Bleeding Heart

by Taylor Holloway

  I was not a very nice person, but Angelica at least had been using me as much, if not more, than I was using her. A truly awful person would have gone after her little sister Clara. I would never do that. My soft spot for Clara had endured the passage of years. The fact that she bailed me out of jail when no one else did meant a lot to me, and I’d never forgotten.

  It was that gratitude and affection for her that prevented me from snapping rudely at her when she interrupted my search for Madison only a few minutes after I’d escaped her sister.

  “Alexander, can I have a word?” She asked, looking a bit scared. Poor Clara seemed to live her entire life in a state of low-grade fear. Or maybe she was just afraid of me.

  “Sure Clara, what’s up?” I ventured, still scanning the crowd and looking for Madison. She was so small it was hard to spot her in crowded spaces. Like trying to find a rabbit in the long grass.

  Clara didn’t immediately answer my question. She bit her lip and looked around the crowded room before pulling me by the shirtsleeve into the hallway. In the privacy of the hallway she took a deep breath, but no sound came out when she opened her mouth besides a small squeak. She shook her head a second later.

  “Look, Madison wouldn’t want me to do this. Never mind,” Clara whispered. She tried to turn around to go back to the party, but I put out an arm to block her way.

  “Madison wouldn’t want you to do what, Clara?” I asked, curious now. I wanted to know what Clara knew that she thought Madison wouldn’t want me to know. Maybe it was something that would help me win Madison over.

  Clara shook her head guiltily.

  “No, I can’t. Never mind. I’m sorry Alexander. I can’t betray her confidence. I try to be a good friend. I’m really sorry to bug you.”

  I removed my arm from her path. Clara was a good friend to Madison. I could only imagine how hard it was for Clara to be a good person growing up in the Ellis household. Her father was a political tool and a liar, her sister was a sociopathic slut, and her mother was a mean-spirited harridan. Clara was the only normal one of the lot of them and seemed to have inherited all the decent genes. Her family was almost as awful as mine.

  “Clara, it’s ok. I get it,” I told her honestly, “and you are a good friend to Madison.”

  She nodded, relieved, but also looked like she felt really guilty. I realized then that this was the first time I’d ever had a private conversation with Clara. We’d probably met a hundred times over the years, but always in prescribed social settings where we’d never actually spoken like regular people. This was an opportunity to tell her something that was long overdue.

  “By the way,” I told her, “I never thanked you for bailing me out of jail all those years ago. I know it’s really late and inadequate but thank you.”

  Clara’s eyebrows shot upwards and she gasped in shock.

  “You knew?” Clara whispered urgently, looking around to make sure no one heard. As if anyone would care anymore. “Madison said she told the guy to keep it anonymous.”

  “What? Madison was involved?” I was dumbfounded. I’d thought it was just Clara.

  Both Madison and Clara were short, teenage, and had brown hair at the time (although Clara was now a blonde and Madison’s hair was now partially purple). The description I received from the bail bond guy could have easily been either of them back then. I wasn’t prepared for this revelation. My mind was struggling to incorporate the new information.

  “Yeah. Madison was the one who actually paid to bail you out. It was her money. I just drove the car. I was too afraid someone would see me,” Clara admitted in a tiny voice.

  “Madison bailed me out? Why?” I couldn’t imagine a scenario why Madison would care enough about my wellbeing to bail me out of jail. I’d been unnecessarily rude to her that night, and had humiliated her and Clara. Despite the kiss and helping put Clara in the car, I didn’t think I’d won any points that night with Madison. I couldn’t imagine that Madison would approve of my violent outburst, either. My own father hadn’t cared that I was in jail, and he ostensibly should have been the person to care the most. Why would Madison help me?

  Clara smiled at me and shook her head like the answer ought to be obvious. She actually looked like she was in a much better mood now. I was now beyond confusion and had been drug into cluelessness. Not only by the facts, but by the sudden improvement in Clara’s mood. She actually chuckled a little bit.

  “Why do you think?” She teased.

  40

  Madison

  The party was awful. Parties at the Ellis house were always that way. As much as I loved Clara, spending time with her family and their striving political friends was the antithesis of a good time. At least, I told myself, I’d get to see Alexander.

  But I couldn’t find him anywhere. Irritatingly, people kept trying to corner me and talk to me. I missed the days when I was uninteresting enough that the fancy people that liked to rub elbows at the Ellis house would just ignore me.

  But not anymore. Now, I was the high-profile attorney who had braved not only one assassination attempt, but also a hostage situation in order to close a huge deal. People wanted to talk to me and hear all about it. Hell, people wanted to interview me. I had a bunch of messages in my voicemail and inbox from cable news.

  I didn’t like the attention. I wouldn’t be returning any of the media correspondence. I didn’t like that people were looking at me like I was some sort of hero. It made me feel strange, and not in a pleasant way. The reaction was the same as when people acted so impressed that I did humanitarian work. I didn’t do it so other people would be impressed. I did it because it was right and I enjoyed it. It was entirely my choice to do the work that I did, and I derived gratification like anyone else does, from seeing my ideas come to life. Whenever someone congratulated me or acted appreciatively, it just felt false and bizarre.

  But that night, I kept getting pulled into conversations with people who acted like I was some kind of martyr. The truth is that I’m as selfish and shallow as everyone else. All I really wanted was to find Alexander and pull him away from this silly self-congratulatory gathering. I wanted to abscond with a bottle of Senator Ellis’ nice brandy then devour Alexander and savor all the remaining time we had. Every second I wasn’t with Alexander, felt like a second wasted.

  “Madison,” my father called to me across the crowded room, pulling me away from my hunt for Alexander, “there you are!”

  “Hi daddy,” I replied dutifully, coming over to him and my mom reluctantly. They were speaking with Alexander Durant Jr., who nodded politely at my approach. “This is nice party,” I continued, “what’s up?”

  “We’ve got a surprise for you Maddie,” my dad said, smiling broadly and picking up a wine glass and spoon. He struck the glass with the spoon to get the attention of the room. The high, clear sound cut through the simpering and small talk, and everyone turned to face us. The number of eyes focused on our group made me uncomfortable and exposed. I should have worn a nicer outfit. I was stuck wearing another staid grey skirt suit since I’d only brought one dress.

  “Ladies and gentlemen,” Alexander Durant Jr. said, “thank you so much for coming to this celebration tonight, generously hosted by our senior Senator from Pennsylvania, Tom Ellis. As you all know, we’re celebrating the closing of a deal that will overhaul the broken and environmentally damaging petrochemical industry in Colombia. We will usher in a new era of prosperity for Bogota, both through the construction and operation of our new state-of-the-art new plant, and at the world-class resort my son Alexander will be building where the old plant once sat.” He paused there, allowing the group to clap politely. Alexander’s Dad was a good public speaker. He had the same warm baritone voice as his son, and it carried easily over a crowd.

  Finally, I spotted Alexander slipping into the room on the edge of the crowd. His tall figure and perfect face stood out instantly to me among the polished, overly-tanned, and cosmetically enhanced (but very boring) peo
ple at the party. We locked eyes across the crowd and I felt that same familiar heat and fluttering heart I’d felt the very first time I’d laid eyes on him. His dark eyes threatened to pull me in forever. My pulse accelerated. Meanwhile, Alexander’s father was ready to talk again.

  “Ms. Madison Clark,” Alexander Junior said, gesturing to me standing uselessly at his side, “is the daughter of my good friend and colleague, Mitchell Clark, and she was instrumental to the deal. She nearly singlehandedly brokered this deal. Not only did Madison help to make the deal possible, but she also put her own physical safety and security at risk when some very dangerous Colombian criminal elements targeted her to shut down the deal. She survived not just a car bomb, but also a hostage situation to make her plan successful. Let’s have a round of applause for Madison.”

  The crowd surrounding me politely applauded again. I saw Clara come to stand next to Alexander. She was smiling ecstatically. I wondered what that meant, but mostly I just wanted this moment of public acknowledgement to be over so I could spend one more night with Alexander. What was there left to say?

  “That’s why,” Alexander Jr. was still talking, “I am pleased to announce that we’re offering Madison the General Counsel position at Durant Industries. If she accepts, Madison will not only head up our legal department, but she will also oversee our charitable efforts and outreach department, something that is especially important to her.”

  Wait, what? I was being publicly offered a very high-profile job at Durant Industries? The blood drained from my face in disbelief. I felt numb and disconnected from my body. Across the room, Alexander and Clara wore matching expressions of horror, albeit probably for very different reasons. Clara knew what I thought of Durant Industries and had always wanted me to follow my dreams. Alexander wanted me to move to Dubai. I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. I’m not sure what my face looked like at that moment, but it couldn’t have looked happy. Probably shell shocked.

  More applause followed this final pronouncement. And then a toast. Before I knew it, well-wishers descended on me en masse, most of whom I had never met and had no interest in meeting. My father stayed by my side the entire time, helping me to politely dispatch the onslaught. I slapped a smile on my face, but I don’t know if I’d have made it through the flood without my dad beside me, playing referee.

  “This would be so wonderful for you, Madison,” my father said when we finally got a second of privacy. He was beaming proudly at me. “I negotiated a package for you that will really make you happy. You’ll have the opportunity to really make a difference at Durant Industries.”

  My dad had been angling for this since we first discussed the deal. Despite my protestations that I wasn’t interested in working for anyone but LifeBuild, he had long viewed me as much as a professional protégé as a daughter. He knew that I was devoted to my causes, and I had no doubt that he’d negotiated something that was exceedingly generous in the time and resources that I would now have at my disposal.

  But accepting this position wasn’t my dream. It had never even factored into my dream calculus. I’d never thought that I’d be in a position to turn down something like this. Only a few years of working for Durant Industries could set me up for life financially if I managed my expenses responsibly. I could set up investments for myself and then work pro-bono for decades, never worrying about money again. In the long term it might be the best choice.

  But leaving now would mean that the work I’d been doing in Haiti would end. The school and the new power plant that I’d been working to get funded for two years might never open. And I’d be leaving behind a team of wonderful people that were at least as devoted to the cause as me.

  “Dad,” I started, “I need to think about this. You know I don’t make decisions quickly.”

  He nodded at me. His expression was serious but understanding.

  “Of course, Maddie,” he replied, “I know. Really, I do. It won’t be an easy decision. I know you won’t like one hundred percent of the things about working for Durant Industries. It is, after all, a gigantic chemical company. But there’s so much you can do that I know will speak to the sort of person that you are. You can do so much good in the world. And this gives you a huge platform from which to do that.”

  Angelica Hunt decided to strut over to us at that moment. She looked fabulous tonight. She was wearing a white, satin cocktail dress that hugged her figure and set off her light hair and Nordic features. She might have looked angelic, but I knew better. I couldn’t believe she had the balls to show her face around me, let alone speak to me.

  “Madison,” Angelica said in her fake-sweet voice, “I sure hope you accept the position. I’m the chair of the charity event planning committee for Durant Industries, did you know that? We’ll have the opportunity to plan so many wonderful events together! Oh, I just can’t wait!”

  Then, to rub it in how fake and awful she was, she hugged me. The woman who fucked my fiancé less than a week ago was touching me. I physically recoiled from her embrace, but managed to avoid slugging her. That pretty much made up my mind for me. There was no way. I couldn’t work anywhere that involved regular contact with Angelica. Being on the same continent with her might be too intimate in proximity. I’d end up murdering her; it was inevitable.

  “Don’t worry,” my dad said after she sauntered away, presumably to drown some kittens or something similarly evil, “I made sure that I engineered your employment contract to give you unilateral control over the charity committees and their leadership. You could boot Angelica Hunt off the committee entirely. Or, if you preferred, give her the world’s worst jobs to do until she was humiliated and quit. Like, for instance, clean up duty after events.”

  I snorted. Well, that was a different matter entirely. The thought of Angelica being demoted to a de facto custodian was tempting. I had never realized that my dad noticed what a pain in the ass Angelica was. And I hadn’t said anything to my parents about the Kevin situation.

  “What?” My dad said, registering my surprise, “I saw how she was with you and Clara as kids. That girl was a spoiled little monster. No values whatsoever. Now she’s a gold digger. She doesn’t seem to have improved.”

  I guess he had been paying attention after all.

  My mom came over a minute later with a group of friends from her water aerobics class. Yes, water aerobics. She wasn’t even embarrassed by her old lady hobby. Whatever made her happy, I guess. I had to greet each one of them and endure additional small talk. By this point, I was ready to leave. Well, find Alexander and leave. My patience for this party had long since been exhausted.

  “Madison,” my mom cried, “I sure hope you manage to find a nice place close to us. I know a ton of great realtors. Having you in Brooklyn for the past few years has been total torture. Now we’ll have you close to us again. You know we aren’t getting any younger, Maddie. We love to see you, and it’s been so hard when it was only holidays. Plus, you’ll be able to see Clara more. Family really is everything. You’ll come to see that. Especially as you get closer to the age when you’ll be starting a family of your own. You’ll be glad you live in Waterloo when you need a babysitter on short notice!”

  In my mom’s mind, I was already working for Durant Industries. In fact, in her mind we were already picking out he drapes for the nursery I’d need for the baby I’d be having in ten years. She’d been begging me to get a job in Pennsylvania since I graduated from law school. I think she was probably as much behind the job offer as much as my dad.

  Rejecting this job offer for Durant Industries would break my mother’s heart. My own heart twisted as I thought about it. A couple of days ago, I couldn’t imagine a world where I’d be considering a job working for a chemical conglomerate. It was so antithetical to what I dedicated me life to doing that it was almost laughable, but only an idiot would deny how prestigious and well compensated such a position would be. I still couldn’t really wrap my mind around it.

  Did I want to live
in Waterloo, Pennsylvania again? Did I want to live so close to my parents? Could I stomach shutting down and settling lawsuits by environmentalists against Durant Industries? Could I stomach working Alexander Durant Jr., the man who wouldn’t even get his own son out of jail? Everyone said that all the Durant men were assholes, but it might be Alexander Jr. who took the cake.

  And then there was the question of Alexander. If I was willing to move to Pennsylvania and give up my work in Haiti, why wouldn’t I be willing to give it up and move to Dubai with the man I loved? Would I really let Alexander leave tomorrow and walk out of my life forever? I was so confused I couldn’t even think. I just needed to clear my head for a minute.

  Someone else came up to shake my hand, and I nearly screamed. Looking around for an exit, I spotted a gap in the crushing crowd of humanity. I darted out rudely, winding my way through the house I had spent plenty of time in as a kid. Thankfully, I knew that the front parlor connected to the formal dining room, which connected to the kitchen, which connected to the mudroom, which led to the outside. I figured no one would be out back during the party.

  I was correct. The quiet and dark of the spring evening was exactly what I needed in that moment. It felt so good to be out of the crowd where I could actually breathe. I bent double with my head between my knees, feeling completely overwhelmed.