by Bella Jewel
He glares at her. “You forget I know every-fuckin’-thing there is to know about you, Maxine. You want the whole campus to know what I know about how you are behind closed doors, about the sad, strange, pathetic woman you show when no one is around, keep going.”
Her face goes red and whatever he knows about her, has hit the mark. He turns and takes both Taj and I out of the car park. We stop at Taj’s car first, and he turns to me.
“Mercy,” Taj says, while Diesel is walking to the driver’s side. “It’s okay.”
But it’s not.
It seems that no matter what I do, someone gets into trouble. It was okay when it was just me, but now that Taj is getting hurt too, I can’t handle that.
“It’s not.”
Taj kisses my head. “It is. I’ll see you at home. Please don’t let this affect you. She’s a bitch.”
He gets in his car and when he’s gone, Diesel leads me to his truck and we climb in.
“Mercedes,” Diesel says. “Know what you’re thinkin’ . . . don’t.”
“What am I thinking?” I whisper to the window.
“You’re thinking that bein’ with me is causing too much pain to yourself and those around you.”
I look to him. “Isn’t it?”
“People like Maxine will find a way to torture you if they decide you’re worth torturing. She’s decided you’re worth torturing; it won’t matter if I’m in the picture or not.”
“You and I both know the only reason she picked me is because of you, so it will matter if I’m in the picture.”
He reaches over, grabbing my hand. “We are not goin’ through this again, and we’re not havin’ the same argument.”
“She’s hurting people I care about!” I scream, jerking my hand out of his and dropping my head down. “I can’t just be okay with that.”
“She won’t continue to do that; you have to trust me.”
I say nothing.
“Mercedes, look at me.”
I don’t.
“Look at me.”
I give him a pathetic, weak look.
“Don’t give up on me again; I’m askin’ that of you.”
God, his eyes look so pained. “I hate this,” I say, my voice soft.
“Do you trust me?”
I blink. “Yeah.”
“Then don’t give up on me yet. I know I’ve let you down before, but I promise you I won’t do it again.”
I sigh because when he’s looking at me like that, and when he’s speaking to me the way he is, I can’t tell him no. Hell, I don’t even want to. Because I do trust him, and I do believe in him.
“Okay Diesel,” I say quietly.
“Okay baby.”
He leans over and kisses me, and I let him.
Because I want to let him.
Because I can’t seem to say no.
~*~*~*~
“Wait, so that bitch is still bothering you?” Ava says on the phone later that night.
“Yeah, she is,” I admit. “But Diesel is sorting it out.”
“Seems to me like she needs a bigger scare than Diesel.”
I shift on my bed and lean back into my pillow. “It’s fine, Ava. Seriously.”
“Girls like that can be dangerous, Mercedes. I know you think she’s just a bitch, but she’s already proved she has no problem hurting people.”
“I can handle it.”
“Merc—”
“Seriously,” I snap. “I’m fine.”
She goes quiet. “I’m worried about you.”
“Don’t be. Listen, Taj just got home, and I have to go see him. Bye.”
I hang up before she has the chance to say anymore. I hate that I’ve had to cut her off like that, but I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I trust Diesel to fix it and I’m hoping he will; I just have to sit back and let him do what he needs to. He knows better than anyone how to deal with Maxine, so I’m going to let him and hope that he’s right, because I don’t know how much more I can take of her.
“Hey.”
I lift my head and see Taj standing at the door, two cups of tea in hand.
“Hey,” I croak.
“You okay?”
“It isn’t me who should be asking.”
He walks in, putting the tea down on my bedside table and sitting on the bed beside me. “I’m okay. God, if you knew how much of that I live with.”
That hurts my heart in ways it’s never hurt before. “You shouldn’t have to live with it, Taj. It’s cruel.”
He shrugs. “I’m different. Anytime you’re different they pick on you.”
“What am I then?”
He studies my face. “You’re beautiful, Mercedes. You threaten everything Maxine has created, not only with your looks, but your personality. You could win over her little posse if you tried, and she knows if. You’ve already taken the thing she needed most for her reputation.”
“I didn’t take Diesel,” I point out.
“No, but he’s with you all the same.”
“So in other words, this isn’t over.”
He sighs. “You’re better than her and you know it. Don’t let her bully you.”
“Aside from beating her to a pulp, what the hell am I supposed to do to stop her?”
“Don’t let her get to you privately. Ignore her and keep being you.”
I hum. “If only that was so easy.”
“Yeah,” he sighs. “If only.”
“Taj?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m really sorry.”
“Mercedes?”
“Yeah?”
“If you say that again, it’ll be me who beats you.”
I giggle and reach over, taking his hand. I really hope Diesel fixes this.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
“How’d you sleep last night?” Diesel asks, curling my small hand in his as we sit on a big rock out the front of the college, waiting for class to start.
“I slept all right, actually.”
“Today will be a better day. Promise you that, baby.”
I smile weakly. “I hope so. I’d like to have a couple of nice days without Maxine torturing me.”
“She’ll stop; I’d bet on it.”
I squeeze his hand. “I have faith in you. What did you mean when you said you would tell everyone what you know?”
“Behind closed doors, Maxine is a weak little puppy. She fucks like a wet rag and acts about the same. She has a lot of secrets, some she’s told me when she’s been drunk and she knows I’ll share them.”
“Secrets like what?”
“Things she’s done to people, things she has seen done to people. If she continues, I’ll use it against her. I’m not that kind of person, but I’m done with her messin’ around with what’s mine.”
What’s his.
That feels nice.
I grin, and his eyes drop to my lips.
I’m leaning in to kiss him when the sound of rumbling Harley-Davidsons make me jerk back. Both Diesel and I spin around to see about ten of them pulling into the campus parking lot. My heart practically leaps out of my throat. It’s too far away to see them. Why would the Joker’s Wrath come past? Surely they wouldn’t embarrass Diesel like that.
“What the fuck are they doin’ here?” Diesel mutters, standing.
“Who?” I say, my heart in my throat.
“Fuckin’ Knights.”
Knights.
Knights?
Hell’s Knights.
I jerk my head back towards the biker and see it’s my dad walking closer. Oh no. This isn’t happening. I need to get out of here. If Diesel sees him, God, if he sees Diesel . . . crap.
“I have to go!” I cry, letting go of Diesel’s hand.
“Mercedes!” my dad thunders, and I stop dead in my tracks, feet planted to the ground even though my brain is screaming run, run!
“You know them?” Diesel asks, his voice low.
My dad moves up to my side and my entire body is nu
mb. “What the fuck are you doin’ near my daughter?”
Oh God. Why is this happening to me?
“Daughter?” Diesel rumbles, his eyes flicking to me.
I turn slowly to face my father, who is right next to me.
“Dad,” I croak.
“I said,” Dad says, stepping up to Diesel, “what the fuck are you doin’ near my daughter?”
“Dad,” I cry out. “Can we not do this here?”
My dad’s wild brown eyes flick to me. “Hear my girl has been picked on continuously and didn’t tell me. Came home. Acted normal. All that time she was havin’ shit.”
Ava.
Fucking Ava.
“I’m fine. Can we go?” I protest.
“What’re you doin’ with this boy?” Dad prompts.
I glance past him to see Jackson, Cade, Muff, and three other guys all standing there, arms crossed. Seriously? The entire student body has stopped to watch, and I see Maxine standing back a little, her eyes wide, her body half hidden behind her friends.
“Can. We. Not. Do. This. Here?” I hiss.
“I asked you a question, Mercedes!”
“I’m dating him!” I yell.
As if in slow motion, I see my dad’s face chance from hard to complete and utter shock. Then, equally as slowly, it moves back to wild anger.
“You’re dating him?” he spits. “You know who this boy is?”
“Yes, I know who he is, and no, I don’t care. Dad, can you please leave?”
He looks disappointed in me. I hate that. I fucking hate it.
“What the hell are you doin’ comin’ near my daughter?” my dad barks at Diesel.
“He didn’t know,” I cut him off, stepping in front of him before Diesel can answer.
“How could he not fuckin’ know?” Dad roars.
“Spike,” Cade says. “The boy didn’t know. Look at his face.”
I don’t want to look at his face, but when my dad looks, I do too. Diesel is staring at me, and there is so much betrayal and pain behind his eyes I want to scream and run to him, begging for him to understand, but I know he won’t. I lied to him. I lied to his family. I did something I shouldn’t have done.
“Diesel,” I whisper.
“You’re the daughter of an MC member,” he rumbles.
“Diesel, I know it’s bad, but—”
“You lied to me.”
“Diesel!” I cry.
He turns and walks off. I go to run after him but my father catches me around the waist and hauls me back. “You’re comin’ home. Now.”
“Dad!” I protest, trying to pull his big arms from around me.
“Not an option, Mercedes. Move, or I’ll make a scene you won’t like.”
I watch Diesel disappear into the crowd, and I glance around at all the people staring. I don’t want a bigger scene than the one that’s already been caused. I let my body go slack, shoving my father’s arms off me and turning, rushing towards the bikes with my head down. I go straight to Cade’s bike and get on the back. I don’t miss the fury and hurt in my father’s eyes, but he doesn’t argue. He lets me ride with Cade.
He also lets me watch Diesel fade away, with no way to get to him.
I’m so sorry, Diesel.
So fucking sorry.
~*~*~*~
“What the fuck were you thinkin’?” Dad bellows later that night as I sit at the dinner table with him and Mom.
I say nothing; I just stare at my hands.
“He’s the son of a biker from a different club. You know—fuck Mercedes, you know how bad that can be.”
“You said you had no beef with them,” I mutter.
“Even if I did I wouldn’t fuckin’ tell you!” he barks.
I jerk my head up and glare at him. “I like him. He likes me. I don’t care about the club; I don’t care about any of it. I’m so sick of living under this fucking club.”
My dad steps close, but my mom grabs his arm, whispering, “Spike, calm down.”
“This club is your family.”
I stand up, launching my chair back. “Maybe it is, but maybe I’m tired of it. Because of this club bad things have happened. Because of this club I can’t have the friends I want. Because of this club I don’t get to be who I am or love who I want.”
“Bullshit!” Dad roars.
“It’s not bullshit,” I cry, tears exploding down my cheeks. “I can’t even get normal harassment at college without you showing up, followed by your band of bad asses to embarrass me in front of the entire student body. Did you ever stop and think what that might do to me? That maybe it would make it a shit-load worse? I can’t go on dates, I can’t have friends—I can’t do anything,” I scream so loudly my voice cracks, “without you breathing down my neck.”
My dad looks as if I’ve slapped him, and my mother stands quickly, stepping between us. “Mercedes, enough.”
“It’s not enough, Mom,” I yell. “It’s not enough. I just want a normal life.”
“Dating a boy who is a member of another MC is not normal, honey.”
“He doesn’t even want to be there!”
“That’s beside the point!” Dad roars.
“He’s not a bad person; they’re not bad people. They’re no different to us.”
My dad’s face turns to pure ice. “You met them?”
Oh God. I shouldn’t have said that.
“Yes,” I say, my voice small.
“You met another club!” he thunders.
“Yes, Dad, and they were lovely to me.”
“They have shit happening left, right and center. They have bad people after them. They are fuckin’ dangerous, and you went in unprotected?”
“You’re all those things too, you know,” I say, tears running down my cheeks. “You’re hardly perfect. If I recall, it was our club that got Ava kidnapped and hurt. Then there’s what happened to me...”
Now he looks as if I’ve punched him.
I regret the words instantly. My chest tightens and I whisper, “Daddy, I didn’t . . .”
“Get out of my sight,” he rasps.
I turn and run up the stairs, tears rolling down my cheeks. My dad and I have always fought but never, not ever, has it been like this. I have to get out of here.
I just can’t do any of it anymore.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
I call Diesel. He doesn’t answer. Eventually, his phone goes directly to voicemail and no longer rings. He’s turned it off. I have to make it right with him. I need him to know I didn’t lie to hurt him—I lied because I was scared and didn’t want him to look at me differently. Because he would have looked at me differently. Like everyone else, he would believe we couldn’t work, and we can.
We can work.
I have to believe that.
Because of my possibly childish determination and belief, I find myself climbing out of my bedroom window and down the side of my house via the grid covered in flowers. My feet hit the ground, and I don’t look back. I duck around the side and away from the bikes no doubt waiting out the front, and head over the neighbor’s fence. Then I’m out of there. I know my dad doesn’t deserve to get up and find me gone after the way I spoke to him, but I can only fix one problem at a time.
Dad won’t be ready to forgive me, so tonight I’ll take the risk and go to Diesel.
I need to talk to him. The desperation in my body is nearly crippling as I run down the road and wave down a cab. I can’t sleep, and I certainly can’t stay in this house until I explain myself. I have two hearts to mend tonight, and sadly, one is going to break even more before I can fix it. I don’t like the idea of my dad coming in and finding me gone, but I have to see Diesel first.
God, I’m a terrible person.
I explain to the driver that I need to go to Denver and he hits me with a pricey fee, but I tell him I’m more than willing to pay it with tips if he takes me where I need to go. He agrees with a shrug, and I sigh in relief. Some cab drivers refuse to take a per
son an hour or more out of their way; this one is happy that I’ll be tipping him, so he’s not going to complain.
The entire drive is silent, and I turn my phone off in fear of what I’ll see. My dad will probably take a few hours before he goes to my room, but my mom won’t. She will want to fix it, make it better. She hates when Dad and I fight, and we always have. We’re so similar we clash more than we get along. I love him more than I tell him, and I should tell him. I only hope the damage I’ve done this time doesn’t cut too deep to mend.
“Here you are.”
I glance out the window to see Diesel’s apartment. The lights are all out and that makes me think he probably isn’t there, but I ask the cab driver to wait for a minute while I check. I rush up to the front door and pound, not calling out, not wanting to risk him not answering if he suspects it’s me. It’s dark inside. He isn’t here. I hurry back to the cab and give them the next address.
The address that terrifies me.
His parents’ house.
The driver takes me where I need to go, and my nerves creep up more and more as we near. I pay him as soon as we arrive and get out, my palms sweating as he disappears into the night. God, what if they kick me out? Worse—what if they think I’ve been spying on them? I don’t want them to think poorly of me. I like them so much.
I wrap my arms around myself and approach the front door, praying Diesel is here. Maybe he hasn’t told them.
I raise my hand and knock, softly at first, part of me not having the courage to do it harder. Eventually, when no one answers, I do. There are bikes out the front, which lets me know people are here, and it isn’t just Diesel’s family in attendance. A few minutes later, Jaylah answers the door. Her eyes widen slightly when she takes me in and then she says softly, “I was wondering if we’d hear from you.”
They know.
Of course they know.
“Can I come in?” I croak.
“You sure you want to do that?”
“Everything I showed you was real, Jaylah,” I whisper. “There was never an ulterior motive; I didn’t plan to like Diesel, and I didn’t know he was part of a club until the night he brought me here. Please believe that.”
She studies my face, then sighs. “I’ve been where you are. Come in, I’ve got you covered.”