by A. E. Snow
“I’ve never heard anything like it, really,” I said. “Who is it?”
“Sonic Youth.” Alejandro gave me a lengthy speech about the band, including its members, their personal relationships and how that ultimately led to the end of the band. “What do you listen to these days?” he asked after his spiel.
Another fuzzy song came on and this one was a lot harder.
“Mostly old stuff,” I replied. “I’m a big fan of the 60’s, musically, and in general.”
Alejandro seemed surprised but pleasantly so. “I thought you were into Top 40 and all that nonsense, like Emilia.”
“Not really.”
It struck me that Alejandro didn’t really know me. Had I changed? Or had he just noticed that I wasn’t some sort of extension of Emilia. She and I were nothing alike. We hadn’t been even when we were friends.
Alejandro spent a long time zoned out, working on a playlist while I read the titles of the books on his shelves. Biographies of musicians mostly. Right when I started to feel uncomfortable, he finished and looked at me expectantly. I looked down at my hands. Alejandro finally started talking. He mostly talked about music. I mostly said “mmm-hmm” and “yeah.” He was hot. And brooding. No female in the entire world could resist a brooding guy, I mean if guys were their thing.
He told me all sorts of things I didn’t know about Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin when they’d lived here in Berkeley. It had once been a major spot for hippies, music, and the summer of love. It sounded amazing.
“Hey! Come on,” Alejandro said and jumped up when we heard the doorbell ring.
Disappointment settled over me. I really just wanted the chance to kiss him again. I followed him down the stairs and I felt a few waves of anxiety wash over me when he answered the door. The guys from Alejandro’s band were standing there with a girl that I assumed to be someone’s girlfriend.
We all headed downstairs to what used to be the playroom but was now a big den. A huge flat screen with a couch in front sat on one side of the room while the other side was devoted to the instruments.
A guy that I heard someone call Declan took a bunch of beer cans out of his backpack and passed them around. “Who’s your friend?” he asked Alejandro, nodding toward me.
“Oh shit. This is my friend Meadow. Meadow, this is Declan. You know Perry and Carlos. This is Katie, Carlos’ girlfriend.”
Everyone mumbled a “hi” or “what’s up?” I did know Perry and Carlos from school, but not well. I sipped on my beer and tried to look cool-ish while everyone talked.
“I hope you don’t mind,” Declan began. “I invited a few people.”
“That depends on how many a few is,” Alejandro said with raised eyebrows.
“Not as many as last time, I swear. Just a couple of girls from my neighborhood. Smokin’ hot girls,” Declan answered, grinning, and then he shrugged. “And my brother.”
I looked over at Katie, but she was messing with her phone, lips pursed. I hate when guys went on about how smokin’ hot girls were in the presence of other girls. It just seems like a rude thing to do.
“I can uninvite them,” Declan offered.
I got the feeling he had no intentions of doing that.
“No, it’s fine.” Alejandro glanced over at me a few times while Declan further proclaimed how hot these girls were.
Maybe I should go. Does he mean I’m not a smokin’-hot girl? Sometimes, I really hate guys. I fidgeted and sipped my warm beer again.
The doorbell rang while I was still sipping my first beer. Warm beer, I’d decided, was not my favorite. I wasn’t exactly used to the taste of beer anyway, but it seemed more tolerable cold.
The doorbell ringer was Declan’s brother, Charlie. He brought more beer. Right after that, the girls Declan invited showed up with raspberry vodka and Sprite to put it in.
Alejandro was busy finding cups, the perfect music, etcetera. I guess the music that was perfect for upstairs in his room was no longer perfect.
This is weird. I’m totally alone in a room full of people. Is it me? Maybe if I sink down far enough, I can disappear inside of the couch.
A few minutes later, Carlos and Declan went outside to smoke. Yuck.
“Hi,” I called to Katie.
“Hi,” she said, barely looking up from her phone.
“I go to school with Carlos,” I explained.
“Ah,” she said.
I thought she narrowed her eyes at me when I said that. Yuck. I tipped my can up and almost finished my beer, but I couldn’t bear to drink the last warm, flat mouthful.
I stood up and made my way to the fridge where the “smokin’” girls were. They spoke to me at least.
“I’m Elise and this is Brittany,” said one of the tall blondes.
“I’m Meadow. Nice to meet you,” I said.
They exchanged a glance when I said my name.
“Want some?” Brittany gestured toward the vodka and Sprite. I almost said no but I didn’t want to seem super lame.
“Okay.” I shrugged.
“What’s her deal?” Elise nodded toward Katie while Brittany poured a lot of vodka and a tiny bit of soda into a coffee mug and handed it to me.
“No idea. I just met her an hour ago.” I took a tentative sip. Raspberry soda with a kick. Delicious!
“Were you in my Spanish class?” she asked.
“No,” I said. “I don’t think so.”
“Where do you go to school?” one of them asked me. I was having trouble remembering which was which. They looked an awful lot alike. Both Elise and Brittany were perfect California girls: tall, blonde, tan.
“Hobart School of the Arts.” I decided not to go into further detail.
Either Elise or Brittany wrinkled her eyebrows at me. “Really? I thought you were in my Spanish class.”
“Oh, well . . .” Elise turned to Brittany and began to viciously gossip about the people that they actually went to school with.
I backed away from Brittany and Elise and they didn’t notice. I sat back down across from Katie who was typing furiously on her phone. “Those girls are bitches,” she said.
“Yeah, they are.”
Katie went back to ignoring me. Maybe I should just get up and leave. I doubt anyone would notice.
Alejandro reappeared. He sat down next to me, not too close, but he put his foot against mine under the table.
“Sorry.” He grinned. “My mom called. I had to hide in the garage and talk to her.”
“It’s okay. I was just getting to know Katie here.” Katie ignored us completely. “And the tan blondes over there.”
“I don’t even know who they are,” Alejandro said, glancing over.
Maybe I was paranoid but it seemed like his glance was a bit lingering. Declan had joined them and they were freshening their drinks and giggling in what I thought to be a very obnoxious way.
“They are cheerleaders probably,” I said.
Alejandro made a face.
Good.
When Carlos came back, he had people with him. Everyone seemed glad to see them. I didn’t know who they were. Alejandro introduced us super casually. “Guys, this is Meadow.”
“I’m Lee.” One of them shook my hand. Lee was kind of short and skinny, but very cute with super bright green eyes. I thought maybe I remembered seeing him before at the house party.
“Hudson.” The other guy waved.
I recognized them then. They were from the band that had been playing the night of the party.
“Hi.” I waved back.
Someone started strumming an acoustic guitar. Carlos and Lee parked in front of the television and fired up an incredibly creepy video game. Okay. Loosen up, Meadow.
Alejandro stayed next to me,
which was nice. I kept thinking about the other night and considerably inflating things. I tried very hard not to imagine our wedding.
Someone turned the music up and a few more people showed up. Oh no. What if Jack shows up? I mean, wouldn’t that be weird? Or would it? I’m not even sure. Either way, I could do without that situation. Plus I’m a little . . . drunk? Am I? Yes. Maybe it’s time to stop. I put my drink down on the table and pushed it away. I hope I don’t throw up or do something stupid.
When I leaned back, Alejandro rearranged himself to be slightly closer. I managed to push old what’s-her-name out of my head. No one mentioned her after asking where she was.
Someone dimmed the lights. My phone buzzed in my pocket.
It was Isla. R u home?
Not at the moment, I replied.
Oh. Can I come over when you get home?
Yeah. I’ll let you know. I put my phone back in my pocket.
Alejandro got up to get another beer. “You want something?”
“No, I’m okay.”
The video game was still going. The music had shifted. Mellow but complicated. Elise and Declan were cozied up in the corner making out and Brittany sat with Lee and Hudson looking bored.
I tried not to stare at Katie and Carlos having a fight. Everyone pretended they didn’t notice. Lee strummed on the guitar with his eyes shut.
Alejandro plopped down right next to me. “Hi.”
My arm tingled with the feeling of his arm smashed up against it. My legs were like Jello. “Hi.”
Staring into his eyes was like staring into the freakin’ cosmos.
“You having fun?” he asked.
“Yes. I don’t usually hang out so this is fun.”
“Why don’t you hang out?”
I stayed silent for a moment and then wiggled in my seat. “I don’t know.”
He touched his foot to mine under the coffee table. “Well, you should hang out more.”
A smile crossed my lips and I ducked my head to hide my blush. “Yeah. I should. I will.” I glanced at the time. “I should go soon.”
“Do you have to?”
“Yeah. My mom . . .”
“I’ll walk you out.”
I considered saying goodbye but then I thought it would be weird if I interrupted people making out that I didn’t even know to say bye.
“Okay.” I stood and followed him back into the main part of the house. When we got to the stairs, he turned and grabbed my hand. “I was thinking we could go for a walk up to my room on our way out.”
My heart started pounding very suddenly. I nodded and let him lead me upstairs, back to his room. You are not in charge here, Meadow. Your hormones are. I had a sense that there could be consequences as I followed him down the hall past pictures of him at every age.
When we reached his room, he opened the door and led me inside. I had crazy butterflies.
He shut the door and I glanced around as though looking for a clue to the next right action. Of course, my gaze fell on the picture of Emilia tacked to the pin board behind his desk. In a brash move, I sat down on the bed and sighed with relief. Her black eyes no longer stared at me because there was a book in front of them.
Alejandro sat down next to me, so close our legs were touching.
“I’m really glad you came,” he said.
“Me, too,” I replied.
There wasn’t a need for words after that. We kissed for a very long time. I didn’t want to get carried away, but I could have easily kissed him all night.
Finally, I pulled away. “What time is it?”
Alejandro glanced behind me at the alarm clock on his nightstand. “Almost eleven. Don’t go,” he whispered.
“I don’t want to.” I smoothed down my tousled hair. “But don’t you need to get back downstairs?”
“I’d rather stay here.”
My chest got hot. I touched my neck and let my fingers linger there. “Me, too.”
Alejandro cupped his hand around the back of my neck, underneath my hair, and kissed me again.
Much later, we stood up and I attempted to locate my bag which I finally found beside the couch.
“Come on. I’ll really walk you out this time,” he said.
At the door, Alejandro kissed my cheek. “I feel bad sending you home by yourself. I would walk you but I don’t really trust Declan enough to leave the premises.”
“It’s just a couple of blocks. You probably shouldn’t trust Declan.”
Alejandro stood outside and watched me float down the sidewalk and away. I decided it would be cooler not to look back. Isla wouldn’t look back at a boy. But it was really hard not to.
Chapter 8
When I walked in the door, all hell was actively breaking loose. Twist, always put together and calm, sat at the kitchen table, her forehead resting on the pale wood, crying. Instead of some cute vintage dress, she wore dirty drawstring pants and a saggy black tank top.
When I looked closer, I could see that Twist was on her phone. She sat up suddenly and started yelling.
“I just can’t believe that this entire relationship is based on a lie and that it is coming unraveled now of all times. Now!” Twist yelled and Twist never yelled. Not even when I was a little kid and she caught me ruining her expensive oil pastels.
I stood with my mouth hanging open for a moment too long. I panicked and backed out the front door where I came face-to-face with Isla. Her face was streaked with tears and she looked like she’d been crying a very long time.
“I’m sorry. I just rushed over here.” Her face crumpled before she could say anything else.
“What’s wrong? Twist is in there having a fight with someone. I think it’s her boyfriend and I think they’re breaking up. Let’s just get to my room as fast as we can.” I took her hand while and pulled her past Twist, who sobbed while she listened to someone over the phone.
“AAAAH!” she screamed and threw her phone across the room where it hit the window and landed in two pieces on the floor.
In my room, Isla lay down on my bed and buried her face in the pillow. I covered her up with a blanket and sat next to her. I just sat there while she cried because I didn’t know what else to do.
I discreetly texted Mom. Beware: so much drama at home. It sounds like Twist just broke up with Paolo and Isla is here and she is crying. Come home! I was certain that I couldn’t personally handle the level of drama that we had going on in our house. I figured Mom would be better at regulating this.
After a few minutes, Isla stopped crying.
“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” I asked.
Isla just lay there, staring at the wall, for what felt like hours. Finally, she spoke.
“We just got back from Santa Fe. I was visiting my mom. She’s in a psychiatric hospital.”
“I’m so sorry.” What do you say at times like this? Should I ask if she’s okay?
Finally, Isla said, “She’s bi-polar. She’s doing better. She used to just sit and cry then she’d have really bad mania and do a bunch of crazy stuff. She’s getting out of the hospital soon and I won’t be there for her. Mom wants to move here and so do I but my dad doesn’t think she should, and we just had a really huge fight about it. She-She doesn’t have anyone there and I feel sick because I can’t be there,” Isla said and sobbed.
I lay down facing her and reached out, taking her hand.
Mom never texted me back but a few minutes later, I heard the front door slam.
Later, after Isla had cried herself to sleep, I tiptoed out of my room and into the living room. Twist and Mom sat at the table and the kettle was on. I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned against the doorframe resting my head on the wood. They look like sisters. They have a whole relationship
apart from me. They’d had a life together even before my dad had shown up.
I tried to identify the feeling coming up. Not exactly jealousy. More like . . . sadness. Sometimes they seemed more like sisters than Twist and me. Neither one of them saw me. Finally, I turned and tiptoed back into my room.
I remembered that I’d promised to text Alejandro when I got home. I grabbed my phone and sent him a text. “Home.” He sent back a smiley face. Despite the completely weird turn the night had taken, I still felt butterflies every time I thought of him.
I went back into my room and crawled into bed next to Isla. I don’t remember a lot about her mom, just that she always seemed really fun or she wasn’t around at all. There was a soft knock on the door and then it creaked open.
“You up?” It was Mom.
“Yeah,” I whispered.
She waved me over, and I followed her into the hall. She had a grim look. “I got your note.”
“Oh.” I had completely forgotten that I’d left a note instead of asking for permission.
“Meadow,” she said and then sighed. “Twist was the complete opposite of you. She was sneaking out at fifteen. You are almost seventeen and you’ve never given me one bit of trouble. To be honest, I worry more about you than I did about Twist. You used to seem so lonely.”
I nodded and dropped my gaze to my feet. “I was.”
Mom sighed. “Look, let’s make a deal. You don’t have to ask for my permission every time you go out, but you do have to be specific about where you are going and you need to make actual contact with me.”
I nodded. The note had just said, I’m going out. Be back later.
“Okay? Just tell me where you were.”
“Umm. I was at Alejandro’s with some people.” I was glad that I had already brushed my teeth. I didn’t want her to smell alcohol on my breath.