by W. W. Jacobs
I'm surprised at you! Iwouldn't ha' believed it of you!"
"I felt a bit curious," he ses, with a silly sort o' smile. "But wot Ican't understand is why the gal didn't turn up."
"I'm ashamed of you, Bill," I ses, very severe.
"P'r'aps she did," he ses, 'arf to 'imself, "and then saw my mississtanding there waiting. P'r'aps that was it."
"Or p'r'aps it was somebody 'aving a game with you," I ses.
"You're getting old, Bill," he ses, very short. "You don't understand.It's some pore gal that's took a fancy to me, and it's my dooty to meet'er and tell her 'ow things are."
He walked off with his 'ead in the air, and if 'e took that letter outonce and looked at it, he did five times.
"Chuck it away," I ses, going up to him.
"Certainly not," he ses, folding it up careful and stowing it away in'is breastpocket. "She's took a fancy to me, and it's my dooty----"
"You said that afore," I ses.
He stared at me nasty for a moment, and then 'e ses: "You ain't seen anyyoung lady hanging about 'ere, I suppose, Bill? A tall young lady witha blue hat trimmed with red roses?"
I shook my 'ead.
"If you should see 'er" he ses.
"I'll tell your missis," I ses. "It 'ud be much easier for her to doher dooty properly than it would you. She'd enjoy doing it, too."
He went off agin then, and I thought he 'ad done with me, but he 'adn't.He spoke to me that evening as if I was the greatest friend he 'ad inthe world. I 'ad two 'arfpints with 'im at the Albion--with his missiswalking up and down outside--and arter the second 'arf-pint he said hewanted to meet Dorothy and tell 'er that 'e was married, and that he'oped she would meet some good man that was worthy of 'er.
I had a week's peace while the ship was away, but she was hardly madefast afore I 'ad it all over agin and agin.
"Are you sure there's been no more letters?" he ses.
"Sartain," I ses.
"That's right," he ses; "that's right. And you 'aven't seen her walkingup and down?"
"No," I ses.
"'Ave you been on the look-out?" he ses. "I don't suppose a nice gallike that would come and shove her 'ead in at the gate. Did you look upand down the road?"
"Yes," I ses. "I've fair made my eyes ache watching for her."
"I can't understand it," he ses. "It's a mystery to me, unless p'r'apsshe's been taken ill. She must 'ave seen me here in the fust place; andshe managed to get hold of my name. Mark my words, I shall 'ear fromher agin."
"'Ow do you know?" I ses.
"I feel it 'ere," he ses, very solemn, laying his 'and on his chest.
I didn't know wot to do. Wot with 'is foolishness and his missis'stemper, I see I 'ad made a mess of it. He told me she had 'ardly spokea word to 'im for two days, and when I said--being a married man myself--that it might ha' been worse, 'e said I didn't know wot I was talkingabout.
I did a bit o' thinking arter he 'ad gorn aboard agin. I dursn't tell'im that I 'ad wrote the letter, but I thought if he 'ad one or two morehe'd see that some one was 'aving a game with 'im, and that it might do'im good. Besides which it was a little amusement for me.
Arter everybody was in their beds asleep I sat on a clerk's stool in theoffice and wrote 'im another letter from Dorothy. I called 'im "DearBill," and I said 'ow sorry I was that I 'adn't had even a sight of 'imlately, having been laid up with a sprained ankle and 'ad only just gotabout agin. I asked 'im to meet me at Cleopatra's Needle at eighto'clock, and said that I should wear the blue 'at with red roses.
It was a very good letter, but I can see now that I done wrong inwriting it. I was going to post it to 'im, but, as I couldn't find anenvelope without the name of the blessed wharf on it, I put it in mypocket till I got 'ome.
I got 'ome at about a quarter to seven, and slept like a child tillpretty near four. Then I went downstairs to 'ave my dinner.
The moment I opened the door I see there was something wrong. Threetimes my missis licked 'er lips afore she could speak. Her face 'adgone a dirty white colour, and she was leaning forward with her 'ands onher 'ips, trembling all over with temper.
"Is my dinner ready?" I ses, easy-like. "'Cos I'm ready for it."
"I--I wonder I don't tear you limb from limb," she ses, catching herbreath.
"Wot's the matter?" I ses.
"And then boil you," she ses, between her teeth. "You in one pot andyour precious Dorothy in another."
If anybody 'ad offered me five pounds to speak then, I couldn't ha' doneit. I see wot I'd done in a flash, and I couldn't say a word; but Ikept my presence o' mind, and as she came round one side o' the table Iwent round the other.
"Wot 'ave you got to say for yourself?" she ses, with a scream.
"Nothing," I ses, at last. "It's all a mistake."
"Mistake?" she ses. "Yes, you made a mistake leaving it in your pocket;that's all the mistake you've made. That's wot you do, is it, whenyou're supposed to be at the wharf? Go about with a blue 'at with redroses in it! At your time o' life, and a wife at 'ome working herselfto death to make both ends meet and keep you respectable!"
"It's all a mistake," I ses. "The letter wasn't for me."
"Oh, no, o' course not," she ses. "That's why you'd got it in yourpocket, I suppose. And I suppose you'll say your name ain't Bill next."
"Don't say things you'll be sorry for," I ses.
"I'll take care o' that," she ses. "I might be sorry for not sayingsome things, but I don't think I shall."
I don't think she was. I don't think she forgot anything, and she rakedup things that I 'ad contradicted years ago and wot I thought was allforgot. And every now and then, when she stopped for breath, she'd tryand get round to the same side of the table I was.
She follered me to the street door when I went and called things up theroad arter me. I 'ad a snack at a coffee-shop for my dinner, but I'adn't got much appetite for it; I was too full of trouble and findingfault with myself, and I went off to my work with a 'art as heavy aslead.
I suppose I 'adn't been on the wharf ten minutes afore Cap'n Smitherscame sidling up to me, but I got my spoke in fust.
"Look 'ere," I ses, "if you're going to talk about that forward hussywot's been writing to you, I ain't. I'm sick and tired of 'er."
"Forward hussy!" he ses. "Forward hussy!" And afore I could drop mybroom he gave me a punch in the jaw that pretty near broke it. "Sayanother word against her," he ses, "and I'll knock your ugly 'ead off.How dare you insult a lady?"
I thought I should 'ave gone crazy at fust, but I went off into theoffice without a word. Some men would ha' knocked 'im down for it, butI made allowances for 'is state o' mind, and I stayed inside until I see'im get aboard agin.
He was sitting on deck when I went out, and his missis too, but neitherof 'em spoke a word. I picked up my broom and went on sweeping, whensuddenly I 'eard a voice at the gate I thought I knew, and in came mywife.
"Ho!" she ses, calling out. "Ain't you gone to meet that gal atCleopatra's Needle yet? You ain't going to keep 'er waiting, are you?"
"H'sh!" I ses.
"H'sh! yourself," she ses, shouting. "I've done nothing to be ashamedof. I don't go to meet other people's husbands in a blue 'at with redroses. I don't write 'em love-letters, and say 'H'sh!' to my wife whenshe ventures to make a remark about it. I may work myself to skin andbone for a man wot's old enough to know better, but I'm not going to betrod on. Dorothy, indeed! I'll Dorothy 'er if I get the chance."
Mrs. Smithers, wot 'ad been listening with all her ears, jumped up, andso did the skipper, and Mrs. Smithers came to the side in two steps.
"Did you say 'Dorothy,' ma'am?" she ses to my missis.
"I did," ses my wife. "She's been writing to my husband."
"It must be the same one," ses Mrs. Smithers. "She's been writing tomine too."
The two of 'em stood there looking at each other for a minute, and thenmy wife, holding the letter between 'er finger and thumb as if it wasp
ison, passed it to Mrs. Smithers.
"It's the same," ses Mrs. Smithers. "Was the envelope marked'Private'?"
"I didn't see no envelope," ses my missis. "This is all I found."
Mrs. Smithers stepped on to the wharf and, taking 'old of my missis bythe arm, led her away whispering. At the same moment the skipper walkedacross the deck and whispered to me.
"Wot d'ye mean by it?" he ses. "Wot d'ye mean by 'aving letters fromDorothy and not telling me about it?"
"I can't help 'aving letters any more than you can," I ses. "Nowp'r'aps you'll understand wot I meant by calling 'er a forward hussy."
"Fancy 'er writing to you!" he ses, wrinkling 'is forehead. "Pph! Shemust be crazy."
"P'r'aps it ain't a gal at all," I ses. "My belief is somebody is'aving a game with us."
"Don't be a fool," he ses. "I'd like to see the party as would make afool of me like that. Just see 'im and get my 'ands on him. Hewouldn't want to play any more games."
It was no good talking to 'im. He was 'arf crazy with temper. If I'dsaid the letter was meant for 'im he'd 'ave asked me wot I meant byopening it and getting 'im into more trouble with 'is missis, instead ofgiving it to 'im on the quiet. I just stood and suffered in silence,and thought wot a lot of 'arm eddication did for people.
"I want some money," ses my missis, coming back at last with Mrs.Smithers.
That was the way she always talked when she'd got me in 'er power. Shetook two-and-tenpence--all I'd got--and then she ordered me to go andget a cab.
"Me and this lady are going to meet her," she ses, sniffing at me.
"And tell her wot we think of 'er," ses Mrs. Smithers, sniffing too.
"And wot we'll do to 'er," ses my missis.
I left 'em standing side by side, looking at the skipper as if 'e was awaxworks, while I went to find a cab. When I came back they was in thesame persition, and 'e was smoking with 'is eyes shut.
They went off side by side in the cab, both of 'em sitting bolt-upright,and only turning their 'eads at the last moment to give us looks wedidn't want.
"I don't wish her no 'arm," ses the skipper, arter thinking for a longtime. "Was that the fust letter you 'ad from 'er, Bill?"
"Fust and last," I ses, grinding my teeth.
"I hope they won't meet 'er, pore thing," he ses.
"I've been married longer than wot you have," I ses, "and I tell you onething. It won't make no difference to us whether they do or theydon't," I ses.
And it didn't.