“And I won’t tell you,” I said with an affectionate smile to soften my words, “or you’ll drag yourself into the middle of an argument that’s not yours. And believe me, Gwynn, you’ll only get hurt.”
“Can I come with you to Edgecliff?”
At his abrupt change of subject, Elena met my gaze evenly. “Anders told us what happened and what you plan to do. I’ll send troops if you need them.”
I leaned on Gwynn’s head as I stood up, ignoring his feeble protest. “Maybe not at first, but I’d feel better knowing we could count on them if necessary.”
“Shall I have an extra troop stationed at Bitterhill?”
“Yes, thanks.” I nodded toward Gwynn, who was still muttering beneath my restraining hand. “And thanks.”
“Just returning the favor.” She smiled, watching Gwynn with open affection, reminding me of all the times in the past I’d kept an eye on her younger brother and heir when he was squiring here in Port Alain.
The two of them followed me up the stairs. Rosanna, sitting alongside Anders, jumped to her feet the moment she noticed us. With a wary expression, she crossed the room to meet me at the doorway. Elena and Gwynn squeezed past me to give us privacy.
“How is she?” I asked, firing the first arrow.
“Restless. She wakes now and again, then drops off. Kerrie won’t leave her side.”
“Will she speak to me?”
Rosanna hugged herself as though she caught a chill. “I don’t see why not.” She kept her eyes fixed on mine. “But I won’t let you talk to my daughter, Alex, unless—”
“Don’t you dare say it,” I kept my voice pitched low. When Rosanna put her hand on my arm, I shrugged free and walked past her, ignoring the others, especially Sernyn Keltie.
Khrista was sleeping, Kerrie at her side. “Alex.” Kerrie started to stand but I motioned him back down. “She won’t listen to a word I say. She’s all I care about, you know that. Nothing else matters. Can’t you convince her of that?”
Before I could comfort the poor man, Khrista muttered something, eyelids closed tight. She tossed beneath the wool coverlets, finally opening her eyes. I turned to Kerrie. “Would you leave us for a bit? Please.”
With a silent nod, and quiet confidence in my ability to make his wife see reason, he left us alone.
I took his place at Khrista’s side. “That’s a flamboyant way to get attention.” As she shut her eyes in defiance, I tugged at her fingers. “Did you think Kerrie would abandon you? He doesn’t care about anything but you and the baby. And the baby. Do you understand that?”
She spun around to face me, her cheeks spotted with scarlet. “Kerrie will always know that he’s not the father.”
“You don’t give him very much credit,” I said, trying to shame her. “Let your husband decide that for himself. Don’t throw his feelings aside.” When she blinked away tears and pulled the wool coverlet closer around her shoulders, I helped tuck her in. “Should your mother and the old duke have thrown me out because I wasn’t their child? They never treated me any different than you or Jules.” When she didn’t answer, I persisted, “Would you rather they had thrown me out?”
“Fool.” She huddled under the blankets. “Mother said you blamed yourself for what I tried to do. That’s ridiculous.”
“That’s ridiculous? What you did was ridiculous.”
“Well, then, we’re both fools.”
“Listen.” I gripped her arm beneath the coverlet. “I won’t blame myself if you won’t try this again. Deal?”
“If I agree, will you stop squeezing my arm?”
I laughed in relief, simply because I trusted the look in her eyes. “Yes.” Standing, I stretched the kinks from my back. “Now get some sleep so the rest of us can do the same. The last person I want to see on my doorstep in the middle of the night is my nuisance of a brother.”
“Will you tell Kerrie to come back in?”
“Sure.” I turned to leave.
“Alex—” Her expression turned solemn, eyes bright. “I’m really frightened. I don’t want to die.”
“And you won’t,” I pronounced with all the confidence I could muster. “We know more about mage births than my mother did. Besides, you won’t be alone. Sernyn and Anessa promised to stay with you until Anders and I return from Edgecliff.”
“You be careful.”
“And you behave.” I closed the door behind me once Kerrie went inside.
Anders left Rosanna’s side to meet me. “Are you all right?”
“Yes.” I didn’t fight his arms around me as he held me close.
“Your brother’s been fidgeting for the last two hours,” he whispered.
“He wants to come,” I muttered into Anders’s chest.
“Should we let him?”
I looked up into cool seagray eyes that held no hint of judgment or disapproval, only concern and deep love. “Yes. But don’t tell him yet.”
* * * *
“Am I disturbing you?”
I glanced up from the notes I was writing to Lauryn about my students and their upcoming lessons to find dark blue eyes appraising me. “Even if you were disturbing me, most esteemed and majestic majesty, you have a right to command my attention.”
Elena grinned. “I hate to pull rank on you.”
“But you do it so well.” I pushed the papers aside. “Anyway, you’re not my first visitor. No matter how hard I tried to hide, they all found me. Jules, Rosanna, Lauryn, Kerrie.”
“Your father?”
I slanted Elena a dark look. “Not yet.”
“Ah.” She looked over her shoulder at the door. “You know Gwynn’s been sitting outside on the steps all day, don’t you?”
“No. Why?” I scratched my head, moving the stool further back from the low school table so I could stretch my legs.
“I don’t think he means to lose sight of you until you leave.” Blue eyes twinkled. “Are you taking him?”
“Yes.” I laughed quietly. “But I don’t want him to know just yet.”
“Lords of the sea, you’re cruel.”
“Believe me, he deserves it. How long are you staying?”
Elena toyed with a loose thread in her tunic sleeve and pulled it out. “Until tomorrow morning. I think I’ve imposed on Lauryn’s good graces long enough. She refuses to blame me for what happened with Jules all those months ago. Unlike me, who unfairly blamed you for Erich’s treachery and my execution of the traitor—” Elena’s expression was so vulnerable it nearly broke my heart when she waved aside my attempt at dismissing her words. “Lauryn’s got a generous heart.”
“If Jules didn’t love her, she might feel differently. But he does. And besides,” I stressed, poking her in the chest, “what happened, or didn’t happen, wasn’t your fault. Jules was the fool in that little drama.”
“Nevertheless. And you? How is it possible that you don’t despise me? I treated you intolerably.”
“You were grieving.” I squeezed her hand, forgiving the months of distance between us. “You’re still grieving.”
“He betrayed me.”
“Doesn’t matter. You loved him.”
“When did you become so wise?”
“I just fumble through the shadows and hope to find my way.”
“You do, eventually. Listen, Alex, my troops have orders to stay at Bitterhill until they receive word from either you or me. It’s the least I could do to keep my Mage Protector in one piece.”
“Mercenary,” I complained, brushing back a stray curl. “I knew you had an ulterior motive.” I squinted at Elena, only then hearing the peculiar words. “Mage Protector?”
“You asked for another title.”
“Yes, but, Mage Protector? Couldn’t you come up with something a little less– A little more—A little something else?”
With a grin that made her look no older than Gwynn, Elena stood to leave. “Be careful, Mage Protector.”
“You be careful. You’re the one always
getting into scrapes.”
And who was going to save me? Particularly from the civilized knocking at the schoolroom door an hour later.
“May I come in?”
I didn’t bother to look up at the polite tone. “I’d rather you didn’t.”
“Then I will leave.”
“Lords of the sea, come in!”
Sernyn Keltie entered the schoolroom with open hesitation. “I want to apologize for what I said.”
“Why?” I kept writing. “You meant every word.”
He sighed and perched on a low stool opposite me. “Not the way in which you chose to interpret it.”
“I didn’t think there was more than one way to interpret it.” I shoved the papers to the side and reached for a stack of well-worn books, looking for the lesson on local government.
“There is your way, Alex. And there is my way.”
I started sorting through the pile, searching for what Lauryn would need for reference while I was in Edgecliff.
“When you did not come to apologize—” Though his words faded, he didn’t flinch at my sudden glare. “Well, then, I knew I had hurt you deeply.”
“That’s the first intelligent comment you’ve made so far,” I said dryly, uncertain how this would end, uncertain, even, how I wanted it to end.
“I am sorry, Alex. But I cannot help reacting to your reactions. We have far too much history between us when it comes to guilt and blame.” His eyes were sad again, as they were when I first met him in Glynnswood two years earlier.
Thoughtful, I rested my chin on my hand. “And you make it so easy to pounce on anything you say.”
“How can I make matters less troublesome for you?”
“That’s as impossible as getting rid of my bodyguard.” I waved in the direction of the door, where Gwynn was keeping guard.
“He wants desperately to come with you.”
“And you desperately want to send him.”
“Yes. Of course. Glynnswood must play a role in capturing the renegade mages.” His expression shifted with a quiet transformation, until Elder Keltie, with all the burdens that entailed, was seated in place of my father. “Besides, Alex, as the queen’s Mage Champion—”
“Mage Protector,” I said, tongue-in-cheek. “Haven’t you heard? The royal witch has changed my title again.”
With Sernyn’s restrained sense of humor taking over, he seemed to consider my words, as well as his answer, but chose not to comment, simply nodded. “The point I am trying to make,” he went on, back to being Elder Keltie, “is that although the queen feels there has not been any involvement by Glynnswood mages in this matter, there is still the link with Spreebridge that makes it our responsibility to aid you. So, I wish to send Gwynn with you, as well as another excellent scout—” He allowed a small smile to escape for a moment, though he didn’t explain why. “I would simply feel better if you had help from people you can trust.”
“You’re suggesting I can trust Gwynn? And what about Anessa?” I added, before he could respond to my sarcasm. “Isn’t she worried about her son?”
My father smiled openly, a frank genuine smile that made me think about my mother and how easily she could have fallen in love with him. So much so that she respected his wishes to not use magic in front of him. “The thought of her beloved son sitting in Port Alain, moping inconsolably while you were gone, changed her opinion the moment I mentioned it. Alex—” He placed a hand under my chin in gentle defiance. “I am sorry, truly, for so many things. And if I can help Lady Barlow’s daughter, I—” Though I hadn’t yet scolded him for daring to touch me, Sernyn dropped his hand to the table and studied it intently. “I know it will not bring Emila back or make the heartache go away, for either of us.”
“No matter the reason, we’re all grateful.”
“Grateful enough to take Gwynn with you?”
“Do I have a choice?”
* * * *
Exhausted, my brain scrambled and eyes bloodshot, I’d just completed my notes to Lauryn, along with stacking the books and supplies she’d need on the low table I used for my desk. My thoughts were a jumble, and I had an almost uncontrollable impulse to hide in the cottage for some peace and quiet. But there was one last person who hadn’t yet sought me out, one last key player in the unfolding drama whom my conscience urged me to see. Apparently, she had the same thought to visit me, for reasons of her own, and arrived at the end of the day.
A soft insistent knock at the schoolroom door brought me to my feet with guilt when I identified my visitor, Sernyn’s wife, the woman whom Jules had called my stepmother. She stood waiting permission to enter my hostile territory. Across the width of the empty room, Anessa and I studied each other in silence, measuring, considering, looking for the right words. To her surprise, I was the first one to speak, and my words were not what she expected.
“I was trying to get the courage to come find you.”
“Me?” Her quiet manner betrayed her startlement. “Because of my son? Has he troubled you again, Alex? That boy. If he—”
“He always troubles me. So yes, because of your son. And more, because of your husband. And even more, because of you.” I watched the expressions shift in her eyes, saw humor, kindness, alarm, curiosity, each take their turn, to be replaced by simple patience. If Gwynn were the example from which I had to judge, I’d have to admit Anessa had been, and continued to be, a damn good mother. “Come in and sit down, if you don’t mind a child’s stool.” I sat on the edge of the table as she entered the spacious room, curiosity getting the better of Anessa’s good manners as she scanned the walls. She took in the bright colored paintings, maps, charts, flowers or weeds, I couldn’t tell the difference, but was betting she could. “I was putting my notes together for Lauryn. She’s a wonderful good sport, always taking my place without complaint, when I’m not here.”
“I was just thinking” —taking a seat on a low stool not very far from me, Anessa waved a slender hand at the bright illustrations of sailing ships the children had drawn some weeks ago—”that our own schoolmistress back home could learn a thing or two from you. The room is so bright and vibrant, and their teacher so caring.” Guileless eyes met my own, smiling as I flushed at the unexpected compliment. “It is true, Alex, though you cover it up so well. That is part of the reason I came to find you. My son, well—” She laughed, brushing a strand of dark brown hair behind one ear. Anessa wore it long, well past her shoulders, and it suited her attractive face. “You care very much for Gwynn, and I cannot tell you what that means to all of us. And so, though I worry when he is traveling far from me, I am reassured you will do everything in your power to keep him alive and safe, as you did on the bridge in Edgecliff.”
“That little incident,” I said, envisioning my brother dangling over the bridge, “nearly stopped my heart.”
“And mine, when he told me the tale as only a boy could, full of bravado.” She smiled again, her adoration of the nuisance quite evident. “But Alex, I am also reassured he will do everything in his power to keep you safe, too, and that,” —she paused for a deep breath, as though she were afraid of my reaction— “is just as important to me. And before you question my words or doubt them—”
“I don’t.” And somehow, I didn’t.
Her smile was warm, its affection this time, intended for me. “I had hoped you would not doubt them. Alex, though it may be hard for you to understand, I, too, read with interest every letter Lady Barlow sent to Glynnswood, speaking about you, detailing your life. I knew from her words you had grown into a beautiful and honorable woman, knew from Gwynn’s devotion that you would be a good and loving sister to him, and I knew—”
“From your husband that I was an unforgiving, cold-hearted—”
“Hush.” Her maternal scolding was as effective as Rosanna’s as she stood in front of me, holding my gaze. “I do not need my husband to tell me you have been desperately hurt by his abandonment and the circumstances of your mother’s death.
You have every right to be unforgiving.”
“Do I really?” I whispered. “What happened in the past can’t be changed. Anessa—” I shut my eyes against the compassion I read in hers. “I’m trying hard to make my peace with him. I owe it to my mother. I owe it to myself. I’m not sure, however, if I owe it to him. Maybe I do. But it’s awfully difficult. Sometimes, I feel—” Opening my eyes, I gathered courage to admit, “Sometimes I feel as though in my own heart and mind I can talk to him not as Elder Keltie or Sernyn, but as my father. And then, before I can stop it, the ugly specter of my mother’s death comes between us, and I revert back to childish behavior that shames me,” I said quietly, not really surprised that this gentle, kind woman plucked such a confession from the depths of my soul.
“Do you understand how miraculous that is?” She squeezed my fingers and smiled with pride. “To hear you admit that brings joy to my heart, Alex. And your father, because he, too, knows you have been trying. But he will not push you. Sernyn told you long ago he does not want you to need him, only to forgive him,” she reminded me of the painful encounter months ago. “And I would add to that, Alex, one thing. If you can find it in your heart, then it would be a joy to love him, too.”
“No wonder Gwynn’s the way he is.” I scratched my head in bewilderment at this amazing woman. “He’s got your heart and his father’s sneakiness.” Smiling when Anessa laughed, her face and manner relaxed, I added, “I did want to talk to you about Gwynn, about taking him along. But more than that, I wanted to—” When she stopped laughing, sensing a more serious thought was lodged in my throat, I sighed and gave in. “I wanted to know you, too, not only as Gwynn’s mother, but—” though I couldn’t use the word stepmother, I said instead, “I thought you and I should become friends, if you were willing.”
The immediate answer I got was a warm embrace. “Alex, I have wished the same, but feared to push my presence on you.”
“That’s your husband’s doing,” I grumbled, trying to cover up my embarrassed relief she hadn’t outright rejected me. “And Rosanna, telling you what a monster I am.”
Mage Resolution (Book 2) Page 19