“Now, this . . . this I’m proud of. You have no idea how many stupid websites I had to go on to find this shirt. There’s a lot of Cobra Kai stuff, but this . . . this one makes me proud.” He beams.
“Whatever floats your boat, T-shirt guy,” I reply, rolling my eyes.
Can I really consider dating a guy who wears a shirt that says, “Sweep the Leg”? Evan would never be caught dead in something like that. Then again, Evan could wear just about anything and look sexy. I look at him and wonder if I would find him even remotely interesting without his crazy clothes. Yesterday, it seemed like an icebreaker. But, tonight, it feels like a crutch.
“Are you ready to go?” Jason asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Where are we going?”
“I thought we could grab a bite at the tapas place a few blocks away.”
“I love that place,” I say, impressed in Jason’s choice of restaurant. Tapas Barcelona is one of the best restaurants in Evanston.
“Oh good, because I made a reservation. We’d better get over there before they give our table away,” he says, placing his hand on the small of my back and leading me towards the door. A slight cringe runs through my body as he touches me and I know this isn’t how I’m supposed to feel right now. I should have butterflies in my stomach, my heart should be racing and I should be hanging on every word my date says. Instead, I’m daydreaming about Evan. I’m thinking about his stupid Packers sweatshirts that he’d leave all over my apartment, or how he’d feed me marinara sauce when he’d cook spaghetti. Half the time he cooked, we ended up having sex on the kitchen floor. Evan made my body come alive, he made my heart flutter, he made me feel things that no one ever has. And even though Jason seems like a really nice guy, I already know this isn’t going to work. I know when I feel something for someone, and I’m just not feeling it. When we flirted in the bar, it was exciting, but now everything has fallen flat for me. Deep down, I know I’m not really giving him a chance and I’m so pissed at myself for it. And I’m pissed at Evan. It’s all his goddamn fault.
We arrive at Tapas Barcelona and are seated at our table within minutes. Jason and I select a couple of different dishes to start with, and it turns out that we agree on almost everything on the menu. We both like goat cheese, we both love figs wrapped in prosciutto, and neither of us has any interest in ordering the tuna cannelloni. But, I just don’t care. I don’t care that we both like goat cheese, I don’t care that we’re both passionate about our art. I don’t care that he’s brave enough to wear a New Kids on the Block t-shirt to a bar while writing a suspense novel on his laptop. I just don’t care. But, I wish I did.
We cover all of the basics in our conversation. We learn a little about each other’s families and our upbringing. We share our favorite movies and songs. That initial spark I felt at the bar, that tiny flutter in my stomach has drifted away. Something is missing. Something that’s so desperately needed.
“Can I be honest with you?” I ask Jason as we’re finishing dessert.
“Uh oh,” Jason says, wiping his chin with his cloth napkin.
“I think you’re a really nice guy, but, I’m just getting out of a really intense relationship and I’m not sure I’m ready to date,” I say as honestly as possible.
“Wow, um, well, when did you break up with this person?” Jason asks, perching his elbows on the table and leaning his chin into his hands.
“Two years ago,” I say, wincing as I hear the words come out of my mouth. Jason laughs nervously.
“Two years?” he asks, looking confused.
“Yeah, I guess saying it out loud makes me sound ridiculous, huh?”
“No, it makes it seem like you really went through hell,” he says, taking a sip of red wine.
“Yeah, it was bad. I’d rather not get into the details or anything. But, I don’t want to lead you on. I thought I could do this, but I can’t,” I say, taking my wallet out of my purse and throwing a twenty-dollar bill on the table.
“Wait, wait,” Jason says, holding his arm out towards me and gesturing for me not to get up from my seat. I blush, completely mortified at my behavior.
“Just because you’re not ready to really date anyone, doesn’t mean you have to leave like that. We can still finish our meal, and you can let me walk you home like a gentleman.”
“Why would you want to do that? I lead you on—”
“No, you didn’t,” Jason interrupts, “you accepted a date. That’s all it is, a date. And it’s not working out for you and I totally get that.”
“You are way too nice,” I say, shaking my head.
“Was he not-so-nice?” Jason asks.
“No, Evan is very nice. I’m the one who isn’t nice,” I insist, looking him dead in the eye.
“I disagree,” Jason says, crossing his arms right in front of his Cobra Kai sensei who’s been glaring at me all night from that ridiculous t-shirt.
“That’s because you don’t know me. Just ask my ex, he’ll give you a mouthful,” I say, putting my purse back on my chair.
“No, thanks. I’d rather just hang out with you,” he says, raising an eyebrow playfully.
“Okay,” I sigh. “But, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“All right, I won’t.” He smiles, taking another bite of dessert.
The rest of the night is calm, relaxed and almost therapeutic. I don’t tell Jason anything about what I went through with Evan. He doesn’t need to know. But, we do talk about his writing and my photos. He encourages me to follow my passion, just as Evan did, and I realize that Evan wasn’t trying to make me good enough for him. He was trying to make me good enough for myself. All those times when he pushed me to do more with my photography, he was just pushing for me to be happy. That’s all.
Jason walks me to my apartment and gives me a light peck on the cheek and I thank him for a really nice evening. Just as I’m about to apologize, he reads my mind.
“Nothing to be sorry about. I had a really nice time with you.”
“Me too,” I agree.
“Almost like catching up with an old friend,” Jason says, his voice trailing off. “Is that a strange thing to say?” His cheeks redden slightly as he shifts uncomfortably.
“Not at all,” I reassure him.
“I hope that I can still come by Molly’s and people watch from time-to-time,” he grins.
“You’d better,” I smile, giving him a kiss on his cheek in return. We say goodnight, and I unlock the door to my building, thinking of Evan with every step I take up the stairs.
And even though I know I must be out of my mind, I turn on my record player and place the needle on the record that’s been sitting on the turntable for years. Dean Martin’s smooth voice fills my apartment and I’m surrounded by memories of Evan, of us. I curl up on my couch, listening to song after song. And for the first time in my life, I cry myself to sleep.
Chapter 19
Evan
July 16, 2012
I hate Mondays. Always have. There’s just something about the start of a new week that feels like a hundred pound weight sitting on your shoulders. All the work that you know needs to get done, the meetings on the calendar, the mountain of emails that sits inside of my computer. It’s 9 A.M. and I’m already exhausted.
The only perk about starting a new week is that I get to see the cute button-nosed intern. I made sure to order a sandwich from the deli that our company uses, knowing she’ll be the one to deliver it in just a few hours. We’ve only had one date, but that’s enough for me to know that I’m not bored out of my mind when I’m around her. We haven’t made any solid plans for another date, and that’s okay. I know she’s into me and I’m into her. The rest will work itself out.
Engrossed in the ridiculous amount of emails in my inbox, I almost don’t hear the phone ring in my cube.
“Evan Maxwell,” I say, cradling the handset in between my ear and shoulder as I turn my attention back to the computer.
“Hey the
re,” says a sweet voice on the other end of the line and instantly a smile crosses my lips. It’s one of my very favorite people.
“Hey, Daphne, how’s my favorite redhead?”
“I’m kinda bored.” Daphne really needs the new school year to begin. Or she needs a second job.
“I wish I had your problems, my dear,” I tease, shutting down my email program and swiveling my chair away from the computer.
“I know, sorry. I’ve cleaned the house already and I’m looking for something to do. I realized I hadn’t talked to you since your date with the intern, so I wanted to check in,” she says, digging for details. At least she’s upfront about it. Daphne desperately wants me to forget about Kate, find a nice girl and move on. So, when I told her about Chelsea, she was elated. I know she has high hopes sitting on this relationship. It’s nice having a friend who wants me to be happy just as much as I want it for myself.
“All right, what do you wanna know?” I ask, twisting a pencil around in my fingers as I talk. Daph and I don’t talk all the time, but when we do, it makes me so grateful that this is how we ended up — friends. There was a time when I wanted to be with her, but we’re much better off like this.
“Well, I already know she’s cute and she likes music,” she begins.
“Yep,” I smile.
“Where did you take her for your first date?” I’m silent for a moment before answering, knowing my friend will not approve of the answer.
“We went for sushi,” I reply. Kate hates sushi, so I seem to take most of my dates for sushi. Making up for the past? I don’t know. I’m tired of psychoanalyzing myself. Lucky for me, Daphne will do it for me.
“Again?” she asks, sounding slightly irritated.
“Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s my M.O.”
“You could say that, yes. Did you at least try a new place?” Daphne’s question is answered with silence. “Ugh, seriously, Evan? Aren’t you getting tired of doing the same thing? It’s like you’re interviewing these girls instead of dating them. Maybe that’s why most of them don’t get a second date with you.”
“Well, this one will,” I say, trying to sound intriguing. It works. Maybe if Daphne knows that I kinda like this girl, she’ll help me figure out how to purge Kate from my head.
“Really? Wow, she must’ve done something to get your attention. I can’t remember the last time you went on a second date.”
“It’s been a while,” I say.
“You’d better not take her for sushi again,” Daphne says, trying to sound firm, but her voice is too sweet for that. She’s too sweet for that.
“I won’t, I promise. We have similar taste in music, so I’m thinking of taking her to see a band.”
“Ahh, dancing with Evan. That’s a pretty good date. I say that speaking from experience,” Daph says affectionately.
“Yeah, right before you let me down easy,” I say, giving her a hard time.
“I was hoping you wouldn’t remember that part,” she says.
“So, you think it’s a good idea? One of her favorite bands is coming to Chicago in about two weeks.”
“It sounds great, Evan. Look, I’m sure you have a ton of work to do, so I’ll let you go. Keep me posted on the girl.”
“Will do,” I say, hanging up the phone and reacquainting myself with the computer and my mountain of work.
The morning goes by pretty quickly. About thirty emails answered, two meetings completed and I’m diving into one of my projects just as I hear the familiar sound of the sandwich cart stopping in front of my cube.
“Hey, Evan,” Chelsea says, blushing. I hop up from my seat and walk to her, smiling widely.
“I was hoping to see you,” I say, lightly touching her forearm and kissing her on the cheek. Luckily, just like my old employer, there are no policies against dating in the office or this relationship would be over by default.
“Here’s your ham on rye.” She hands me the sandwich and bag of chips, which I place on my desk.
“How have you been?” I ask, trying to rid this conversation of uncomfortable awkwardness. But, we’ve only had one date. And I can tell by her lack of eye contact that she’s nervous to be near me again. We haven’t even had a real kiss yet.
“Fine, keeping busy.” She smiles, running her fingers through her hair.
“I had a great time with you on Saturday,” I say, closing the gap between us slightly. I can hear her breathing picking up. I don’t meant to make her nervous, but it’s kind of hot that I do.
“Me too,” she says sheepishly.
“So, the other night you mentioned how much you like the Lovehammers.”
She perks up and looks at me wide-eyed. I have her attention. “I found out they’ll be at the House of Blues in a few weeks and tickets are still available. Should we make it a date?”
“Absolutely,” she says, looking like she’s about to jump up and down. But, her feet stay planted on the blue carpet below.
“Excellent,” I reply, “I’ll order the tickets and we’ll have a great time.”
“I’d better get the rest of these sandwiches delivered. But, I’m really looking forward to that, Evan.”
“Me too. Pop back in later if you want, I’m sure I’ll need another distraction in a few hours. I hate Mondays.”
“Me too,” she says, rolling her eyes a bit, before pushing her cart forward. “See ya.”
Sitting back down, a thought pops into my head as I attempt to get back to work. I’m not thinking of the adorable blonde who just left my cube, but of someone else. Kate can’t stand the Lovehammers and she’d be irritated to know I was seeing them to impress some intern who delivers sandwiches in my office. I wish she’d get out of my head.
Chapter 20
Kate
September 8, 2012
This heat is oppressive. I feel trapped by the murkiness of the humidity filling the streets of Evanston as I walk to my shift at Molly’s. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Evan since his double date a couple of months ago. Who am I kidding? I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that man since he walked out of my life two years ago. I was devastated and so disappointed, that after almost three years together, he didn’t trust me. It made me feel hopeless. If he couldn’t trust me when I hadn’t done anything wrong, how could we ever work?
Walking into Molly’s, I nod my head at the other bartenders and walk to the backroom to store my things. Vince is busy fixing a leaky pipe, but looks up at me as I walk in.
“What’s shakin’, Kate?” Vince asks, more chipper than usual. His normally serious face looks light and almost carefree.
I shrug my shoulders as I pop the combination lock in my hands. “Nothing worth mentioning,” I mutter, opening the locker and thumping myself on the wooden bench.
“You don’t look so good. Are you feeling ok?” Vince presses.
“I’m feeling fine. Just having a day, ya know?”
“Yeah, I’ve been there, too. Hey, little darlin’, you need anything, just say the word, all right? I’d be lost without you.”
“Okay, what’s going on with you, Vince? You’re different today. It’s like you have sunshine coming out your ass,” I sneer. As soon as I say the words, I prepare for a verbal lashing from my boss. He knows I’m a smart ass, but I don’t want to push him too far and find myself unemployed. But, Vince just laughs. The wrinkles above his forehead deepen as he chuckles.
“My wife is pregnant,” he says with the biggest grin I’ve ever seen on his normally grouchy face.
“Wow, Vince, that’s great. Congratulations,” I say, shocked. I had no idea he ever wanted to be a father.
“Thanks, Kate. I didn’t expect to react this way. Mindy always wanted to get pregnant, but I wasn’t too sold on the idea since I’m not exactly a spring chicken.”
Vince is in his forties. His hair is slightly gray and he always looks tired. I can see how having a family wouldn’t be his biggest priority. But, his wife is much younger and pro
bably had other ideas.
“So, we decided to just leave it up to fate or whatever,” he continues, “and here we are. She’s due in about six months.”
“Are you going to find out what you’re having?”
“Nah, we’re just so damn excited. Boy, girl, doesn’t matter at all.”
“You’re going to be a really good father, ya know.”
“You think so?” Vince asks, his voice sounds uncertain.
“Absolutely.” I smile and touch him softly on the arm, “You’ll be great at it.”
“Thanks, Kate. That means a lot to me. You’ve almost become like a daughter to me. Is that weird?” Vince shoves his hands in his pockets, looking a little embarrassed.
“Not weird at all. I’m really happy for you.” And I am. Vince is a good man.
“Thanks,” he nods, still beaming, “I’ll let you get to work. This pipe is starting to piss me off and I really don’t want to hire a plumber.”
“Well, good luck with that. I’ll be out there if you need me,” I say, gesturing towards the bar area.
Walking through the door to the bar, I stop dead in my tracks when I see a familiar face sitting at the bar. She’s stirring her drink slowly with a tiny red straw as she watches the television set above the bar. I haven’t seen her in ages. Is there something in the air that’s making all these people from my past walk through those doors? Are they trying to drive me insane?
Taking a deep breath, I walk as confidently towards her as I can. She sees me and smiles warmly, which surprises me. I guess I had assumed that I annoyed her as much as she annoyed the living hell out of me.
“Hey, Chloe, what brings you here?” I ask the always-chipper woman in front of me. She hasn’t come through those doors since Evan and I broke up. Frankly, I’m shocked to be seeing her again.
“How are you, Kate? You look great,” she says. Her lively demeanor is just as I remember. Doing my best to smile, I glance back at her hand as she stirs her drink. An enormous diamond shines from her index finger. Unable to hide my reaction, Chloe notices my wide eyes. She looks satisfied as she places her hand on the bar.
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