by Gila Hayes
Our Innate Advantage
At last, it is time for the good news: women are far less likely than men to be damned by society and their peers if forced to use a gun to stop a rape or assault. Men are often burdened with the macho ideal that they must fight fairly, man-to-man. Society’s stereotypical portrayal of the helpless female actually justifies her need to use deadly force against a rapist or murderer.
These women take an afternoon to try out one another’s guns and enjoy the company of like-minded women.
Two female students listen intently as Massad Ayoob teaches his Stress Fire shooting method.
As a result, the woman who has determined to pull the trigger in self defense may act more decisively if faced with an assailant who intends her harm. After the assault, she will suffer less condemnation from society and will face fewer accusations that she used excessive force to save her life.
Notes
1Metaksa, Tanya, Safe, Not Sorry, 1997 HarperCollins Publishers, Inc., 10 East 53rd St., New York, NY 10022.
2Massad Ayoob’s In the Gravest Extreme and The Ayoob Files, and John Farnam’s The Street Smart Gun Book can be found in retail gun stores or by order from Police Bookshelf, 800-624-9049, www.ayoob.com.
3Waters, Robert A., The Best Defense, Cumberland House Publishing, 431 Harding Industrial Park Drive, Nashville, TN 37211, 888-439-2665.
4Bird, Chris, Thank God I Had a Gun, Privateer Publications, P. O. Box 29427, San Antonio, TX 78229 210-308-8191, www.privateerpublications.com
5Arming Women Against Rape and Endangerment (AWARE), P.O. Box 242, Bedford, MA 01730-0242; Association for Women’s Self-Defense Advancement, 556 Ft. 17 N., Ste. 7-209, Paramus, NJ 07652 http://awsda.org 1-888-STOP RAPE.; National Rifle Association of America, Women’s Issues and Information, 11250 Waples Mill Road, Fairfax, VA 22030 703-267-1413; Second Amendment Sisters, 900 RR 620 South, Ste. C101, PMB 228, Lakeway, TX 78734, www.2aSisters.org; Women & Guns Magazine, P. O. Box 35, Buffalo, NY 14205, 716-885-6408, www.womenandguns.
CHAPTER 5
Emotional and Physical Consequences of Survival
A survivor who employs deadly force in self defense must prevail in several arenas: physical, legal and emotional. The news media dissects self-defense shootings and other tragedies with little regard for the survivor’s feelings; in the courts, lawyers argue about the circumstances and second-guess the survivor’s actions; and the survivor herself must come to terms with the assault and her act of self defense. You don’t hear much about emotional recovery from a violent event, only physical recovery.
I intentionally emphasized the word “survivor” in the first sentence above. Society has difficulty equating “victim” with “survivor,” yet the person who is forced to shoot or otherwise fight in self defense is simultaneously victim of a crime to which she did not contribute, and at the same time, its survivor.
The emotional aftermath largely results from our society’s reaction to killing and is made worse by the physiological response to the monumental stress of a life-death emergency. The leader on post-violent event trauma is police psychologist Dr. Walter Gorski. Though he has published no books, his professional papers and studies have been distilled and taught extensively by leading instructors such as Massad Ayoob and John Farnam, and are the basis for this chapter. A “must-see” reference is Calibre Press’ video Ultimate Survivors1 which re-enacts the stories of several law enforcement professionals who survived deadly assaults and lived to relate their experiences and to discuss the aftermath.
The Aftermath
After a self-defense emergency, the survivor’s body must eliminate the adrenaline produced during the crisis. Adrenaline is a powerful hormone requiring hours to leave the body, and its side effects are the some of the first post-violent event trauma symptoms the survivor experiences. Directly after an emergency, adrenaline creates agitation and a heightened mental state that may be followed by nausea or lethargy.
Survival puts a different perspective on day-to-day needs such as food and sleep. Sleeplessness may continue for several nights after a crisis. Nightmares commonly afflict those surviving a violent event. The dreams are often terrifying replays of the assault, with endless variations, bizarre twists and conclusions. During waking hours, daydreams or flashbacks also replay the event.
Assault survivors generally suffer insomnia, first as the adrenaline leaves the body, and later as the mind sorts through the horror of the attack. Likewise, loss or exaggeration of appetite may occur after a life-threatening emergency. Those who are treated by several professionals simultaneously may receive conflicting medications. If simultaneously receiving help from a psychiatrist and a physician, tell each professional about other treatment, and advise them of prescriptions you have been given to avoid receiving conflicting drugs. Alcohol or drug dependency is a pitfall. Mental health professional Arthur Mize taught me that alcohol use suppresses the brain function critical to processing and coming to terms with the trauma, making post-traumatic stress disorder far more likely.
Many shooting survivors experience sexual dysfunction or promiscuity and relationships or marriages sometimes fall apart after a shooting. Besides sexual difficulties, the relationship may be challenged by the survivor’s need for introspection, excluding the partner who desperately wants to assist in the loved one’s recovery, for he, too, has nearly lost a precious part of his life. The survivor, however, often feels emotionally isolated, believing that no one understands her doubts and emotions.
The isolation increases if friends stop visiting the survivor. Just as you may have searched for the words to comfort one who has lost someone to death, others may struggle to interact with a friend who has killed in self defense. Despite their concern, acquaintances often clam up, fearful that they will say something to upset the survivor. Those who act as if nothing has happened risk the survivor’s outrage at the suggestion that the shooting was a casual event. Others become impatient with the excess precaution and fear of one who has survived a violent assault.
Affection and patience are required. While friends and acquaintances need not be counselors, they can give priceless assurance and support to a survivor who is struggling to overcome an uninformed public’s judgments about her decision to save her life.
Surviving a self-defense shooting is a long and arduous process. Healing can be facilitated by skilled counseling, so don’t try to survive alone. A counselor, spiritual advisor or physician offers the survivor solace and assistance during the emotional and physical recovery. Seek help when the dreams, flashbacks and sleeplessness are ruining your daily life. Do not continue counseling with a judgmental counselor or minister who is unable to affirm the necessity and justifiability of your defensive choices, at a time when you most need confirmation of your own decency. There are experienced counselors who specialize in helping defense shooting survivors. Ask for professionals’ names from the firearms instructors who trained you, or ask the mental health association for referral to a counselor with experience in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
One of the best sources of relief is peer counseling, time spent with others who have survived a traumatic event and dealt with the aftereffects. This is a two-pronged resource, offering comfort for those in crisis and an outreach for those who have survived and want to help others do the same. Most cities have rape crisis hot lines and support groups for women in crisis and constantly need volunteers. When you are ready, contact one of these groups and volunteer to help. The YWCA is a good starting place. If they don’t have a women’s crisis program in place, the staff may be able refer you to a women’s organization that will welcome your help.
Strength from Adversity
Survivors of self-defense shootings are forever changed. Massad Ayoob compares the changes to scar tissue: for those able to grow from their experience, the trauma leaves behind a stronger character. Police officer Steve Chaney, featured in a segment of Ultimate Survivors, relates his feelings after surviving a second line-of-duty shoo
ting. At first he wondered, “Why me?” Then he realized he was still alive and uninjured. “Some of life’s positive lessons are not learned in positive ways,” he tells viewers.1
Ultimately, only the survivor can make the decision how an attack will affect the rest of her life. We see people who go on to define their outlook and their entire life based on the experience of being a victim. This is tragic. While the survivor’s life is forever altered, the goal of emotional and psychological recovery is to grow beyond the incident, becoming stronger and more resilient through the experience of recovery.
Notes
1Ultimate Survivors, Calibre Press, Inc., www.calibrepress.com, 800-323-0037.
CHAPTER 6
The Comfort of Home Safety
Personal safety literally begins at home. This requires an investment in safe living quarters, assuring the road-worthiness of your car, and budgeting for self-defense equipment and training despite all the other demands on your budget.
When you look for a new home or apartment, study the security provisions and see if you can identify potential danger spots. Every house’s and each apartment’s layout differs. Use your survival awareness to identify the weak points. If renting, the presence or absence of dead-bolt locks and window bars gives you a measure of the owner’s commitment to tenant security. Most municipal codes require landlords to provide dead-bolt locks on doors, not just keyed doorknobs. Demand bars on ground-level windows or lease an apartment without ground-level access to windows or doors. If the landlord objects when you ask why these security devices are absent, look for another place to rent!
This is the first principle of home defense: If your home can be breached so easily and rapidly that you must be able to make an instantaneous response to danger, the problem does not hinge on the speed of your response. The problem lies in how to strengthen the perimeter of safety around your home! In other words, home safety begins outside the home, not inside it. If you feel you are unable to provide safe housing, reassess your personal priorities and analyze your commitment to your safety and well-being.
Though the landscaping is attractive, these smart homeowners chose short, thin plantings, so there is no concealment in the yard, especially near this vulnerable basement window.
It is easy to equate a fenced yard with security, yet the common privacy fence serves primarily as a vision barrier and is as much a danger as an asset. Most residential fences can be broken through or leapt over, and once an intruder is concealed behind the fence, he can break into the house without worrying that anyone will report his crime. If deterrence is part of the fence’s reason for existing, at least replace the common gate latches with a good lock so an intruder can’t waltz right in at will. A neighbor is more likely to report someone breaking out a board in your fence or jumping over than he would someone who walks up the drive and opens your gate, as would a family member or utility worker.
Think twice before landscaping with a thick hedge or bushes that provide hiding places around the home. Thorny ornamental bushes positioned beneath windows and decks to discourage unwanted visitors are, of course, a reasonable exception.
An absolute requirement for home safety is bright, well-placed lighting. Home security lighting systems range from gimmicky to great. Consult the experts, yet maintain a skeptical attitude to select the most useful. At a minimum be sure your doorways, sidewalks, garage and halls are well lit. If you park in a garage, either leave a light on when you depart, or install lighting you can switch on by remote control before you enter.
While living near downtown Seattle some years ago, I narrowly avoided a prowler revealed by the light above the door. It was late when I approached the building door. As I drew within 20 feet, I saw a figure slip from the shadows, through the light’s beam, then stop in the shadows between the building and an adjacent garage. Had I not detected movement, I would have been in easy striking distance while unlocking the door. I don’t know if that prowler meant any harm, because I didn’t stay around long enough to find out. His furtive actions indicated his that presence was not authorized. I hurried to another entrance, shaken by how easily I might have walked into danger had I approached a second later.
Install motion-activated lights around the home’s exterior, not forgetting areas into which you cannot easily see. Sudden, bright illumination of the less visible parts of home and yard may convey the impression that an occupant of the home has detected a lurker’s presence.
Create the illusion of an occupied home. During daytime hours, drawn shades indicate an empty home nearly as emphatically as windows revealing empty rooms. Instead, hang sheer draperies with sufficient texture and weight to occlude the view from outside, while still allowing daylight into the room. Buy and set timers to unpredictable intervals. For example, one timer might turn on the bathroom light for a few minutes in the middle of each night, as suggested by Tanya Metaksa in her excellent book Safe, Not Sorry.1 A TV or radio playing for periods of time, lamps lit then extinguished, all cycling at varied hours of the day while you are absent, can discourage daytime burglaries.
Simple motion activated light fixtures are easy to install and add a layer of safety.
The Inside Story
The value of a good-quality security alarm should not be underestimated. Remember, however, that even the best alarms incorporate a loud exterior siren or bells that alert you and your neighborhood of a break-in. They also serve to tell the intruder that his time is short. Make sure that your alarm system is installed by a reputable dealer and that the phone lines through which it operates are secure.
Even if you choose to install a security system, a number of secondary and companion safety provisions are necessary. First, consider the locks and keys barring intruders from your home. Re-key or change all locks when you move into a new home, whether as buyer or tenant. It is ridiculously easy for an intruder to obtain a key from a previous occupant.
Keys can be easily copied, which brings us to an important point: separate your keys from anything that gives your address or telephone number. If possible, keys should be carried in hand or on your person, not in a purse, which a purse-snatcher may target. Separate house keys from car keys, which can end up on a mechanic’s clip board, in the hands of a valet, and other unsecured places. At work, don’t leave your keys unattended on top of your desk, in your coat pocket or other vulnerable spots. Children who carry house keys must be capable of similar responsibilities.
The locks are as important as the keys they fit. Doors and windows need locks of sufficient strength to impede a burglar. Consider how an intruder might gain entrance to your home. All exterior home entrances should have metallic or solid-core doors—not ones with hollow or thin panels—fitted with dead-bolt locks. Bolts must reach over an inch into the door frame after passing through the strike plate shield. Long strike plate screws need to tap deeply into the door frame studs to secure it to the frame, and for greater kick-proofing, consider switching to a metal reinforced door frame.
Exterior doors generally open inward. If they open outward, be sure the hinges are not installed on the outside, where anyone can pop out the pins and lift the entire door off its hinges, thus gaining easy access to the home. Windows need sturdy metal or heavy wood frames, also fitted with locks. Take special care to secure basement and garage windows, where distance from the living area may mask the noise of an intruder breaking in.
While considering locks on doors and windows, don’t forget attached garages. Here, the easiest unauthorized entry is from the roll-up door, which may be pushed up or even activated by an automatic garage door opener set to the factory default setting. If you use a remote garage door opener, reprogram it to a code of your own choice. (Your owner’s manual will tell usually you how to do this. If it doesn’t, contact a reputable garage door installer for advice.) In addition, block the garage door roller from being thrust up in the roller track by threading a padlock or a pin through a hole above the roller, or using some other device like a c
lamp to keep the door from being opened. Don’t ignore the service door between attached garages and your home. It must be sturdy and fitted with a good lock.
Sturdy, well-installed locks are one of the best values in which you can invest to shore up your home’s defenses, whether you live in a century-old farm house or a new home in a subdivision.
Vertical sliding windows, especially in older wood frames, can be made more secure by adding a removable 1″x2″ stick the height of the movable window pane to brace it shut. After several break-ins at an old apartment building where I once lived, the police told us that the burglars were inserting a wedge of wood or metal at the base of the window frame, then depressing the wedge to create enough leverage to break out the lock at the top of the old, wooden window frame. There was no noise of shattering glass, only the dull, wooden pop as the lock broke free of the frame. Be wary of doors with glass windows that, if broken, give access to the knob inside and the lock. If you choose not to replace this type of door, at least change the lock to the double-keyed, double-cylinder variety to keep a burglar from simply breaking out the small panes of glass and reaching through to turn the deadbolt knob on the inside.
If cursed with a double sliding glass door, better advice than the dowel in the lower track is placing a tension bar (like a chin-up exercise bar) midway between floor and top of the frame. If able, eliminate the sliding door altogether, because even the tension bar does nothing to prevent a burglar from smashing the glass or from lifting the door off its track and removing it altogether.