by PJ Sharon
Brinn thought for a moment as she blew bubbles out of her hand. "I guess so. I can see you like him very much." She smiled at her friend, whose eyes lit and voice softened when she spoke his name.
"Oh, I’m soooo in love with him. That’s why I'm going to marry him. He’s totally cute and he’s a hard worker. He's going to be rich and successful. I think he’ll make a good husband and father, too. He wants tons of kids. So do I." Abby gushed on about her plans with Phillip, stopping only when Brinn's silence and withdrawal became apparent.
Her head was barely above the water, her eyes and nose set on the surface like a blue-eyed sea monster ready to submerge. She wanted to tell her friend about Justin, but she hesitated. Abby might think that she was inventing him in order to make the engagement news less painful. When they were younger, she’d made up stories about imaginary people all the time to amuse her friend. It made them both feel better to pretend that she wasn’t alone in the world. But stories of pirates, magicians and Indians couldn’t hide the truth. She was alone—and would continue to be alone—unless she was brave enough to face the world.
"You know," Abby continued slowly, "even though Phillip and I are going to be married, it doesn't mean I won't see you anymore."
Brinn remained still, wondering whether she should rise above the bubbles or sink all the way down to the bottom of the deep tub. Abby would never be the same now that she loved Phillip. She knew because she, herself, would never be the same since she’d met Justin. Maybe what happened between them wasn’t love, but whatever it was, she knew she wanted more.
She’d been counting the days and watching the moon slide higher above the tree tops, growing a little more each night, along with her longing to see him again. With their meeting still over a week away, she was anxious for the days to pass. He’d said he would find her. What if he didn’t come back? What if she never saw him again?
No. She couldn’t think like that. She shook her head, forcing Abby to draw back with the scissors and eye her reproachfully. “Sit still or I’ll cut your hair crooked.”
Brinn sighed in submission, then closed her eyes, imagining the warmth around her coming from Justin’s arms. Since she’d woken with him holding her gently against his broad chest, nothing felt the same. He’d looked at her with compassion and purpose—not pity. He cared for her. His face showed his every emotion, raw and sincere in a way that gave her a sense of connection she’d never felt with anyone.
She noticed a change down deep inside herself since then, as if something had broken free that night—like she’d been stripped of a cocoon that had held her bound. For the first time in a very long time, she wanted to trust someone new. It was time she took a chance. Although apprehensive about the prospect of going out in public and being around so many people, the butterflies that fluttered in her stomach felt ready to make their escape. The city would be the perfect place to spread her new wings.
She pushed away the tendrils of fear that snaked along her skin. The flesh on her arms rose as if chilled, despite the steamy water. Being alone had kept her safe and alive. Now, her life of exile felt like a prison sentence she longed to escape. It was now or never. If she wanted to be a part of Justin's life, she knew she would have to try to be a part of his world. A glimmer of hope, a desire for more, sparked inside her. A future filled with possibility lay ahead.
If only she could wash away the shadows of the past. Doubt crept into her mind. Would she be safe in Justin’s world? Could he protect her or would he use her story to make a name for himself? She understood enough about people to ask the question. People looked out for themselves; that’s just how the world worked. Would Justin prove to be different? She sank beneath the water, slowly released her breath, and descended to the bottom, sending a stream of bubbles to the surface.
After a minute, Abby reached in and plucked her from the depths. Water splashed over the edge of the tub and sent soapsuds into the air. "Besides," she continued, undaunted, "the wedding won't be for another year. We’re waiting for Phillip to graduate and start his new job. He's already been invited to work at a research facility in Charlotte, and if we can make you a little more...presentable in the meantime, maybe you can come and visit me sometimes in North Carolina. It isn't really that far. You could take the bus..." Brinn ducked under the water again, drowning out Abby’s words. One step at a time, she thought, rinsing away the last remnants of soap and grime.
Brinn stepped out of the deep tub and dried off. The dripping water soaked the plush bath mat beneath her feet, the cool air bringing another shiver along her flesh. Abby studied her silently. Brinn pulled the towel tighter around her shoulders, uncomfortable with the scrutiny.
“Do you remember much about it?” Abby asked tentatively as she averted her eyes.
“What?” Brinn knew what her friend was asking but pretended otherwise. She clamped her teeth together to stop them from chattering. The warmth of the hot water quickly receded and the cold of her nakedness took over. She slid the towel lower to cover the scars on her thigh. The pity in Abby’s eyes gnawed at the tight knot in her stomach.
“You’ve never talked about what happened when you were little. Do you remember much about your life before the mountain?” Abby wrapped a thick soft bathrobe around Brinn’s shoulders and led her to the bed, sitting down beside her.
“Not really.” Brinn said quietly. She did not want to have this conversation. It would be hard enough to face the world again without dredging up all those old feelings and awful memories. “It’s in the past,” she said, lifting her chin in defiance. “I want to concentrate on the future for a change.”
Abby nodded agreement and smiled a little sadly. “I understand. But if you ever want to talk about it, I’m here.” She gave Brinn a one-armed hug and grinned up at her. “Let’s get you dressed.”
Happy to let the topic go, she watched as Abby rummaged through her closet, throwing dresses onto the bed and piling shoes into a heap on the floor. “Take your pick.”
Since Abby was shorter and had more curves than Brinn, Abby thought it best to stay with something flowy and simple. They settled on a knee-length sundress that gathered under her breasts, with thin straps and a tiny floral print. It was a little short on Brinn's long frame, but the small pink and yellow flowers gave her a radiant glow. The outfit was finished off with a pair of strappy sandals that left her newly trimmed and painted toes open to the air and hanging slightly over the edge of the small shoes.
Brinn clomped back and forth across the room. “Can’t I just wear my boots?”
“I don’t think so.” Abby grimaced as she put Brinn’s old clothes and boots into a bag, holding each item by two fingers as if disposing of a dead fish. “You’ll get used to them. Try to walk like a lady. Take smaller steps. Keep your feet closer together,” she coached until Brinn figured out that walking in heels was similar to crossing a stream on slippery rocks. If she pointed her toes and stepped softly, she managed slightly more grace than a waddling badger.
Once she mastered the treacherous footwear, Abby sat her down on a small cushioned stool and ran a brush through her hair. The idea of being in the city among crowds of people had her fidgeting on her seat. Despite the queasiness in her stomach at the prospect of what was to come, the long brush strokes soothed her nerves.
“Everything will be fine. Relax,” Abby said confidently. She brushed on some pink blush and drew lines underneath each of Brinn’s eyes with a dark pencil. “Look up and stay still,” she said. Next, Abby dabbed a tar-like substance on Brinn’s lashes, nearly putting her eye out as Brinn blinked uncontrollably.
“Is all of this really necessary?” Brinn asked, annoyed.
“It will all be worth it; trust me.” Abby continued painting on eye makeup and lip gloss until Brinn squirmed with impatience. “Voila,” she said, standing back and admiring her work.
Finally, with her hair blown dry and teeth brushed to gleaming, Brinn was ready. The girls marched into the hallway and stoo
d in front of a long mirror. Abby stepped to the side and peered around her friend. "You look amazing!"
Brinn stared at her reflection, not believing her eyes. She reached up and touched her hair. It was neatly parted down the center and hung in long layers of silken strands on either side of her face, draped like a lace shawl over both shoulders. She sniffed the midnight black feathers that slipped through her fingers. The strands were shiny and smooth and smelled of soap and honey. Her face was darkly tanned, her nose freckled, but the pinkish glow in her cheeks gave her an undeniable radiance. Eyes the blue of summer skies stared back from the mirror, the lashes long and lustrous. Her shimmering lips tasted like sweet berries.
The outfit her friend picked out was the most beautiful article of clothing she’d ever worn. The soft material caressed her skin, bringing to mind Justin’s touch and setting her nerve endings on fire. What would he think if he saw her like this? Her heart fluttered against her chest and warmth pooled in her belly. Would she ever get used to these strange sensations that happened every time she thought of him?
When Abby had suggested that she shave the hair from her legs and under her arms, she thought her friend was going too far. But seeing the skin on her legs shimmer, soft and smooth as a shiny leaf, made Brinn’s lips turn up at the edges in a satisfied smile. She examined her reflection in awe. Then the image blurred as tears stung her eyes and cascaded over the brim.
“Don’t cry; you’ll ruin your makeup.” Abby rushed to grab a tissue. “Are you all right, Brinn?”
Taking the tissue and dabbing the happy tears away, she smiled and sniffled, “I’m...pretty.”
“Of course you are.” Abby stood close beside her. She wrapped an arm around Brinn’s shoulder and joined her in front of the mirror. “You are going to turn some heads, my friend.”
Brinn turned away from the mirror. She shivered at the thought of people...men, seeing her dressed like this, her arms and legs bare. A solid lump formed in her throat. Swallowing hard, she faced her friend. “I have one question.”
“What’s that?” Abby looked at her quizzically.
“Where do I put my knife?”
Chapter 13
Into the World
When Phillip met the two girls on the wide steps of the covered porch, his jaw dropped. "Wow! What a transformation!" He glanced admiringly from Brinn to Abby, who was grinning from ear to ear in satisfaction.
"She's amazing, isn't she?"
"That she is." Phillip commented kindly.
Grateful that Abby had found her a suitable sweater, Brinn squirmed under his roving eye. He no longer wore the expression of disgust she'd seen on his face earlier, but the look in his eye was a bit too wolfish for comfort. Her face warmed with apprehension at his response.
"This calls for a celebration. Why don't we go into the city, have some dinner, and I'll take you to my favorite hot spot in Atlanta?" Phillip wrapped an arm around Abby’s waist.
Abby eyed Brinn cautiously. “There’ll be a lot of people for your first time out. Would that be all right with you?"
Brinn smiled nervously. It was clear that her friend wanted to go. Besides, Atlanta was where Justin lived. If she was lucky, maybe she could find him. Encouraged by the thought, she took a deep breath, clenched her fists and followed the two away from the solid safety of the McMurrays’ front porch.
“I’m ready,” she said.
Abby’s smile lit with relief. She grabbed Brinn’s hand and squeezed. “I won’t leave you alone for a minute, okay?”
Before she knew it, she was riding in the cramped back seat of a pickup truck, speeding down the road past buildings and houses and fast-moving cars that made her head spin. Excitement fueled her nerves and tension thrummed, restless as a bumblebee inside her. The breeze from the open window caressed her face, easing her sense of impending doom. She tipped her face to the wind, feeling the speed at which everything passed by—as if she were flying. Her hair floated and whipped around her face, tickling her cheeks. She felt more alive than she had in years.
By the time they reached the city, she’d grown somewhat more accustomed to the various strange sights along the way, though the rumble in her belly wasn’t just from hunger. She swallowed the acid that crept up her throat. Stay calm and breathe. These internal instructions kept her mind focused and present—a trick she’d found useful when stressful situations threatened to bring on an attack of panic.
When they reached downtown Atlanta, she gaped in fascination. The city was bustling with people. They were everywhere; walking alone and walking in groups, packed together in herds on concrete paths, and shoulder to shoulder on street corners as they waited for lights to turn color. All of the faces blurred as her mind spun.
What if the man was out there? What if he found her? So far she was safe—as long as she stayed in the truck. But what about when she had to get out and join the rushing crowds? Her stomach somersaulted. She hummed softly as she rocked to and fro. It’s now or never, she reminded herself, gripping her elbows. And then her mind was once again drawn to the new world that surrounded her.
The buildings were tall with windows that lit up the darkening skyline like a million bright stars. She was entranced by the sights, sounds, and smells of the city, a place that she had viewed as a small cluster of hazy lights in the distance from her mountaintop. A place she had sworn she would never come back to.
Once the truck was parked, the threesome walked along Moreland Avenue. Brinn watched all the people pass her by. They didn't seem to notice her at all—almost like she was invisible. There were no funny stares and no one spoke to her. She started to feel a little less vulnerable, if not entirely safe, as the faces rushed past. She clung to her friend's side, not willing to relinquish the girl's arm, especially as they entered a building through a door shaped like a large human skull.
"The Vortex has the best burgers in the city," said Phillip, dragging the two young women through the open doors beneath the crazy orange swirled eyes and the monstrous white bony face.
When they nudged their way through the hive of people and settled into their seats, Brinn let out a breath. Not willing to admit her fear, she sat numbly in her seat and stared wide-eyed around the room, taking in the cacophony of sights and sounds. Clutching the bulge at the side of her leg gave her a small measure of comfort. Her senses on over-load, Brinn focused on her breathing and barely acknowledged Abby when she agreed to order their dinner.
Abby ordered a burger and fries, which Brinn wolfed down with enthusiasm. She’d never tasted anything so scrumptious in all her life. Until the nice young girl with the name tag “Susie”, placed a frosty, thick drink in front of her that exploded in her mouth with sweetness. Before Abby could warn her, Brinn had sucked down half the chocolaty shake. Then her eyes blinked hard and a knife of stabbing pain ripped through her head and nearly knocked her off the chair. "Ahhhh!"
Phillip and Abby said in unison, "Brain freeze," and laughed.
"Drink this." Abby handed her a glass of water, which, to her amazement, relieved the pain almost instantly. "You have to take small sips," her friend said. She handed Brinn another napkin and showed her by example to wipe her mouth after eating and drinking. Brinn followed suit and wiped the frothy liquid from her upper lip.
Full and just beginning to relax in the chaotic surroundings, Brinn was whisked away as Phillip paid the check and ushered the girls out. "Let's go downtown. There are some great clubs we can go to.”
Brinn piped up, recalling a conversation she’d had with Justin about places he liked to frequent in downtown Atlanta. “Is there a place that has a horse in the name?”
“You mean the Black Horse Tavern?” Phillip asked.
“That’s it.” She was certain of it. Just the thought of being somewhere Justin had been made her feel closer to him. A warm tingle rose along her skin. She sniffed the air, half expecting to catch his scent.
“I have a buddy that works the door there. He'll let you girls in even tho
ugh you aren't twenty-one." Phillip wrapped his arm around Abby's shoulder and pulled her close for a hard kiss.
An uncomfortable heat swept through Brinn. She dropped her friend's hand and quickly found her way into the back seat of the truck. Twenty minutes later, they filed into a little brick building on the other side of the city, a sign with a galloping black stallion hanging above the door.
A brawny young man with dark skin stood at the entrance. Phillip whispered something in his ear. The two grinned and nodded at each other until he waved the group on, smiling slyly at Brinn as she passed. They made their way through the restaurant and down the stairs to a room packed with people. Her muscles grew taut as she was dragged through the crowd, Abby towing her along as Phillip parted the mass of people and led the way to an empty table at the far side of the bar. With so many people pressed against her, she felt choked and trapped. Her heart thumped against her chest, the pulse in her ears booming with the rhythm of the music.
"I don't like it here," she whispered loudly in her friend's ear, trying to be heard over the pounding vibration.
"It’ll be okay. I’m right here with you." Abby yelled back. "Phillip will get us some drinks. That will help you relax.”
Brinn’s nails scored sharply into her palm. She closed her eyes and searched for a safe place within herself. The external chaos yanked her back. Light and sound bombarded her from every direction. Her eyes flew open and darted around the room, searching for something to focus on. Noticing everything at once, her eyes fell on two older men at the end of the bar who stared blankly at the giant television screen on the wall. A comforting familiarity smoothed the edges of her frayed nerves as she stared at the baseball game, mesmerized.
Memories of her father flashed behind her eyes. He used to watch this game. She remembered him calling the men “Braves.” Like the Native American Indians in her books, she thought, and smiled. The memory quickly faded as a big man brushed past her, bumping her chair and making her jump. A renewed twinge of panic tightened her chest. Restless and apprehensive again, she wished she were back on her mountain where at least she could hide if she needed to. Hiding here was out of the question. People crowded in around her on every side.