I kept my neck craned up.
The chiasma was gone and all I saw was blue sky.
Four
Cara
“You don’t know your real name?” I asked, filling the silence.
Amber shook his head.
We walked through a hilly landscape, following a dirt path toward the Sanctuary. I should be able to contact my vassals from there. I wondered how Liam was doing. I prayed to Clotho, hoping she could hear me, for her to do her best to save Liam. Would she even want to listen to me after what I’d done? Did the goddesses care that I’d gone missing? I wondered if Aphrodite thought of me at all. Maybe not. My own mother only cared for Clotho.
I recalled Liam being injured when I left him. If he didn’t turn out to be safe, I wasn’t sure how I was going to live with myself.
The sun beat down on Amber and me. It was sweltering hot. Haven didn’t usually have such extreme temperatures, but the weather had decided to be mean today. It might be linked to the disappearance of the chiasma.
How and why did that happen?
Was Haven going to collapse on itself?
Amber’s strides were longer than mine, but with my new, goddess-like body, I didn’t find it difficult to keep up. A small river ran next to us. It meandered through jagged arrangements of rocks, its colors complementing the off-blue shade of the grass that covered these hills. I had a feeling the river was connected to the chiasma’s lake, since remnants of the chiasma’s sparkles showed in it.
“And you don’t even know what you are,” I said, more as a statement than a question.
Amber nodded. A gentle smile curved his lips as we trekked onward. I could see the Sanctuary in the distance, but it still looked like a long walk away. I knew I’d be able to get there much more quickly if I flew, but I wasn’t certain if Amber could keep up.
“Are you lying to me?” I asked.
Amber raised a brow and offered me a sideways glance.
“Pretending like you don’t know who you are to hide your true motives. Never know who to trust these days.” Not even myself.
Amber chuckled and shook his head. In his low, smooth voice, he said, “You’re overthinking things.”
“Am I?” I sniffed. “Nothing’s making sense. The chiasma is gone. So is that thing inside me. And then you…” I studied Amber like he was a mystery I had to solve. “I don’t know anything about you.” The goddesses should have more answers, but our way back to the Sanctuary seemed like an awfully long distance. I didn’t enjoy Amber’s company, not with his silence. What would my vassals say about him? I noticed him walking too closely to me. Light grazes. Touches here and there, like the brushing of my hip or my fingertips. Was he interested in me? Or did he just do this with people because he didn’t know any better?
“You don’t have to know anything,” Amber said. “I’m just… calm. I think it’s been a long time since I felt that. I’m enjoying it.” Amber pulled his hands over his head and stretched. He breathed in deeply. The muscles of his torso lengthened as he did, and his tan skin glistened in the sun. “I’m going to enjoy it while I can. I have a feeling that it might not last long.”
He caught me staring. An awkward blush crept to my cheeks and I tore my gaze away.
We trekked onward in more quiet. Amber didn’t talk much. At first, the silence was nerve-racking, making me wary. But I grew comfortable with it after an hour or so. It helped that Amber wasn’t stressed about the silence, and the casual way he acted helped me relax, too.
We stopped next to a large lake when the sun was at its highest.
There was a tree nearby. Its long branches provided just enough shade to cool off.
I swept my hand across the top of my head. Sweat covered my forehead, dripping down the sides of my hair. My new body was lither than my last, but it still wasn’t immune to the sun. Despite the punishing heat, Amber didn’t even break a sweat. I squinted at him, as if to accuse him for the unfairness of it all.
“Why do you look perfectly fine?” I asked.
Amber spun toward me. “What do you mean?”
“You’re not… tired… bothered by the heat or anything. The sun’s burning. In fact, it’s burning even more than usual.”
He blinked at me. “I like this temperature. It’s cooling.”
I ran my hand over my forehead again, feeling the slick sweat. Cooling? Was he out of his mind?
“I’m going to wipe some of this off at the lake.” I pointed to my forehead.
“Sure,” he said. “Be careful.”
His eyes were filled with genuine care, which struck me as odd. I ignored the unsettling sensation his worry caused me and moved toward the water. When I glanced over my shoulder at Amber, I saw that he had settled at the base of the tree. He’d found a dry piece of straw and put it between his lips, toying with it. It was an idyllic image, carefree and filled with innocence. My chest cinched at the sight. He reminded me slightly of myself when I first reached Haven. I didn’t know about how terrible this place could be and could live with ignorance.
I kneeled before the lake and put my hand in its refreshing waters. I cupped a handful of water and splashed it on my face. The clear water rippled as I did. The waters were clear. Rainbow prisms reflected off its surface. I could see through it, too, and the fishes had fins that shone with a mixture of aquamarine and onyx.
I was so enraptured by the fish that I failed to notice an animal creeping up on me. As soon as I felt it, I stiffened and turned around. It was a bear cub. Its coarse fur brushed against the side of my leg. It lifted its paw, scratching me with sharp, untrimmed claws. “Ouch,” I said, screwing my nose up. I inched backward to avoid it. “That hurts.”
The bear cub cocked its head at me. Two beady, large eyes inspected me.
“Um, hey there,” I said, not sure how to react. I looked around the area and at the empty expanse. Where had this creature come from? I didn’t see a forest nearby. Where was its mother? I’d heard somewhere not to ever pick up a bear cub. It was a surefire way to get mauled should its mother see you with it. The cub pawed at my calf. It made a whimpering noise. Its claws were sharp as hell. When it pawed me, it had scratched me, and drew blood.
The cub dipped its head and made a whimpering noise.
It really sounded like it wanted me to pick it up.
“Where’d you come from?” I asked, as if it might be able to answer me.
It lifted its paw, almost scratching me again.
“All right, all right,” I said, risking the possibility of having to fight a mother bear. I tucked my hands underneath the armpits of the little creature, sat on a nearby rock, then pulled it onto my lap. It was soft but heavy. The cub stuck its stuck out. It experienced the heat just as I did. I rubbed the back of its ear. Wow. The little creature felt really nice to touch. Once it settled down, it stopped wriggling. It closed its eyes, snuggled against me, and sagged, making itself comfortable.
In an instant, the little creature had fallen asleep.
“Just because you’re cute, doesn’t mean that you have license to sleep wherever you want,” I said.
The temperature around me rose. The dying grass bristled as the wind around me picked up speed, so I spun around, seeing Amber walking toward me.
“Why do you always do that?” I asked.
In his arms, he cradled another bear cub. “Do what?”
“Raise the heat around you.” I glanced up at the sun, which seemed to shine brighter than usual, and shook my head. “I’m starting to think that you’re tied to that.” I pointed at the sun.
Amber sat on a rock next to me. “I’m not sure what you’re getting at.” The heat dissipated as soon as he neared me, and the sun, too, dimmed, covered by white, fluffy clouds. Warily, I inched away from him, but Amber reached over to stroke the back of the bear cub that was lying on me. “Do you think that they’re siblings?”
“Maybe. Not sure why they’re out here in the middle of nowhere, though.”
“There has been a shift in the world,” Amber said. He turned to the stream before us. “It’s not going to be the same for long.”
“Ooh, scary,” I said, feigning a shocked expression. “Must you speak in such cryptic terms?” I noticed that he sat too close to me on purpose. His arm pressed tightly against mine, and the smoky scent that emanated from him was nearly overwhelming. “What do you mean there’s a shift?”
Amber closed his eyes and tipped his head toward the sky. “Don’t know. My memory’s still failing me. I just have a sense of things.” The bear cub on his lap suddenly burst to life. Mine continued to sleep like a baby, but his bit and chewed and fought with Amber’s hand like it was its nemesis. Amber chuckled, and it sounded like the music of the wind. He pushed the bear cub away and tossed it roughly onto the ground. The cub recovered quickly, unfazed by the rough treatment. Amber stood to continue playing with it, and the cub attacked his ankles, growling in a childish manner as it did.
The scene was enrapturing.
“You can’t win,” Amber said, laughing. The sides of his eyes crinkled as he smiled. The joy he exuded was as bright as the sun. I got shivers looking at him, probably because of how beautiful he looked.
I envied him then. He seemed so light. Not burdened by the weight of responsibility on his shoulders. Ignorance was bliss, and perhaps Amber’s lack of memory helped him be happy. Amber got on his knees and pushed the cub onto its back. He scratched the sides of the cub’s belly before flicking his finger across its nose. “There’s no use fighting,” Amber continued. “But saying that’s not going to stop you. You don’t give up. Just like her.”
I was wondering what he meant by “her” when Amber turned around and looked at me.
Me?
What did he know about me?
The bear cub on my lap stirred. Shortly after, it leapt away from me to join its sibling. They both frolicked with Amber, the three of them surrounded by a bubble of innocence.
Amber smiled so much that I couldn’t help but smile, too. Watching him like that made things easier to forget. I didn’t have to worry about being a goddess, the council, what anybody else thought, or the sins of my crimes.
I focused on his smoky scent and got lost in the scene before me.
“Are you coming to join us?” Amber asked. He was lying on his back and had a bear cub raised over his chest. “They have too much energy. I don’t think I can win.” A cub leapt at Amber and bit his ear, releasing a playful growl as it did.
“I’m sure you’ll manage just fine without me.”
Amber’s grin revealed a row of white teeth. “Your loss. They’re really soft and nice to hold.”
“I’ll survive.”
I leaned forward and allowed my mind to relax.
I was beginning to like Amber too much.
I shouldn’t.
I belonged to my vassals.
I watched as Amber played with the little devils. He was careful not to use too much force. I was certain he could crush the creatures if he used slightly too much strength.
“The sun’s hot,” I said, resting my cheek on my hand. Amber’s laughter played in a melody around me. “I think we should get going.”
“In a bit.”
“Let’s find somewhere nice,” I continued. “A cool, sheltered place, maybe.” I was beginning to miss my lodgings in the Sanctuary far too much.
“After I’m done,” Amber said, roughing up the ears of one of the cubs.
“We’re never going to get anywhere at this rate.”
“What’s the hurry?” His eyes sparkled. “We have all the time in the world and nothing important to do.”
“That’s because you don’t know anything, so you care for nothing.”
Amber shrugged. He lay flat on the ground, letting the cubs crawl over him and do as they wished.
I sighed. I cared for my vassals, so it felt like time was short. I shook my head, stood, and walked away. When I turned around, Amber was still lost in his romping about. He was slowing me down, but the purity of his actions still refreshed me.
Five
Cara
Amber had finally gotten over his play with the cubs, and he followed me when I’d gotten too far ahead. We spent the next few hours searching for a place to rest, walking past hilly landscapes, soft grass, and a chiasma-less sky. We’d found a small cave right next to a creek. The atmosphere here was moist, the damp air clinging to my skin and making me weary. A campfire crackled in front of us. Amber didn’t need the fire to keep warm, but the nights were chilly, and I’d gathered the supplies to set it up. The bear cubs seemed to appreciate it. They’d fallen asleep due to the warmth.
“Do you need the rest, actually?” I asked Amber. “You haven’t broken a sweat and don’t seem the least bit tired.” I thought I could continue travelling. I couldn’t wait to get back to my vassals.
Partially, I wanted to head back to my vassals as quickly as possible because being with Amber made me guilty. I liked looking at him a lot. Like, a lot. I kept reminding myself that my attraction to him was purely physical. Nothing more.
Stop getting your panties in a bunch, Cara.
Amber lounged inside the cave. It was raining outside, a therapeutic tune. “I prefer travelling in the sun.”
“Scared of the night?”
Amber slumped onto the rock he was leaning against. The bear cubs seemed to have decided that they preferred Amber’s company. They huddled close to him, seeking comfort in the gentle caresses he gave them. “The night?” Amber asked. “The night is my friend. No. It’s a matter of preference. I’m not scared of anything.” Both the cubs had fallen asleep, their little paws resting on the rocky ground beneath them. I wondered if the goddess council would allow us to keep them as pets. They should, right? Being a goddess should give me some freedom.
Or maybe they wanted me dead.
What I’d done as the entity still bothered me. What had happened to her, anyway? And where did Amber come from? So many questions…
I returned my attention back to the conversation with Amber.
“Not afraid of anything?” I asked, withholding a chiding snort. “Don’t you think that’s a little arrogant?”
“It’s the truth. I don’t have to fear anything when I don’t remember what I should be afraid of.”
“So, it’s just unawareness, then?” Like the bravery of a child. He was still too clueless to know of what dangers lay ahead.
“Maybe I won’t be myself when my memory comes back.” He stared at me, his eyes hiding something. I grew queasy under his intense gaze and shifted away.
“I’m going to bed,” I said. “You should, too. I want to reach the Sanctuary tomorrow, and we’re moving too slowly.”
“I don’t want to rush,” he said. “I’m enjoying this.”
“I’m not. I want to see the people I love.”
“Who?” Amber asked. I thought I heard a hint of jealousy in his voice.
“It doesn’t concern you.”
“Hmm… I’m curious anyway.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
I tried finding a reasonably comfortable spot, though it was impossible in somewhere so rocky. I picked a dry area and lay down. We hadn’t brought any supplies with us. No blankets, mattresses, pillows. Just the cold, hard ground to sleep on. I wasn’t sleeping to rest, but to avoid Amber. I closed my eyes and breathed out the tension that had gathered in my chest. Amber didn’t say anything in response and let me continue with what I was doing.
I was lulled into a slumber shortly after, calmed by the crackling of the fire. My goddess body was better at sleeping on command. I had better control of it than my human one. My mind reached toward dreams of my vassals. I thought about Liam being healed and scowling at me like he usually did. Hansel was playing with my hair while I sat on Theo’s lap, feeling small in his large embrace. Devon was standing watchfully at the side, keeping all of us safe. We were back in the Sanctuary, reveling in each other’s compa
ny, surrounding by Agness’s golden vines and the Sanctuary’s beautiful architecture.
I missed them so much.
They haunted me in my sleep, even.
I’d find them soon, and I had to believe that nothing bad had happened to Liam. He was alive somewhere in Haven, annoyed and broody and probably just as worried for me as I was for him.
“Cara,” Amber said. His breath tickled the back of my ear. Why did he sound like he was lying so close?
I stirred, awoken by his smooth voice. I blinked past the haziness and shifted my weight backward. I felt Amber’s hard torso, pressed tightly up against mine. I froze. Amber was spooning me, keeping me pressed close to his body.
What in the goddesses’ name?
This was too much.
I wasn’t ready to be this near to him at all.
The fire had died down, and so had the rain. The only thing I heard was his hard breathing. He’d adjusted his body temperature so that it had just the right amount of warmth to be relaxing, but I was in no way relaxed.
“Why… why are you holding me like this?” I asked.
“I want you.”
My body tightened at the gravelly sensuality of his words.
“Uh… Can you want something else?”
My awkward response fell on deaf ears. Amber turned me around. “I feel like I’ve been watching you for a long time. Seeing so many things through your eyes. I feel like… like we’re part of each other.” His moon-like eyes, despite the darkness, were as striking as two gems. I saw immense power in his gaze. It was too consuming—his presence weakened me.
I swallowed thickly. “You sound crazy.”
“Maybe I am.” He fastened his hand around my waist and brushed his nose across mine.
I wriggled away from Amber, but his hold was as unbending as iron chains. My toes curled. My thoughts blurred. “Please let me go,” I said.
“But…” He lowered his lips toward mine. They were soft. Sensual. With the flesh of our mouths still touching, he continued, “You’re really… what I need.”
Reign of the Goddess Page 3