“What? No. I’d never hate you.’ He squeezed her hands tight and let go. “I was angry, and I was thinking about how I was going to get great satisfaction in breaking his nose.”
“But what if I did do what he says, Brock. What if someone out there remembers something? I thought I could just get clean and walk away from that life. But it never lets go, does it? It’s impossible to get away from. It just chases me down.”
“Sarah, you weren’t yourself. You know that. As if anyone would believe anyone from back then. Even if you did, well, we all make mistakes. No one is perfect.”
“This isn’t just a little mistake, Brock. My choices were deadly.”
“But you are okay. You can’t just keep punishing yourself over a past that wasn’t your doing. Your parents should’ve been there. Look what you’ve done since.”
Sarah was safe in his strong arms now. He didn’t hate her. He’d tried to understand her. She’d said she’d loved him last night, even though he hadn’t heard her. But she’d admitted it. It wasn’t possible of course; she’d only known him a few of weeks and life hadn’t been exactly normal since.
“Brock?”
“Yes?”
“Last night. The past twenty-four hours. How has it been for you? Tell me honestly.” She moved away a little so she could look at him.
“It was a whole lot better than I imagined.”
“But is it something you’d want…more than once?”
“With you, yes. But, Sarah—”
“Why can’t we then? Why can’t we be together and just do a little of both ways?”
Brock shook his head. “Being a Dom, it doesn’t really work that way.”
“But it could…couldn’t it?” Sarah was sure he was still protecting her. “If you wanted it too?”
“Not for me, Sarah. I just can’t change who I am like that.”
“You wouldn’t have to. I’d like to try. I think we could do it.”
“You think that now. But when we get back home. When you get back to the office, you’ll think differently.”
“I see.”
“Sarah, don’t do this to yourself. It’s a kneejerk reaction to a romantic getaway and some awful news. Sure we could try, but I’d only hurt you. I couldn’t bear it, Sarah.”
“How do you know?”
“I just know.”
Sarah looked at him. What was wrong with him? Well, she’d made the offer and he wasn’t interested. He was probably right though. It had been fun. But this wasn’t meant to be forever. To be honest, she’d always known and had told him the same many times.
She’d go home and deal with Rick. Regardless of what had happened in her life, he had no right throwing it up. It had nothing to do with her job or how good she was at it. It didn’t matter. What mattered was how she moved on with her life.
What she needed was to find a husband. Find a man who could love her the way she needed. A man who wanted to love her that way. A man who wanted her to love him like that. If she’d learned nothing else since meeting Brock Devlin, it was that.
She was worth so much more than growing old alone. Why should she settle? But before she did all that, she had to give Brock the chance to be that man.
“Brock?”
“Yes?”
“Last night. It was more than awesome for me, and I know it was for you, too. I just wanted you to know, I told you that I loved you.”
He looked at her sharply, and then his eyes softened. “I thought I’d dreamed that. I mean, I was asleep…”
“Yes. You’d fallen asleep, but I didn’t know that until after I’d said it.”
“I really thought it was a dream.”
“Look. It’s fine. I’m not here to wait for you to say it too, or whatever. But, I know I can’t keep doing this cat and mouse thing. I want to settle down, to love and be loved and have a family.”
“I know, Sarah. I know that. You deserve all of that.”
“It wouldn’t be right, if I went and did that, after what we’ve shared. It wouldn’t be right if I didn’t at least ask you…do you want to be that man for me?”
“God, Sarah…why do you have to ask?”
“Because, if I don’t ask I don’t get a straight answer and I need one. I need to know so I’m not left wondering if I may have missed out on the greatest love of my life, or if he’s still out there somewhere.”
Brock frowned at her. She could see his mind was in turmoil. But she had to know.
“Can you ever love me, Brock? Can you be the father of my children? Might you one day ask me to marry you?”
“Fuck…why do you have to know right now?”
“I’m worth more than waiting around for something that isn’t ever going to happen.”
“You are. You surely are. And no, I’m not that man. I’m sorry.”
“Be very sure, Brock, because I won’t ever ask again. I’m going to go home, work hard, and find the man who can make me happy. I don’t expect you to stand in my way because of what we’ve shared.”
“I won’t.” Brock sank down into a chair. “Go. Go find him. Be happy. Just go and do it.”
“I don’t get it. You clearly hate the idea of me with another man. Yet you will let me go marry another.”
“Sarah. I can’t marry you. I just can’t.”
Sarah was feeling the anger burn inside her now. “Why? Aren’t I good enough? Won’t I be the little slave you need? What is it Brock? If marriage to me is so abhorrent to you—”
“I’m already married.”
“What!”
“Sarah, I married Heather’s mother almost fifteen years ago, and I’m not asking her for a divorce.”
Sarah felt nauseous. The shock hit her hard, and she stepped up to him and slapped his face. Her hand stung. “You cheating bastard.”
~~~
INDISPENSABLE: Part 2 Page 10