It took more than ten minutes for me to get myself together again enough to sit up. Glancing in the mirror on the back of the visor, I saw a stranger. I barely recognised the shell of a woman staring back at me. Her eyes were lifeless and haunted. Running my finger through my hair and wiping my face, when I eventually managed to look away, my eyes locked with his. The boy who was always there for me. Every time I needed him, without question, Spencer was there. I loved him for it.
He cocked his head to the side in a silent question and I found myself answering with a soft nod. I watched as he rose slowly from the log he’d been sitting on and walked towards the car slowly. Even though I felt like shit for making him feel so uncomfortable, I appreciated his thoughtfulness. Every move he made was deliberate. Calculated. Measured. It was like he was gauging my reaction before making his next move. Patiently making sure I was onboard with anything before he proceeded.
Sliding into the driver’s seat, he stuck the key in the ignition before he turned to me. “Ready to head home?”
My mouth fell open. Out of all of the things he could have asked me, that was not what I was expecting. I was expecting curious questioning and soft interrogation. Spencer offered neither. Just polite manners.
“More than you know,” I admitted as I pulled on my seat belt.
Without another word, Spencer slipped the truck in gear and drove us through the deserted streets. By the time he parked in the driveway I was desperate to talk. To apologise. To explain. Once again, Spencer didn’t give me a chance. Instead he jumped from the car, darted around to my side, and opened my door before offering me a hand down. I didn’t need it, but I took it anyway. The warmth from his fingers gave me more comfort than they should. Without dropping my hand he led me up the path and through the front door.
“Coffee?” he called out as he moved straight into the kitchen.
“Thanks,” I answered automatically.
Kicking off my boots, I followed the sound of crinkling packets and running water to the kitchen and sat on a stool at the bench. The silence was stifling. “Spencer, I need to explain…” I began, my voice pathetic and shaky.
“Zoe, you never have to explain. Not to me,” he responded as he turned to face me, but he didn’t approach. That wasn’t lost on me. Instead, he leaned back against the sink and folded his long arms across his chest. At the sight of his arms my heart squeezed. I wanted to be wrapped up in them. I hoped one day, I’d find a way back, I just didn’t know how.
“Spencer, please,” I begged, pushing on. Even if he didn’t need to hear it, I needed to get it out. “I know I made an idiot out of myself tonight running away. It’s just…it all just got too much. And Kane―I know he’s your brother and I know he probably didn’t mean anything by it, but the things he said―the things he was suggesting―”
“Zoe,” Spencer’s voice was like whiskey. Lifting my head, my eyes met his and my heart broke. It was more than just a break. It shattered. Into a million tiny shards and I wasn’t sure if it would ever be able to be put back together. “Firstly, you didn’t make an idiot out of yourself. Sure, tonight people saw you run to the car and they saw me chase you, but people in this town have known me a long time. You mightn’t spend much time around here these days but I can pretty much guarantee all they are thinking is that I said or did something stupid to make you run.”
“I’m sorry. I never―”
“Forget it. Tomorrow they won’t even remember it.” He dismissed it with a wave of his hand. “And secondly, yes―you’re right. Kane is my brother. My twin brother. He’s an ass. If he hadn’t been whimpering and bitching in pain, I would have knocked him into next week for the things he said, Zoe. It wasn’t you. It was Kane. Trying to show off and be a big man. More than that, that was Kane just trying to piss me off.”
I couldn’t help but smile weakly, “Well, judging by that look on your face, I’d say it worked.”
My sarcastic comment had the desired effect. I watched as the anger and the resentment and the frustration faded from his body. When his shoulders drooped I knew I hadn’t destroyed him with my own bullshit. Now I just had to remember to keep my problems to myself. Spencer didn’t need to beat himself up about this. Not now. Not ever.
“Yeah, I guess it did. Seriously though, I know I keep asking and I know you’re sick of hearing it, but I have to…are you all right? Really? And remember, it’s just me. No need to pretend. Are you really okay?”
I didn’t want to answer him. I couldn’t lie to Spencer and I didn’t want to, but looking in his eyes I could see the concern there. It was my pain and I didn’t want to make it worse for him. “Honestly?”
“Always.”
“No, Spence. I’m a fucking mess.”
I thought that as soon as I admitted it out loud I’d feel worse, but I didn’t. It felt good. Everything felt lighter. Like carrying the lies and trying to be something I’m not, trying to put on a brave face was exhausting beyond belief.
“Thank fuck for that.” He laughed gruffly as he filled the coffee cups and shuffled around before collapsing heavily into the seat beside me.
“Huh?”
“At least now you’re telling the truth and we can stop pussy footing around and just be us again.” He sighed as he took a sip of his coffee.
I felt like shit. I hadn’t realised how big of a toll my crap had been taking on him. How much me being in his life was draining him. “I’m sorry…”
“Don’t! Don’t you dare apologise, Zoe. I’m only going to say this once, so listen up. What happened to you was not your fault. The bastard responsible, the one who should be sorry is the weak prick who did this to you. You didn’t ask for any of this. Just like I didn’t ask to be the one to find you. Don’t for one minute think that I’m not glad I did, Pippi. This is not your fault. I don’t want to hear you blaming yourself for it. Never again.”
Taking a tentative sip of my coffee, I scalded my tongue. It was better than the alternative. I didn’t know what to say. Everything Spencer was saying was true. I knew that, but I couldn’t deny the niggling in the back of my mind that kept doubting it.
We sat in silence and finished our drinks. By the time we were finished I was beyond restless. Sitting there in the quiet with a million and three thoughts bouncing around, I wanted to scream. I understood what Spencer was saying, I really did, but it still didn’t take away what happened. Sliding off my stool, I went to the sink and washed up. Anything to keep my hands busy. Once that was done I was still buzzing, so I wiped the counter tops. Then the inside of the microwave got a thorough clean. Before I knew it I was elbow deep in the oven, scratching at the baked on grease.
I felt him before I heard him, his breath on my neck. His arms wrapped around my waist, his head on my shoulder. “You’re very quiet.”
“Just thinking,” I dodged. I didn’t know how to explain what was buzzing about in my head. I couldn’t make sense of it, so how the hell was I supposed to explain it? Any of it.
“Care to share?”
“Not yet.”
“That’s okay. How can I help?”
“This helps,” I assured him, pulling him closer.
“M’kay,” he murmured.
I don’t know how long we stood there at the kitchen sink. I didn’t care. It felt good. Too good. I dropped my head back and we were left holding each other up. My heart rate slowed, my eyes drooped, and I gave in to the exhaustion. When my knees buckled beneath me, Spencer stepped backwards and swept me up in his arms before carrying me through the house and lying me in the centre of his bed.
I was surrounded by his scent. It was overpowering. And perfect. And comforting. “Thank you, Spence,” I whimpered as I rolled towards him.
Slowly he slumped on the side of the bed and reached for my hand. I watched as my fingers shook as he wrapped them in his own.
“For what, Pippi?” His voice was filled with wonder and bewilderment and I didn’t understand his disbelief.
“Ever
ything, Spencer. I know since I stumbled back into your life I’ve been nothing but a walking, talking disaster. I mean, I’ve pretty much turned your world upside down…”
“Don’t give yourself too much credit, Zoe. I’m pretty damn good of making a mess of things all on my own.” He smiled a crooked smile.
“I know. You’ve taken care of me from the moment…well, you just have.” I tried to say the words but they stuck in my throat and I found myself choking. “And I’ve even kicked you out of your own bed.” An errant tear escaped and raced across my overheated cheek.
Wordlessly, Spencer swiped it away before pulling me into his lap. He wasn’t about to let me go. “Pippi,” his voice was thick with emotion and it cocooned me like a warm blanket. “You can kick me out of my bed anytime.”
“Well, isn’t this just fucking cosy…” a drunk slurred from the doorway.
Chapter 22
SPENCER
I wanted to rip his fucking head off. No, it was more than that. I want to rip his head off then sew it back on with a blunt needle just so I could rip it off all over again. He might have been my twin brother, but it didn’t mean I had to like him. Especially not right now.
“Kane,” I growled, not recognising my own voice.
In my arms, Zoe burrowed against me and tried to make herself as small as possible. My stomach clenched and my jaw locked. I didn’t need to look at her to know what was going on. I could feel it. She was terrified. The shaking that had been barely there moments ago, was undeniable. Her pulse was out of control. Her whole body was covered in tiny goose pimples and her breathing was coming out in forced, shallow gasps. Squeezing her even tighter, I heard the soft whimper that escaped her lips, and I knew I was holding on too tight, but I didn’t loosen my grip. I couldn’t.
“Kane. Get. Out,” I spat forcefully.
I could smell the alcohol rolling off him in waves. He stunk. He was wobbling on his feet, covered in dirt and grass, but it was the stale stench of cigarette smoke and hard liquor that overpowered everything. It made me want to gag.
“I live here too, remember?” Kane flashed a sinister smirk.
Taking another long look at the man hovering in the doorway, I was sad to realise that I didn’t know him. I didn’t recognise the man standing before me. From the sinister snarl on his face to the cocky attitude, right down to the way he’d spoken to Zoe earlier. Kane was my brother. My twin brother. My only brother. My business partner. My house mate. My best mate. Right now, I didn’t see any of those people. Tonight he was unrecognisable.
“Not tonight you don’t,” I countered, leaving no room for argument. Well, at least I thought I had.
“Huh,” he huffed, puffing out his chest. I knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to intimidate me. Trying to make me back down. It wouldn’t happen. Not tonight. Not over this. “Just ’cause you brought home some skank doesn’t mean I can’t sleep in my own bed.”
“Careful, Kane. Be very fucking careful.”
Rage was bubbling just below the surface. Out of the two of us, I’d always been the calm one. Ninety-nine percent of the time Kane would throw the first punch. I wasn’t a saint, I’d always swing back. Very rarely would I be the instigator. Tonight though, if he kept pushing, it wouldn’t take much for me to swing first.
“What? Don’t like the truth?” Kane smirked as he folded his arms across his chest.
I looked down at Zoe. She was trembling in my arms. Her face was an unhealthy shade of grey and I could see her recoiling into her shell. Tucking an errant curl behind her ear, I shifted her off my lap and nestled her amongst the pile of pillows. Turning my back on Kane, I pulled the blanket from the bottom of the bed and covered her up. If I was going to argue with Kane, I wasn’t going to make Zoe sit here and watch. Not with front row seats. Definitely not tonight.
I stepped back and looked down at her. She looked so small. So tired. So afraid. What was worse, was she didn’t look like the Zoe I knew and loved. My Zoe had vanished before my very eyes. Right now, I couldn’t blame her. Bending down, I placed a kiss on her forehead.
“I’ll be right back, Princess. It’ll be okay,” I assured her. I didn’t want to make her promises I couldn’t keep, but coming back to her side wasn’t one I’d break. Not for anyone. Not even my drunken idiot of a brother.
Turning away from her proved to be one of the hardest things I’d ever done. I could hear her soft whimpering, and with each strangled sob it cut a little deeper. Forcing my feet to take one step after the other, I covered the distance to the door in three strides.
“You’d let that piece of trash sleep in your bed?”
Kane’s words burnt through me with a white hot rage I’d never experienced before. Through gritted teeth I managed to spit, “Outside. Now.”
He smirked, then stumbled, but started shuffling towards the back door. I knew that this was going to end up bloody. Kane was itching for a fight. I don’t know who’d pushed his buttons, who’d riled him up like this, or what he was really pissed about, right now I didn’t give a flying fuck. I wanted to smack his head in. He deserved it. He more than deserved it.
Grabbing my phone from my pocket, I shot a quick text to Mum and followed him into the backyard. He was waiting. I’d been caught off in my own little world as I stepped through the door and hadn’t been expecting the left hook to the side of my head. Black spots danced in my vision and everything rocked back and forth, but somehow I kept my feet.
“Fuck, Kane!” I swore, spitting the metallic tasting blood from my mouth. If I wasn’t on the receiving end of that punch I’d have been impressed. “Seriously, what the fuck?” If he wanted to beat the shit out of me, well then, so be it. I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to find out what was stuck up his ass first.
“What? Now you want to talk? Pretend to be brothers? Pretend to give a fuck? You know what? Screw you, Spencer,” Kane exploded as he stormed off the deck and into the centre of the yard before turning back on me. “What the fuck makes you so damn special?”
Now I was lost. “What are you talking about? Seriously, Kane, what the fuck?”
If I thought for a minute that my words would diffuse this situation then I was an even bigger idiot than I thought. It was almost like the sound of my voice triggered him and out of nowhere Kane was charging at me as fast as he could. Bending at the waist, Kane drove his shoulder into my stomach and forced me backwards. He was drunk. Too drunk. Somehow I held my feet. I let him drive me backwards a couple of metres before planting my feet, halting his progress. It seemed to have drained him of most of his fight. Pushing off me, he dropped his grip and stepped away.
Once I was free I took a moment and gulped down a few deep breaths. I knew I was trying to be tough, but Kane had knocked the wind out of me. My head throbbed like a bitch. A couple of metres away, Kane was slumped over, hands on his knees, panting hard. He looked defeated, but I knew he was a stubborn ass. Hell, it was a trait we shared. A trait that served us well in business, but tonight I knew it would be his downfall. He wouldn’t let this go.
“You going to tell me?” I invited, hoping to end this sooner rather than later.
“Fuck you, Spencer,” he snarled, straightening his spine.
I could read the determination in his eyes, the pitfall of being a twin. It was late. I was tired. I had a beautiful girl in my bed I was desperate to check on. I didn’t want to be stuffing about being a dickhead.
“No! Fuck you, Kane. What’d I do to bring this on? Seriously? And don’t fucking blame Zoe. She did nothing and you know it.”
Then I found it. Kane’s trigger. The button to press to send him into a white hot rage. The spark to reignite the inferno that was Kane’s bitter and twisted thoughts. “You’re an even bigger dumb ass than I thought.” He grinned, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.
“How do you figure?”
“Zoe isn’t innocent. Ever since she stepped foot back in this town, you’ve become a pussy whipped asshole. You’ve dropped
everything and everyone that’s important to you. Your whole fucking world revolves around that slut…”
I didn’t give him a chance to finish his tirade. I pounced on him, my fury uncontrollable. I swung blows left and right. Some landed. Some didn’t. I felt a knee collide with my ribs and I doubled over, but when Kane lifted his knee again I managed to knock him off balance before he broke my nose. We tumbled to the ground, a mass of limbs and obscenities. I was tiring and I couldn’t help but to hope Kane was too.
“Stop! Please stop,” a soft voice cried.
And as if it was the cure for cancer, world peace, and a ticket to the moon all rolled into one, all the fight left me. I felt Kane’s body slump beneath mine. I didn’t have to look at him to know he’d given up the fight just as quickly as I had.
Rolling off him, I sat on my butt on the wet grass and ran my hands through my hair. What a fucking mess. It took a moment before I found the strength to raise my tired, pounding head and look at Zoe. The truth was I was embarrassed. Sure, Kane had come home itching for a fight and acting like a douche, but I’d sunk to his level pretty quickly. He had an excuse, if there was such a thing. He was completely sloshed.
“Zoe,” I began. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears, her hair in disarray, and her clothes dishevelled. Shaking her head slowly, she wrapped her arms around her chest protectively. Stealing a glance at Kane, he didn’t look much better. He had a split lip, sunken eyes, and was covered in a thin layer of sweat, dirt, and grass. He needed a shower and he needed it now. Hopefully it would wash away the foul stench of whiskey while he was at it.
“Seriously, children!” a screech resounded, followed by a mop of brown hair.
As soon as I saw her I knew we were going to get our asses chewed for being such idiots. Part of me wished I’d never texted her. I just hadn’t been thinking about how I’d look when I’d done it. All I’d been thinking about was Zoe. Right now though, regret was hanging over my head like a fucking noose.
Coming Home (Homeward Bound Series Book 1) Page 12