by Leigh Bale
Lyn glanced at the science book and papers spread across the table. Dressed in warm sweatpants, Kristen had read several chapters ahead, having already completed the homework she would turn in to her teacher tomorrow morning.
Bored and lonely. Anyone could see that Kristen was unhappy. Even her teacher remarked on it during her parent-teacher conference last week. And yet, Kristen continued to excel in school. Because she’d promised her dad before the accident that she’d always work hard in her studies. Now that Rob was gone, Kristen took that promise seriously. It was the last pledge the girl could keep to her father.
Lyn bit her bottom lip to keep from asking questions she knew Kristen didn’t want to answer. How was she feeling? Was she missing her daddy today? Did she want to talk about it? Would she like a bowl of chocolate ice cream?
Such questions tended to make the girl angry. She didn’t want to talk about anything. Not with anyone. Neither did Lyn. Still, she couldn’t help wishing Kristen would confide in her. Since the accident, it seemed a giant gulf had sprung up between them. And deep inside her heart, Lyn feared the reason was because Kristen blamed her for the accident.
Just like Lyn blamed herself.
“How’d you like to do something really fun this afternoon?” Lyn asked, trying to sound enthusiastic.
Kristen pursed her lips with skepticism. “No.”
“How can you say no without knowing what it is?”
“I don’t want to go look at more pine trees.”
Lyn laughed. “We aren’t going to look at a timber stand. This will be fun for you.”
“What is it?” No eagerness filled her words.
Walking to the hall closet, Lyn reached inside for their warm jackets. Leaden clouds filled the afternoon sky, and the cool spring day smelled of rain. “You’ll see. But I guarantee you’ll like it.”
The frown marring Kristen’s forehead eased just a bit. Lyn didn’t pursue more conversation as she helped the girl put on her prosthetic leg. Together, they walked outside to the car. On the porch steps, Kristen stumbled and would have gone sprawling if Lyn hadn’t grabbed her arm.
“I’m okay. I want to do it myself. Dr. Baldwin says it’s okay if I fall.” Kristen shrugged off Lyn’s hand and clasped the railing tight.
Lyn forced herself to stand back and watch as Kristen sidestepped down the stairs one at a time. She didn’t agree that it was all right if the girl fell. Kristen could be seriously injured. Over time, Cade would hopefully help her daughter become steadier on stairs.
“Where we going?” the girl asked as they drove down Main Street.
“You’ll see.”
A feeling of expectancy overwhelmed Lyn. Cade knew they were coming. The filly was doing well, and he thought it was time they gave the horse a name. The fact that he wanted to let Kristen have that honor left Lyn feeling grateful for his thoughtfulness.
“I’d rather stay home,” Kristen said. “I don’t want to look at a bunch of sagebrush today.”
Lyn chuckled. “We’re not going to look at sage, other than during the drive to our destination.”
“Where are we going?”
“I told you. It’s a surprise. But you won’t want to miss out on this, believe me.”
“Hmm.” The girl harrumphed and flounced around to glare out her window, not at all interested in what her mother wanted to show her.
Lyn couldn’t blame her. So many times she’d dragged Kristen with her into the mountains or out to look at a lake. Too many times to count. Her work demanded it. Lyn couldn’t leave Kristen home alone. Normally, kids liked to run and play outdoors, chasing chipmunks and rabbits. But not Kristen. The uneven ground made it more difficult for her to walk, and she usually ended up falling over a rock or tree limb in her path. Lyn was always right there to help her up, despite Kristen’s angry insistence that she could do it herself.
But today was different. Kristen would like this surprise.
Lyn hoped.
As they headed outside of town, they passed the redbrick church. The soft chords of organ music and harmonic voices singing a hymn rose through the air. Lyn rolled down her window just an inch to catch the melody better. And then the voice of a soprano sang the high, sweet notes. A song of praise and devotion to God.
Goose bumps dotted her arms as Lyn glimpsed the green, trim lawns edging the church. So quaint and peaceful. A feeling of reverence blanketed her. It’d been so long since she’d attended a church service.
Since before Rob died.
“Why don’t we go to church anymore?” Kristen asked.
At first, Lyn was speechless. How could she explain to her daughter that her heart was deadened toward the Lord? Yes, Lyn still believed in God, but she was also very angry at Him. If He loved them, if He really cared, then why had He taken her husband and let something so horrible happen to dear, innocent Kristen?
“I...we’ve been so busy, with you in the hospital and then our transfer here to Stokely. There hasn’t been a lot of extra time.”
“We don’t pray anymore, either,” the girl persisted.
Lyn rolled up her window, avoiding her daughter’s penetrating gaze. On the one hand, she wanted to teach her child about God. To set a good example of service, devotion and faith. But on the other hand, how could Lyn be something she didn’t feel inside?
Maybe you should change that.
The thought filled Lyn’s mind. But how? How could she feel at peace after all that had happened? After all they’d been through?
She’d avoided this issue for so long. Ignoring God and working on Sundays had become an easy habit. Easier than getting up and taking her amputee child to church. But now, Kristen was old enough to understand. She’d started asking questions about life and death and where her daddy had gone. And Lyn didn’t feel prepared to answer appropriately. How could she tell her child something she didn’t know if she believed herself?
You should find out.
The thought filled Lyn’s mind, and she felt the weight of responsibility to her daughter resting heavily on her shoulders.
“Maybe we can pray more often,” she said.
“It doesn’t matter. God doesn’t love us anyway,” Kristen said.
Hearing her own feelings spoken out loud struck Lyn’s heart like a physical blow. Everything within her rebelled. She opened her mouth to dispute Kristen’s claim, but couldn’t say the words. And yet, it went against everything Lyn had been brought up to believe and trust in. Maybe it wasn’t fair for her to withhold the strengthening element of God from her daughter just because she harbored resentment toward the Lord. If ever they needed God’s help, it was now.
But where was God the night of the car accident? And where was He when the doctors decided to take Kristen’s leg?
Maybe Lyn had ignored her anger long enough. But she didn’t know how to become closer to the Lord when she wanted nothing to do with Him.
Pray. That was the answer. Lyn knew it without a doubt. But it was more than difficult to pray to a God she felt anger toward.
“I don’t believe God doesn’t love us.” Lyn spoke the words woodenly.
“Then why’d He take Daddy away?”
“I don’t know. I can only hope He had a good reason,” Lyn answered truthfully, relieved when Kristen let the subject drop.
As they pulled into the yard at Sunrise Ranch, she pushed aside her misgivings and decided to focus on Kristen today. Making her daughter happy was all that mattered now. Kristen was her whole life. But God was waiting for them, Lyn knew. Waiting for them to return to Him.
“That’s Dr. Baldwin.” Kristen pointed at Cade, who stood out in the middle of the corral, wearing a pair of leather gloves and holding a tin bucket.
He looked toward them, squinting against the sun, tugging the brim of his battered cow
boy hat lower across his eyes. He looked so handsome, standing there dressed in faded denims and a white T-shirt tucked into his pants. Beside him stood a gray-and-white goat. The black filly raced past, kicking up her heels and flicking her white tail. Filled with energy and life.
“Look, Mom. A baby horse. She moves like lightning,” Kristen exclaimed.
The girl thrust the car door open and swiveled around in her seat. Bracing her hands against the dashboard and the back of the seat, she stood and was out of the car so fast that Lyn had no opportunity to help her.
Wow! This was a first.
Holding on to the door for support, Kristen settled her hips over the prosthesis so she could walk. She’d navigated past the shifting gravel and reached the rail fence by the time Lyn was able to take hold of her arm.
Cade sauntered over to greet them, a wide smile on his handsome face. “Hi, there, ladies. You want to see the new filly?”
Kristen’s head bobbed up and down. Disengaging her mother’s hand, she clopped forward over the clumps of grass bordering the corral. Cade met her at the gate. Lyn couldn’t remember seeing her daughter so eager and light of foot since the accident.
“Why is the baby horse with a goat? Where’s the baby’s momma? Can I pet them? Do goats bite? I wish I had a horse. I love horses. How many do you have? My dad rode horses. We were gonna buy one once, but we had the accident instead. Is Gus your only dog?” Kristen sprayed questions at Cade like a machine gun sprays bullets.
The next corral over, an old gray mare stood with her head over the top rail. Her ears pricked forward as she watched the group with interest. Lyn couldn’t see Flash.
Cade lifted the rope tie for the corral to admit them inside. “Gus is my only dog. The filly doesn’t have a mom. She’s an orphan. So I’m feeding her goat’s milk until I wean her on to hay. I have two horses and a goat. Flash, Magpie and the goat’s name is Nannie. This goat doesn’t bite, but others might.” He pointed at the gray mare. “That’s Magpie. I’m hoping she’ll make friends with the filly so I can put them together once the baby gets a little bigger. I’m sure your dad was a great man. And yes, you can pet the filly. But first, let me put this bucket of milk down where it won’t get spilled. Then you can help me feed her.”
Lyn’s head whirled with so many questions and answers, but Kristen seemed to keep up just fine.
“I get to help?” The girl’s eyes glowed with happiness, her face and gestures animated.
Finally. Finally Lyn had found something harmless that Kristen could enjoy without getting hurt. Finally, she’d done something right without earning the displeasure of her daughter.
“Come on. I’ll let you help me get the bottle ready.” Cade winked at Lyn before disappearing with Kristen inside the barn.
Watching the kind doctor interact with her daughter brought Lyn a great deal of comfort. This visit to Sunrise Ranch would do Kristen some good. But in the back of her mind, Lyn realized a lot of issues remained unresolved. Such as what to do about the wild horses without losing Cade’s friendship. And how to mend her relationship with God.
But right now, those problems would have to wait.
* * *
Cade could hardly contain his excitement. For several days, he’d anticipated Lyn’s visit like a child waiting for Christmas morning. And he didn’t understand why. So he could be close by in case the filly needed him, he’d had his receptionist reschedule appointments at his doctor’s office this week. Other than the filly’s progress, today was nothing special. No big deal.
And yet, it was.
Now that she was here, he watched Kristen carefully to see how she was progressing with her walking and morale. This visit would be good for the little girl. Hopefully, it’d be good for her mother, too.
The clean aroma of hay filled the warm barn. Kristen followed him over to a large cabinet where he took out a sterile feeding bottle. He showed her how to mix the milk formula while Lyn brought in the eager filly.
Lyn shook her head in awe. “I can’t believe how much she’s grown.”
“Yes, she’s got a huge appetite,” Cade agreed with a chuckle.
“Oh, she’s so pretty.” Kristen’s voice quivered with bliss.
The little horse jerked up her head, nostrils flared.
“Did I scare you, baby?” Kristen whispered, and petted the filly. “I’ll talk more softly. You don’t ever need to be afraid of me. I’d never hurt you. Not in a zillion years. We’re gonna be best friends, okay?”
The foal pricked her ears forward, her large, brown eyes filled with warmth and intelligence.
The first attempt at feeding the impatient foal ended with Kristen being knocked backward into the soft straw. The girl lay there in wide-eyed surprise for several seconds.
“Kristen! Are you okay?” Lyn hurried to help her daughter up, her worried gaze scanning the girl for signs of injury.
Cade held his breath, hoping they didn’t blow this out of proportion. Lyn seemed to be two different people. When they rode up on the mountain, she was calm and collected. Proficient and reasonable. But when it came to Kristen, she became clingy and controlling. Downright fearful.
Cade hadn’t told Lyn, but inviting Kristen out here today was a form of therapy for the child. Now he realized Lyn also needed healing. To trust and let go. If they didn’t react positively, he’d have to try another strategy.
Kristen giggled and sat up. “I’m fine, Mom.”
At least one of them was responding well.
The girl used the stall to brace herself so she could stand. Lyn tried to help, but Kristen brushed her aside. “I can do it, Mom. Don’t help me.”
Yes! This was what Cade was looking for. An assertion of independence.
“If you need help, just ask,” he said.
Lyn stood back, her gaze wary and alert as Kristen reached for the bottle again. The girl showed no anger or tears, but only infinite patience as she offered the little horse the bottle. “Let’s try this again. I know how it feels to be so hungry you can’t hardly wait.”
“Remember to hold tight. This is a famished baby.” Cade ignored Lyn’s look of dismay. He was delighted Kristen wasn’t nervous around the filly. If only he could get Lyn to loosen up, they’d be all right.
Kristen gripped the bottle, her gaze fogged by joy as she focused on the filly. “She’s so beautiful. Mostly all black with a white tail and mane. I’ve never seen such a pretty horse in all my life.”
“I agree.” Cade laughed, knowing the girl was completely enamored by the little foal. Good. She needed something to feel happy about. Something positive and fun.
“So what will you name her?” Lyn asked.
Cade met Lyn’s eyes with approval. They’d planned this moment beforehand. He couldn’t think of better therapy for a girl in Kristen’s situation.
Kristen went very still. The loud squeaking sounds of the baby filled the air as she sucked on the bottle to get every drop of milk. “I can name her?”
“Yes, in fact, she’s yours,” Cade said.
Kristen gasped with pleasure. “Mine? All mine? Really?”
“Yes, really.” Why had he said that? He hadn’t planned to give the horse to Kristen. Not without asking her mother first. But the words just poured out of his mouth. He couldn’t take them back now. Not unless Lyn refused his offer.
The smile on Lyn’s face dropped like stone. “Cade, we didn’t discuss this. I...we can’t keep a horse.”
“Don’t worry. She’ll stay right here. Kristen can visit anytime she likes.” He tried to sound positive. By agreeing to keep the filly at Sunrise Ranch, Cade was trying to make it easy for Lyn to accept. To relax and let Kristen mentally adopt the foal. To have something of her own.
“But I—”
“Oh, thank you, Dr. Baldwin!” Kristen whir
led about and threw her arms around his waist, hugging tight.
Lyn stood staring at them in confusion, her hands balled into tight fists. Her face mottled red with frustration. Over the top of Kristen’s head, he met Lyn’s eyes and mouthed the words, “Don’t worry. It’s gonna be okay.”
To which Lyn closed her eyes for the count of two and took a deep inhale. Good. This wasn’t easy on Lyn, either, but she was learning to cope.
Cade tugged himself free and pointed toward Lyn. “Don’t thank me. Thank your mother. She’s the one who saved the filly after her momma died. This was her idea.”
Kristen stared at her mother in surprise. Then she hugged Lyn, her voice filled with adoration. “Oh, thank you, Mom. You knew I always wanted my own horse, and you finally got me one. Thank you so much. You’re the best.”
Lyn held her daughter close, her face pale. Every ounce of her stiff body language told Cade she didn’t want to let her daughter keep the horse. But she didn’t say a word, overcoming her own feelings of inadequacy.
Cade stood back and held the now-empty bottle. Over the girl’s head, he watched Lyn carefully. She obviously didn’t know what to say. But if she refused, she’d risk her daughter’s happiness.
As gently as possible, Cade quickly explained to Kristen about finding the filly’s dam badly injured and how Lyn had insisted they couldn’t leave the foal there to die.
Kristen stared at her mother with amazement. “You saved the baby?”
Lyn’s face flushed with color and she nodded, stammering in confusion. “Y-yes, Cade and I saved her. But you have to understand, Kristen. We...we can’t keep the horse at our place. You can visit her whenever I have time to drive us out here, but a horse needs a corral and barn, and we don’t have either one at our house.”
“I understand. She’ll get lots bigger and need plenty of room to run.” Completely unflustered, Kristen returned to the foal, rubbing the baby’s soft muzzle and throat with her hands. “We’ll come visit you every day. I’ll name you Lightning. Because that’s what you looked like when I first saw you racing around the corral. A streak of lightning with your white tail and mane whipping behind you.”