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“Oh yeah?” I ask with vague curiosity. I didn’t realize he was having her help him with anything.
Rob leans in closer to me. “Yeah… think I’m going to ask her out. She looks like she’d be an amazing f**k, don’t you think?”
He laughs at his own crude statement and I have to curl my fingers into the palms of my hands, digging my nails in, so I don’t punch the motherfucker.
And since I can’t beat the shit out of him, I decide to use real power instead.
“Don’t even think about it,” I warn him. “You get me sued for a hostile work environment or some shit like that, I’ll have to fire your ass. You know there’s no fraternizing among superiors and subordinates, and you, Rob, are her superior. ”
Rob’s eyebrows shoot high, and disappointment etches all over his face. “But she doesn’t work underneath me. How am I her superior?”
“You’re in litigation and one of the senior associates. She’s in litigation and is at the bottom of the rung. You’re her superior. ”
Blinking at me for a few moments, he says quietly, “I didn’t think of it that way. Sorry. You’re right… that wouldn’t be good. ”
I nod my head at him curtly, because I still want to kick his ass, and start to move past him. I don’t feel a shred of remorse for placing a standard on Rob that I myself am not willing to abide by. Truth be told, if Mac weren’t involved with me, there really wouldn’t be anything wrong with them having a relationship. But Mac is involved with me and there’s no way I’m sharing her.
“Hey, Matt?” Rob asks and I turn halfway to look at him, raising my chin in question. “You all right? You seem a little on edge. ”
I try to relax my face, so he doesn’t see that I still want to pound him into the dirt. “I’m fine. Just a lot on my plate today. ”
“All right. I’ll see you around. ”
I don’t respond and walk away.
When I get to my office, I flop in my chair and boot up my laptop. My mind starts thinking about the work I need to do today, but then gets sidetracked by thinking about Mac. This is happening more and more lately, and it’s kind of a pain in the ass. One of the things that makes me so f**king great at what I do… why I’m a litigation god… is because I have tremendous focus and determination.
Not so much “post-Mac”.
When my computer fully boots, I note I have a meeting this afternoon with a doctor that’s going to testify in a nursing home abuse case for me. I quickly send an email to my paralegal and ask her to pull the medical records on that case so I can review them this morning.
I start going through my other email, nothing in the subject lines standing out as urgent. When I get to one from my HR director, Karen Anders, that simply says “Employee Emergency,” I almost bypass it because it’s not marked urgent and I’m sure it’s just informational. Karen has been with me from the day I opened the doors to this firm, is well equipped to handle 99. 9% of the human resource matters, and usually just tells me what she did so I can put that away in my memory under the file entitled “Useless Knowledge”.
I almost hit the delete button without even reading it, but something makes me pause. Mac isn’t in yet… what if the emergency is about her?
My palms immediately get sweaty, and my heart starts madly tripping. I open the email, and my eyes immediately focus on the words McKayla Dawson.
My heart beat pulses so hard that it feels like it will jump out of my chest.
The message is simple.
Matt,
McKayla Dawson’s roommate called me a bit ago and advised me that Miss Dawson has a family emergency and had to leave for Nashville last night. Her roommate said she expects she’ll be out several days.
FYI, so you can make sure someone can cover her cases for her. I’ll update you if I find anything else out.
Karen
Bolting out of my chair, I walk—practically run—to Karen’s office. She’s thankfully alone when I barge through the door and looks up at me from her computer with a smile.
“Good morning,” she says cheerfully.
“What happened with Mac?”
Karen blinks at me, because yeah… the way I asked it was urgent and blunt, and it was rude I didn’t acknowledge her greeting.
“Um… I’m not sure. Her roommate just said it was a family emergency. I’m sorry… I didn’t think to ask other details. I just took her word that it truly was an emergency. ”
Breathing out a huge sigh of frustration, I rake my hands through my hair and try to think of what to do.
“You don’t think this is made up so she could take time off?” Karen asks, her eyes now narrowed in suspicion.
My head snaps in her direction. “No way. Mac’s not like that. ”
Karen’s jaw sort of drops because she heard it. Heard the tone of my voice. Heard that I know Mac on a bit of a deeper level than just a new employee.
“Give me her roommate’s number,” I demand, trying to keep my voice at a polite decibel but I think… ultimately… failing. Good thing Karen’s seen all of my moods, even the worst, so she doesn’t even bat an eye at that.
Typing a few keystrokes on her computer, she pulls something up on her screen. Her eyes search back and forth and when she finds what she wants, she writes it down on yellow sticky note for me.
“Thanks,” I manage to say as I take the paper and head out her door. Pulling my cell phone from my jacket pocket, I dial the number Karen just gave me and head back toward my office. As it rings, I pass a few people in the hall who make eye contact with me and then drop their gaze quickly. I know what my face is saying. It’s saying, I’m upset and if you know what’s good for you, don’t say a f**king word to me.
Macy answers on the second ring. “Hello. ”
“What the hell is going on with Mac and why am I just hearing about it from my human resources director?” I demand.
Macy does something that stuns me. She starts crying.
Loud.
“Macy,” I try to get her attention as I make it back to my office. “You need to calm down and tell me what’s going on. You’re freaking me the f**k out. ”
I can hear her take a deep breath in and let it out. “I’m sorry. I’m just so worried. Mac’s mom was in a bad car accident, and she tore out of here last night. She’s driving to Nashville, and I haven’t heard from her. I’ve been calling all night and this morning, and nothing. What if something happened to her?”
“Nothing happened to her,” I assure Macy quickly, and I say it with confidence because I have to believe that. “What happened to her mom?”
Macy starts crying again, but it’s soft and she manages to talk through it as I sit down at my desk. “I don’t know the details of what happened, but the doctor said she was brain dead. Was on life support. ”
FUCK!
Fuck, f**k, f**k, f**k.
My heart explodes in sadness for Mac, and I immediately worry about her. “Does she have any other family down there?”
“No. Her dad died a few years ago and the rest of them are out in California. Matt… I tried to go with her, but she told me no… said she didn’t need me. She sounded like a robot… like she was on auto pilot or something. ”
Macy starts crying again, and it’s because she’s worried but also because her feelings are hurt that her best friend wouldn’t accept help and comfort when it was offered.
“What hospital is she at?”
“Vanderbilt University Medical Center. ”
“Keep trying to call her. I’m going to try and catch a flight there. If I’m lucky, I’ll be able to get there not too much longer after her. ”
“Okay,” Macy says in a small voice.
“Hey,” I say softly. “It’ll be okay. I’ll text you my flight info so you know when I’ll get there. You call me if you hear from her, okay?”
“Sure,” she says, her voice a little stro
nger.
“And Macy?”
“Yes?”
“Mac didn’t mean anything by it when she refused your help. You understand she wasn’t thinking rationally, right? No matter how calm she appeared. ”
Sighing into the phone, Macy says, “I know, but thanks for making sure I remember that. ”
I disconnect the phone and hit the intercom on my desk, buzzing Karen’s office. When she answers, I tersely tell her to book me the fastest non-stop flight to Nashville because I don’t want to risk connection delays. Karen doesn’t sound surprised, but even if she were, she wouldn’t question me.
I then shoot a quick email off to my paralegal and have her clear my calendar for the next two days.
Just that quickly, I’m out the door and headed to my apartment to pack a suitcase. I dial Mac’s phone, hoping she’ll answer.
It goes straight to her voice mail and when the message starts, it’s Mac’s voice sounding dreamy and hypnotic. You’re getting very sleepy. So very sleepy. Your eyelids are closing, and you’re growing tired. You are losing your ability to stay awake, and you are susceptible to suggestion. When you hear the tone, you will be all but powerless to leave your name and number.
I roll my eyes because I’m not in the mood for Mac’s humor right now. “Mac… call me. I’m trying to find out what’s going on. ”
I start to hang up, but then I say, “I’m worried about you. So is Macy. Please call me. ”
***
The cab driver tells me it’s only a fifteen-minute ride to the hospital, so I lean my head back against the seat cushion and shoot a quick text to Macy.
Landed. Any word from Mac?
She responds back immediately. No! Please let me know when you see her.
I sigh with frustration. Mac hasn’t returned my numerous calls or answered my texts. She’s not communicating with Macy either, and it makes me worried sick.
I’m not worried she didn’t make it to the hospital because I know she did. I have no clue how Karen got the information, but she probably manipulated or weaseled it out of some gullible nurse. I had confirmation that Mac made it to the hospital and her mother was in Room 4310.
While I’m worried about Mac and sad for her, I’m also a little bit angry that she hasn’t returned my calls.
Hell, I’m angry she didn’t think to call me and tell me this happened. She just had Macy call Karen, and that burns me up for some reason.
I had just assumed, based on the intimacy that we’ve shared, that she would share something like that with me. I mean… I didn’t expect to be the first person she turned to. That would be Macy.
But I did sort of expect I would be the second person she would turn to.
And just that thought right there is like a cold wave of water hitting me, dousing me with the reality that I am letting myself develop actual feelings for her. Feelings that have nothing to do with how great she feels underneath of me.
I’m also hit with the stunning realization that I may be a little bit selfishly unrealistic in those expectations. I expect her to share something monumentally important with me, yet I’ve failed to share with her the most important thing in the world to me.
She has no clue about Gabe.
The singularly most important thing that will ever exist in my world.
Turning my head to the side, I look blankly at the Nashville scene passing by. My mind idly wonders why I’ve not told her. Why I haven’t even thought about telling her.
How can I be so worried about a woman that I’d drop everything to fly to be at her side, yet I won’t tell her a simple fact about me… that I have a son?
Maybe because that fact isn’t so simple.
Gabe is complicated. Not complicated as a child because he’s like the best kid ever.
Confessions of a Litigation God Page 23