The door pushed open, smooth and easy, its threshold a moat between her and the office—Tess’s domain. Stacks of folders sat upon her desk, the blinking red message light on the phone flashed as loudly as a needy infant’s wail in the silent room. A light jangling noise broke the silence—her keys, clanking against each other from her trembling hand. She clasped them in her palm. You can do this.
Stepping across the threshold was like entering a sacred place where she’d never before tread. It felt different with Tess lying in a hospital bed. Her eyes trailed the path to Tess’s door, which stood open. Alice set her purse, keys, and the envelope down on her desk and walked toward the empty office. She stopped just shy of the door, her legs refusing to move forward. She returned to her desk. A lump formed in her throat, tears in her eyes. She sat on the chair behind her desk, staring at the envelope. She reached for it, expecting a note from the landlord, as it was the fifth of the month and she’d yet to pay their rent (or contact clients).
She withdrew a neatly-folded piece of white copy paper, flipped it over, and revealed a handwritten note. Her eyes drifted to the signature line. Louie.
***
Café Deluxe wasn’t crowded, which was exactly what Alice had hoped for when she’d accepted Louie’s invitation to meet him. She walked past the three thirty-something males at the bar, her head slightly bent, eyes trained on the ground. She shook off the shiver that ran up her spine and headed for a secluded leather booth in the back. How had she ever found that game of cat and mouse acceptable? She played with the seam of the booth in which she sat, looking up every few seconds for Louie, her insides a whirling tornado of nerves. What if Kevin saw her? What was she doing? Was she being disloyal to Beau? To Tess? To Kevin?
“Ma’am?”
Alice startled.
“Would you like a drink?” The waiter looked eleven years old with his side-parted hair and spirited eyes.
“Um, yes, please, piña colada.” She remembered that she’d ordered that with Kevin and quickly changed her order. “Actually, I think I’ll have a sour-apple martini.” I need the big guns for this one.
***
Louie arrived ten minutes later, his gait cautious, his eyes guarded. He slid into the booth across from Alice. She took note that he, too, looked as if he’d been lost on a desert island for the past two weeks without any food—or a hairbrush.
“Alice,” he said.
“Hi, Louie.” If discomfort had a taste, it would taste like this very moment in time.
“Listen, I didn’t mean to cause—”
“You didn’t,” she interrupted. “It was my fault.” Damn. Tears.
Louie handed her a napkin. “How is she?”
Alice shook her head, rolling her lips into her mouth, trying to keep from sobbing uncontrollably, as she’d been doing for what seemed like forever.
“Wha—”
Alice covered her eyes.
Louie reached across the table and took her other hand. “Alice, what happened? Is she…did she…”
Alice shook her head. “No,” she sniffled. “No, she didn’t.”
Louie let out a loud breath.
Unable to bring herself to speak of Tess’s condition, she offered, “I shouldn’t have called you to come to the hospital, not with Beau there. I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.”
The waiter brought Alice’s drink and took Louie’s order.
“It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. Hell, we didn’t do anything wrong—or at least it didn’t feel wrong.” He looked away. “We thought he was dead,” he whispered. The waiter returned. Louie grabbed the frosty mug and took a long swig of beer, thankful for the distraction.
“I know,” she said.
“Jesus, Alice, I didn’t mean to come between them.”
The tenderness in Louie’s voice couldn’t be denied. Alice hated herself for what she knew she had to ask. “Louie?” She adjusted herself in the booth. “Did you…know Tess before he left?”
The inflection of the word “know” noted, Louie sat up straighter and looked Alice directly in the eye. “No, I didn’t know her before he left. Jesus, Alice, what kind of guy do you think I am?”
Alice wiped her eyes, finally able to stop the river of tears. “I didn’t think so. Beau thought—” there she went again, crossing loyalty lines. She shook her head, waved her hand in dismissal.
“Shit, no wonder he looked like he wanted to rip my head off.”
“He thinks the baby is yours,” she quickly added.
“Come on. I’m not like that.” He sighed, “That’s Beau’s baby. The Tess I know isn’t that type of person.” Disgust oozed from his words. “Hell, she wanted to call it off with me anyway.”
Alice let that drop. She didn’t have the strength to go down that path. It didn’t matter what Tess was thinking. It’ll never matter again what Tess was thinking.
“I’m going crazy, Alice. I don’t want to come between Tess and her husband, but…I gotta see her. I miss her.”
Alice played with the seam in the bench again, her eyes trailing down to her lap, toward the bar, anywhere but at Louie. They were two people connected by some strange plane—two people who had once been untouchable, unbreakable, now broken by the loss of the same woman.
“Can you let her know?” he pleaded. “Don’t make a big thing of it, just tell her I’m thinking of her?”
A lump swelled in Alice’s throat. Perspiration formed on her brow.
“Please? I respect their relationship. Her husband’s been through hell. I wouldn’t come between them. I just want her to know that I didn’t desert her.”
Alice set her jaw. She looked at Louie with brimming tears and a trembling lower lip.
“I didn’t mean to upset you, it’s just—”
Alice shook her head, whispered, “She’s…” She turned away, wiping the endless stream of tears. “Oh, God.” Sobs tore from her chest. How could she do this? Not like Kevin. No, she couldn’t be so cruel. With much pain and through hiccupping breaths, she took Louie’s soft, strong hand into her own. “She’s brain dead.” The words felt like gravel in her throat, and, she could only imagine, like knives in Louie’s heart.
Chapter Thirty-Six
The burly, pock-faced tree surgeon Robert had hired shook Beau’s hand and handed him the receipt for cutting down and removing the tree that had ultimately stolen Tess’s mental capacities. Tree surgeon. Right. Murderer is more like it. The tree was gone, a grave mound of wood chips and sawdust in its place. Is that what you do with things that don’t work well anymore? Kill them? He couldn’t help but wonder what would be left of Tess.
Beau watched the truck pull out of the driveway, a trailer full of wood, limbs trailing behind, bits of sawdust disappearing into the air. The house phone rang. Beau’s heart fluttered. Tess. Then reality showed its ugly face again, and his heart deflated as quickly as it had swelled with hope. Mom. She was the last person he wanted to talk to. She hadn’t stopped hounding him about the baby. The baby wasn’t even his. He lumbered inside, hoping the ringing would stop before he reached the phone.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hi, honey. How are you? Did the tree surgeon show up?”
Shitty. Yes. “Fine. Yeah, they were here, took down the tree. Tell Dad thanks, will ya?”
“Of course, honey.”
The silence between them thickened. Beau’s face pinched. Please don’t start.
“Honey, I was thinking…about the baby?”
“Mom, please.”
“Just hear me out, please. I know you think Tess…strayed.”
She’s not a cat. She’s my fucking wife.
“But I think you should forgive her, if she did…stray…I mean.”
Beau pictured his mother standing in the kitchen, twisting the cord of her ancient wall phone around her finger, pain inking itself across her forehead.
“Mom, I gotta go,” he said.
“Wait, honey, please. She’s just a baby, Beau, a tiny
, little piece of Tess, of you. She didn’t ask for this. She’s—”
“Mom!” Beau didn’t mean to yell. He closed his eyes and breathed through his nose, wishing she’d shut up. She’s not a piece of me.
“She’s all you have left of her, Beau,” Carol pleaded.
“Bye, Mom.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Kevin had been sitting on the floor in front of Alice’s door for twenty minutes, his arms leaning on his knees, head bowed. He’d wait for twenty hours if that’s what it took for Alice to speak to him. Alice. She’d sure thrown him for a loop. He hadn’t seen the strange attraction coming. Who knew she was so soft and vulnerable underneath the iron exterior? He hadn’t handled her well that night he’d told her about Tess. He didn’t blame her for being upset—okay, beyond upset. He could understand her hating him—for a while—but come on, look at what he’d been dealing with. His best friend is alive, his best friend’s wife is brain dead, his friend has a baby he refuses to acknowledge, and now, this?
He and Alice had become so close. He’d learned to make the bed, give her space. Hell, he didn’t even mind when she played up the sultry vixen when they were out together, even though the lecherous looks she received cut him to his core. He’d have adjusted to that, too, in time. In time. God, how he wanted that time.
“Ahem.”
He hadn’t heard Alice approach. He lifted his eyes. God, she was beautiful, even with anger etched into her face. “Hey.” Lame. He rose to his feet.
Alice lifted her chin and put the key in her lock.
The silence crushed Kevin. He waited, hoping she’d say something, anything.
She didn’t.
Kevin dug his hands deep into his pocket. The scent of her only made him miss her more. He followed her into the condo and stood by the door, waiting for her to tell him to leave. The condo looked like a freshman dorm room. Magazines littered the table, spilling onto the floor, dirty dishes lined the counter, and…was that a stain on the white chair? Kevin took two steps closer to inspect the discoloration.
Alice hung up her keys and waved to the chair, making no apologies for the new ransacked look her condo was sporting. “Sit,” she said.
“It’s okay,” he said. “Alice?”
She set her purse on the counter and turned to face Kevin with a look that said, What the hell do you want now?
Kevin lifted his hands in surrender. “I’m sorry, Alice. I’m truly, desperately, unendingly sorry.”
Alice dropped her gaze.
“I was out of my mind. I thought Beau had shot himself, he had blood all over.” The anxiety that he’d been holding onto came tumbling forward. “He…God, Alice, he’s my best friend.” He sank into the chair, letting his face fall into his hands. “I’m so sorry.”
Soft footsteps moved in his direction. Her hand on his back sent a shiver through his body and released his tears.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
Alice sat on the edge of the chair, emotional pain still tearing through her. “You shouldn’t have accused me.” Her heart was going to explode. “You shouldn’t have told me like you did.” Flush burned her face. “Goddamn it, Kevin. I hated you! Why’d you have to come back?” She folded her arms across her chest and turned toward the windows.
Kevin lifted his head. “Because I love you.”
Tears filled Alice’s eyes. For the umpteenth time that week, her body felt like a beehive, full of holes and whirling with turmoil. “Well, guess what? It doesn’t work that way.” She stood, spun around to face him. “You can’t walk all over the people you love!” Her voice rose, her eyes bulged. “You can’t do it. I’m losing my best friend, too, you know.” She took two steps toward the kitchen, then buried her face in her hands. “This whole thing is fucked up,” she cried.
Kevin was instantly by her side, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know I was wrong. I get it. I promise, Al, I’ll never do it again.”
Alice pulled away. She’d heard that one too many times—from her father, years ago. No, she wouldn’t be the weak woman who allowed herself to be stepped on. She took a look around her condo, noticing the chaos for the first time. What have I done? She’d lost control. Goddamn it! She swallowed her pain and turned an icy stare toward Kevin.
“It’s not okay.”
Her cold tone startled Kevin.
“While I appreciate your apology, I’d like you to leave now.”
“But—”
“I let you in, Kevin. You knew everything that I’d gone through. You’re the only goddamn man I’ve ever let get close to me, and you’ve proven to me exactly what I already knew. You can let yourself out.” She spun on her heels and retreated to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.
***
Louie’s cell phone rang on the passenger seat as he sped toward the hospital. He knew who was calling and pushed the pedal down toward the floor. He had to see Tess. This couldn’t be happening.
She’s not yours to lose.
He gripped the steering wheel more tightly, fighting his own thoughts.
She’s his.
He shifted in his seat. The phone began ringing again.
“Not now, Karen,” he said through clenched teeth. The light up ahead was yellow. He floored it.
***
Carol’s words taunted Beau, All you have left of her. He slowed to a stop as the light turned yellow. He was in no hurry to get to the hospital. He felt sick to his stomach every time he saw Tess and knew he had to muster the courage, or the desire, to see that baby. He wondered what Tess had been thinking as she held Louie in her arms. Did she speak to him in cute little quips like he remembered? Did they have inside jokes, secrets?
Beau focused on a spot on the dashboard as each thought stacked on the one before, building momentum. His body tensed. A prickling of frustration crawled along his skin. Honking behind him infiltrated his distress, and he lifted a hand in apology, pushing on the gas without looking away from the tiny fleck on the dashboard. Horns blared. Beau reflexively slammed on the brakes, looking up just in time to see the car speeding across the lane in front of him. Jesus fucking Christ.
***
Louie flew into a parking place, slammed the car into Park. He sat in the car and stared at the imposing brick façade of the hospital, each window watching him, accusing him. He knew he would be crossing a line the minute he walked into the hospital. He had no business seeing Tess. Her husband was back in town, her husband. He’d never be her husband. He’d never be Rebecca’s husband. He let out a frustrated moan.
Tess had cast him away. Why hadn’t he just told her about Karen? He’d seen her face each time he took one of Karen’s calls. He knew he should’ve told Tess about her, but Karen was separate from Tess—his private burden to bear. Tess hadn’t needed to be part of that craziness. She’d lost her husband, had a baby to care for. He thought he could protect her from the ugly remains that death leaves behind, and instead, he’d lost her forever. He’d known it when she’d gone away, and he was sure of it now, as he sat in the hospital parking lot ignoring Karen’s call.
***
Beau slogged across the parking lot, still recovering from the near-miss at the stop light. Part of him wished the car had knocked him to hell. At least then he’d be out of his misery. His thoughts turned to his parents, and instantly guilt made each step more difficult.
A car door slammed behind him.
Beau reached for his cell phone. He needed to apologize to his mother. Tess had the affair, not her. He dialed her number. The hair on the back of his neck stood up when a man walked past his car. He glanced up. Shit. He clicked End Call, shoved the phone in his pocket, and set his shoulders back.
“Hey, asshole.” His nerves were on fire.
Louie turned around. His eyes locked with Beau’s. His face fell flat.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Beau’s gruff voice matched his imposing gait.
Louie put his palms up. “I don’t mean any trouble
, Beau. I just wanted to see her.”
Beau’s fists clenched and unclenched at his sides. “You’ve got some nerve.”
Tension rose thickly between them. Beau was a lion, ready to attack, Louie, a pleading antelope.
Louie took two steps backward. “I don’t want to—”
The punch connected with his jaw with a distinct crack, sending him reeling backward.
A woman passing by grabbed her daughter and hurried inside the hospital.
Beau stood above Louie, pushing Louie back in fast, hard thumps.
Louie stumbled backward.
“You’ve got no right.” Thump! “Get the fuck outta here.” Thump!
Louie swiped at the blood dripping from his lip. “I love her.” He knew it was a mistake.
Thump!
“We thought you were dead.”
Thump! “So you moved right in? Just like that?” Thump!
Louie’s back was up against a car. “It wasn’t like that,” he tried to explain.
“You knocked up another man’s wife!” Thump! Beau pulled his arm back, fist tight. “You fucking prick. She’s MY wife!”
Two enormous security guards grabbed Beau from behind, dragging him backward on his heels.
“Don’t you dare go in there, motherfucker,” Beau screamed. “Stay away from her!”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Come Back To Me Page 22