“I just needed time.”
As I admitted it, I realised how true it was. Time was exactly what I needed. Time and space. Coming home and hiding under the covers for a week hadn’t helped. Well, it had in one way. For the first time I didn’t feel completely exhausted. Now it was time to start fighting my way out of the darkness. Fighting my way out of the mess that had become my life. It was time to reclaim it.
I pulled my shoes on, stuffed my phone in my pocket, and reached for Spencer’s hand. I might have made the decision to get back on my feet on my own, but that didn’t mean I had to do it right this minute. Especially when I had Spencer’s warm, strong shoulders to lean on.
We spent the day ignoring the elephant in the room and instead we walked the streets in the sunshine. We’d stopped for coffee in a cafe on the water, caught a movie at the casino, and generally enjoyed being together. Everywhere we went, Spencer was the perfect gentleman. He opened doors for me, guided me in front of him with a light, reassuring hand on my back, and he never once let go of my hand.
“I’m stuffed!” he sighed, flopping onto the lounge as we walked through the door.
The fresh air had done me a world of good. I felt refreshed and invigorated, but tired. “Yeah, me too.” The sun was setting and the temperature started to plummet. “What do you want to do tonight?” I offered, trying to sound blasé.
“I’m easy.” Spencer smiled, kicking off his shoes and dropping his big feet on my coffee table.
“Pizza and a movie?”
“Sounds good.” Spencer yawned, tipping his head back and letting his eyes fall closed.
For the first time I looked at him and really saw him. He was exhausted. The snoring was heavy and I knew Spencer was asleep. He probably needed it. He’d arrived early this morning, which meant he’d driven through most of the night. He needed rest and I needed to let him.
Pulling my phone out, I started scrolling through the messages. I’d never received so many texts before. My inbox was full. I checked everyone else’s but Spencer’s. For some reason I couldn’t bring myself to read the words he’d sent me. Instead I read text after text from workmates, my boss, and Katie, all hoping I was okay and would be back on deck soon, but they were superficial.
Spencer snorted and wriggled. He was out to the world. Grabbing the blanket from the back of the lounge, I draped it over him before stepping back and taking one last lingering look before I headed back to my bedroom.
Opening the closet, I looked at the options I had for clean sheets. I had white sheets with tiny pink and yellow flowers on them or a plain, apricot set that had seen better days. Definitely nothing that I’d want anyone to see. Ever. Grabbing the closest set, I quickly remade the bed, then nestled down amongst the mountain of pillows and prepared to read the messages.
Twenty minutes later I had tears streaming down my face. Even Spencer’s attempts at being angry were endearing. Not that I’d ever tell him.
“What’s with the tears?”
I looked up and spotted Spencer leaning on the door frame, his arms folded across his chest and a sly smirk on his lips.
“Nothing,” I lied. Badly.
I swiped away the stray tear as Spencer came towards me.
“Liar.”
“Maybe.”
“No maybe about it.”
“Gonna tell me?”
“Do I have to?”
“Yeah.”
“Fine. I read your messages. I swear, Spence, I never got them. I didn’t know…” I babbled. Every message he’d sent proved time and time again how much he cared. I couldn’t have doubted it even if I wanted to. He’d shown it, over and over. His messages were just another example.
Dropping down on the bed beside me, Spencer smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Zoe. I promise you. It’s okay. You didn’t get my many, many pathetic, whiny, needy, girly messages.”
“They weren’t girly…” I giggled.
The truth was they were a bit, but I loved every single one of them. They made me feel awesome. Loved. Safe.
“So about that pizza?”
“Sounds awesome. Mind if I grab a shower?”
“Go nuts.”
Chapter 28
SPENCER
As much as I wanted a shower, I needed space from Zoe more. I loved that girl more than I’d ever admit, but right now I needed a moment. Just a second to breathe. Today had been awesome. We’d enjoyed the city and each other. It was almost as if the real world didn’t exist. Sure Zoe ran out of breath easily and she may have stuck a little closer to me than normal, but I didn’t mind. Not one little bit.
Turning the hot water off, I let the icy blast calm my nerves and my unwanted hormones. I washed and shaved, taking my time. As I pulled on some sweat pants and a t-shirt, I could hear Zoe on the other side of the door. Part of me didn’t want to leave the bathroom but the other part of me, the more dominant part, was desperate to get back to her. She was an unhealthy addiction I couldn’t shake. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to.
I heard a knock at the door and that was my cue. Stepping out of the bathroom, I watched as Zoe pulled open the door a fraction and addressed the visitor. Right there, before my very eyes I saw how just not okay Zoe was. One hand held the handle with white knuckles as she trembled. Even from across the room, I saw the shiver dance through her body.
I couldn’t stand to watch anymore.
Crossing the room in quick, deliberate strides, I was at Zoe’s side within a breath. She jumped and let out a startled gasp when I dropped my arm around her shoulders.
“Shit head!” she chastised, slapping my chest before grabbing at her chest, trying to settle her rapid breathing.
With a smile plastered across my face, I pulled the door open wider and looked at the pimple-faced teen standing there looking awkward.
“Hey,” I grinned.
“Hi. Two large pizzas and a garlic bread?” he asked nervously, his voice cracking.
“Sounds good,” I agreed, taking the pile of boxes from him.
Pushing Zoe behind me, I handed her the pizzas and stepped into the doorway, filling the space. I wasn’t trying to scare him, but I could tell he was intimidated. I didn’t care. Not about how I felt or how he felt. Right now, it was all about Zoe. She wasn’t okay and that’s all that mattered.
“I’ll grab you some cash,” I told him before grabbing my wallet from the coffee table and turning back to the door. “Here you go, man. Have a good night.” I smiled, stuffing some money in his hand, then closing the door.
Turning my attention back to Zoe, she’d already set up dinner. She’d poured drinks, grabbed napkins, and opened the pizza. The smell of garlic and tomato sauce filled the room and my stomach growled appreciatively.
I wanted to ask her if she was okay. I wanted her to tell me she was. Looking at her, I didn’t want her to lie. She was anything but all right. Pushing aside the questions I was dying to ask, I instead stayed in safe territory. “What’d we get?”
Zoe giggled and it was infectious. It made me feel good all over. It was a beautiful sound. “What do you think?”
“Probably some girly shit?” I teased.
“Girly shit?”
“Yeah. You know that green stuff and feta and all those fancy, no fat, no flavour toppings.”
Smiling, Zoe looked up from under her long eyelashes. “You know me so well.” She flicked open the lid to reveal a cheesy meat lover’s pizza before opening the other where a supreme waiting for me.
I dropped onto the couch beside her, grabbed a slice, and took a huge bite. “Mmmm,” I mumbled. It tasted so damn good. Nothing like the greasy local back home.
“Classy,” Zoe taunted as she took a tiny bite.
I laughed. “Don’t pretend to be delicate, Pippi. You forget, I know you. Eat properly.”
Taking a huge bite, she chewed determinedly. “Happy now?” she said through a mouthful.
“Like you wouldn’t believe.” I chuckled.
&nb
sp; Grabbing the remote, Zoe clicked on the movie and up came Bruce Willis. Nothing like a bit of harmless violence to make you forget. For the next couple of hours that’s what we did. We finished the food and kicked the empty boxes aside before settling back, neither moving, neither speaking. We didn’t need to. My eyes started to feel heavy. I started to drift off and get distracted, but forced myself to hold them open.
Zoe wiggled around and dropped her feet in my lap. Without a word I started massaging the soles of her feet. She groaned as she settled deeper into the lounge. When Bruce Willis saved the day and the credits rolled, I knew I couldn’t hold off the conversation any longer.
“Zoe,” my voice wavered and I barely recognised the breathy word.
“Mmm,” she mumbled, wiping her tired eyes.
“We need to have a chat.” The fear in her eyes sank me. Instantly I knew I should have approached it differently. In seconds we’d gone from relaxed, comfortable, and worry free to clinging to the edge, holding on for all we were worth. “I don’t mean it like that.”
“What about?” Her voice was barely a whisper.
Desperate to put her out of her misery as painlessly and quickly as possible, I turned so I was facing her. “I don’t want you to feel pressured, so it’s okay. No matter what you say, it’s okay. I promise.”
“Spencer! Just spit it out!” she hurried, straightening her shoulders, preparing for the worst.
“Okay…do you want me to go to a hotel?” I offered.
“Is that what you were worried about? Seriously?” Zoe laughed and her eyes lit up. I nodded, feeling slightly embarrassed. “Spence…I spent last week in your bed. I forced you to sleep on your own couch. I have no issues, questions, or concerns with you staying. Not tonight or any other night.”
“Don’t make offers you can’t back up,” I taunted sarcastically.
“I’m not,” Zoe declared adamantly.
“Then I’m staying,” I confirmed.
I heard Zoe suck in a deep, fortifying breath. She was wringing her hands absentmindedly. “For how long?” She bit her lip, worry etched in her face.
Grinning, I couldn’t help it. “As long as you’ll have me.”
“Sounds perfect. Now, I need sleep.” she stated, standing up and stretching her arms up high above her head, causing her shirt to rise with it exposing a strip of soft, smooth skin. Her creamy skin was enticing. My mind wandered down an R-rated path without pausing to ask for directions. I felt a twitch below my waist and wished it away. I couldn’t be having those thoughts about Zoe. Especially right now.
“Sounds good. Where do you keep your spare pillows?”
“Spare pillows?”
“For the couch.”
“Don’t be an idiot! You’re not sleeping on my couch. Come on,” Zoe declared, standing up, offering her hand.
Clicking off the television, I folded the throw rug and left it on the arm of the lounge before dropping my hand in hers. Zoe led me towards her bedroom and suddenly I was nervous.
“You okay?” Zoe asked as she looked up at me with concern.
“Yep,” I lied as I popped the ‘P.’ My hand was so sweaty and clammy, it was humiliating. I dropped her hand. As I wiped them on the seat of my pants, the lie might have dropped from my lips, but my body gave the truth away.
“Sure,” she said sarcastically. “I’m going to get changed in the bathroom so you can get changed out here.”
The pained look in her eyes made my decision for me. There was no way in hell I was sleeping in this bed. I hated the fact I was responsible for putting that fear there. “Okay,” I nodded.
I watched her shuffle towards the bathroom, and when the door clicked shut, I let go of the breath I’d been holding. In one moment I regretted coming to the city and invading her space. On the other hand, I was glad I came. Zoe might have been trying to pretend everything was okay, that nothing was hurting her, that she wasn’t thinking about it, replaying it over and over, but in the quiet moments throughout the day she couldn’t hide it. At least not from me.
I pulled the curtains closed, flicked off the light, and turned on the lamp. I found myself sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor. I needed to talk to her. To say something. I had no idea what. Needing reassurance or maybe just someone to tell me to stop being such a big baby, I grabbed my phone and shot a text to Kane. He’d always tell me exactly how it was, with little to no regard for my feelings. In fact I doubted he knew what feelings actually were.
Spencer: You busy???
Kane: Nah, what’s up?
Spencer: Zoe.
Kane: ???
Spencer: Says she’s ok but its bullshit.
Kane: U surprised?
Spencer: No.
Kane: What u going 2 do?
Spencer: ??? Any ideas?
Kane: Bring her home?
“What the fuck?” I swore. I wasn’t expecting that.
“What’s wrong?” Zoe asked as she appeared again.
She stole my breath and she wasn’t even trying to. Her face had been scrubbed clean. Her hair hung in one thick braid between her shoulder blades. It was the short shorts and skimpy pink singlet top that made me sit up and pay attention. All of me. Her fresh faced innocence sent me spinning.
“Nothing,” I mumbled, unable to drag my eyes from her mile long legs.
Sauntering across the room, Zoe peeled back the covers and slipped between the sheets. I watched with my stomach in my mouth. She wiggled and squirmed until the she had the blankets tucked up under her chin and her head settled on the pillow.
“You getting in or are you just going to stand there and stare at me?”
I looked at Zoe and saw hope in her eyes. I knew what she wanted. She wanted normal, I couldn’t give it to her. God I wanted to. I just couldn’t. I wasn’t going to put her in the position to regret anything. Flicking off the lamp, I dropped my head on the pillow. I didn’t get under the covers. If she wanted me to sleep in here, I wasn’t getting under the covers.
“Spencer?”
“It’s okay, Zoe,” I assured her.
“Spencer.” Her voice cracked and I didn’t need to see her to know there were tears flowing down her face. Somehow I just knew.
Without a word, I reached over and dragged her into my arms. She settled with her head on my chest, my arm wrapped around her and my hand settling on her hip. I stiffened beneath her but Zoe didn’t know. Or if she did, she didn’t say a word. It didn’t take long before she was sleeping soundly. Me, however…it took a lot longer before I found peace.
Chapter 29
ZOE
I woke up with my heart in my mouth as my heavy, sleep-crusted eyes cracked open. I was wrapped around Spencer. What surprised me the most though, was I woke up feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. I’d spent the entire last week asleep. And in the few waking moments, I’d been so screwed up, such an emotional mess I’d barely been able to string a thought together. Today though, something was different. I’d woken up and actually looked forward to the day. A fact that wasn’t lost on me. I knew exactly what to thank for that. Or who.
Beside me, Spencer snored and snorted and wriggled, but didn’t wake, giving me the chance to watch him sleep. With my arm draped across his expansive chest, I felt the steady soothing rhythm of his deep breathing. Stealing a glance at the clock, the bright red numbers lit up the room. It was early. Too early. Closing my eyes, I pushed myself, if possible, even closer to Spencer, and closed my eyes. Another couple of hours’ sleep sounded perfect.
When I woke again, the sun was streaming through the open window and the curtains were dancing in the breeze. The thing to entice me from the warm comfort of my bed was the scent of bacon filling the apartment. Then I remembered it was Spencer. He was here. I couldn’t help but to grin like an idiot.
With a spring in my step, I launched my body from the bed―my ribs groaning in protest―and headed for the bathroom. A moment later I pulled my dressing gown from the hook on the ba
ck of the door and tied the belt around my waist. Stepping into the lounge room, the sight before me stopped me dead in my tracks. Spencer was in my kitchen. Dancing to the radio. Shirtless. With droplets of water dotting his back. Cooking breakfast.
The song ended and so did the butt shaking. Not one to miss an opportunity, I started applauding, causing Spencer to spin around and stare.
With a wild, wide smirk plastered across his gorgeous face, he asked, “See something you like?” He bowed dramatically.
“Just enjoying the show,” I confessed, feeling my cheeks burn.
“Well, as long as you enjoyed it.”
“Oh trust me. I did.”
“Well then, sit down and enjoy the meal portion. Today we have pancakes served with maple syrup and bacon,” Spencer explained with a bow as he dropped a plate in front of me.
It smelt damn good and it looked even better. My mouth watered and it wasn’t just the bacon that was responsible. The scrumptious specimen standing on the other side of the bench had my heart beating ferociously.
Pushing aside the thoughts I knew I shouldn’t have been having, I grabbed my fork and dug in. It tasted like heaven. “Mmmm,” I mumbled appreciatively through a mouthful.
“Any good?” Spencer asked raising an eyebrow.
I shuddered. This boy was going to be the death of me. He was getting so comfortable in my life. Or maybe I was getting too comfortable in his. Whichever it was, I knew it was going to hurt like hell to watch him walk away. It had almost damn killed me the first time, but now I’d have to do it again. I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to.
“Yup,” I answered quickly, not trusting myself to elaborate further.
“Well then, eat while they’re hot. Then we can talk about payment.” Spencer winked as he slid onto the stool beside me and started eating.
The warmth from his half naked body was bouncing off him in waves, heating me to the core. Everything he did right now was hot. I was overcome with the compulsion to slap him. Or hug him. Or both. I don’t think my body really cared which, as long as there was contact.
Coming Home (Homeward Bound Series Book 1) Page 17