by Maren Smith
I stood where I had been left to await her leisure. And Victoria was very slow to give it. When she eventually did turn her elegant face to me—her full, pink ribbon of a mouth drawing downward, her blue eyes glittering with icy fury—her beauty left me speechless. Though I knew myself to be fairly appealing physically, next to her I felt positively homely.
Dismissing me with little more than a moue of distaste, she turned her face back to the darkness beyond her window. “What do you want?”
“I am your new companion, miss,” I told her, a part of me wondering what she watched for so intently outside. As dark as it was and as thick as the fog, I knew there was little to be seen beyond her own reflection in the poured glass pane.
“Companion.” Lady Victoria made another face. A vision of gilded loveliness, trapped in the cage that was her custom-made chair on wheels, she all but radiated her disapproval of me. A bubble of sympathy welled inside me for that poor nameless woman who had been my predecessor, that stalwart soul who had done this for a living and yet who had lasted less than a week in the Lady Victoria’s care.
As the silence between us became deafening, Victoria turned again to glare at me. “What is your name?”
“Ella Rayette, miss.”
“Ella.” Victoria’s mouth turned down in a moue of distaste. “How very common.” With a slight roll of her eyes and a shake of her golden head, she turned her gaze back to the darkness outside. “So, you are to be my new nanny for life. The new slum-flavored ointment with which my brother would salve his guilt.”
Rooted to the floor, I didn’t move other than to clench my fingers in the folds of my skirt. My face colored a little, though I did manage to keep from looking guiltily at the mud splattered on the lower half of me. “I know I am a little dirty, miss. I have not yet been given my uniform.”
“Put a pig in a dress—even a clean dress—and you still have naught but a pig.”
How did one summon a smile and politeness to that? I swallowed hard and did my best. Mustering my legs, I ventured into the room towards her. “Your brother said I was to begin immediately. Would you like me to help you into bed?”
“I would like for you to get out,” she snapped. In her window’s reflection, I saw her lips compress into a tight line of frustration, and a delicate wrinkle appeared between her golden eyebrows.
“Shall I bring you something to eat or drink?”
“Is your stupidity unintentional or deliberately well-practiced?” Her tone was as hard as iron. “I told you to leave.”
“Begging your pardon, miss.” I clasped and unclasped my fingers. “I was told my duties should begin right away.”
Victoria’s chair softly creaked as she leaned back. The look she gave me was the unfriendliest I had ever received—not even at the Duck and Dog, filled as it was every night with leering, drunken brutes. “I do not want your company, creature. I could get on quite happily if I never see your drab, bovine features again. Take yourself back to my brother and tell him if he ever desires to get even halfway into my good graces, he will cease sending me this endless stream of caretaking whores!”
I stood with fisted hands and furiously blushing cheeks, and endured her verbal battering. They were only words, I told myself, and like droplets of water rolling off the sleek surface of a down-turned leaf, I was determined to let them wash over me and fall away. Having only known this woman for a few short minutes, I tallied this ranting up as what it was: my lady’s only means of lashing out. In comparison, my mother’s angry tirades had stung much, much more fiercely.
Her blue eyes flashed, and though I doubt her expression changed, she somehow appeared even angrier. “You have nothing to say?”
“No, miss.”
“You truly are stupid.” She drummed her fingers on the arm of her chair. “Fine, gaze your fill of the cripple and then take yourself back to my brother. Be his companion.” Her scornful gaze raked me from head to toe. “That position is likely far more familiar to you anyway.”
This was a job. This was money. It was I out of the London hells that had been my home since I was twelve. I let my face go impassive and told myself firmly that I would not be hurt by anything my lady said to me. The life of an invalid couldn’t be easy. I might be just as bitter were I trapped in that chair instead of her.
“I am not leaving,” I told her firmly, determined to remain servile and respectful. “Now, shall I call a bath for you, miss, or simply tuck you in as you are?”
“Take yourself to the devil,” she snapped and turned back to her window.
Servility had never been my strongest suit.
“There is no reason to be so hateful,” I admonished. “I came here to help you.”
Lady Victoria looked back at me in surprise, but that expression quickly softened into one of vindictive honey. “My dear, Ella,” she purred. “I have hardly begun to be hateful. Unless you’d care to begin your service to me with a whipping, I sorely suggest you never—and I do mean never—speak to me in such a way again. Am I quite clear to you?”
I clasped my hands tightly together, so tightly that it made my fingers hurt, but at least I kept my tongue. “Yes, miss.”
She glared at me with those glittering eyes of hers, as if wanting to stare me into the ground. I didn’t give her the satisfaction of so much as a single nervous fidget, and eventually she indicated to the door. “You are dismissed for the night, Ella. I may not have my legs, but my arms work well enough. I will put myself to bed, and you… you can start your work in the morning.”
It was not a total victory by any means, but at least she seemed to be resigned to having me present. It had been a long day; I was a little tired anyway. So I bowed my head and left her for the night. Small wonder her previous companion had only stayed one week. Making my way back to my tiny room, I could not help but wonder how long I would last.
Chapter Four
It was too late tonight and I was much too tired for unpacking. It lingered in my mind that if I stayed awake just an hour or two longer, I might, while everyone else slept, slip downstairs and return the watch I’d stolen without anyone being the wiser. Except Hawkhaven, of course. I was still halfway certain that he knew I’d taken it, and it lingered at the back of my mind that he just might be so thrilled at getting it back as to forgive me its theft entirely. But I think I was even too tired to try waiting up for even that.
Instead, because I didn’t yet have my uniform, I dug through my carpetbag deep enough to locate my only other dress to wear for tomorrow. It was horribly crumpled and I gave it a shake before draping it over the short table. Then I set the rest of my things on the floor out of my way. My supper of bread and cheese had not survived the long walk to Hawkhaven; I was a little hungry, but there simply was nothing to eat until morning. I was mostly just exhausted anyway.
Stripping down to my plain white shift, I spent several long minutes trying to scratch the worst of the dried mud from the hem. Tomorrow I would have to take the time to wash both it and my dress. Venturing to the tin mirror, I sat down at the small table to take down my long, brown hair for the night. Childhood bedtime rituals were hard to break, and tired as I was, I still took up my mother’s old silver-backed hairbrush to deliver the full hundred strokes down the full length of my curls.
This had been one of the longest days of my life, and my mind was almost aching from it. Lady Victoria promised to be quite a job indeed. I could already see it would be a daily struggle just to keep my tongue locked firmly behind my teeth. As I brushed the last few snarls from my waist-length hair and quickly twisted the long mass into a single, long braid, I tried not to think too hard about the consequences if I couldn’t.
Not wanting to waste my nub of a candle, I bent to blow it out and quickly scrambled into bed. The sheets were cold, and I shivered in the chill of the unheated room even as I nestled down under the weight of the worn but clean quilts.
Somewhere across the swamp, I heard the low baying of hunting dogs, and
Brewster answered with an echoing howl that sent shivers dancing up and down my spine. Shivering, I rolled onto my side and hugged my pillow to me. I had never got on well with newness. Eventually, I would settle in, I knew, but even tired as I was, it still took a long time to grow drowsy enough for my eyes to drift closed. And when they finally did, my chance to sleep was disrupted by a hard knock upon my door.
I bolted upright in my bed, yanking the quilts all the way up to my chin although my door remained closed. “Yes?” I called.
Hawkhaven’s stern tone, as starkly chilling as the rest of my room, answered, “Get dressed and come downstairs to my study.”
I blinked twice in confusion. “My lord?”
“Right now, Miss Rayette.” His heavy steps retreated back down the outer hallway, leaving me to the cold and my own confusion.
My first thought was not of the cane, but rather that it was a good thing that I had not yet unpacked my bag. It was not until later, as I buttoned down the front of my dress and sat upon the edge of my bed to wrestle with my still wet and dirty shoes that I began to wonder what it was I could have done. I had been here less than two hours and had hardly said more than a word or two to anyone other than my new mistress. So it must have been my impertinence towards her, I finally decided. Only the wealthy could afford attitudes and voice opinions. My family had lost its wealth and with it was gone the luxury for me to say whatever I felt. One of these days, I was going to have to take that lesson to heart.
With very heavy feet, I picked up my coat and bag and trudged downstairs to take the sacking I knew in my heart to be coming. The light in the study was the only one to cast away the gloom below stairs. Everyone had else seemed to have gone to bed. All the lights had been extinguished except for one small candle in the hallway and Hawkhaven’s well-lit study.
Sighing, I meekly lay my carpetbag on the floor just outside and, after smoothing my dress down with nervous hands, knocked ever so softly on the door.
“Enter.”
That single word sounded very harsh to me, and did not bode well. I began to tremble just a bit as I turned the handle and slowly went inside.
There was only one lamp lit upon his desk, but that roaring fire still burning in the hearth kept the rest of the room bathed in amber light. Hawkhaven sat at his desk, his head bowed over a huge ledger, looking no less handsome now than he had earlier, but certainly more threatening. Angry even. His quill moved busily, and I could hear the scratching of the sharpened tip upon the paper as he wrote. As I slowly approached his desk, he finished his notation and set the ledger aside. He leaned sideways, pulling one drawer open and I heard the musical clinking of coins. He tossed three pieces on the desktop towards me.
“I have overpaid you,” he said shortly. “Especially for one night’s worth of very poor work. Thank you, Miss Rayette, for teaching me to follow my initial inclinations without exception. Had I done that early, then we would never have learned that a serving girl really can’t be a lady’s companion with any degree of success.”
I stood frozen in the flickering firelight, unable to move, staring at those three pieces of copper until the sight of them began to swim behind tears. “I am very sorry—” I quavered.
But he was not interested in listening to anything I had to say. Instead, he merely picked up his quill again and began to fill the next line on the half empty page before him. “Buckley is bringing the wagon around. I have instructed him to take you as far as Derbyshire. Where you go from there, I could really care less, but I guarantee if you try to gain employment as a companion again, I will hunt you down.”
It was one thing to think you might get the sack, but another all together when it suddenly happened. Hot tears filled my eyes, but I struggled to keep them back. “Please, my lord,” I tried to reason. “I swear I will try harder to keep my tongue in check. I—”
His head snapped up and he glared at me with eyes as blue as ice. “I could not care less what you may or may not have said, Miss Rayette. My concern is with what you did!”
“What?” I blinked twice, my hands rising in a helpless shrug of confusion. “What did I do?”
At that, his dark eyes seemed to both widen with fury and narrow at the same time. Laying his feather aside, he braced his knuckles upon the desktop, and rose to his feet. Leaning over his desk, a veritable giant of seething anger, he softly told me, “Do not dare play the innocent with me, young lady. I guarantee you will not like the consequences.”
Shaking, I lost my fight to keep back my tears. “Please, sir, if you are going to cast me out, at least tell me what it was I did wrong! You owe me—”
“I owe you nothing!” he thundered, everything about him darkening with rage.
Something inside of me snapped, because not only did I shout back, but my hand flew out, pointing an accusing finger directly in front of his startled face. “You owe me that! If you don’t want me here, then fine, but find the nerve to tell me so.”
It was odd watching someone smile in anger, but he did, and it made my legs shake to have him look at me that way. “Miss Rayette,” he said, his knuckles whitening on his desktop. “Did you or did you not abandon my sister to put herself to bed?”
My jaw dropped and for a moment I could only stare. “Not!” I gasped.
“I will have you whipped for lying!”
“I swear I didn’t!” I cried again, my knees shaking so badly that my legs threatened to collapse beneath me. “The missus—she dismissed me for the night!”
“Dismissed?” he scoffed.
“Yes!”
“Exactly whom, may I ask, did you think was going to do your job?”
Twin tears slipped from my eyes, one right after the other, rolling down both sides of my face at once. “I tried to help her, but she refused. She said she had two good arms. Please believe me, my lord, I did not abandon her. She ordered me to go!”
Hawkhaven stared at me for a long, long time. Until a knock came at the door. The muscles in his jaw leapt as he repeatedly clenched his teeth and then, without looking away, grimly called out, “Enter.”
The door opened and an elderly butler stepped inside. “My lord, Buckley sends word the carriage is ready.”
“Wait in the hall,” Hawkhaven told him, his flashing blue eyes never once leaving me.
As the door softly closed again, I bowed my head. I had never felt so utterly lost. My trembling hand began to reach for the coppers on his desk. I suppose I should be grateful that at least I would be given a ride out of the swamp, but I tell you honestly, I was scared half unto death. Derbyshire. With only three coppers in my pocket, barely enough money to buy a meal much less a third-class seat back to London. My God, what would I do? How would I survive? Maybe it was good fortune still that I had his stolen watch in the bottom of my carpetbag.
“Congratulate me, Ella,” Hawkhaven said, suddenly sounding very tired, and I looked up at him in surprise. “My sister’s manipulations have reached all new heights in dishonesty. Considering her habits, I suppose I should have questioned you first before letting my temper get the best of me.”
With a slight shake of his head, he pushed himself off his desk and came around it to me. Taking his handkerchief from his pocket, he held it out to me. Sniffling, I took it and tremblingly wiped my cheeks and eyes.
“She has never lied to me before, you understand.” Sitting down once again on the edge of his desk, he folded his hands in his lap and stared at me. “I confess, now I… I’m not at all sure what I should do with you.”
I hiccupped miserably and surreptitiously tried to wipe my running nose. My legs were still so shaky that my knees knocked together. “All you have to do is tell me whose commands I should follow and whose should I ignore, and I will do as you say.”
“That is a good question,” he said. “I have hired you, and it is to me that you will defer. Consider my sister as difficult as ever your mother might have been. Perhaps times ten. I don’t care what she wants, or what she tells
you. Your duties are to care for her, from the moment that you rise in the morning until the instant you lay her into bed at night. Any command that she might give to the contrary I expect for you to disregard. Does that make things clearer?”
My voice was barely above a whisper. “Will you let me stay?”
“That is your choice now, but,” he held up his hand to caution me, though the whole of me still sagged in relief at not being unemployed again already, “you may want to consider your options. I did tell you earlier my view on giving the same command twice, did I not?”
I trembled. “Yes.”
“Did I not say the same for admonishments?”
“Y-yes, but—”
“Did I or did I not tell you that you were not to leave her alone? That that was my chief concern, considering what happened with your mother? And what did you do your first night on the job less than an hour after we spoke?”
A cold fist began to clench within my belly. Almost against my will, I turned my head to look at the crooked handle cane in the vase by the hearth.
“Yes,” he said, when my eyes again found his. “Victoria fell trying to put herself into bed. The corner of the nightstand has left her with a bump on her cheek and a blackened eye. If you decide to stay, Ella, than you will receive what I hope will be your last reminder never again to neglect your duty towards her care. Perhaps she brought it on herself by ordering you from the room, but you never should have left her—I told you not to leave her—and I care not if she ordered you to go. If, on the other hand, you decide to seek employment elsewhere, my driver will take you wherever you wish, and I will add another two pounds to your pocket in payment for my sister’s lie.”
Two pounds? I would not last the month. I turned again to look at the cane, my back already aching, but there was no real choice in this for me. He caught my elbow with his hand, steadying me in my decision. My breaths became shivers of fear, but I somehow managed, “I choose to stay.”