When she felt his hand on her shoulder, she trembled and never moved.
“I’m glad you still have them,” he said softly. “They bring back the good memories of the best times of your life.” He paused a moment. “Marna, before I lose my nerve, I need to say something. I need to apologize to you for last night.”
She turned and met his eyes. “No, you don’t.”
“I shouldn’t have run off the way I did.”
She waited, her gaze still locked with his.
“I really like you, Marna, and I wanted to kiss you.”
She couldn’t help asking, even though it hurt. “But then you saw my scars? I – understand.”
“That’s not why I pulled away. I have to be honest, I thought for a minute that was the reason, but after a long talk with Pops last night and then a longer talk with God, I know it had nothing to do with it. When I look at you, I see beauty, not disfigurement. The truth is that, even though no one can see them, I have my own scars. Mine are in my heart.” He paused.
She waited.
“I thought I was in love once – only once in my life – when I was sixteen years old. Her name was Rachel and we were crazy about each other. She – got pregnant with my child, but she lost it. Then I lost her.”
She swallowed, surprised that he was revealing this to her. “Did she – die?”
“No, but her feelings for me did, and something inside of me died when she left me.” He looked down. “There’ve been women in my life since then, but I’ve never been able to love anyone else. I know Rachel and me were young. Most people say it was only puppy love, but it was real to us. I don’t know if I can ever feel that way again. You mean more to me than anyone else I’ve dated, but I don’t want to hurt you by leading you on and making you believe it might turn into something more – something I may not be capable of giving, not because of you, but because of the scars on my own heart.”
Was he, in a roundabout way, trying to say he thought he might be falling in love with her but was afraid to? Her heart was racing a mile a minute. Could he? How could he? He was so handsome, so perfect. She was….
Suzi ran in at that very moment, stopping Marna’s thoughts and putting an abrupt end to the conversation. She was wearing her helmet. “I’m ready! Hey, do you guys have a helmet?”
Devon looked at Marna.
“Nope.”
“Well, you’ll have to get some for the next time, okay?” Suzi said.
“I’ll see to it,” Devon promised her, smiling as he spoke.
They rode for a long time before Devon feigned exhaustion, due to his age, and they parked the bicycles. Suzi went home and Devon and Marna were again alone.
Nothing more was said about their earlier conversation. Instead, Devon told her he had to leave, that he’d been on his way to the store to get his grandfather some milk and he guessed Pops was wondering why in the world he didn’t get back with it. They laughed, said good bye, and a moment later he was gone.
She watched until his truck was out of sight. What would have happened if Suzi hadn’t come back when she had? In one way, she wanted to know but in another, she didn’t. Was he going to tell her he was ready to take another chance on love or that he never thought he would? Even if he was, could he really be thinking she might be the reason he might? She couldn’t help trembling at the thought. It wasn’t much to go on, but it was a start. Could it be possible? It just seemed too good to be true that someone that looked like Devon Marks could even think he might be interested in someone like her.
She told herself she wasn’t going to worry about it, that she would take one day at a time and wait and see what happened. If she was lucky enough to win his love, she would be the happiest girl in the world. If not, she would get over it – and she’d still be happy. She was alive. She had all the comforts she needed. She was healthy and had a good, reliable source of income. Most of all, she was loved by God, whether or not anyone else ever cared for her at all.
With a large smile on her lips, she went in the house. She felt revived and excited. She couldn’t help it. For the first time since the fire, she had a real, genuine hope in her heart.
Sharris met her at the door. “I saw you riding around on the bicycles with Devon. You looked like you were having fun. Who’s the little girl?”
Marna remembered that Sharris hadn’t met Suzi yet. “Josie’s daughter Suzi.”
“I can’t believe you dug those bikes out of the shed after all these years. What brought that on?”
“Suzi wanted to ride. I had no idea Devon would show up and want to ride, too. He helped me get the tires aired up. It was really fun.”
“So Devon just stopped by?”
“He wanted to check on Josie.”
“What’s wrong with Josie?”
“She fell last night……” Marna went on to explain what had happened.
Sharris laughed. “And you and Devon took a ten year old girl on your date with you. That must’ve put a damper on things.”
Marna sighed. “As a matter of fact, it made it more fun than ever. Suzi is – I can’t describe her. You’ll just have to get to know her for yourself.”
“I’m not that into kids. You know that. I wouldn’t have liked it at all if the guy I was going out with volunteered to take some strange kid along with us.”
It was time for a change of subject. “Riding that bike again was invigorating. You and Taryn need to go with us the next time.”
Sharris shook her head. “You can venture back to your youth and ride bicycles with kids if you want to, you and Devon both, but I prefer to get where I want to go in my car. Of course, the exercise would be good for Taryn. You need to coax her into going along next time.” With no further words, Sharris turned and walked away.
∞ TWENTY-TWO ∞
SHE HAD to go see Ottie again. As the day passed in a rapid blur and nighttime came once more, Marna told herself she’d go back to the nursing home the first thing in the morning. She wondered if Suzi might like to go with her. Had Josie ever taken her there? It would be hard for a nurse to watch after a child while she was on duty.
The more she thought of it, the more appealing the idea became. Suzi would be a bright spot in the old man’s life. After the time she’d spent with her that day, she was beginning to believe Suzi could bring happiness to anyone she met.
She would love to have a little girl just like her. As the thought slipped into her mind, she smiled dreamily, but quickly dismissed it. Better not to dream at all than to long for the impossible and wind up being disappointed.
The rain started sometime in the night and came down steadily. When Marna looked out her window the next morning, everything was soggy, dark and gloomy. Remembrance of the last rainstorm entered her mind, when she’d accidentally bumped into the car in front of her while she was driving home from visiting Ottie. She could clearly remember the face of the man as he stood at her window staring at her and the sound of his angry voice. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a good day to go anywhere today. Maybe she should wait until tomorrow.
It was then she noticed a long dark pickup truck in Josie’s driveway. She smiled. Josie’s husband must have gotten in sometime in the night. Suzi wouldn’t want to go anywhere and leave him. Another reason to wait until the next day to visit Ottie.
She didn’t expect the thought of Donovan to pop into her mind. Sharris had said he was widowed, so he’d been through his own heartbreak. No one was immune to it, whether it was a handsome man or a scarred woman.
Taryn entered her room, putting an abrupt halt to her thoughts, and sat down on the edge of Marna’s bed. After Marna sat down beside her, they talked for a while about trivial things before Taryn said, “I heard what Sharris said to you yesterday, about how riding the bike might be good for me. She thinks I’m fat. I know I’m overweight, but I’m not fat.”
“Don’t let anything Sharris says upset you. She doesn’t always think before she speaks.”
“Sometimes I
think she doesn’t even like me. Sometimes I think she doesn’t like anybody but herself. She’d probably take Devon from you in a heartbeat if she could and not even worry about how it hurt you.”
“You’re wrong. Sharris cares about both of us.”
“She has a funny way of showing it.”
“And before we go any further, Devon isn’t mine for anyone to take away from me.”
Taryn grinned. “But he will be. Any man who takes a little kid to dinner with his date and then rides around on bikes with you and the same kid – well, he must have something serious in mind.”
Marna sighed. “I wish – but I’m not going to spend time worrying about it. What will be, will be.”
“But it never hurts to help it happen.” Taryn stood up, yawned and stretched. “I need to get started on that new order that came in yesterday. It came all the way from Florida and I’m excited about it. That Watson guy wants a really big ad for his plumbing business. He said we were highly recommended by a friend. Sis, if we do one to impress him enough – well, who knows what might happen?”
Watching her sister leave, Marna couldn’t help but feel a sense of sadness inside her. The only thing that excited Taryn was her job. She never wanted to do much of anything else, and usually, the only time she went anywhere was to church on Sunday or if she had to make a quick run to the store. Even with her scars and phobia about public opinions, Marna was far more outgoing.
Maybe she should go see Ottie, as she’d planned earlier, and insist that Taryn go with her. Taryn had fun the last time she went. The more she considered the idea, the better it seemed. Maybe all her sister needed was a little push. Marna laughed. Or a big one.
Her phone rang and she smiled when she saw Devon’s number.
“Pops is wanting to go see Ottie again, and we wondered if you and your sisters might like to go, too.”
Was he reading her mind? Marna couldn’t help smiling as she told him she’d definitely go and would check with her sisters to see if they would, too. She wasn’t surprised when Sharris wasn’t interested. Taryn insisted she had to work on the new ad and didn’t feel much like getting out in such nasty weather anyway.
Devon pushed open the passenger side door of the front seat when she juked the raindrops and ran to meet him as soon he stopped his truck in the driveway. “Only you?”
She slid in quickly and smiled at him. “Only me – and the rain. I think it’s going to rain all day.” Turning around, she looked at Conrad. “Hi, Conrad. How are you doing today?” She was surprised to notice he wasn’t alone in the back seat. Reeka was sitting beside him. “Hi, Reeka.”
Devon’s mother smiled. “It’s good to see you again, Marna. I thought I’d tag along. I remember Ottie just vaguely from years ago and thought I’d like to see him again. Con, my husband, was quite fond of him.”
Marna returned her smile, but just the same, found herself slightly ill at ease. For some reason, she felt like Reeka wasn’t very fond of her and it was disconcerting.
When Devon started talking, Marna felt better immediately. The drive went quickly as they all conversed together, and by the time they reached the nursing home, she was feeling more comfortable with Devon’s mother. Maybe she just had to get to know her better.
Ottie was overjoyed to see them, but sad when he heard of Josie’s accident. He insisted on giving Devon money to buy her some flowers and also get a box of candy for Suzi. He knew little Suzi, he told them all, grinning widely as he talked about how she often came to see him and lots of times she’d sing for him. “She has a powerful voice for as young as she is,” he concluded. “Have you heard her?”
“Not yet,” Marna said, and the others nodded in agreement.
“Do you know that Conrad sings?” Marna asked then, smiling at Conrad as she spoke.
“Now, Marna…..” Conrad began, only to be cut off by Ottie’s laughter.
“How long you been keeping that from me, you old codger?” Ottie asked.
Devon said, “Probably longer than the fact that he also plays the piano.”
“You don’t say! I will not believe it until I hear it myself. There’s a piano in the recreation room. Let’s go!”
Conrad stood up. “You don’t think I can really do it, do you? Remember the time you bet me a dollar I couldn’t get that old rusty motorcycle started?”
Ottie laughed. “Starting a bike and playing a piano are two different things.”
“Tell them what happened,” Conrad urged.
“You started it. You got on it. You rode away.”
Conrad laughed. “Come on now. Tell them the rest.”
“That’s all I remember.”
“You remember every bit of what happened next and you know it! You decided you wanted to ride the bike, too, but you didn’t know how. No way you’d admit I could do something you couldn’t, though, so you got on and took off like the devil was after you. Maybe he was, but it was a good thing the good Lord was in front of him to keep you from getting killed when you wrecked and went flying over those handlebars.”
“It didn’t hurt as much as losing that dollar.”
Everyone laughed but Ottie, who simply said, “You know, this has nothing at all to do with you being able to play the piano. I’ll bet all you can do is peck with one or two fingers.”
Marna was thoroughly enjoying herself and when she looked at Devon, she could see that he was, too. A quick glance at Reeka showed a genuine looking smile on her lips as well.
“How much you wanna bet?”
“I want my dollar back.”
ON THE WAY HOME, Devon left off his mother and grandfather and then started to Marna’s place. After all the excitement of the day and the chattering on the drive, it was suddenly very quiet. Leaning back and watching out the window, Marna couldn’t help but smile. What a beautiful day it had been. Once the rain had cleared up, the sky had turned brilliantly blue. Soon, darkness would be approaching and she knew there was going to be a large full moon later on.
“What are you thinking?” Devon asked suddenly.
“About the day. About the rain. About the moon.”
He grinned. “You’re filled with exciting thoughts, aren’t you? How would you like to just keep riding for a while? I don’t feel like taking you home yet.”
Her heart nearly stopped. She had never expected to hear him say anything like that. “I’d enjoy riding around a little.”
He asked her questions about her job and how she liked it, then about her sisters and what plans they all had for the future. Would they still work together if one of them was to marry and move out – or leave for some other reason?
“I think we’ll keep working together, no matter what,” she said after a long moment of thought. “Even if one of us marries, we’ll still have to work. The world we live in requires two incomes, unless one spouse is super rich.”
“I’m not super rich but I make enough that I could support a wife, without her having to work. I wonder if I would have been as successful if things had been different when I was sixteen and I’d actually been allowed to marry Rachel. Would I have had a chance to go to college at all? I’ve always heard the Lord works in mysterious ways.”
“Doesn’t it say that in the Bible?”
“I don’t think so. I actually asked a minister about it once and he said it wasn’t, that it was just something people often said.”
“I’ve gone to church all my life, but I feel like there’s so much more I need to be learning. I try to live a good life, but I know God gets tired of hearing me whine so much about what happened to me. I should be thankful to be alive, and I am, but…”
“…but you’re still human, with human thoughts and feelings. I have to remind myself of that every time I get angry at God for not healing my father of cancer and letting him die. There isn’t a day goes by that I don’t still miss him.”
“Me, too. My sisters and I were so close to our parents. They loved us so much, but they loved each othe
r, too. I think they would’ve wanted to go together. I just wish it hadn’t been so tragically.”
“But you said they died instantly. At least, they didn’t have to suffer. You were the one who did.”
“But I came through it. There were times when I wanted to give up and die, when the pain was so horrible I didn’t think I could stand it anymore. Apparently, God wasn’t finished with me yet, so I hope I’m not too much of a disappointment to Him with the rest of my life.”
Devon grinned. “I’ve thought that same thing a time or two. Look, there’s a McDonald’s up ahead. I absolutely love their ice cream cones. Want one?”
She laughed. “Definitely.”
With Devon by her side, she had no self-conscious feelings as they walked into the restaurant. For the first time in a long time, she actually felt as beautiful as anyone else. There were a few who stared at her, but for once, it didn’t bother her at all.
Not long after they sat down, however, Devon’s eyes suddenly widened. “Oh, no! I nearly forgot that I’ve got to get Josie some flowers.” He looked at his watch. “It’s not quite six. Maybe we can still make it to a florist before it closes.”
“Or we could stop at WalMart. They have some beautiful arrangements there.”
“And they also have candy! We can take our time with this ice cream. WalMart’s open all night.”
They laughed together and licked their cones.
Beneath the Scars Page 13