by Sheila Kell
That was it. She was doing it on purpose. Pushing him. Knowing he’d say no and she’d be free to stay out of his bed. Well, he’d see about that. A woman would not win a battle of wills with him. No way in hell would he allow that to happen.
“Okay,” he heard himself saying before he fully realized he was calling her bluff and possibly putting himself in a sticky situation.
Madison’s eyes widened and darkened around the rims. “Really?” she asked, bewildered.
Oh fuck. She wasn’t calling his bluff. What the hell had he just agreed to? “What I meant to say was—”
She cut him off before he could change his mind. “No, you already said yes.” Something like glee entered her features. Was that how he looked every time he was ready to tie up a woman?
Tied up. Losing control. He hoped she realized how much she meant to him for him to allow this change in their sexual life. He hoped he could handle it. He wasn’t a sixteen-year-old boy who could barely keep it back when a girl touched him, but with the way he wanted Madison, she would only have to touch him and he’d explode. That would be seriously embarrassing. Football stats, he thought, as he reached down and adjusted his bulging erection. He’d keep the numbers going through his mind when she touched him and he’d last.
Eager to be inside her and get this over with, he stood. “I’m done eating. You?” He picked up his plate and reached out for hers, not caring if she was finished. She’d asked for sex, and he wasn’t going to disappoint her.
They emptied the contents on their dishes in the trash and loaded the dishwasher without a word between them except “thank you” when an item was passed for either rinsing or loading.
Sensing her nervousness, he clasped one of her hands and pulled her close. “Are you looking forward to having me at your mercy?”
For a moment, she stood stock-still. Then her body relaxed, and she smiled. “Yes.”
Where he thought he’d have to drag her to the bedroom, he was surprised when, with their joined hand, she tugged him to his door. Inside the room, he pulled her back to him, this time so close he could feel her pebbled nipples on his chest. The words “I love you” almost spilled out, and he freaked for a moment. Where had that garbage come from?
Instead, he said, “While you may have the lead in bed—tonight—I have the lead in undressing you, and I’m going to enjoy every moment of it.”
She shivered, and he stood taller at her reaction. Knowing he affected her as much as she did him left him with a heady feeling.
To prove his point, he kissed her hard and demanding, setting the tone for the evening. His tongue slipped past her soft lips and into her mouth where their tongues played the tune of lovers. Kissing her was intoxicating. Something he might never tire of doing. He’d kiss her every day of her life if she’d let him.
He pulled back at that thought. Why did it keep coming back? The prospect of being tied down had really impeded the thoughts floating around in his mind.
“What’s wrong?” she asked coyly, sliding her free hand up and down his chest. He couldn’t wait until his shirt was off and she was touching his bare skin. The one drawback of tying women up was that he didn’t get more than the cursory pre-sex touches. He also didn’t get the scratches on his back that left scars. Would she do that? he wondered.
With a shake of his head, he smiled. “Nothing.” Then he slanted his lips over hers and took her mouth again, warm and loving, letting his feelings flow for him through his kiss. The things he couldn’t say—was not ready to say—seeped from him.
Releasing her hand, he rubbed his palms up and down her back, sliding over her buttocks, but not grabbing hold. Not yet anyway. He slipped his fingers under the edge of her blouse and slowly tugged it up, breaking contact with her to pull it over her head. Then he saw her wearing the color red.
A red lace bra that took his breath away. If she was selling stuff like that in her boutique, she would have a winning business. “You look gorgeous.” After pushing her hair back over her shoulder, he leaned down to kiss her neck. No, attack it was more like it. He wanted to taste her and touch her all over. So, he did both with his tongue on her silky throat and his hand on her beautiful breast.
She moaned, and his pulse rate accelerated. “You feel good too,” he added as an afterthought. Actually without much thought at all. He could only think of loving her sweet body and making her his over and over again.
He made his way down her throat to a bra-covered breast. He kissed the mound and reached around her body to unfasten the piece of lace. After slipping the straps over her shoulders, her perfect breasts sprang free of their confines, and the rosy peaks of her nipples stood at attention, begging for his mouth and tongue. So, he answered the request. Taking her nipple in his mouth, he suckled and flicked it with his tongue; doing all the things he remembered she liked from the times they’d shared a bed.
Making love to her breast, he reached down for the button on her jeans, undid it, and slid the zipper down. He had a feeling he’d be seeing more red and was psyched about it.
“Will you sell the red lacy bra in your boutique?” Brad asked as he dropped to his knees.
Breathlessly, she answered, “No, but something like it.”
Satisfied with the answer, knowing there’d be more lacy stuff to come, he trailed kisses down her belly while she made mewing noises and ran her fingers through his hair. He slid her jeans down and discovered the red strips of lace that barely covered her pussy.
She placed her hands on his shoulders when he helped her step from her jeans. After he had her back at his mercy, he kissed her mound through the scrap of red lace. He wanted to pull them down and taste her. It’d been a long time since he had. Their first time together was the only one, and now he wanted to remedy that. But he’d promised to let her tie him up and be in control. If he wanted to build that trust with her, he wouldn’t take over any more than he already had.
Reluctantly, he stood and smiled at the look of lust on her face.
“Are you done yet?” she asked with a coy smile.
“No. But I promised I’d only take control when we were undressing.”
“I’m not completely undressed,” she said, referring to her too small underwear.
“Well, if I touch that, I won’t be able to give you the control you feel the need for tonight.” At least he was honest about it all.
“I see.” She put her arms around his neck. “Kiss me again.”
Who was he to deny the lady what she wanted? He kissed her softly, gently, but before long their kiss turned hungry. Her hands were no longer around his neck; they were jerking his T-shirt from his jeans and ripping it over his head, breaking their kiss. Hell, she almost pulled off his ears, but he didn’t tell her that. Sometimes he did know when to keep his mouth shut.
After they managed to get him out of his pants and underwear, she looked at him questioningly. “Where?” was all she said.
Knowing what she meant, he went to the bedside table and opened the drawer. He had no idea why he kept a scarf there since he didn’t bring women home, but he was glad he did since it was what Madison wanted. Fingering the scarf, he withdrew the silkiness from the drawer, turned and handed it to her.
At first, she didn’t seem to know what to do, so he decided to lead. If he was going to do this, maybe he could keep some control after all without her realizing it. He crawled on the bed and put his arms above his head.
She still looked at the scarf, lost.
“What’s wrong?” Had she changed her mind? If so, he might not tie her up just so he could have her soft hands on his body.
“I don’t know how to tie any solid knots. It won’t do for you to break free, now will it?”
He smiled at the thought. Okay. Knots. He sat up and extended his arms. “Here, I’ll walk you through a knot that won’t hurt and will be easy to open but not come apart.”
Once they had his hands tied, in a knot loose enough all he’d have to do was pull, he
lay back down to allow her to tie him to the headboard. He’d just remember not to pull on his restraints while they made love. He looked forward to her on top of him, riding him to satisfaction.
After she finished, she stood by the bed and smiled. “I’ve dreamed of this,” she murmured, but he caught her words. Had she? Go figure. Women’s minds….
Madison removed her panties and climbed on the bed, straddling him, and his dick moved, trying to seek her warmth. She leaned forward and kissed him, tentative at first, then with a passion that fueled the fire burning within him. Their lips moved over each other’s, and their tongues explored and then played a game of domination. He may have agreed to being tied up, but he wouldn’t allow her to win that battle of tongues.
When her mouth left his, she trailed kisses down his chest, her finger circling each nipple that shot slivers of ecstasy through his body. Knowing where her mouth was headed, he groaned in expected pleasure. Anticipation rode him like a wild buffalo. He almost pulled against the restraints to help guide her. He’d had blow jobs from women, he’d just tied them up before he fucked them.
She reached his engorged length and hesitated.
Blood thrummed through his veins. He wanted to scream for her to take him deeply into her warm mouth, but held back. She had to want to do it. He’d have it no other way.
Grasping his erection in her hand, she proceeded to lick it from base to tip. He bolted upward with the intense sensation of fire that shot through him. His desire for her just quadrupled.
After an excruciating minute or two, she took him in her mouth—warm, wet, welcome. He could’ve come right then. Football stats he reminded himself, but he couldn’t do more than watch her slide her luscious mouth up and down his shaft, bringing him closer and closer to the edge with each stroke of her mouth and hand. When she cupped and massaged his balls, and he felt that tingle at the base of his spine, he had to call a halt to things.
“Princess, that’s enough. I can’t take anymore. You’d best quit if you want to continue this together.”
She looked up and winked then took his cock out of her mouth, but not before she swirled her tongue on the head. He almost broke the bonds just to pull her up his body so he could drive deep inside her.
Pulling a condom from the bedside table drawer, she opened it and slid it over his erection, driving him insane with the soft touch. As if to please him, she straddled him again and wasted no time sliding down his length.
He tossed his head back and groaned. This might be the quickest sex he’d ever had.
With playtime over, she rode him with gusto. Her titties bounced with her movements up and down. He wanted to reach up and grab them, hold them in his palms and love them, but he was stuck. Did the women feel this way with him? There was nothing for them to grab onto when he was making love to them, so it couldn’t be the same. Still, he wondered….
When that tingle at the base of his spine made itself known again, he informed her, “I’m getting close. How about you?” He didn’t want to come without her coming too. He wasn’t a selfish bastard.
“I’m ready.”
“Then fly, princess,” he said. God, she looked so good with her slick skin over him, making love to him with their bodies connected.
“I’m coming,” she said and bore down on him. Her body flushed as her breaths came out in huffy pants. When she arched her back and called out in pleasure, he didn’t think he’d seen any woman as beautiful in the throes of passion.
In a flurry of sensations, he let himself go and came with her for what he hoped was the first of many times that way.
As she collapsed onto his chest, he knew he had to hold her, so he jerked on the bonds and freed himself. She didn’t say a word when he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. This woman meant too much to him. Hell, he’d allowed himself to be tied up for her. He had to admit she did mean that much to him and figure out how to move forward because heaven knew he’d never been in love with a woman before.
“You could’ve done that anytime, couldn’t you?” she murmured against his chest.
No sense in lying. “Yes.”
She chuckled. “Well, at least you lived up to your word. How does it feel being tied?”
He wouldn’t lie to her, but he knew where this would lead. “I prefer my hands on your sweet body.”
“Then how do you think I feel?” He’d made it clear from their first time that to sleep with him she had to be tied up. He’d been too set in his ways. Still was, but this little exercise made him reconsider.
“How do you feel?”
She propped her head on her hand that lay on his chest. “Like I want to touch you and hate that I can’t.”
This might be one of those times Devon was right about compromise. At least he hoped so. “So, we don’t tie you up. Unless you want it.”
Madison’s lips twitched. “There’s hope for you yet, Brad Hamilton.”
NERVES ASSAILED BRAD as he passed through the doorway of Healing Therapies, which Ken held open. What exactly would he find out? Would it be bad? He had to push that aside because he wanted to know… had to know what had happened to him, even if he were at fault. He didn’t know how Devon and Rylee could let their memories remain suppressed when he was chomping at the bit to know.
Instead of leaving Madison at home with Ken and Sam, he’d brought her. Much to her insistence that she come. After making sure there were no concurring appointments so the waiting room would be empty, he’d finally agreed—provided she stayed with Sam and Ken and did everything they said. He’d expected her to push to be in the room with him, and he’d have allowed it, but the therapist had not been in favor of it. She’d asked him if he wanted her to know everything, no matter what he said. With that thought, he’d nixed the idea. If it was bad, he wanted time to process and find the best way to tell Madison.
If the receptionist thought it odd that with a large waiting room with ten roomy chairs that they all sat close to each other on the back wall, instead of spreading out, she didn’t say anything. She just kept covertly looking at Madison. Probably trying to figure out who she was or remembering her from her ad campaigns.
Paula Dixon, with a lot of initials behind her name, was a psychospiritual and transpersonal clinician, and would spend the next ninety minutes helping him try to recover his memory. She’d warned him that they might not be able to get to where he wanted in the first session. In fact, it was rare that it happened that quickly, but she said if he was willing and could throw aside all roadblocks, like his not wanting to know in case he’d done something wrong, they stood a chance.
He was the epitome of willing. The entire situation had festered for too long in his mind. It had eaten at his soul and made him into an asshole of epic proportions. Or so he’d been told.
When his name was called, he gave Madison a quick kiss on the lips and told her he’d be back as soon as possible. Then he nodded at Ken who scooted into the seat beside Madison that he’d just vacated. Following a short, blonde-haired woman back to the therapy room, they passed through the outer office, and he marveled at how clean the desk was. He couldn’t marvel long until he was faced with the couch. Where it would all spill out.
Brad took a deep breath and sat down. “Are you sure you can help me?”
“As we discussed on the phone, it depends. Using hypnotherapy, we can recover memories as far back as birth. You just have to have had your consciousness present on some level. Consciousness does not mean conscious like you or I are right now. It’s how people can recover memories from accidents, for example, where they’ve had head trauma. Like if they were dissociative. Now, if you were unconscious, like in a coma state, it will be harder to recover that memory. If at all.”
“I did pass out at some point, I imagine. Something had to have happened for me to just wake up with a monster of a hangover and a prostitute in my room.” He still shuddered at the thought that he might’ve had something to do with the woman.
; “I want to make sure you understand what will happen. There is a difference in hypnosis and hypnotherapy. Hypnosis is putting you into a relaxed state. We go in and out of our conscious state about 80 percent of our day. So you’re looking at the difference of your conscious mind and going into your subconscious mind. Your conscious mind is only really about 10 percent of your mind. It’s where your short-term memory is. It’s what you and I are using right now. Subconscious and unconscious is the other 90 percent of our brain and of our mind, which is where our emotions and our habits are. Long-term memory is stored there. All the meat of who we are in our subconscious and unconscious minds.
“So, hypnosis will be the first part of your hypnotherapy session. Getting you into that relaxed state. You’ll put yourself into hypnosis. I will just guide you.”
He must’ve looked bewildered because she rushed to explain. “It’s like when you’re driving down a long road, and you stare straight ahead and zone out a little bit, then you suddenly realize you’re at a point where you don’t remember driving the last few miles. But, if you tracked back through, you could. And you’re conscious enough that you’re not running red lights or anything. But you’re working in your unconscious mind thinking things like ‘Oh my God, I forgot to turn off the coffeepot.’”
With a nod, he smiled. “Yeah, I’m guilty of that. Maybe not the coffeepot, but something.”
“We are all guilty of it. What you’ve done is take your brain waves from a beta state, which is where they’re at when you’re conscious—super fast—down into alpha, delta, and theta. Delta and theta are when we’re sleeping. So when you slow down your brain waves, you can actually access and use your memory better. So, the point of hypnotherapy is to use the hypnotic state to heal. Meaning we’re going into the part of the mind where everything lives anyway.”
At this point, Brad was ready to move on and get this over with. He didn’t really care about all of this explanation. A simple “We’re going to put you in a hypnotic state so we can access your memory” was all he needed. But, he listened because he found himself relaxing with each word that assured him this had been the right path to take.