by Alyvia Paige
Around 5:45 I arrive at The Watering Hole, I immediately spot Chase and Brody at a corner table with their drinks half empty and engaged in what seems to be a debate with a phone being passed between them both. This is what I need, some wind down time, and no pressure entertainment. I stop by the bar on my way to the table and order a Corona then join my guys. Their babble stops abruptly when I come into hearing range, I cock a brow of suspicion causing a hearty laugh from Brody. “So clearly that whole convo was about yours truly,” I say as I slide onto the tall stool. They both stare at one another, neither speaking. Oh, this shit is not happening. “What the fuck, assholes, we don’t leave Hannah out! Now spill it!”
Brody caves, “Brielle texted Chase and asked what he was up to tonight, and well Chase said ‘a lil gymnast about 5’3” with brown hair.’” I shake my head and take a pull from my Corona, motioning for him to go on as I smirk. “Well, she apparently didn’t like that and kept pushing for information on what he was doing. He didn’t tell her ‘cause you said you need some down time.” Now he gives me that ornery little smirk showing a single dimple. “So I texted her just now, you know she doesn’t have my number, and told her to leave my man alone, I was watering his hole. And well, she won’t stop blowing his shit up now.”
I am laughing too hard to actually speak, but I think Brie really liked Chase, well as much as Brie really likes any guy for any period of time since she moved here at least. “Guys, she probably thinks you are gay, which is fine, IF you were,” I start laughing again because these two are the furthest thing from being homosexual men. “Chase, the poor girl is probably contemplating your entire sexual relationship! Don’t come to me later whining, ‘Hannah, fix it, make her listen!’ you idiots!” Brody is laughing and Chase is trying to text just as quickly as his phone beeps signaling a new message. “Brody, you shouldn’t be laughing. I am going to tell her you are the one watering his hole!” This comment causes all of us to stop laughing just before we all break down again in an uproar.
After a few hours of mindless back and forth bantering, my phone pings, I can’t help but outwardly sigh catching a look from both Chase and Brody. I pull it from my purse to see Brielle Dawn – Text Message, and place it back into my purse. We are wrapping up drinks, and if it’s an emergency, she will call or text again. Once our drinks are depleted, I tell the guys I will see them Monday; they know where to find me if they need me. I pay our tab on the way out and prepare myself for the rest of the night.
Brielle- We are having dinner without you. Leftovers or get your own
Me- OMW – you need anything?
Brielle- No
Me- Kk <3 U
Brielle- <3 U 2
Me- Don’t be mad Brie, you don’t understand.
Brielle- Maybe if you’d talk, I could
Me- You’ve been hanging with Carter too much
Brielle- More than you know
Me- What’s that mean?
I waited for about fifteen minutes for her reply before I pulled out of my parking space of The Watering Hole, what the fuck does she mean ‘more than you know’? I contemplate going home or staying out, but my day begins to creep up on me, slowly sucking the energy out of me. I need a hot chamomile bath and a cup of tea and perhaps a night of no stress. Yeah, not likely, but I can dream of the possibilities as I drive home, which unfortunately takes no time at all because although it is summer, it is also a Thursday night with no major events going on. Nolan, the guard at the shack at my community entrance gives me a slight smile as he passes me through the gate, “Have a safe night, Miss James.” I smile and continue through the quiet community. That is until I pull into my garage and hear Low by Flo Rida playing from the house surround sound.
After a full day in the city, I suggested to Brielle and Braydon that we just come back to the house and cookout and relax by the pool. We made a quick stop at Whole Foods on the way home to pick up some steaks, asparagus, and Corona and managed to not be removed from the store – only asked to leave politely, I call that a success. Brielle and Braydon probably ought not go back to that location for a few weeks, apparently playing “hot lava” all while screaming and running into each other to escape the fake molten lava creates an unsafe atmosphere. The entire trip home they mocked patrons’ faces and reactions. We had a blast overall, until I started dinner. Brielle said she was going to text Hannah’s friends to see where they were and maybe we could join them. I won’t lie, I was curious, but I didn’t think it was a great idea, so I started to prep dinner. Whatever happened caused her mood to decline quickly, but I didn’t question it.
“Brie, Braydon – let’s eat!” I call out once the meal was ready. They come barreling out of the house in their swimwear and music begins to boom through the speaker system. I go inside, change quickly, grab a six-pack of chilled Coronas, sliced limes, and rejoin them at the table for dinner. “Is Hannah joining us, Brie?”
She shakes her head quickly to the side, “No, I told her she could have leftovers or get her own.” I just smile, I love that she holds her own and doesn’t give in to Han anymore. Back in the day, she would have made us wait and whine until she arrived. Not today, whatever happened earlier on the phone or since I've been away has definitely helped Brie grow up. We each take a plate loaded with sizzling steak and grilled asparagus and chow down. Once finished, I grab a long neck, make my way to the tiki hut on the opposite side of the pool and flop into the hammock just as the sun begins to set.
I catch a glimpse of Hannah crossing through the entryway of the house out of the corner of my eye looking just as breathtaking as she did this morning when she left for work, then fix my gaze back towards the west to see the neon orange ball fully descend into the horizon. The sky mimics the color, displaying vibrant hues of reds and oranges. The same shades of the see through material now blocking my once unfiltered view. My eyes slowly travel up the length of Hannah’s body, stopping to notice the striped bikini underneath the flowing dress, earning an appreciative grin on my part as she pops her hip out from my lengthy gander. I move my gaze to her face, her smile genuine and heartwarming. The first one I have seen outside of making her come last night, and her eyes are now locked with mine, sweet honey to deep browns searching quietly for resolution.
“Hey, I made extra dinner. It’s under the grill if you’re hungry” I nod my head towards the outside kitchen area without breaking eye contact with her. She shakes her head and looks to my body then back to my eyes before stepping towards me and using my shoulders as a stabilizer and straddling my hips. “Please Han, don’t mind me, make yourself comfortable,” I chortle and rest my hands on her thighs. She doesn’t say anything, just laughs. “How was your day, dear?” I ask through a smirk.
She rolls her eyes and smacks my chest at my sarcasm, then wiggles around to get comfortable. This is something we always had, a level of comfort that nothing could ever take away, not even the two jackasses in the pool making catcalls. “My day was exhausting. What did you children do while I was out being an adult?” The glint in her eye gives her dry question away as banter, but I play along because that seems to be what she needs.
“Well, while the two in the pool can truly be considered children, I was a responsible adult today,” looking over at the pool as both Brie and Braydon start to laugh causing Hannah to raise a brow of question so I continue. “All I will say is, Brielle cannot go to Whole Foods for a while, at least not without supervision, so keep that in mind.” I start laughing as Hannah lets out an exasperated sigh.
“WHAT did you guys do?” She blurts out. And after a very long winded version of the trip to Whole Foods at the Gardens, courtesy of Brie, we get the even more entertaining, regurgitated Hannah version. “Lemme get this shit straight, you went into Whole Foods to get dinner and played “hot lava,” what the fuck ever that is I still don’t know or fucking care, and yelled across the aisles ‘OUCH’, ‘jump’, ‘it’s coming’, ‘ruuuuun’ and threw items into the cart from other aisles and played
hide and seek? Then they “POLITELY” asked you to leave their establishment?”
Brielle and Braydon nod in agreement at her assessment as they head inside for the night and I can’t help but laugh, but assure her that I, in fact, am not on the list of forbidden shoppers list. Hannah rolls her eyes and pulls her hair into a messy knot at the top of her head. She rests her hands on top of mine and her smile starts to fade noticing the distractions are now gone. This is when things get real, when there are no distractions. This is when she gets scared and runs away.
“I’m not ready yet Carter. I’m just not. Last night, we shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have, I mean I want to again, but we can’t. I won’t… well maybe I might, but we shouldn’t. I just need time. You told me I could have all the time I needed, you told me that you understood. You promised me that. You told me you’d wait, even though I told you not to.” She finally takes a breath from the barely audible ramble and closes her eyes. She’s right, I did promise her. I did tell her all of that, TWO years ago. She needs to talk, she needs to figure this out with me… and soon. I’ve waited long enough, I have given her two years to hide and deal with this alone, it’s now or never.
I take a pull off my Corona and lay my head back before responding, taking pleasure that at least music is filling the backyard providing a barrier… or was until it faded out. I open my eyes to see hers filled with fear and tears as Labrinth fills the surround sound and the lyrics of Beneath Your Beautiful wash over us. “Han, it’s time, you need to figure out how to be ready, baby.” I wipe the tears from her face with the pads of my thumbs and sing the words ‘would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight?’
Hearing him sing the words to the song filling the clear sky warms my heart, but scares the shit straight out of me. I’d be foolish to think that over the past two years nothing has changed, my life changed without my consent, and I know I changed his life without taking even a moment to consider our future at the time. I tend not to focus on the distant future, because I now know how quickly everything can change. Why plan your life, when life will ultimately takeover and do whatever it damn well pleases no matter what it destroys in the process.
I give Carter a shy smile, nod and lean into his hand as he wipes my tears. “When are you leaving, Carter?” I ask knowing it’s not much longer; the two of them came with only a carry-on each. He pulls me to his chest and I willingly sink into him, listening to the steady beat of his heart and the push of air as he exhales.
“Braydon and I fly out Saturday morning, I have get back to campus for curriculum planning,” he takes a steady breath and continues, “So, we need to talk, because Hannah, I don’t think you are ready to say goodbye for good and I know I’m not. But baby if we don’t talk, if we don’t figure out what’s happening before I board that plane, that’s what’s going to happen. Are you listening to me?” He pulls back now seeing my once again tear stained face.
“I know Carter,” I mumble with a shaky voice. “It’s just hard, I know you know, but you don’t at the same time. I know it doesn’t make sense, but fuck Carter I can’t explain it.” I stammer, stumbling over the words caught in my throat as my apprehension grows. “It was easier to leave than to torture you. Don’t for a second think I didn’t see how you were affected by my mess Carter Grayson! From what I was doing to you!” I attempt to climb from his lap, but he pulls back to him.
“No running Hannah Grace, just stop fucking running,” His voice is stern and his fingers grip my hips to hold me into place but I don’t look at him, I can’t bear to see the frustration all over again. “I am fully aware that I didn’t handle myself the way I needed to, but there isn’t exactly a handbook on how to deal with the love of your life losing her shit after you tell her she lost a child. A baby she never knew she was carrying, and then tell her that she will lose her scholarship funding and housing if the pregnancy or loss of pregnancy is reported. Should I remind you that I lost that part of us too, Hannah? Because I am pretty sure you came to the conclusion that only you endured that loss. I am fairly positive that when the sun set that night it took us with it.”
I snap my eyes back to his when he finishes talking to find tears spilling over the brims, even though his tone never wavered. “You think I blamed you? You think I didn’t consider you lost a part of yourself? You are a fucking asshole; this is why I didn’t want to talk to you Carter!” I shout through my tears. “All I remember was leaving campus to pick up your Valentine’s Day gift, then waking up with you trailing a pattern on my fucking hand with your finger, staring at me like nothing would ever be the same again. With no idea how I got there. Tell me you would have reacted differently, Carter? You told me to take my time, do what I needed to do, that you’d wait. The nightmares aren’t as bad when I don’t have to physically see them every fucking day.”
He moves a hand from my hip, takes my hand, and begins to move his finger in the same pattern etched into my memory, the figure eight. “This Han,” he whispers. I know this is an infinity sign – not a figure eight – but when I was slipping in and out of consciousness, I was truly confused. “Do you remember the words I said, too, or just me doing this from the moment they let me see you until you refused to let me touch you?”
“Carter, please.” I whisper as I watch him intently glide his index finger across the top of my hand.
“Forever and always – our love without end,” he whispers back to me, and brings his other hand around my neck, pulling my face to his, seeking permission with his eyes to talk with more than just words. Leaning in, I press my lips firmly to his, relaxing slowly, giving in to the one person I have always trusted, loved and who has never given up on me. His hand splays across my lower back pulling me closer and our kiss deepens, seeking the connection we both long for. “Han,” He pulls back just slightly and smiles, “thank you” he says and rests my head to his chest again.
“That’s what my card said, all of the cards you gave me from the hospital until you stopped sending them.” I sigh as I rest my cheek on his bare chest again. “I really just assumed you gave up on me last year, when everything stopped… the flowers, cards, random comments from Brielle and my parents. Then you go and show up at the fuckin Yacht Lot.” I ramble off and then chuckle at the end at the absurdity of it all. If you had asked me a few days ago, hell even a few months ago, I could have never imagined this moment happening. I’d never have guessed that I would be back in my Carter’s arms, even if it is only for a few days.
Little does she realize to this day I still send flower arrangements to her office every month, they are switched out by one of the staff there, I just hold back the card to avoid the stress and additional heartache that Brielle claimed it caused. I asked Brielle to stop mentioning our texts and phone conversations, and her parents respected my wishes to keep things separate when Hannah came home to visit. Tracie fought me, saying that she knew what was best for her daughter and space wasn’t it, but I disagreed. I gave a promise to Hannah and even if it killed me, I was going to do my best to fulfill it. Until now, now I am in a place where I need to make a choice, do I sign on at MU for five years in the business department, or is there a life with Hannah not in Columbia?
“The question is, are you happy I showed up at the Yacht Lot, Hannah Banana?” I ask quietly brushing the flyaway hair from her face. She nods and nuzzles into my chest as the cool breeze sweeps over us. “Let’s get you inside, I’m sure it’s getting late and you probably need to leave for work early, yeah?” I plant my feet on each side of the hammock and sit up with her in my arms, holding her securely against me. Her hands glide up my chest and around my neck into my hair before she looks up at me.
“I don’t work tomorrow, Carter, and I don’t want to go to sleep yet.” She is so matter of fact when she speaks, but the hint of mischief in her eyes has me contemplating with what head I should be using to make this decision. Just as I stand with her wrapped around me, her lips meet my ear lobe releasing the gentlest of breaths, sti
rring to life the head that will no doubt make the enjoyable, yet improper decision. “Mmhmm, see some things Carter Grayson, they will never change,” she murmurs into my ear and proceeds to kiss her way down my neck.
“Hannah, don’t play with me, I will take you right now,” I growl as she reaches the base of my neck. She giggles and pulls back looking all doe eyed innocent and suggestively squirms in my arms, rubbing her bikini-clad sex over my growing erection. “You’ll never learn...” I kiss her quick and hard catching her off guard and throw her into the pool.
She surfaces and screeches my name in pure shock from what I have done. The temperature is high in the high 70s and the water is at least 75 degrees if not warmer. Fuck me if she doesn’t look even better drenched. I jump in covering her yet again with water and surface to her laughing and splashing. Grabbing her waist, I pull her body into mine and take her mouth slowly at first, sucking her lower lip until granted access. My hands find the end of her dress and lift it over her head, breaking our kiss - another battle of control - taking her bikini top with it. Her moans have me straining against my already unyielding board shorts.
“I warned you baby,” I hiss against her lips walking her backwards towards the pool wall until her back slaps into it. Her nails digging into my back as I nip along her collarbone.
“Carter, now, fuck me now,” she pants in need while trying to remove my shorts with her feet. But she isn’t running this show, not tonight. I am. Pushing her back roughly against the pool wall, I pin her with my hips rocking slowly and methodically making her writhe in my arms, moaning and pleading, as I tug and twist her pebbled nipple in my free hand and capture the other with my mouth.