Champagne Toast

by Melissa Brown

“Is that why you brought me there? To throw me in her face? Make her think you moved on when you obviously haven’t?”

  I shake my head emphatically. “No, not at all. I wouldn’t do that to you, Chelsea. I’m trying, trying to move on. I really like you.” I turn to look at her briefly, but she just rolls her eyes and looks out the window. Another minute of silence.

  “Well, that really sucks because I love you,” she says, emotion taking over her voice.

  I take a deep breath, digesting what she’s just said before she continues, “I fell in love with you months ago, but all this time I’ve held back, hoping you’d say it first. But, I knew. I’ve always known you didn’t feel the same as I do. And now I know why. It’s because of her.”

  I look at her, wishing there was something I could say to make this moment less awful for her. But, it’s never easy getting your heart smashed. I should know. I’ve been there. She just continues to stare out the window. I see a tear rolling down her pale cheek. I feel like such an asshole.

  “Say something,” she says as more tears form in her icy blue eyes. But, she still won’t look at me.

  “What do you want me to say, Chels?”

  “Don’t call me that.” She turns and glares at me, her nostrils flaring, her anger taking over her sadness. God, this conversation is starting to feel familiar.

  “I’m sorry, really I am. I never wanted to hurt you.”

  “Why did you even date me, Evan? Why did you waste my time?”

  “Because you sparked something in me, something that I hadn’t felt in so long. I was hoping I’d fall for you. I want to love you,” I say, touching her cheek with the pads of my fingers. This time, she doesn’t push me away.

  “But, you don’t,” Chelsea says, her voice cracking.

  I shake my head no.

  “Because you still love her?” she presses.

  “I don’t know,” I say, focusing on the road. I don’t know how to answer that question, even for myself.

  “Stop trying to spare my feelings. Be honest, for God’s sake.”

  “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to love anyone the way I loved Kate.” It’s the simple truth. No sense in hiding anything anymore.

  “So, she has a name,” Chelsea says, looking away and wiping the tears from her cheeks.

  “Yes,” I reply as I pull the car in front of Chelsea’s building. She gets out quickly and I follow, not wanting to end things like this.

  “So, I guess this is it,” she says. The glow of the streetlight reveals just how many tears Chelsea has shed over me and my dumb ass. I step towards her and wipe her cheeks with my handkerchief. She closes her eyes and doesn’t move.

  “I like you, Chelsea. I know that’s not what you want to hear right now. And I feel like such a shit that this is happening. I knew she’d be there, that’s the truth. But, I didn’t know she’d mess with my head like this.”

  “What really gets me, Evan, is that you left me sitting at a table with a bunch of strangers so you could rekindle whatever the hell you had with her,” she snaps.

  “I’m so sorry, that wasn’t my intention. I saw her and I didn’t think—.”

  “You didn’t think?” she asks incredulously, making the word sound ridiculous. I guess it is.

  “Chels, I’m sorry. You deserve better than this.”

  “I know,” she says, pulling her keys out of her purse.

  “I hope you’ll forgive me one day,” I say sincerely. The thought of Chelsea hating me is like a punch in the gut.

  “You’re right, I do deserve better and I’m not going to waste my time waiting for you to feel something for me one day. I deserve to have someone love me the way you obviously still love her!”

  “You’re right,” I answer simply, shrugging my shoulders and nodding my head. Here she is, spewing her heart out at me and those are the only words that I can manage to say.

  Chelsea brushes my fingers with hers ever so slightly before turning away and walking into her building. I feel terrible. I finally had someone who was interested me, who was fun to be with, who I wanted to spend time with and I screwed it all up because of Kate. Because I can’t let go. Why the hell can’t I let go of her? Her words echo in my head and I can’t get them to stop.

  I never cheated on you. You need to know that.

  Can I believe her? Should I believe her? I have no idea what to think or feel. Something is building inside of me, and it’s so unbelievably strong. Anger. After two years of being apart, she’s still messing with my head.

  Climbing into my car, I start the engine and speed off towards Evanston, towards the bar that has just closed for the night. I’m so pissed off that I can hardly see straight by the time I park the car in front of the bar. The outside sign is still lit and the bar is bright inside. Walking up to the glass door, I see Kate hoisting chairs on top of tables. She wipes her brow and says goodnight to someone in the back room. She’s so beautiful, which just makes me angrier. I take a deep breath before knocking on the door.

  Chapter 24

  Kate

  One minute later . . .

  A knock on the bar door startles me. My heart races as I see a familiar face at the door.

  Evan.

  Quickly running my fingers through my hair, I walk to the door and open it, allowing him in. Before I can even say a word, he storms past me, standing next to the oak bar and leaning his weight into the wood. His chest is heaving, his face is red and he looks so furious it makes my stomach churn.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask, my voice barely audible as I choke out the words.

  “What do you think?” Evan asks, his nose flaring. The anger in his voice is familiar, reminding me of the night he walked out of my life. It makes me feel lifeless, powerless and exposed. My lungs feel heavy and my neck is starting to sweat.

  “I don’t know, Ev.”

  “Stop it! Stop calling me that! I told you two years ago, you lost that right.”

  “Fine, I’m sorry!” I yell, throwing my hands up in defeat.

  “I broke up with Chelsea,” he says matter-of-factly.

  “Oh,” I reply, not sure what else to say.

  “Why the hell won’t you leave me alone, Kate?” he yells as I wince.

  I’m so grateful that my coworker Keith left early to take the deposit to the drop box at the bank. I’d be mortified for anyone to hear Evan yelling at me like this. I pull down the shade on the front door before storming towards him.

  “You’re the one who came to me at the wedding! You’re the one who struck up conversation! I was packing my things, getting ready to leave. I wasn’t going to say anything to you!” I yell back, feeling the need to defend myself. I’m tired of being the bad guy, of being the scapegoat for why our relationship fell apart when I did nothing wrong.

  “I was trying to be polite,” he sneers, “but then you got into my fucking head. Calling me Ev, kissing me on the cheek, saying what you said . . . why can’t you just leave me alone and let me get over you?”

  My world stops with those words. He’s not over me?

  Feeling bravery building in my bones, I walk steadily towards Evan, standing just a few feet in front of him.

  “You’re not over me?” I ask, my hands shaking. I cross my arms so Evan can’t see just how shaken I really am.

  “Stop it, Kate. Don’t goad me!” Evan glowers at me, his hands are on his hips and his chest is heaving.

  “Tell me, Evan, please!”

  “Tell you what?” he yells, throwing up his arms.

  “The truth!” I stomp my foot as I scream.

  “The truth? You were my first and only love, and you ripped my fucking heart to shreds!” he yells.

  I want to cower under the nearest table, but instead, I stand tall in defiance, not letting him see the effect he’s having on me, not letting him see that my fingers are trembling. Taking my body language as an unspoken challenge, he doesn’t stop with his rant. He just gets louder. “You demolished me!
You turned me to fucking rubble, and I’ve never been the same.”

  He stares at me, waiting for a reply. But, I don’t have one. I just stare at him in silence with my arms still crossed defensively against my chest. And so he continues.

  “Is that what you wanna hear? That I’ve been a wreck ever since I walked away from you? That the last two years have been hell? What do you want, Kate?”

  “They’ve been hell for me, too!” I yell back, wiping the tears building in my eyes.

  “Well, I hope you’re proud of yourself for destroying what we had! I hope Shawn was worth it,” he taunts, tears building in his eyes, his voice cracking as he glowers at me.

  “I never slept with Shawn when you and I were together. Ever! Why can’t you believe that?”

  “I can’t!” he shouts, shaking his head. “I just can’t. I know what I saw.”

  “No, you don’t! But, I can’t keep going over this and over this with you! It’s fucking exhausting!” I get in his face. I’m so incensed that I can’t hold back any more. He’s pushed me to my breaking point. “I did nothing wrong, Evan!”

  “Right, is that what you told all your boyfriends? That you did nothing wrong? I bet they bought it: hook, line and sinker. But, I have a brain, Kate. And, I’m not buying any of it!”

  “The worst mistake I ever made was telling you about my past. If I hadn’t done that, this wouldn’t be happening. You never would’ve ruined us like you did.”

  “I ruined us? You’ve gotta be kidding!”

  “No, Evan, you did this. You walked away because you wouldn’t let yourself trust me,” I say, shaking my head. Evan’s eyes look like they might pop out of the sockets as he stares at me in disbelief.

  “That’s not true. I didn’t want this, I didn’t,” he says, shaking his head in denial.

  Feeling brave, I walk towards him, placing my hand on his cheek. He flinches at first, but then places his hand on my forearm and squeezes. This simple movement is all I need.

  “Ev, I still love you. I never stopped loving you. Please . . . ”

  Evan closes his eyes as I say the words. He has to know, he has to know that we’re not done. Not yet.

  “Why are you doing this to me?” he whispers bitterly, looking me dead in the eye.

  “Because it’s not over,” I say, my eyes pleading.

  “It has to be, Kate—” he says, swallowing hard.

  “No, it doesn’t.” Inching towards him, I stroke his cheek with my other hand as he continues to grasp my arm. A tear rolls down his cheek and brazenly, I kiss it from his skin. His chest stops heaving. He’s holding his breath. We stare at one another for a moment before he releases my arm and pulls my waist towards him, kissing me on my mouth with so much fervor I feel like I might explode. Two years of frustration, two years of heartache, two years without one another. It’s just too much.

  Quickly, our tongues are relentless together in the delicious rhythm that I’ve never known with anyone but Evan. His other hand tugs gently on my hair and I moan into his mouth. He teases my tongue by pulling away slightly, something he’s never done before. Maybe he’s trying to torture me. But, I don’t care. I want him and I can’t get enough.

  Evan stops kissing me, looks me in the eye with a devilish expression and I smile in return. Just as I move to kiss him once again, he hoists me on top of the bar. I hear the shatter of freshly washed glasses on the floor.

  “Shit!” Evan curses, looking down at the broken glass.

  “It’s okay, I don’t care,” I say, pulling him towards me while I kick more glasses to the floor. They shatter in unison. Evan climbs on top of the bar and lays over me, licking my neck in delicious strokes, sending me into a frenzy. I’ve missed his scent, the sound of his breath, the feel of his kiss. My heart is overwhelmed to have him here with me again, touching me, stroking me with his tongue, loving me with his body.

  “I need you,” I breathe out and Evan stops. He looks at me with ravenous eyes, pushes up on his knees and begins to tear off his tuxedo coat, undoing his bow tie and stripping himself of his shirt. Sitting up, I remove my apron and shirt, leaving my skirt and bra intact. I want Evan to remove them and he knows it.

  Without any hesitation, Evan does exactly what I want him to do. He removes my bra easily and begins to trail kisses down my breast, sighing loudly. Lying back on the bar, I submit myself to him. He kisses and explores my scorching skin, making me cry out with desire. I want him. Now.

  Reaching down, I unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants, pushing them down past his ass with his boxer shorts in tow. Evan groans as I release him, and he lifts my skirt up to my waist. Then slowly, as if to tease me, he pulls at my panties, moving them down inch by inch as he plants kisses on my inner thighs.

  “Ev, please,” I cry out, panting and wriggling left and right to ease my panties off of my legs. I can’t take his teasing any longer. Evan laughs as he throws them on the floor. He knows he’s torturing me, and I can tell he’s enjoying every second of it.

  “Tell me again,” he says, looking deeply into my eyes.

  “What?” I ask in desperation. “I’ll tell you anything.”

  “Tell me you still love me,” he says, studying my eyes as if he’s a human lie detector, searching for the slightest sign that I’m telling the truth or lying through my teeth.

  “I’ve never loved anyone more,” I whisper, my eyes growing moist with tears, “and I never will.”

  For a second, Evan’s face softens, and I think this is it, that he believes me, that we’ll be okay, that we can find a way to be together, that my misery can come to an end after two agonizing years.

  He rams his tongue back into my mouth and kisses me hard. Doing my best to match his movements, I lick and suck on his bottom lip. Evan pushes my legs apart and looks down at me with a questioning glance. I nod. He enters me and I cry out from the harsh feel of him inside me. My legs raise and wrap around his torso as his hips twist in a gorgeous but forceful rhythm. With each shift, he sinks into me further, sucking on my chin as I rock beneath him, urging him on.

  My desire builds quickly, spurred on by the two-year absence that’s haunted my body as much as my soul. My orgasm shoots through me quickly as I lose myself, bucking beneath Evan, screaming his name. He grips the sides of the bar tightly as he continues to thrust. I can feel his muscles tense as he comes apart, moaning loudly into my ear as he finds his release.

  For minutes, we lay in silence, breathing harshly onto one another’s skin as we come back to earth and to the reality that is our anger and regret. I clutch Evan’s back, hoping to make this moment of peace last just a bit longer. But, I can feel his muscles tensing once again and I know. I know this moment is ending, and I’ll never get it back. I feel him pulling away from me as he hops off the bar to retrieve his pants. I’m left, lying on top of the oak bar, looking like a whore . . . or an idiot. I’m not sure which is worse right now. I stare at Evan, but his eyes won’t meet mine. He won’t look at me. Do not cry, Kate.

  “So, that’s it?” I ask, sitting up to reach for my shirt as Evan hands it to me, still unable to look me in the eye.

  “What did you expect, Kate? This doesn’t change anything, it can’t. We’re too broken.”

  His words are like venom, shooting through every cell of my body. My stomach drops to my knees and I think I’m going to be sick. Easing myself off the bar, I put my clothes back on and take a few steps toward him.

  “I don’t understand. You said you broke up with her,” I say in disbelief,

  “I did. I was doing my best to move on, dating a perfectly nice girl. She loved me, and I tossed her to the side the second I saw you again. How fucked up is that?” His eyes confuse me. There’s a warmth to them that doesn’t match the coldness of his words.

  “So, you’re just going to walk away from this? From us? There’s still something here, Evan.”

  “It’s too late,” he snaps, suddenly stoic and unyielding.

  “Oh, but it’s n
ot too late to fuck me on top of the bar where I work, cementing yourself permanently in my brain! How heartless can you be?” I scream. I’m tired of begging for his love and being shot down again and again. I’m pissed and I’m hurt and I feel like he’s dragging us both through hell for no reason at all.

  “That wasn’t my plan when I came here,” he insists, his face conflicted and apologetic.

  “Well, now it’s my turn to think you’re lying. How does it feel, you bastard?” I shoot back at him.

  “I can’t do this,” he says, hanging his head, unable to look me in the eye. This can’t be what he wants. It can’t be.

  His eyes are vacant as he stands before me, putting his tuxedo jacket on, searching for his car keys as if this never happened. As if he’s happy to go right back to the loneliness and despair of the last two years. As if it’s easy to walk away from me, from us, all over again. The knife he twisted in me long ago is back and tearing me apart once again.

  “Good-bye, Kate.”

  Evan turns and walks out of the bar without so much as a sideways glance. I stand there, surrounded by broken glass, knowing it will need to be cleaned up or Vince will have a shit-fit. But, I can’t do it. Not tonight.

  Locking the front door, I turn off the lights, walk to the backroom and curl up into a heap on the couch in Vince’s office, wishing this night had never happened. Wishing I had turned Chloe down when she asked me to photograph her wedding. Wishing that I could pry Evan off of my heart. Wishing I could release him from my soul.

  Chapter 25

  Evan

  December 12, 2012

  “Thanks for meeting me,” Daphne says, her beautiful auburn hair pinned up in a bun. She already has my favorite mocha latte waiting for me. This must be serious. I follow her to the chairs in the corner. This is our spot. Whenever we meet for coffee, this is where we sit. It’s our thing.

  “What’s up, buttercup?” I ask, attempting to bring levity to the tension in the air.

  “Well, it’s been a while since we’ve talked. Are you avoiding me?” Daphne asks with a teasing smirk.