Personal Defense for Women

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Personal Defense for Women Page 10

by Gila Hayes


  Author tests a Taser®C2 drive stun as Don simulates a grabbing attack.

  Don demonstrates the problem with the drive stun—his ability to break contact and renew his attack.

  This is just one more example of the need for education when we add any defensive tool to our resources. Without training, the Taser owner has little idea what to do if only one probe makes it to the assailant. In addition, I concur with Myers that the additional $50 to buy the laser-sighted model is nearly obligatory.

  The Taser’s role is not limited to non-gun owners. Many gun owners are unable to go to work armed, due to workplace restrictions, and others live in areas where gun ownership is allowed but where licenses to carry a concealed weapon are rarely if ever granted to ordinary people.

  Resources

  Taser International, 17800 N 85th St., Scottsdale, AZ 85255 800-978-2737 www.taser.com

  CHAPTER 13

  Rape Prevention and Survival

  While we train and take care to prevent sexual violence, it would be utterly foolish for even accomplished martial artists and pistol shooting champions to conclude that we are invulnerable! This chapter incorporates sexual assault information presented in newsletters and brochures made available by the American Women’s Self-Defense Association (now Association for Women’s Self-Defense Advancement, 556 Ft. 17 N., Ste. 7-209, Paramus, NJ 07652 http://awsda.org 1-800-STOP RAPE)1 as well as data and details from a variety of women’s advocacy organizations, women’s counselors, law enforcement sources and more.

  Understanding the Crime of Rape

  The rapist is driven to control women, either in an expression of power or of anger. Some need to degrade their victim; others are aroused by the terror and anguish their acts cause. For others, the ultimate control of life or death is the key to their crime. In an effort to apprehend rapists, law enforcement psychologists have suggested four different profiles that define most sexual predators. Over 40% are estimated to be “power-assertive” types, typified by the date-rapist who attempts to get a woman vulnerably alone and uses force to gain submission. More spontaneous is the “anger-retaliatory” rapist, who acts out sexual violence to punish and degrade women, subduing his victim through explosive and unexpected violence. Authorities believe this type is responsible for a third of the rapes committed.

  One-fifth of rapists are thought to fit the “power-reassurance” model, indicated by low self-confidence and passivity in day-to-day life. Victim selection may start with stalking or peeking in windows. Entering through unsecured windows or doors, exerting minimal physical force, the intruder is likely to make verbal threats regarding a weapon the victim is never shown. This man may act out a fantasy that he is with a lover.

  The smallest percentage of rapists fit the description of the “angerexcitation” category. This minority is motivated to inflict pain, and may hold a victim for torture beyond the initial attack. An intelligent and organized criminal, he has rehearsed and planned his crime well in advance, using his charisma to mislead those around him.

  The average sentence served by a convicted rapist varies from eight months in the local jail to about eight years in the state prison.2 Parole, conditional release, or partial supervision puts some rapists back into society much earlier, and many are released from custody before the court’s consideration of their initial charges.

  We are too often blinded to the presence of these men by our own stereotypes, presuming that we “know” how a rapist looks or acts. Statistics reveal that women are often acquainted with their attacker and have chosen to trust him.

  Women cannot assume that they are safe with acquaintances from work, from social or church contacts, or even within their own families. To the contrary, almost two-thirds of all sexual assault victims know their assailant, whether that person is a friend, intimate, or a relative. Too many women have obtained a court order restraining an intimate male offender from further contact, only to find that restraining order useful only in further legal action and of little value in assuring her physical safety. If a spouse, boyfriend or acquaintance harasses or assaults you, your immediate defense is your own responsibility. The police simply cannot arrive in time to stop a determined attacker.

  Restraining orders are, however, vital in obtaining cooperation from police and the courts in pressing charges against an abuser. The survivor needs to report the contact to police and keep scrupulously truthful records of restraining order violations, listing dates, times, and descriptions of the incident. Write down your exchange with the abuser and keep a diary of witnesses who can corroborate your account.

  Police also use restraining orders as a tool to interrupt the psychological control an abusive mate uses to draw the repeat victim back into his control. More than one abused wife has been freed from ongoing mind-games when the husband violated a no-contact order and landed back in jail for a month or so. Sometimes that is enough time for the woman to establish a new, safer life elsewhere.

  Violation of Trust

  When women report rape by someone they knew, a quarter of the time an intimate, a husband or boyfriend has committed the assault.3 Warning signs—even in men who seem very ordinary—include indications that they place little value on what you say or wish. Not listening to your words, interrupting, talking while you are speaking, or ignoring what you say are all signs that should not be disregarded. Doing what he wants despite your explicit request is a huge red flag, even if it is only a choice of restaurants, radio station or other minor issues.

  Listen to the jokes, vocabulary and conversations of the men with whom you associate. Notice how they speak of former wives or girl friends. Expressions of hostility toward women, demeaning views about women, or beliefs that women exist to serve men are all harbingers of trouble. Be wary of people who invade your personal space, and when you push them away play mind games to make you feel guilty, prudish or otherwise embarrass you into allowing the invasion. You are being tested for submissiveness.

  In dating situations, possessiveness or jealousy is not endearing—it is cause for concern! And finally, heavy drinking or other substance abuse can unpredictably reduce normal barriers to sexually aggressive behavior.

  Social activities are important to active, healthy women. In today’s world, however, with date rapes frighteningly common, you must exercise caution and common sense at a bar, a party or other gathering. If you go to the rest room or elsewhere, safeguard your drink or do not drink from it when you return. Know where your drink came from. Ask for the unopened bottle or can, watch the bartender mix it or offer at a private gathering to serve yourself. Rohypnol and other sedative/ hypnotic drugs are now all too common. Consumed with alcohol, these substances produce disinhibition and amnesia, which is no doubt the reason for their notoriety as “date rape drugs.”

  An epidemic for women aged 15 to 24, date rape may follow mutually desired contact that exceeds the woman’s wishes. Intoxication by either or both parties contributes, but ultimately date rape results from the assailant’s contempt for his date’s rights and wishes. When this disregard is physically acted out, a crime has been committed.

  One of the most difficult aspects of rape by an acquaintance is selfaccusation that the violence was the victim’s own fault. The survivor suffers the loss of ability to trust others as well as her own judgment. As a result, rape by an acquaintance, especially during a date, is rarely reported and prosecuted. Although physically and psychologically traumatized, some date rape survivors do not identify their trauma as rape, and thus do not seek help from women’s counselors skilled in assisting in rape recovery.

  Rape is defined as nonconsensual sexual acts completed through violence or threat, or enacted when the victim is physically unable to consent. It is that simple. If the woman says, “No,” “stop,” or in any other way indicates her unwillingness to participate, or is not consciously able to consent, the sexual activity is nonconsensual. It is that simple. If the aggressor forces intercourse on the woman against her wishes, h
e commits the crime of rape. Too often responsibility is placed on the victim, who feels unable to stop the sexual activity for fear of immediate physical harm or later reprisal. Blaming the survivor is an ages-old dodge, one you can short-circuit by recognizing and rejecting it.

  Rape Prevention

  Your determination and mindset, as much as your training, will keep you alive if you are sexually assaulted. Rape prevention training should include physical defense methods, weapons skills and panic control. Your training will help you keep a level head, because it has prepared you to choose the right response without any wasted thought. Expect to feel the fear, yet remember that you have been trained and know how to protect yourself. Use your mind to interrupt the panic.

  Don’t expect to dissuade the rapist by pleading, stalling, reasoning or crying. Remember that a predator rapes as a means to control and degrade his victim. Establish your unwillingness to be his victim. Take the first opportunity to resist and escape when you find a window of opportunity. Use your own body or any object available—a bedside lamp, the corner of a hard-bound book, a bottle picked up from the street—to smash an attacker’s face, nose, eyes, Adam’s apple, knee or groin.

  Look for a way to fight back and escape immediately instead of “hoping” for a chance later. Any vigorously-enacted defensive plan promises more success than thinking of the perfect plan after it is too late. Many women escape abduction by running and screaming before the predator has them fully under control. Statistics show that a combination of forceful verbal commands and physical resistance provides the greatest chance of stopping a sexual assault. Be prepared to back up verbal resistance with physical violence whether or not you possess a gun.

  Rape is a deadly force attack. Sometimes the rapist uses verbal threats and the intimidation of his greater physical size and strength to force the victim’s compliance. Although a knife may not be at your throat, nonconsensual intercourse is still an attack on your life because the rapist implies that he will use any degree of force necessary to overcome your resistance. Too often men trivialize the severity of rape by arguing that no one was ever killed by a penis or mockingly suggest that victims should “lie back and enjoy it.” This cruel stupidity discourages women from fighting back and often convinces society there is little reason to prosecute rapists, and it clearly communicates that society does not acknowledge the violence a rapist inflicts against his victim. Deadly force is completely justified against a rapist because it is his threats of death or crippling injury that cause the victim to submit to nonconsensual intercourse.

  Understand, also, that you are capable of resisting a rapist, whether armed or not. Knives are frequently used in rape attacks, and prior training can help you survive against a knife as discussed in the previous chapter. Remember, you may be cut and may bleed, but use this knowledge to avoid panic and keep fighting to gain your freedom. With proper training, you can disarm a knife-armed or guncarrying assailant. As often as not, an audacious, unexpectedly violent counterattack so surprises the assailant that his plan is derailed when the survivor is not terrified into submission.

  Early, dynamic resistance can short-circuit life-threatening danger during and after the rape. Don’t allow yourself to be tied up or otherwise restrained or put into a vehicle. The majority of victims who are restrained are murdered during the assault. It is better to fight for your life while you can actively resist, than to trust your survival to the predator later.

  For decades, women have been warned not to resist rape, counseled by men and police officials who understood neither the effects of rape on the victim, nor the rapist’s motivation. Refuse to believe anyone who does not value your life and survival enough to allow you to use forceful defensive tactics and effective weapons to preserve your life.

  One leading argument against putting up a fight was the imagined danger to the intended victim. Citing National Crime Victim Survey data, researcher Don Kates reports, “The gun-armed resister was actually much less likely to be injured than the non-resister who was, in turn, much less likely to be injured than those who resisted without a gun. Only 12 to 17% of gun-armed resisters were injured. Those who submitted to the felons’ demands were twice as likely to be injured (gratuitously [after the rape or incident]). Those resisting without guns were three times as likely to be injured as those (resisting) with guns.”4

  No one can teach you specific sets of movements to stop a rapist since each attack is unique. Instead, learn elemental principles of physical defense, and if attacked, fight back immediately and assertively. Inflict the most damage you can with the tools you have, even if that is only your empty hands.

  Women in an unarmed skills class practice breaking away from grabbing attack then responding with dummy guns. Though the subject is serious to them, their enjoyment shows on their faces.

  If You Are Raped

  Avoid panic during the attack. Never give up. If the rapist prevails, remain alert to escape possibilities that may open up during the assault. Never conclude that you are defeated. With increasing frequency, rapists kill their victims to avoid identification and arrest or for their own satisfaction. Do not consider the attack over until the rapist is truly gone. When he is gone, get to a safe place or if the attack has taken place in your home, secure the house when he has departed. Along with summoning law enforcement and medical aid, call a trusted friend or family member who can come to support and watch over you.

  If attacked by a stranger, memorize details about his height and weight, if only by comparing height to a door frame or sign post. Notice clothing he wears and look for distinctive physical characteristics like a muscular or thin physique, his complexion tone, scars, tattoos or blemishes, hair and eye color. If he drives a car, try to determine make, model, color and license number and state, or at least some of these details. If you can’t determine the make of the car, try to remember the emblem on the car well enough to sketch it for an investigator. If attacked outside your home, leave your fingerprints everywhere you possibly can, drop personal items that can be identified as yours, including buttons, jewelry, gloves or cosmetic cases bearing your fingerprints.

  Disagreeable as it sounds, sexual assault investigators hope that rape survivors will avoid bathing, and changing or washing clothing after an attack, to preserve the maximum evidence for prosecution of the crime. Avoid cleaning your nails or applying medication, they request. For example, we are taught that in cases of oral rape, evidence has been destroyed by as simple an act as drinking water or brushing teeth. Your body holds important evidence that is needed to prosecute the attacker.

  A thorough investigation of the crime and the place it happened must be conducted. The investigators need to discuss the assault in detail and may ask questions that seem offensive or senseless, yet are important in preparation to arrest and prosecute the rapist.

  A friend can accompany you during the investigation and go with you to a hospital for examination and treatment. You may want to take along a change of clothing as what you were wearing during the assault may be held as important evidence. If you prefer to interact with a female police officer, ask the investigators if one is available or request a women’s advocate who is familiar with the post-assault process and can guide you through it gently. An advocate is unencumbered by the emotional response a family member or close friend may feel, and she knows how the system works. In short, an advocate is a valuable member of your recovery team and you should not hesitate to ask the police to call this professional. Many cities have rape crisis centers that provide women’s advocates and can later recommend a counselor and help you find legal advice.

  Don’t be talked out of pressing criminal charges by anyone, including the rapist, your family or others with influence over you. Rapists frequently threaten retribution if you report the assault, and family members, employers or land lords may pressure you for silence if they fear embarrassment or social or financial loss. Your testimony, often joining with the testimony of other victims, can
reduce the chance that the rapist will commit the same crime against someone else.

  Recovery: Stages of Trauma, Denial and Resolution

  The first could be characterized by fear: fear of being alone, which may continue for some time, and is usually especially acute directly after the attack; fear of retaliation; fear of men, all men. Fear meshes with emotions of anger, feelings of helplessness, guilt, pain, degradation or anxiety. Physical manifestations are classic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) problems, and these join conditions directly linked to the rape, like sexually transmitted diseases and physical injury.

  Denial can consume a long time, during which some survivors work maniacally to regain control of their lives and well-being. It is an uphill climb, if the trauma of the rape has not yet been confronted. Sometimes, unresolved issues manifest themselves in poor concentration, inability to respond in an emergency, trouble maintaining relationships, irritability, sleep and eating disorders, and other symptoms that indicate post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

  PTSD sufferers endure vivid and disturbing memories: reliving the violence in flashbacks or nightmares, emotional numbness and isolation, hyper-vigilance and excessively sensitive startle responses, feelings of betrayal and anger, trouble building trust, as well as physiological symptoms like backaches, headaches, chronic pain syndrome, appetite disturbance and subsequently poor nutrition. The rape can taint healthy sexual enjoyment for periods lasting from six months to years after the assault. Alcohol or drug addiction afflicts many PTSD victims, but temporarily-numbed memories or emotions can rebound with a vengeance when such crutches are removed. Depression, ranging from occasional to continual, can also last for quite a long time. Not surprisingly, those who are able to talk to a counselor or trusted friends suffer depression less severely and in shorter duration.

 

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