by Jenny Frame
“We can get down to business, then.”
“Mr. Jones, Ms. Badger, thanks for coming.”
* * *
Evan couldn’t think about work this afternoon. Before Clementine had left to go to the shop, she had snapped at Evan for hovering and fussing, as Clementine put it. She was confused and unsure what to do. She thought of going for a run, but instead of being full of energy as usual, she felt lethargic and down.
Instead she decided to go and visit the Tucker twins, to see if they needed anything and check on Ada’s ankle. When she arrived, she was happy to see Kay’s car in the driveway.
Kay opened the door. “Hi, Evan, I thought you’d be with Clem.”
“So did I. I thought we’d both not be working today, but apparently I was wrong.”
Kay furrowed her eyebrows. “Oh? Come in and tell me all about it.”
Evan walked into the living room and was met with two smiling faces in Agatha and Ada.
“Afternoon, ladies.”
“Evan!” they both said at once.
At least someone was pleased to see her. She kissed both ladies’ hands. “Looking radiant today, ladies.”
That compliment made them laugh.
“Oh, stop it,” Agatha said.
“So gentlemanly,” Ada added.
“And how is the ankle, Ada?” Evan asked.
Ada was sitting with her leg on a footstool.
“Not so bad. It’ll be just the ticket in no time.”
“Excellent.”
Kay walked over to the kitchen door and said, “Let’s have a nice cup of tea.”
Evan sat down in the armchair by the fire. She wondered how Clementine was. She felt so cut off from her, physically and emotionally, and it was killing her.
She realized Agatha had asked her something. “Sorry?”
“I was saying at least the rain’s off for an hour or two. Mr. Fergus says the river is very high.”
“Yes, but we’re keeping a watchful eye on it, and my builders have laid sandbags along the banks.”
“Good,” Agatha said, “because we’ve seen it flood a few times, haven’t we, Ada?”
“Oh yes, quite a few times over the years.”
As Kay brought the tea tray through, Evan said, “I meant to say, don’t worry about the inside of your cottage being redone. I know the other village houses are finished, but yours is just delayed. We can’t cause so much disruption when you’re not on your feet. The roof and the outside are all completed, Ash tells me.”
“We’re just thankful you’re here to look after the village and the duchess,” Agatha said.
Kay put down the tea tray and started to pour out three cups. “How is Clem?”
Evan clasped her hands together. “Working hard.”
Kay looked at her with surprise. “Working? At the office?”
“Yes, she insisted on staying at the gatehouse herself last night. I was going to take the next few days off and help organize the funeral. Turns out she’s the first one in the office this morning and has already sent out all her instructions for the funeral. Just now she and Ash are at the new village shop meeting the manager we appointed, and with the shopfitter, to sign off on the building. I don’t understand it. She wants to do as much work as possible, and I can’t even think about work.”
“Oh, dear,” Ada said, taking a sip of tea.
“Hmm. She can be a bit of a control freak at times. She’s probably finding comfort in controlling her job and everything around it.”
“Sounds about right. I’m just worried that she’s not dealing with these emotions about her mother, and she’ll end up blowing her top.”
“Evan,” Agatha said, “we remember when her father died. She was only a girl and couldn’t grieve properly because she was propping up her mother. Isn’t that right, Ada?”
“Yes, indeed. The dowager duchess suffered with anxiety and depression most of her life, but the duke was her strength. He was her voice when she thought she didn’t have one herself.”
Agatha nodded. “Exactly and when the duke passed on, Clementine had to become the adult too soon, and thereafter they had to leave their family home. Since then her life has been consumed with working and taking care of Marianne. You see what I’m saying?”
“I think I do,” Kay said. “She’s always been the responsible one. Work and caring for the dowager duchess are what kept her going, and now there’s a big hole in her life and she’s in flux.”
Evan knew what they were saying. “She’s trying to fill that hole in her life with work so she can feel in control. So what do I do?”
Kay squeezed her shoulder. “Be close by and offer your support. She’ll reach out for you when she can’t cope any more.”
“I love her.”
“Then that’s all she’ll need,” Agatha said.
Chapter Twenty-two
The week had been a long blur for Clementine. Between her job with the trust and her mother’s funeral on the next Saturday, she didn’t have a minute, but that was the way she wanted it. She wanted to be so busy she couldn’t think.
The worst times were those in bed on her own late at night, when her mind had no other distractions. She thought about her grief, her guilt at not being able to look after her mother full-time and not being able to give her Rosebrook. Then there was Evan.
Clementine looked up from her computer and gazed over at her. She knew she had pushed Evan away. Even as she did it, she’d slapped herself mentally, but she couldn’t help it. Clementine didn’t want comfort, didn’t want to feel better or loved, when her life was so in flux.
She had infected Evan’s normally happy-go-lucky positive attitude with doom and depression. Evan hadn’t bounced on her trampoline once, and Clementine knew what a big part of her workday that was.
But still, Evan hadn’t given up on her.
Every morning Evan texted her good morning when she woke, and at bedtime texted that she loved her and would be there whenever she was ready. It would be so easy to take comfort in Evan’s love, but if she did, Clementine feared falling apart. To get through this week, she had to stay in control. Today was Friday, the day before the funeral, and it was starting to become all too real. A lot of extended family and friends were due to arrive at their hotel today and had been texting and phoning as they arrived.
The service was to take place in the church in the next village, High Walton, then back to Rosebrook for the burial and wake. High Walton had grown from a village to a small market town, so the guests had booked rooms there at the medium-sized Walton hotel.
They usually finished work early on a Friday, and Rupert, Archie, and Ash were starting to pack up, she noticed. Her chest started to constrict, and a sense of foreboding and panic started to sweep her body. If the workweek was over, then the funeral was upon her, and there was no place else to hide emotionally.
She had been so distracted by her sense of panic that she didn’t hear Ash talking till the last minute.
“Sorry, Ash?”
“Do you need me to do anything before I leave?”
“No, no. Off you go,” Clementine said.
“And you don’t want me to do anything tomorrow?”
“No, thanks. There’s a catering company coming in, so they’ll take care of everything.”
Ash got up and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be thinking of you.”
Rupert was not long behind her. “Jonah will be up early tomorrow to set up the drinks.”
Clementine experienced a tingling sensation from her neck and down her upper arms. Oh God. It was happening. This was it. She tried breathing to regain control but was interrupted by Archie.
They hadn’t had the closest of working relationships since Clementine joined the Fox team. In fact Archie appeared annoyed that she was stepping on her toes initially, but she looked open and sympathetic as she said, “I know how hard tonight and tomorrow will be for you, Clementine. I just wanted to say I’ll be thinking of you. I
lost my brother five years ago, and—well, I know how this feels. I’ll be thinking of you.”
She didn’t know what to say. It somehow made her feel more emotional that the normally stoic Archie was showing such an understanding side to her nature.
“Thank you,” Clementine managed to say.
Archie left and the tingling spread down her lower arms, and suddenly it felt like she couldn’t get enough air in her lungs. She got up and, on wobbly legs, bolted for the office door, her vision narrowing as she went.
When Clementine got outside she gasped and braced herself against the wall, her stomach threatening to rebel against her, and her knees about to give out. Then two strong arms wrapped around her and stopped her from falling.
Evan tried to pull her into a hug, and her last bit of control resisted. “No, don’t, don’t, I can’t—” She pushed and pushed against Evan’s chest, but Evan wouldn’t be deterred.
“Shh, shh, it’s all right. I’m not letting you go, Clem. I’ve got you,” Evan said.
Evan held Clementine, not giving up on her. She had kept her distance from Clementine all day, just as Clem seemed to want it, but she saw a change in her demeanour when everyone had said their words of support before they left. She saw panic.
Now was not the time to sit on the sidelines and let Clementine deal with her grief in her own way. Evan had to look after her.
Clementine’s struggles and demanding words started to ease and were replaced with tears and a total breakdown in emotion.
“I’ve got you. It’s okay.”
Clementine grasped her lapels and cried into her chest. Evan was just strong and held her, rocking back and forth until Clementine’s gasping sobs slowed down.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Clementine said.
“You don’t need to be sorry for anything. All I care about is being there for you.”
Clementine held her more tightly, as if she would be set adrift without Evan as an anchor.
“Don’t leave me.” Those were the words Evan had been longing to hear all week. She wanted to be useful and take care of Clementine, but on the advice of Kay, she’d let Clem deal with it in her own way.
“I won’t ever leave you. Let’s get some things packed for you so you can stay at Rosebrook.”
“No, I mean—” Clementine pulled back a bit from Evan. “I mean, would you stay with me at the gatehouse? I really don’t think I can cope with my memories there. Not tonight, anyway.”
“Absolutely, I’ll be anywhere you need me to be.”
* * *
They ate a very light supper and went to bed early. Evan stroked Clementine’s hair, as she lay with her head on Evan’s chest.
“How’s your head, Clem?”
After crying and all the stress of the day, Clementine had a raging headache.
“Better, but I feel like I want to sleep for days. I’m so tired all of a sudden,” Clementine said.
“It’s the stress. You’ve held yourself together all week, and now you’re letting go. Your body is exhausted.”
Clementine sighed. “I’m sorry I pushed you away.”
“You have got nothing to apologize for. You just needed to do what you had to do. I was always going to be waiting for you.”
“Let me explain why—I mean, I think I have to explain why.”
Evan kissed her head. “If that’s what you need, then go ahead.”
“That evening, when all the guests were leaving, you were seeing them off. Well, I looked at the time and thought, I’m late for visiting time with Mama at the nursing home. Visiting Mama is—was such a big part of my life, of my every day, that in that split second, I forgot that she was gone.”
“I understand. Is that when you ran out to the family graveyard?” Evan asked.
“Yes, I panicked. When I remembered that she had gone, I realized there was this gaping hole in my life. Before you came along with your dreams and passions for this village, life was pretty grim, and the only thing that drove me from day to day was taking care of Mama and trying to make enough money for her nursing home. Without that I was, I am lost. I knew if I let you close, I would break down. I had to submerge myself in work.”
“And it got too much today?” Evan asked.
Clementine nodded. “Everyone was being so kind. I had a panic attack, I think.”
“Yeah, that’s what it looked like. But even though it seemed as if you were on your own, I was always there waiting, ready to be there when you needed me. I’ll always be there if you want me.”
Clementine sat up slightly and stroked Evan’s hair. “You know what Mum said to me the night she died?”
“What?”
“We were lying there in the dark and she thanked me for bringing her back to Rosebrook. I told you that bit, but what I didn’t say was that she said Dora told her I would.”
“Really, when?”
“I think it was just in her muddled mind, but there in the dark it felt eerie. Then she said Dora, her wife Louisa, and my papa were waiting for her down the lane.”
“Which lane?”
“I don’t know, but if it made her calmer at the end, I don’t care where the thought came from.”
As much as Clementine was trying to rationalize it away, her mother’s words clearly had an impact on her. Evan chose to believe Dora, and that she had guided her to Clementine.
“Our whole lives have had too many coincidences. The pictures of the beach, my interest in Dora and of building a community…”
“Our lives have intertwined since we were children, that’s true,” Clementine said.
Evan took Clementine’s hand and put it on her heart. “You see, you don’t have this gaping hole in your life. I mean, you’ll always feel the loss of your mum in your life, but you do have a life to look forward to—if you want it.”
Clementine smiled as much as her sadness would allow. “You mean you, Foxy?”
“Well, who else loves you and worships at your feet, Your Grace?”
Clementine’s heart felt so much lighter being with Evan. Her positive outlook on life was infecting her again. “I think you’re yang to my yin.”
Evan rubbed her thumb along Clementine’s cheekbone. “Why do you think that?”
“Because my glass is half empty and you keep filling it up.”
Evan kissed her softly, sweetly, reminding her that she would never be alone.
“Tomorrow will be difficult,” Evan said, “but no matter how hard it is, we’ll get through it together.”
Evan held up her hand to encourage Clementine to take it. She slid her fingers through Evan’s and repeated, “Together.”
* * *
Clementine looked at herself in the freestanding mirror and brushed her hands down her black skirt. She had brought her funeral outfit up to Rosebrook to get changed there before the car arrived. She heard the connecting door open and Evan walk in. Clementine never turned around but felt Evan’s arms slip around her waist and watched in the mirror as Evan rested her head on her shoulder.
“Are you doing all right?” Evan asked.
Clementine leaned her head back against Evan’s. “Yes, surprisingly. I don’t know how I’ll be at the church, but I know that I will get through it with you by my side.”
She turned around and into Evan’s arms. She gently took hold of Evan’s black tie. “You look smart in your black suit.”
“I’m used to more colour but I think I still rock this.”
Clementine smiled. “I was just thinking before you came in the number of times I watched my mother get ready in this room. I sat on the bed or on the window ledge. It seems appropriate that I get ready here.”
“Did your mum and dad not sleep together in my room?” Evan asked.
“Yes, but Mother used this room for her wardrobe and dressing room. I’m glad that if she had to pass, she passed here in what she thought was still her home.”
Evan nodded in understanding.
Clementine wante
d to say something else. “I was wondering…?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I stay here tonight? I don’t want to be on my own, and I’d feel closer to Mama up here.”
Evan cupped her cheek. “You never have to ask.”
“I do—it’s your house, Evan,” Clementine said.
“It doesn’t have to be. I love you, Clem. I want to share my life, my house, this village. I mean, it’s yours anyway, whether legally or not. You are the cornerstone of this community. You’ve helped me make my dreams come true. Move in with me?”
Clementine was surprised, to say the least. “Isn’t that a bit sudden? A bit too quick?”
“I know what I want. The banjo smacked me over the head, remember? I’m not meant for living on my own, and I think about you every second of every day, so why shouldn’t we live together? I mean, I would rather marry you and make you Mrs. Fox, but you’re not in the right frame of mind for that kind of question, so think about it, okay? You don’t need to answer right away.”
“I’ll think about it, for the future.” Clementine heard the sound of tyres on gravel. “It must be the cars.”
Evan took her hand. “I’m with you every step of the way, okay?”
Clementine nodded. “As long as I have you, I can face anything.”
Chapter Twenty-three
Clementine did so well at the service. Evan was proud of her and proud of her staff, Archie and Rupert, for coming to the funeral, along with all the villagers, to lend their support. It had been a good turnout between distant family and the dowager duchess’s friends, and they had all returned to Rosebrook for the wake.
The drawing room and reception hall were full of people circulating and talking. Waitstaff circulated with trays of nibbles and wine. Evan had left Clementine talking with some people and went to get them some drinks from the bar Jonah had set up.
Jonah smiled as she approached. “Evan, what can I get you?”
“A St. Clement’s for the duchess and just a Coke for me. I want to keep on my toes.”
“Coming right up,” Jonah said.