“How are you?” he asked, but his tone said so much more. His low voice with its slight European accent was filled with a sincerity and concern that was sweet, but also stung her pride.
“Fine,” she said quickly. Then she remembered how Cole had called her out on saying “fine” when she was uncomfortable, and she had to bite her tongue to hold back a laugh.
Maybe she really was fine if she could laugh at a time like this.
Just a couple weeks ago this call would have crippled her, but somehow now she was thinking about Cole and laughing even as she faced her greatest fear… her past.
As she half listened to her former mentor as he regaled her with the latest news from the academy, she realized that her greatest fear had been facing her past. But not any longer. Now? She bit her laugh to hold back a sigh at the thought of her earlier conversation with Cole and all the questions that lay between them. Now, she supposed her greatest fear was facing the future.
James’s next words brought her back to the present with a jolt. “Which brings me to the reason why I’m calling.”
She’d sunk onto her sofa as he’d talked but now she found herself sitting upright on the edge of the cushions.
“I got your email and I think I might know someone who might be interested in your guest ranch.”
She jumped up off the sofa in excitement as he explained how one of the academy’s board of trustees hosted an annual fundraiser for their scholarships and grants, and they were looking for a place to auction off. They wanted something exclusive and off the radar. Something unique.
She hurried to convince him that a stay at the guest ranch was just what they needed. An exclusive, high-end location with a rustic feel and all the outdoorsy recreation that anyone could ask for. She found herself repeating phrases that Alice had said to her when selling her on the idea, all the while imagining Alice and Cole’s faces when she told them they might have their very first VIP clients.
James seemed elated by her enthusiasm and promised to pitch it to the board member the next chance he got. “Or,” he added slyly, “you could pitch her yourself.”
Claire was certain she’d missed something. “Pardon?” Maybe the board member was someone she knew? Or perhaps he’d put her in contact with—
“I want you to come back to New York.”
Her heart stopped as her emotions ran in every direction at once.
Or he wanted her to come to New York.
“Excuse me?” she said, her voice little more than a squeak.
The sly factor left his voice and suddenly James was all business. In fact, he sounded so alarmingly like the mentor she remembered that she had to remind herself to breathe. She also had to remind herself that she was a grown woman and he was not going to give her a grade at the end of this phone call.
Through deep breaths, she listened as he explained that he thought they might have a position for her at the academy. One of the older instructors had left and they needed a replacement.
It would be temporary, at the start, but it could lead to a permanent position. It would also give her a foot in the door, though he didn’t outright say so. But she knew it to be true. The world of professional ballet was a small one, an exclusive niche. Working as an instructor at the academy, even if temporarily, would open the doors to her once more.
If she found teaching wasn’t to her liking, he continued, there were plenty of contacts and valuable networking opportunities among the board members and their community.
He was giving her an in, a way to come back to New York, and to her former life, with her head held high and her dignity intact.
It was a gracious and lovely offer. One she’d be an idiot to refuse.
“Thank you,” she said, quickly and with all sincerity as he finished. She opened her mouth to accept, the words on the tip of her tongue. But when she spoke, she found herself saying, “Can I get back to you on that?”
She stunned herself into silence with that unexpected blurt. If James was surprised by her hedging response, he didn’t let on. “Of course,” he said. “I wouldn’t expect anything less. You’ve always been such a thoughtful young woman. One who considers all sides before jumping into a new position.” He continued on in that vein and Claire found herself listening to this description of herself in wonder. Yes, that was how she’d acted… before.
But now? Over the past couple weeks she’d jumped into teaching ballet classes, a new relationship—sort of—and had even learned to be at ease with the fact that she had no plans for the future.
She wasn’t sure she recognized herself at the moment, and if her former mentor were here, he certainly wouldn’t know who this woman was.
As she hung up the phone, she found herself wondering if that were such a bad thing, really. She’d changed since coming back to Lulu. The only question now was, was this new Claire ready to go back to New York?
Chapter Seventeen
Cole had just finished untangling one set of Christmas lights when Dax came in to the living room with a box filled with several more. After dinner, they would set up their Christmas tree and decorate it, like old times. Except this time Claire would be there, too.
He groaned at the sight of more lights but he couldn’t stop grinning. He hadn’t been able to stop smiling all day, and there was only one reason why. He was going to see Claire today. Any minute now he’d leave to pick her up so she could get her car, which he’d finished fixing just that morning.
Perfect timing.
If only the same could be said for him and Claire.
But he shrugged that thought off. They’d sorted all that out… for the moment, at least. They’d enjoy what they had while they had it. It had been such a relief to get the truth out in the open. He’d spent days moping about their future, about what she deserved and what he could give her.
And while nothing had truly been resolved, the mere fact of opening up to Claire had been transformative. Who knew the truth could feel so good when it was allowed out into the open? It had been hard to say the words, to express the fear, but once he had it felt like a purging of sorts. A lacerating of wounds he hadn’t known existed, or at least he hadn’t openly acknowledged.
Her sweet, kind response had been the balm he’d needed to soothe any lingering pain. He’d seen her honesty when she’d said she didn’t fear that he would run like her father.
He hadn’t even realized how much he’d needed to hear that. But to have someone like her have so much faith in him….
She was too good to be true. The woman was honest to a fault, her emotions written clear as day in her eyes and all over her face.
Her honesty in return had been more than he’d hoped for, and her straightforwardness had struck him like a bell. He still felt like he was vibrating from it, her words echoing and resonating even now, a full day later.
“You sure are in a good mood.” Dax’s voice sounded almost accusatory, but his eyes were filled with teasing laughter.
He shrugged. “I guess I am.”
“Could it have anything to do with the pretty ballerina who’s turned our east barn into a dance studio?”
Cole grinned down at the lights, trying and failing to hide his giddy joy. Yeah, that’s right. Giddy. He, Cole Deckland, was as giddy as one of those schoolgirls rehearsing in their barn. “Could be,” he said with as much cool detachment as he could muster but Dax’s laughter said he hadn’t been convincing.
Alice came waltzing in. Literally waltzing, though she had no dance partner. James came trailing in behind her, scratching his head and watching their sister with bemused amusement.
“Of course he’s insufferably happy because of the dance instructor,” she called out as she spun around the room, her arms held up for an invisible partner. “Have you seen the way those two ogle each other when they’re in the same room?” She let out a loud choking noise. “Nauseating.”
She stopped dancing and gave Cole a huge grin. “But sweet.”
He t
ipped an imaginary cowboy hat in thanks and in keeping with her silly antics, she curtseyed.
“You do know she doesn’t teach that kind of dancing, don’t you?” he teased.
She waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t tell me you’re an expert on dancing now, big bro.”
Her voice was filled with so much laughter he found himself sitting back on his heels to watch his entertaining and adorably wacky little sister.
“What has you so happy?” Dax asked as he leaned against the wall with his arms crossed next to James, studying his happy siblings as if they were some sort of science experiment come to life.
She fell onto the couch nearby and ticked off her reasons on her fingers. “It’s almost Christmas, which you all know is my favorite time of year, James and I just got done with the first guesthouse and it looks amazing.” She’d tilted her head back and drawled the word amazing out so it was a sentence of its own. She turned her head to give Cole a wink, “And my oldest brother has singlehandedly renewed my faith in happily ever afters.”
Cole felt a pang of unease. That unsettling feeling like the proverbial shoe was about to drop. He shook his head. Hadn’t they agreed to put all worries to the side and just enjoy this moment? Why was that so hard? It shouldn’t be.
It felt like the world at large trained people to expect the worst when life was at its best. What was that about? Why couldn’t he just enjoy this time without jumping to what ifs about the ways this could go south.
Maybe it was a protective mechanism. A defense system so that life’s blows, when they came, didn’t take you by surprise. As if warding against potential blows would make it easier. No amount of worrying about where he might go to college or what he would do with his life had prepared him in any way for his parents’ sudden and untimely death.
He looked at his sister, who was smiling at him with the kind of sisterly adoration he definitely didn’t deserve but cherished nonetheless. He looked to Dax, who was grinning and shaking his head, laughing at Alice’s contagiously good mood… and his. At James, who watched them all with a smile, his demeanor protective and patient as ever.
His heart swelled to the point that his chest ached with love and gratitude and an overwhelming sense of rightness. He’d finally found it. It had been here all along, that sense of belonging, that feeling of home.
He’d spent so much time chasing it, and now he’d found it. Here at the ranch, with his family… and with Claire. Maybe she was what had made it all click into place. She’d given him the understanding he’d always sought. She’d brought a sense of rightness into his life simply by being who she was—kind, thoughtful, loyal, determined. Being in the presence of someone who was dedicated to the people she loves and the career she’d chosen, it made him better. It made him a better person, a better man, a better brother.
Maybe he’d be that without her, but knowing her had helped him see it in himself—who he was and who he wanted to be. It was crazy to acknowledge, even just to himself, but after searching all these years, she’d been the one who’d helped him find himself.
Even better, she helped him see who he wanted to be.
Alice moved from her spot on the couch to take a seat on the floor at his side. Wordlessly taking charge of one of the boxes Dax had brought and sorting through a lifetime’s worth of ornaments.
He heard Dax and James setting up the tree stand so it was ready for the tall evergreen they’d cut from their property and had yet to haul in. Someone, Dax probably, switched on the stereo and Christmas carols filled the air.
In a softer voice, Alice leaned into him so her arm was pressed against his. “I’m happy for you, you know that, right?”
He grinned down at her, leaning over to plant a kiss on the top of her head. “Thanks, kid.”
“You deserve to be happy.”
He smiled down at the lights and the ornaments, the tangible shared history. Her words touched him more than he could say. You deserve…
Did he? He hardly knew anymore. After the mistakes he’d made and the failures of his past, he didn’t know what he deserved.
But he did know what Claire deserved. And that was everything. She deserved happiness and success and family and friends. She deserved all that and more.
“I had a thought,” Alice said as she reached across him for another box.
“Uh oh,” Dax grumbled good-naturedly.
Alice gave him a fake scowl before continuing. “I was thinking, there might be a way that maybe we could thank Claire for her help and also give back to the community.”
“We’re all ears,” James said, coming to join them.
“I was thinking we could host a dance recital for Claire and her students,” she said, tucking some hair behind her ear. “That way our friends and neighbors could see what we’re doing to the place, we could give them a tour of the new guests’ facilities.”
“Use our friends to do a test run?” Dax said. He had a wary air about him and Cole knew his brother still wasn’t quite as on board with this whole guest ranch idea as Alice would like.
But Dax was like their father, he’d need time to come around to any new ideas, even if they were the best bet they had to generate some new income around here.
Alice was looking between all three of them with barely concealed excitement. It was hard to resist the urge to reach out and ruffle her hair. At times like this she still had such a childlike air about her, it was hard to remember she was a grown woman now and not his kid sister.
“I think it’s a great idea,” he said. “And I think Claire will love it too. You can tell her all about it tonight over dinner.” He glanced at a clock on the end table. “Speaking of, I’ve got to leave now to pick her up.”
Excitement had him rushing to his feet. If he wasn’t careful, he’d start acting like a lovestruck teenager around her.
Lovestruck. The word made him still as he reached for his coat, ignoring the teasing and laughter from his family behind him. He couldn’t listen to them right now, not when his heart and mind had run off ahead of him, leaving his poor body deaf, dumb, and temporarily blind as it tried to keep up.
Love. Was that what this was?
If so, did she feel the same?
He shook his head as he shrugged into his jacket and snagged the keys for the ranch’s truck so he could pick Claire up without making her freeze on the back of his bike.
He was getting ahead of himself. They had time to figure it out. Hadn’t they agreed to take each moment as it comes?
That was exactly what he aimed to do. And tonight he planned to enjoy every second he had with his woman.
* * *
He knew something was wrong the moment she opened the door. It was in her smile, which was too bright. He’d begun to know her smiles and this one felt forced, not like the small, sly smiles that warmed his heart. And her gaze was shuttered, not at all the open, direct, and honest look he was used to seeing from her.
Just like that, his stomach sank. Some of the elation he’d been feeling melted away as a sick feeling took hold of his gut.
It was the feeling that came when the other shoe finally dropped.
He helped her into her coat and listened to her chatter with an animation that felt contrived. Finally, he couldn’t take the tension anymore. “Is there something going on, Claire?” he asked as they parked in front of Marty’s. Once they got out they’d be surrounded by people, first Marty and then his family.
She tensed beside him and he watched with that awful sinking feeling as she twisted her hands in her lap. “My old mentor wants me to come to New York.”
His heart dropped into the pit of his stomach as a buzzing sound filled his ears.
There it was. The other shoe. The fall that followed the leap.
He’d known it was coming, there’d never been any doubt about it, but he supposed he’d hoped they’d have more time.
He supposed, if he was really being honest with himself, he’d hoped that she might decide to sta
y. That maybe a life in Lulu wouldn’t be so bad after all. But she kept talking, her voice unnaturally high, her enthusiasm clearly forced, as she told him about the temporary job and where it might lead.
It was so clear now that his hopes had just been wishful thinking. He’d been hoping for a miracle.
He knew he ought to feel grateful for the miracle he’d already experienced in his own life thanks to this woman. He’d finally found that sense of home he’d been searching for, and he’d found himself once again, and his place in life for the first time.
For that he would be eternally grateful. But for now, in this moment, it was impossible to ignore the overwhelming disappointment. The aching hole that was starting to spread throughout his chest and into his gut.
The hole was threatening to swallow him alive.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Claire’s voice was little more than a whisper beside him.
He reached out and squeezed her hands, not entirely trusting himself to meet her gaze. Scared that if he did, he’d break down and ask her to stay. He couldn’t do that. Not when she’d made it clear that she didn’t want him or what they had interfering with her decisions for the future.
Much as it hurt, he knew she was hurting too, in her own way. Whether she felt as strongly as he did or not, she had to find her own place and her home, just like he’d found his.
And the only way he could help her with that was to get out of the way. Much as everything in him wanted to fall on his knees and beg her to stay, that was the one thing he couldn’t do, not if he wanted to be fair and generous, like she’d been with him.
“I’m happy for you,” he said. The words felt like shards of glass but he knew it was the right thing to say. For her sake, he needed to be selfless. Quite possibly for the first time in his life, he truly needed to put someone else’s wants ahead of his own.
And holy smokes, he’d never known being selfless could be so painful. It was a physical pain that held him in its grip as they pulled in to Marty’s shop.
Dancing Queens & Biker Kings Page 17