
“Long day?”
“Yeah,” I said. “It was insane.”
“I know how you feel.” He laughed.
I ordered a beer, and we chatted quickly about work, getting that conversation out of our system. We tried not to always talk about work when we had free time, but being in the same business, we understood each other and found it an easy conversation starter. The bartender brought my beer back, and she smiled at me when she sat it in front of me.
“See?” Juan asked when she walked away. He nodded toward the girl behind the bar. “You aren’t as out of the game as you think.”
“She’s paid to flirt with me,” I said, laughing.
“Speaking of flirting,” Juan said, smiling. “I’ve been dating a woman named Maria now for about six months. She’s pretty amazing, and I think things are starting to get serious.”
“That’s great, man,” I said, patting him on the shoulder. “Just be careful. When you think you know someone is when things start to get really hairy. Women are sneakier than they seem. Trust me.”
“I appreciate the advice,” he said, chuckling. “But you aren’t in the right head space to talk about relationships, I don’t think. I know you’ve been burned bad, but don’t let that affect your love life, Ryan. Not all women are Christina. You have to remember that if you want any hope of being happy in the future.”
I looked up at the bartender, ordered two shots of Jack, and stared down at my beer. She placed the shots in front of us, and I took mine to the head, ordering another before the heat dissipated from my chest. She filled my glass back up, and I turned to Juan, clinking my shot glass to his and watching as he lifted his eyebrows. I shook my head and took the shot, letting out a deep breath as the warming liquid moved down my throat. I put the shot glass down and covered it, not letting the bartender pour another. It was one thing to feel better. It was another to drink away my issues.
“I don’t know, Juan,” I said, running my hands through my hair. “He was my damn best friend. Like, we shared everything for a very long time. I guess by everything, it really was everything. And Christina, I mean, how could she play me like that? She acted like everything was fine. And I’m not dreaming that up. I’ve replayed the few weeks prior to her leaving over and over in my mind, and I still couldn’t find something that maybe I had missed. It was like they both had a double life, and on the other side, they were together.”
I looked around the bar, making sure I wasn’t the poor sap everyone was staring at, but the bar was relatively empty. There was a couple on the other end, paying attention to themselves, and us, stuck away in the back corner of the bar. I felt bad about bringing this up to Juan, but I barely ever talked out loud about it. Maybe I was just kidding myself. Maybe I was angry with more than just Christina leaving. I knew somewhere in there, I was pissed that I couldn’t bring myself to have more than a couple one-night stands here and there while she was God knows where, soaking up the love life that she and I should have had.
“I know it’s hard to understand,” he said. “But have you ever thought that maybe it isn’t for you to understand? Have you ever thought that maybe it really wasn’t something that you caused? Maybe Christina was just unhappy with herself. You know better than I do that if you are unhappy with yourself, you can’t ever be happy with someone else. What’s-his-name probably was all fun and games, but one day, she is going to wake up and realize what she lost, especially her beautiful daughter.”
“And by that time, it will be too late, for me at least,” I said. “It’s already too late for me, but it kills me that Kayla has to go through this. I want to protect her, but there is only so much I can do. She wouldn’t understand, especially since I don’t fully understand, and that makes it even harder. Not having something legitimate and sound to tell Kayla when she is sad or wants to know why. It’s like I’m living in an alternate universe.”
“Give it time,” he said, patting me on the shoulder. “One day, Kayla will be old enough to tell the truth to, and that will help her look back and understand why you did the things you did. One day, you will be ready to move past this and trust another woman.”
As Juan spoke those words, Alissa buzzed through my mind, her gorgeous smile flashing through my memories. She was so sweet and absolutely gorgeous, and I knew that she was the first girl I was actually interested in since Christina had left. It was difficult, though, especially with the whole “our parents are married to each other” thing. I wasn’t sure what was right and wrong about that situation. I knew that other people would look down their noses at us, but I wasn’t worried about other people’s opinions, just hers. I sat there contemplating it while Juan talked about how I would find someone again that I could trust, but the truth was, I was already starting to trust Alissa more than I probably should. I felt good about that, though, and not at all as scared as I thought I would when I started realizing my feelings for another woman
.
“There actually is someone I have been thinking about,” I said, looking over at Juan. “She is smart, funny, sweet, kind, and amazingly caring. It’s different, and I think she feels something similar toward me, but it’s hard to tell. I’ve been a married man for so long, I feel like my radar is completely messed up. I have zero game in the romance department, and it doesn’t help that she knows the situation between Christina and me. I really just don’t know how to approach her.”
I sat there feeling better after getting that off my chest. I didn’t care if we were stepbrother and sister; we weren’t related in any way. It just so happened that our parents were married, but we were all adults, and it was different than if they had gotten married when we were still kids. I just didn’t want Juan to ask me who she was. I didn’t know whether I could tell the truth or not.
“I’m so relieved to hear that,” Juan said, smiling. “That is really awesome news. You have finally gotten to a place where you are ready to move on. I knew that the one-night stands weren’t good for you, but I knew you had to get to a relationship point on your own. Now, maybe you can start to be a little less hard on you and have someone remind you of why you are so awesome. Well, someone beyond me.”
“But you are my biggest fan,” I said, laughing.
“You’re right,” he said. “But I can’t make you feel the way an adoring woman could. As far as being off your game, I don’t really think that is a thing after the age of 23. I’m pretty sure all of us 30-somethings, or almost 30-somethings, are feeling the exact same way. The thing is, you just have to go for it, put yourself out there, and when you are getting the feelings like you are for this girl, find your commonalities and get involved in what interests her somehow.”
“What if I’m wrong about her interest?”
“Then you shake it off, come have a beer or two with me, and move on. Not every woman is going to fall into your lap like Christina did. Sometimes, it’s going to take a bit more work than a head nod at a ball game. Besides, when you put effort into the girl, the relationship is so much more rewarding. I promise.”
Maybe Juan was right; maybe I should just suck up my fears and try to get involved with Alissa. She had been on my mind for weeks, and before that, for months in a little corner in the back of my mind. Maybe the fact that our parents were married would scare her away, and maybe not, but I was starting to feel I had no choice but to find out. But how?
I barely knew anything about Alissa. She was at my house all the time, but that was because I couldn’t be there. I didn’t want to ask Kayla. She would get suspicious, and I wasn’t sure how she would handle me dating someone else. I knew in my gut that if I didn’t take this chance with Alissa, I would regret it, and that would not go away since I would be seeing her a lot once my father and her mother got home from their honeymoon.
Juan and I switched the conversation and closed out our time together talking about Kayla and the summer that was quickly approaching. Meanwhile, in the back of my head, I was formulating a plan that would bring me closer to Alissa. I still wasn’t sure how to get involved in the things that interested her, but I was determined to find out how. It was definitely helpful having Juan behind me on this, even if he didn’t know that the girl I was interested in was my stepsister. I was pretty sure at that point, he would be okay with just about anyone I was interested in if it meant that I was getting over Christina. Still, there was definitely something nerve-wracking about giving into my feelings for Alissa, and I had to get past that if I was ever going to be happy again.
Chapter Six
Alissa
“Seriously, Alissa, the man knows what he is doing with his hips,” Bella said, clutching her chest.
We had been sitting at my house drinking wine for over an hour as Bella went on and on about her new husband’s bedroom technique. I got up and walked over to the counter, my cheeks bright red, and poured another glass of wine. I sat back down in the chair facing my sister and shook my head as I sipped the warm red liquid.
“It’s like he knows exactly where to put that thing,” she said, sipping her wine. “I’m pretty sure it’s the best sex that I’ve ever had with someone.”
“You are too much,” I said, laughing embarrassingly. “I really don’t need to know about your husband’s bedroom antics.”
“Look,” she said, pointing at me. “It took me three tries to find the right man. I think I’ve earned the right to talk about his gorgeous dick.”
I flinched and laughed, waving at her to carry on if it made her feel better. All the while, Ryan kept creeping back into my thoughts. I wasn’t watching Kayla that evening, and I found that part of me missed being there, and not just because of Kayla. This man had somehow crept into my mind and continued to make an appearance several times a day. At that point, though, I didn’t mind the distraction as much as I thought I would, and I could feel the butterflies in my chest whenever my mind tumbled over his tanned, hard muscles. Bella, however, didn’t notice my distraction and just continued on.
Bella was amazing, free-spirited, and completely in love with being in love. This was her third husband, but she wasn’t bitter about men at all. She felt like you had to go through a few men before you found the one, and that was exactly what she had done. However, this one seemed to be sticking around, something that I always hoped that Bella would find. She was whimsical in her thoughts and held strong to the concept of true love. Me? I wasn’t a cynic by any means, but in reality, I had never really been in a serious relationship, and from what I’d seen of my friends’ divorces, true love was looking more like a fairy tale than real life. Still, somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that the right guy was out there for me. I just needed to find him.
Ryan was damaged. That was no secret, but I couldn’t ignore the fact that he was the first man that I had ever thought about for this long of a period of time. I knew there was something there I needed to explore, but I was more than a bit nervous. Part of me envied Bella’s fearlessness and free spirit, but I wasn’t the girl that just jumped headfirst whenever something felt good.
“Love is crazy,” Bella said. “I believe you can love a million people in your lifetime, but there will always be that one that stands out in your mind. The one you are supposed to be with. Finding him can be tough at first, but I didn’t give up, and now, here I am, happy as a clam. You should seriously try it: no joke.”
“I’m not sure if your style is mine.” I laughed.
“Alissa, if you want to find that guy, you need to just keep trying until lightning strikes,” she said. “I mean, I don’t expect you to go out and get married right away. Although if you did, I wouldn’t judge. But I mean, start dating. Don’t tie yourself down. Right now, you have nothing to lose.”
“Except my dignity.” I laughed.
“You are silly,” she said, shaking her head. “You need to embrace your femininity, go out there and remember that you aren’t doing anything wrong. Why can men take their time going from relationship to relationship, slowly deciding on the woman they want to spend their life with, but we can’t? There is no shame in testing the waters until you find the right temperature for you. I did it, and I couldn’t be happier, although I’m pretty sure Mom will be glad not to have to go to another wedding.”
“You eloped last time,” I said.
“Yeah, and that is how I knew he was the one.” She smiled. “It didn’t matter to have a show. I just wanted him, no flowers or crazy party, just him. Our little party of two in the valleys of Vermont’s beautiful mountains was the best wedding out of all three of them.”
“I don’t know.” I chuckled. “I liked that Halloween-themed one. You made an amazing zombie bride.”
“I’m not sure whether I should take that as a compliment or be very offended by that,” Bella said, laughing and kicking me in the thigh. “If I remember correctly, you were a pretty hot dead prom queen.”
“Yeah, that was a fun night.” I smiled. “But in all
seriousness, there is something to be said about the traditional way of thinking. Meeting a man, courting, falling in love, becoming best friends, and when neither of us have any reservations, we get married, and hopefully, for life. A mate, a partner to walk through life with. I am not judging you at all, but I don’t think I could take the constant up and downs of searching for that true love over and over again.”
“True, and for some people, that works,” she said. “But with the divorce rate at an astonishing high—”
“No thanks to you.” I smiled.
“I did my part.” She laughed. “But with the divorce rate so high, I feel like people don’t know how to do it the traditional way anymore. On top of that, the traditional way stemmed from the fact that you didn’t have choices. You made one choice, and you stuck with that. Nowadays, we have the freedom to find the best match for us. We have the ability to seek out not only love, but the best love. The love that fits us perfectly, like we were molded from the same piece of earth. It’s not a usual thing for that to happen with the first man that you meet.”
“I don’t know,” I said, sipping my wine. “I think there are a million people that I could be happy with out there. I think that it takes work to be a partner. I’m not talking about marrying the first man I meet, but I’m talking about taking that connection that I find and nurturing it like our grandparents did, and turning it into something more than beautiful. I think everyone’s definition of perfect is different, and I think that it’s dangerous to always think there may something just a little more fitted to me out there. I feel like you will always be looking and never really see what you have. At least, that’s how I would see myself being.”
“I understand what you’re saying.” Bella smiled. “We definitely look at relationships differently, but in the end, I just want us to be happy.”