by Bella Jewel
I look to my dad, talking to Jacks. “Yep.”
Her eyes get bigger. “I didn’t . . . holy shit. You’re a . . .”
“Yep.”
“Man, that’s intense, and holy shit, your dad is hot.”
I scowl at her, and she laughs.
“Sorry, but it’s true.”
I grin. “You’re an animal. I’m going to head off now. See you!”
“Laters,” she calls, waving enthusiastically.
“Who’s that?” Dad asks when I reach him.
“Caitlyn, a friend. She thinks you’re hot.”
He turns and looks to her, then drops one hell of a grin. Her eyes widen, and her cheeks grow pink as she takes it in. He nods and she waves nervously.
“You’re an asshole,” I say as we step out.
He grins at me. “Nice to know I’ve still got it.”
“Perv.”
They both burst out laughing.
God, it’s good to hear that sound.
~*~*~*~
“So you and Diesel huh?” Shay asks, rushing along beside me as we hurry for class the next day.
I’m exhausted. I spent four hours with Dad and Jackson, having way too many beers, and by the time they had to go, I was well and truly exhausted. It was worth it though. Seeing them was exactly what I needed.
“We’re just friends.”
“That’s not what Maxine is saying. She’s going on about you stealing Diesel right out from beneath her.”
“Can’t steal something that doesn’t want to be stolen,” I point out.
She giggles. “You make a valid point.”
“Maxine stormed into the compound and made a scene. We got into a fight. Diesel saw her true colors and gave her the flick.”
“So he did break it off for you?”
I give her the eye.
“Friends, right.” She giggles.
“You’re not funny, Shay!”
She wraps an arm around my shoulder, giving me a quick squeeze before disappearing to her class. I hurry to mine and make it just in time.
I spend the entire lesson zoning out and thinking about Diesel and I. I’m trying to deny that my feelings have grown, but there’s no denying it. I care about him, and nothing I do seems to change that. I need to accept it will probably never be and just be grateful he’s in my life at all.
When class finishes, I make my way into the cafeteria for a quick lunch before I head out and start my afternoon shift at work. I’m just stepping into the line when a paper is put in front of my face. It takes me a moment to focus on it, and I see it’s a flyer for a masquerade ball in a couple of weeks. I see the familiar fingers holding the flyer, and I know it’s Diesel standing behind me.
“Are you asking me on a date? Because this is a very unclassy way to do it.”
A warm puff of air tickles the back of my neck as he snorts. “You wanna go?”
I shiver, and there’s no way he would have missed it. “You need to work on your charm.”
He pulls the flyer away and steps up beside me. He smells good. His cologne is mild, slightly musky, mixed with him. They should bottle that shit up and call it Panty-Melter. I shiver and shift away a little so we’re not so close. If I have to smell him anymore, I’ll probably lose it and crash tackle him to the floor while ripping his clothes right off.
God. Brain. What the hell is wrong with you? Snap out of it.
“So, you want to go?”
“I am gone from Thursday to Monday this week, so I’ll go with you when I get back purely because you’ll miss me so much that we’ll need this kind of catch up.”
He grunts. “Not likely.”
“You’ll admit it one day. Why exactly are we going to a masquerade ball? It doesn’t seem like your thing.”
“It’s for a good cause and . . . I’m playing.”
I spin to him. “You’re playing?” I squeal.
His mouth twitches, then he grins. “First paid gig.”
I launch myself into his arms, and he goes stiff a few seconds before wrapping his around me. “I’m so excited,” I yell happily when he lets me go. “Are you happy?”
He nods. “Fuck yeah. I’ve been waiting for a chance like this.”
“You’re going to do awesome! I’ll be right there cheering you on. I have an awesome cheer. You want to see it?”
He nudges me with his shoulder. “Please don’t.”
I laugh. “I’ll save it for the night.”
“Again,” he says, surprising me by throwing his arm over my shoulder, “please don’t.”
“Are you going to dress up?”
“Yeah, I have to. Part of the agreement.”
“I would say I don’t find that funny, but I totally find that funny.”
“You would.”
I get some food, and we move through the line. We step out and find a table, passing Maxine and her friends on the way. She notices Diesel’s arm around my shoulder, and her entire face goes red with rage. “Diesel,” she says, standing. “May I have a word?”
Bitch is trying to talk like she’s smart.
I snort.
“Nope,” Diesel says, not looking at her.
“Diesel!” she snaps. “I’m trying here.”
He keeps ignoring her.
“You can’t just ignore me!”
Her bellow echoes through the hall, and everyone stops speaking and turns to watch her make yet another scene. Diesel finally stiffens and turns, glaring at her. “Don’t fuckin’ yell at me, Maxine. We’re done. Finished. How hard is it to get that into your head?”
She steps closer, her cheeks red now she’s realized everyone is watching her. “Please, you know I love you, Diesel. Don’t do this to us.”
Oh she did not just use the L word to try and win him back.
“Firstly, don’t insult the word love by using it to describe what we had. Secondly, you don’t bully a person and then come into my home and throw down with her and expect me to keep sticking with you.”
“I . . . I was just upset. Things were hard and—”
“No excuse. Now, I’ll say it once more because it’s clear you’re not getting it. We’re done. Stop calling me. Stop texting me.”
She puts on some fake sobs, void of tears, and I roll my eyes. “You don’t even like her,” she cries hysterically. “You told me so. You said she’s a pain in your ass that won’t leave you alone.”
Some snickers trail out through the cafeteria, and my cheeks burn.
“Oh yeah?” Diesel says. “Does this look like I don’t fuckin’ like her?”
He spins me around before I have the chance to think, and he crushes his lips down against mine. I’m in shock for a few seconds, my body pressed against his, his mouth moving over mine. But I can’t stop my reaction for long. I reach up, curling my fingers into his hair, and I kiss him back with everything I have. It’s an explosive kiss, one that takes us out of this cafeteria and into a world of our own.
It feels incredible.
Diesel pulls away and doesn’t look back to Maxine as he turns us and we walk out of the cafeteria. I drop my tray on a table as we leave, and it’s the only sound to be heard. Neither of us says anything as we exit campus and head towards the parking lot. We reach Diesel’s car, and he finally turns to me. “Sorry,” he mutters. “I wasn’t tryin’ to cross any lines; I was only makin’ a point. Don’t take it seriously.”
A point?
He was making a point?
That hurts. I know it’s an irrational, unwarranted hurt, but it’s there and it’s strong, so strong the only reaction I have is to turn and walk off.
“Mercedes!” Diesel calls.
I don’t turn back. I pick up into a jog and cross the street before he has the chance to follow me. I stay in a flat-out jog until I reach work and then I push the front door open and stop, catching my breath. I glance behind me—no Diesel. Thank God. I don’t know how I would have reacted if he’d followed me. My phone buzzes in my pur
se, and I pull it out as I make my way towards the front counter.
D – You know I didn’t mean it like that.
M – It’s fine. I get it. I have to work. Later.
I switch my phone off and shove it in my purse, fighting back the emotion bubbling up in my chest. I need to focus on my job, so I switch off and head out the front, putting on my happy face and getting down to it. I’m on with Bethany tonight, and we don’t get along that well, but we work together good because we don’t get in each other’s way. I have a feeling she’s a friend of or knows of Maxine. She’s always scowling at me as if I’ve done something to offend her. I’m not risking my job to ask and find out what that is.
My shift tonight goes until nine-thirty, and by the time I’m done, I’m exhausted. I get my things and head out when the place has been locked up. I’m halfway to my house when Diesel falls in step beside me. I flinch and gasp, but as soon as I realize it’s him, my anger comes back and I mutter, “Stalking is a crime.”
“You took me the wrong way.”
I keep walking, not looking at him. “You used me to make a point, then you so kindly threw that in my face and told me not to read it wrong. I can handle shit from her, Diesel, but I didn’t expect it from you.”
“I wasn’t using you to make a point.”
I stop and turn to him. “Really? Because I’m fairly certain those were the exact words you used.”
His jaw tics.
“You can’t deny it because you know it’s true. Now I’m tired. I need to get off my feet, so I’m going home. Don’t follow me.”
“Mercedes,” he calls.
I ignore him and cross the road. I hurry into my apartment building and rush home, locking the door as soon as I step inside. Taj and his friends are on the sofa, arguing over the game they’re playing. They stop when I come in, all of them smiling at me. I give a lame wave. “Hey guys. I’m just going to bed.”
“Wait up!” Taj calls, leaping from his spot and following me down the hall.
“What’s up?” I ask, trying to sound casual.
“You look upset.”
“I’m fine.”
“Mercedes . . .”
I spin to him. “It was a shit night at work, that’s all.” I reach forward and hug him quickly. “I’m just tired. Night!”
I step into the room and close my door before he can answer. Tears burn under my eyelids but I force them back down, not wanting to give in to the pain festering in my heart. I have a shower, wash my hair and get into my pajamas before climbing into bed. I already know I’m going to have a sleepless night, so I decide to check on social media and see what’s going on. I hardly use any of it these days; there are so many new ones it’s hard to keep up. Gone are the days when Facebook was the only thing around.
I click onto my profile and frown when I see the amount of messages in my inbox. I open the messenger app and click to see a picture of Diesel and I—only it’s clearly been Photoshopped. The picture of me is from today in the cafeteria just as I was stepping back from the kiss, and instead of my face, they have a really hideous pig. Diesel’s face has been cut out and replaced by a picture of a guy who looks revolted, his face scrunched in disgust. It’s poorly done, but the message is clear. Maxine has it posted on her page, but wasn’t stupid enough to tag me. Thank God. If my brother saw this...
“This is what it looks like when a pig tries to kiss a prince. Poor Diesel.”
My bottom lip trembles as I read the comments attached to the picture she posted.
“Ugh, she’s so disgusting. Poor guy looked like he wanted to vomit.”
“I think she has something over him. Clearly she does because, ew . . .”
“I think he’s probably washing his mouth out right now.”
I log out and throw my phone across the room, bursting into a fit of tears. I can’t control them anymore. I knew Maxine was awful, but the lengths she is willing to go to are starting to rub me up the wrong way. I don’t know why she can’t take a hint, but clearly Diesel’s words and my reactions are doing nothing. She’s one of a kind, that girl. One of a kind.
“Mercedes?”
Taj is at my door, knocking softly.
I sigh and walk over, opening it and trying to hide my face, but it’s pointless. He can see the second he looks at me that I’ve been crying.
“You saw it, didn’t you?”
“The picture?” I croak.
“Yeah.”
I nod.
“You want me to come in?”
I nod again.
I step out of the way and he follows me inside, both of us moving to the bed and sitting down. “You know she’s just a bitch, right? She’ll get what’s coming for her.”
“I’m trying to fit in at college, and it seems all I’m doing is being pushed out. God, she’s acting like she’s fifteen. We’re supposed to be past that childish bullshit.”
“You can’t let her win. You know that, right?”
I look to him. “My friendship with Diesel has caused nothing but problems for me. I came here to create a future, to get my life in order and be something . . .”
“And you can be,” Taj says, taking my hand. “She will move on eventually. She’ll get bored and find a new toy to play with.”
“I know that, but maybe until that happens, I should stop talking to Diesel.”
“I can’t decide that for you. I don’t know the guy, but it does seem trouble follows him wherever he goes.”
“He’s not a bad person, Taj. But unfortunately he comes with baggage that isn’t a fan of mine. I need to study. I need to settle. I can’t keep going to school and putting up with this crap.”
“Have you thought of telling someone?” he suggests.
“Who?”
“Maybe a teacher or . . .”
“We’re not in high school. This is college. Her being an asshole is my problem.”
He huffs. “You just need to keep your distance until this blows over.”
“And Diesel?”
He squeezes my hand. “I can’t make that choice.”
No.
He can’t.
It’s a choice I have to make, and I really don’t want to.
Losing Diesel scares me.
It scares the living hell out of me.
Because I’m in love with him.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
My bedroom door flings open just as I’m settling in for bed. Taj bellows something down the hall, but I don’t hear what it is. I’m focused on the angry, broody man standing in my doorway. Diesel looks pissed, and my guess is he’s seen the picture, too. He storms in, slamming the door behind him.
“Diesel . . .” I begin but he cuts me off.
“Did you see it?” he barks.
“Yes, I saw it.”
“I’ll fuckin’ end this, Mercedes. I promise you that.”
I study him, and I can see how much this has upset him. I don’t like that, for him or for me. I know what I have to do, but it isn’t going to be easy. I’m going home this weekend and I think now is the time, no matter how much it’s going to hurt.
“Diesel,” I say, my voice pathetic and small. “I think we need to stop talking to each other.”
He freezes, his eyes flicking to me. “What?”
God, his voice. I can hear the pain behind his words.
“Maxine is never going to stop while we’re friends. She’s never going to let me be and I can’t—”
“So you’re going to let her win?” he explodes, throwing his hands in the air. “You’re going to let that stupid bitch win?”
“I can’t do it anymore,” I scream, leaping off the bed. “I can’t keep being the target of her cruel games. I came here to get a life, to be someone new, and all I’ve had to deal with is her bullshit. Every second we’re friends, she’s going to keep acting this way.”
“You’re seriously doing this?” He actually sounds hurt.
“Seriously?” I yell. “You spend you
r days telling me that I’m basically a pain in your ass that you can’t get rid of, and that this friendship means nothing to you, and now you’re standing here looking hurt because I’m attempting to end it?”
He steps closer. “This friendship means every-fuckin’-thing to me, but clearly it means fuck all to you. You want it to end? So be it.”
He turns and storms towards the door. I lunge at him, slamming my hands into his back and causing him to stumble a little. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to say something like that and then run out.”
“Yeah,” he grunts, grabbing the door. “I do.”
“No.” I jerk his arm, forcing him to turn around. “You don’t!”
“Let me out.”
“You have never expressed that you value this, so why now?”
“I thought you knew!” he roars.
“I’m not a God damned mind reader!”
“Fuck me, Mercedes. How many people do you see me taking to the places I’ve taken you? Are you that fuckin’ blind?”
I step back.
“Actions,” he says, leaning down close, “speak louder than words. Thought you were smart enough to understand that.”
“She’s harassing me, Diesel,” I say, my voice soft. “It’s getting to me.”
“Then you let me take care of it.”
“You tried,” I say, my voice rising again. “And you saw how it ended today.”
“I can handle Maxine. I was just hoping she’d go away on her own, and I wouldn’t have to take things further, but I can make it stop.”
“Then why haven’t you?” I say, a tear trickling down my cheek.
“Because I’m a fucking idiot.”
I look away. “You should go.”
“I really did think this friendship meant more to you,” he says, his voice quieter than I’ve ever heard it.
“It means the world to me,” I say, stepping back. “But if it meant so much to you, you would have never let her hurt me the way she has.”
The second the words leave my lips I know I’ve fucked up. They’re not even close to being true and they’re more than unfair. He looks like I’ve slapped him. I want to take my words back, but I can’t. I can’t even move. He turns and disappears out of my door without glancing at me again. When he’s gone, I lower to my knees and cry. I cry for him. I cry for me. I cry for the friendship that has been doomed from the start.