She was silent, her own gaze locked on the octopus in his hand. The fuck-topus, he corrected.
"That's not a bad idea, actually. Do you think anyone here would want to read them?"
"If they were tales of Earth? Definitely. There's a whole group of Earth culture fanatics. They even have meet-ups." Was he deflecting from the main topic? Yes.
Blue let out a sudden laugh. "You're rambling."
He was. "I reserve the right to ramble when needed."
"Okay. I understand that." She looked up at him, that bright smile stretched across her face. There were faint shadows under her eyes, and her skin was a tad paler than normal.
He reached up and ran a thumb along one of those shadows. Her smile fell away. "Be honest with me,” she said. “Could your father force you away and back to Cularna?"
His eyes slid closed. "If we do not make this a formal pairing, he could."
Her lips flattened into a thin line. She nodded. "What about the others?"
"Mo'ata, Forrest, and Levi?"
"Yes."
"He has no authority over them."
"Okay." Her eyes went wide. "Wait. Crap. I can't believe none of us thought of this. Are we supposed to register something somewhere? Get a license or file taxes together or something? How could Mo'ata not have mentioned anything—"
And she was off again. Felix threw back his head and laughed. It was more a release of emotion than true humor, but it felt good.
"Oh, pet, thank you for that."
She narrowed her eyes. "Sure thing, pookie."
He narrowed his own eyes right back at her, playing her game. "Pookie?"
"It's your new nickname. At least you're not snookums."
"I thought that was a joke?" Horror of a different kind moved through him, freezing his blood. If they took her to Colci's and the other mercenaries heard her calling them these ridiculous names...
Oh no. Not happening.
"Don't call me that," he said. That was not desperation in his voice.
"Hah! Now you know how it feels. And back to the topic. How do we make your father allow this pairing?"
"He won't."
"And how do you know that?" Her brows drew together and her gaze dropped to the fuck-topus.
He hid it behind his back.
"Dammit Felix. We can't do anything about this if you won't talk to me. And we definitely can't win this if you're already convinced we'll lose. Now tell me, how do we get your father to agree to this pairing?"
A scratch and a low growl came from the door.
Blue growled back. "Just what I need. Nosey felines right when we're in the middle of an argument."
"Is this an argument?"
"It's headed there now,” she muttered as she stood and let the piquet into the room.
It was Vivi, not Garfield. Felix's eyes widened in surprise. He'd expected Garfield with how wound up Blue was...
Vivi headed straight for him and leapt into his lap. He grunted. "You are not the cub you used to be," he crooned as he found the spot she liked above her ruff. She purred, the vibrations traveling through his fingers, up his arm, and settling around his heart.
"Better?" Blue asked, gazing down at him.
Only then did he become aware of the soft smile he now wore. "Better."
She held out her hand. "Give it over."
It took him a moment, but then he placed the fuck-topus in her hand.
"I'm going to go put this back. Then we are going to strategize. After that will be cuddles." She grabbed his chin, and heat moved through him. He liked this bossy Blue. “So, you figure out how we are going to deal with your father." Her gaze softened. "I will tell you the same thing Mo'ata once told me—this is not all on you." She leaned over and gave him another kiss, this one feather light. "This is not a fight you will fight by yourself, Felix." She turned and left, the fuck-topus in one hand.
Had she been the one to put it on his pillow? She denied being the one to move it every time, but he had to wonder.
Because she'd just gotten exactly what she needed. Felix had finally opened up that last bit of himself to her—he’d shown her his fear. Well, most of it. There was one more thing he needed to tell her…
She returned, now clad in loose pajamas. One last thing to confess, then he would have told her the all of it. If she still wanted him… he recalled what had originally set them on this rocky conversational path. "Did you truly wonder if I wanted you?" he asked.
She shrugged and looked away as her cheeks flushed. "Sort of? It wasn't really a coherent thought, more of a... wiggle-worm in the back of my mind. I couldn't figure out why we haven't, umm, you know."
He sent her a wicked grin. "I don't know ‘you know.’ I think you'll need to be more specific."
Her gaze shot back to his and narrowed, but the smile was back. "You know." Then she muttered, "Almost as bad as the hooligan."
His grin stiffened. It was instinctive. He knew that term, it was what she used for Zeynar. She was comparing them! "I am nothing like him."
"Hah! Shows what you know. You're part of the Terrible Trio."
He deliberately raised a brow. He loved watching her reaction every time one of them did it.
She did not disappoint. Her gaze locked on the gesture and her lips dipped into a pout as she sniffed. He wasn't even sure she realized she did those things. But it happened every. Single. Time.
He laughed.
She smiled. "So can we? I mean, after we have a strategy for your father. Actually, we don't have to wait for that. Except now I'm thinking about your father and I’m not in the mood." Her smile morphed back into a frown. "Damn."
"I agree. My father and... 'you know,' should never be combined in the same conversation."
Vivi's purr picked up and paws kneaded at his thighs. Soon the claws would come out and... "Owe. Shit. Vivi, you are not a cub anymore."
The piquet twisted her head to stare up at him. Silver-blue eyes pleaded up at him. All she wanted as to spend a little time with him, cuddle into his side, make him feel better...
Felix shook his head. This was something else he'd yet to mention to the others. The flashes had begun after Forrest and Vivi returned from Falass. They weren't clear, like how Blue described Garfield's words and feelings, or the images Forrest once described. No, these were the vaguest impressions, and if it hadn't been for the fact that Vivi was a hyper-intelligent animal that the clansmen were determined to protect from the rest of the Alliance, he would have dismissed them as his own imaginings.
Blue reached down and gave the piquet a rub at the base of her spine, where her stubby tail started. "I think tonight will be cuddles and strategies." Her blue eyes bore into his. "And can we agree that 'you know' will take place soon?" Her gaze softened. "Unless there's another reason? Actually, I still don't get why we're taking it quite this slow."
Man up, Felix. Tell her the rest of it. He licked his lips. "Because once you meet my family you're going to want out. Once you learn the things I’ve done, you’re going to be done with me.”
She glared.
"Sorry. I was afraid that once you met my family you'd want out, and I was afraid if you learned more of my past then… And if we had had sex," —he grinned as her face flushed— "then I wouldn’t be able to let you go." His chest clenched at the thought of losing her and his grin was gone as if it had never been. From the beginning he'd known it would be like this. Blue, that slip of a girl, had become the center of his life. Even now, without crossing the last line of intimacy, it would be too hard to see her walk away. If they’d breached that final barrier, if he had given all of himself to her and then lost her, he wouldn't have survived.
Darkness churned in a hard knot inside his chest and he struggled to take in his next breath. Just the thought of life without her was enough to cause him real pain.
Vivi gave off a soft chirp and pressed her head to his stomach.
A soft hand ran up his cheek and skimmed over his short hair. His eyes slid
closed and he pressed closer to her touch.
"And you call me pet," she murmured. "Come on." She knelt down and started on the laces and fasteners of his boots.
He toed them off when she was done. Vivi shifted to the center of his mattress and he stood to pull off his belt. He left the pants on. Despite what they'd both revealed tonight, he needed that barrier. Blue eyed them but said nothing.
It took some maneuvering, and a little shoving, but they eventually settled down for cuddles.
And I can't believe I actually think of it like that. What is this girl doing to me?
He wrapped his arms around Blue and she pressed into his side. Vivi had curled up against the other, her soft purr lulling him. He yawned.
"I know I said we'd strategize tonight, but..." Her words were a sleepy drawl. "I'll ask one question. Okay, two. One you answer now, the other you think over. Then we can sort the rest out, maybe have a family meeting to see if the others have any input on handling your father.”
He stiffened.
She rubbed her hand over his chest. "Not all on you, remember?"
Felix relaxed his muscles one by one. "What is your first question?”
That little hand continued its dance over his skin and his muscles jumped at the sweet feeling. “You said I would leave if I knew the things you’d done. Are you still the same man? Would you do these things again?”
“No.” No, he had not been that man for a very, very long time.
“Okay.”
“That’s it?”
“If you are no longer the person who would do things that I would leave you for, why would I leave you?”
It took him a moment to think that through. It made sense, in a Blue kind of way. “You don’t want to know? What if I murdered people, or ruined their lives. Or crippled them and ruined their careers?”
“Did you?”
His throat closed. “Y-yes.”
“Oh.”
“It was during a formal Challenge.”
“You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready.”
He ignored her. He had to get this out, before all courage deserted him. If he didn’t tell her now, he didn’t think he ever would, and the knowledge would fester inside him. His fingers twitched, wanting to pull her closer, but he wouldn’t let them. “He was a fellow soldier. We were both up for promotion. This is when I was still with Portia and on track to become a General by the time I was forty, which is nearly unheard of.”
She was so still beside him, he didn’t think she was even breathing.
“It was Portia who suggested it, but I didn’t protest,” he continued. “I was hungry for that promotion, for the status. No, that was only part of it. I was addicted to the way she looked at me each time I was recognized for an achievement, or added another stripe to my sleeve.”
“Oh.”
He hated how small her voice sounded. “Portia is poison. Bittersweet, pure poison. And I am no longer so self-destructive as to go for another taste. Honestly, I don’t care about her one way or the other now, but I do regret the things I had done while I with her.”
“Okay.” Blue’s hand smoothed up his chest. “Finish it.”
He blew out a relieved breath. She was back with him. He could hear it in the firmer tone of her voice. “We’d done it before, setting up Challenges with those who were more likely to compete with me. It’s actually an acceptable method of weeding out the weaker candidates, and the higher ups keep an eye on the Challenges and winners.”
“Not sure I understand the system, but that makes sense, in a weird way. I mean, Earth history is no stranger to duels and things like that.”
He had an urge to ask about that history, but it was just his mind’s attempt to turn away from his shame. “It’s not looked down upon, but there are unspoken rules. I…” A face appeared before him, drawn in pain. The young man clutched at a bloody and shattered knee. Even with the rejuvenators it was one of the hardest joints to mend. He’d been stuck in the Medical Division for months, and it was a year before he’d been considered fit to resume his command. The blasters could do a lot of damage if they hit right. “It’s hard to cripple someone with the technology most healers have access to, but I did my best.”
“Huh?”
“The other soldier, my rival. I barely knew him. We were from different units, raised up in the guilds in different regions. I had no reason to do what I did other than a desire to see someone who threatened my rise taken down. Everything went fast. We both aimed, he dodged in the wrong direction, I didn’t. Or so everyone believed. But I hit what I aimed at.”
“Did you kill him?”
“No.”
There was a relieved breath.
“I didn’t kill him. I did my best to cripple him. Which, for a soldier is worse. I didn’t have to. I could have aimed for an arm, I could have gone after soft tissue which takes no time to regenerate. I could have simply broken his arm. He’d have been back to his post in two weeks at the most. Instead I aimed for his knee, and it essentially cost him a year of his life.”
Blue was silent. He knew she hadn’t fallen asleep because her hand continued to pet him. “Is that it?” she finally asked.
“There were some other things, but that was the worst.”
“Was that when you dumped Portia?”
“Dumped?” An image of Portia, her perfectly arranged hair and the precise folds of her stylish outfit flying into disarray as he tossed her into a pit. Felix snorted.
“Called off your arrangement?”
“Yes, this is why I informed my father I was ending our trial period and requested a transfer to one of the Special Infantry units. When I was informed the transfer would necessitate a demotion, I took it.”
“Hmmm… And you still feel bad for these things? Did you ever go apologize?”
“No. I was ashamed.”
“Maybe you should. Apologize I mean. It might make you feel better.”
“Maybe I will.” At those words a layer of the guilt he carried since that day peeled off. Blue now knew the type of man he used to be, the type of man he’d been with Portia. And she was trying to make him feel better.
“Do you miss her?”
Time for more truth. “I used to. But I haven’t for about… what was it? Fourteen ten-days, one-hundred and forty days, give or take a few?” he teased. “Even before that, I only missed the idea of what I thought we had together, not the actual Portia.” He stared at the ceiling as he struggled to find just the right words. “I’ve always wanted someone who would care for me, not my name, not status. Ironic isn’t it, that I started caring about status for her? I was truly convinced she wanted those things for me, for my own good. I allowed myself to be convinced. When I told her after the duel that that was the last time, and I was going to admit I’d deliberately aimed for his knee, she… exploded. I saw the true her for the first time.”
A soft kiss landed on the side of his chest. “Thank you for telling me all of this.”
“You don’t hate me?” He was only half-joking.
“No, pookie, I don’t hate you.”
Huh, he guessed he didn’t mind the ridiculous name so much when she used that voice, the one that said she was going to either kiss him or strangle him. “You had a second question? Unless we covered everything?” He craned his neck to look over at her.
“Oh, right.” She blinked a few times. “What is the thing your father admires the most?"
"Strength." There was no hesitation in his answer.
"What does he consider strength?"
He opened his mouth to respond then stopped. He didn't know. "That's two questions," he said.
"Hush. Think it over. I'm sure we can figure out the way to get your father to approve of the union, because I’m not walking away from you, so get that right out of your head.” Her hand stilled. "You know, in some cultures of Earth it was customary to kidnap a potential spouse. It showed strength. Maybe I could kidnap you?"
His s
houlders shook with suppressed laughter. He sucked in a breath. "I'd go willingly. We could stage it in the family home. In you come, pistols blazing. The servants scream. My mother faints."
"We can keep it as Plan B." She pressed her palm flat to his chest and sighed. "Love you, pookie."
His throat closed and it was a long moment before he could return the words. "Love you too." Was that the first time he'd told her that? He thought maybe it was.
She didn't respond.
He looked down. His pet's eyes were closed and her breaths were deep.
She was asleep. Perhaps he could make sure she had more than six hours tonight. He ran his hand down her arm. How did such a small frame hold such determination?
He'd only been half joking when he teased her about kidnapping him. He really had been able to envision her facing down his father, a piquet at her side, her blades strapped to her and a pistol in one hand.
If Blue was willing to face his family, to fight for him, how could Felix do any less?
Chapter 6
TREVON
Early morning sun streamed through the plate glass of his twentieth story office. The Denver sky was a deep blue, the air no doubt crisp on this November morning. He took in a deep breath, imagining the scent of burning leaves and yet to fall snow. It was late to arrive this year, but the forecast had predicted some for the weekend.
Not that Earthlings had mastered the art of predicting the weather.
His printer beeped and Trevon grabbed the photo off of the tray. Trimming the excess white from the edge, he studied the image for a moment. Then he grinned, the expression wicked. Flipping it over, he wrote a quick note.
Because I know you miss my ass.
- Trev
Satisfied, he tucked it next to the letters from Phe, Kevin, Brenda and Sheila. The picture of his jeans-clad ass was there and plain for everyone who lived with Blue to see when the care-package was delivered tomorrow. Yes, he should be winning over those men of Blue’s along with her, but he couldn’t resist this bit of teasing.
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