by Leigh Bale
He was almost begging. And he wondered why it was so important that they stay with him. He didn’t understand, but he knew deep inside that if he lost them, he’d be losing something he could never replace.
“My mind’s made up. I need to be able to trust the doctors I take my child to,” she said.
“You can trust me. I’m sorry for today. So sorry. I thought if I showed you how well she could do on a horse, you’d change your mind about letting her ride. It won’t happen again. I promise.” If only she’d believe him. He had nothing but Kristen’s best interests at heart. He didn’t want them to go.
Lyn gestured toward the horses. “It’s too great a risk.”
“I made a medical decision, Lyn. I thought riding was the best therapy for her. Right now, she feels good. Like she can do anything.”
“Yes, and she can’t. You’ve filled her head with nonsense. Impossible goals she can never reach. Your encouragement will do nothing but bring her heartache and disappointment.”
His mouth dropped open in amazement. “That’s phooey. Are you listening to yourself? You’re Kristen’s mom, and yet you know nothing about her. Did you know her greatest dream is to have her own horse and compete in the rodeo like her dad? She wants to barrel race.”
“Yes, I’ve known she wanted a horse for a very long time, but the rodeo is impossible. Maybe not now, but sometime in the future she’ll get bucked off. She’ll get hurt again. I can’t let that happen. Not ever.”
“You can’t lock her up in her room, Lyn.”
“My mind is made up.” Lyn shot past him, marching toward the clinic. Her spine was straight and unyielding, her shoulders stiff with determination.
Cade stared after her, feeling lost and aggravated. If only he could make Lyn see how wrong she was. He’d never met a more maddening woman in all his life.
Exasperating and beautiful.
As the door whisked closed behind her, he felt completely lost and all alone. The thought of not treating Kristen or seeing Lyn again left him feeling...what?
Empty and bereft.
“Don’t you think it’s time you told her the truth?” Dal spoke beside him, an understanding smile curving his full lips.
Cade glanced at his good friend, his mind fogged by annoyance. “What do you mean?”
“You’re in love with her.”
“And you’ve had too much sun,” Cade returned.
He reached down and gathered up the reins before leading Magpie over to the trailer. He’d brought the horses into town especially for Kristen’s therapy today. He’d never gone to this much trouble for any of his other patients. Of course, Kristen was special. His only amputee. And Cade loved helping her. Loved watching the light of understanding flare within her eyes as she succeeded with the small tasks he gave her.
He liked being with Lyn, too. Riding through the mountains as they discussed horses and studied the mustangs and how to help them and the other wildlife. He couldn’t deny he liked her. But love?
“How long have we known each other?” Dal asked.
Cade unhitched the saddle from Flash’s back, not liking the direction this conversation was taking. “Almost fourteen years.”
“Closer to sixteen. And I know you pretty well.” Dal grunted as he brushed Cade aside and lifted the saddle to carry over to the trailer, then set it down on its rack.
“So?”
“So, you’re in love with that woman and her little girl. You might as well admit it. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone your secret.”
Cade pressed a hand against the truck and gave Dal his best glare. “I’m not admitting anything. You know she’s the forest ranger. We have nothing in common.”
Dal snorted and brushed dust off his hands. “Not from what I’ve seen and heard. You both love the wild horses, you told me that yourself. You said she’s a good rider. Knows how to handle herself real well. In fact, since I arrived in town yesterday afternoon, you’ve talked of nothing but her. And she has a little girl who needs you very much. They both do.”
“Hogwash. She doesn’t even know if she believes in God.”
“So, convince her she’s wrong.”
Cade didn’t answer as he turned his back and led Magpie toward the trailer. The horse’s hooves thumped against the ramp as she went inside with little enticement.
Cade didn’t know what to make of Dal’s comments. True, he’d never felt this way about a woman before, but it couldn’t be love. He respected Lyn Warner, but that was all. He wanted to help her and Kristen. Nothing more. Though they’d shared some extraordinary times together, they barely knew each other. Not really. And trying to convince her she was wrong about God in her present state of mind would be like moving a mountain one shovelful at a time.
Besides, he’d long ago given up on mushy stuff. Between the war in Afghanistan and then medical school, he’d never had much time for romance.
But what about now?
No! Definitely not with a woman like Lyn. She was too high-strung, controlling and infuriating. She was also educated, intelligent and lovely.
But love? No sirree. That wasn’t an option. Not for him.
“Why don’t you ask her out?” Dal suggested, as if reading Cade’s mind.
“I can’t. You know that.”
“Why not?”
“For one thing, I don’t date the mothers of my patients. For another thing, the tribal leaders would never approve.”
Dal chuckled. “Your mother never cared what the tribe thought. Not when it came to your father. Besides, Kristen’s no longer your patient, so her mom’s now available. And you’re a grown man. You don’t need permission from the Shoshone chiefs to date anyone.”
Dal was right, but it wasn’t quite that simple. Cade didn’t want trouble. It’d taken a long time to recover from his experiences at war. He still had terrible flashbacks that left him shaking. He wanted no complications to stir up his life again. And Lyn Warner was a pretty hurdle who would do nothing but confuse his life.
“How do you do it?” Cade asked Dal.
“Do what?”
“Cope with civilian life.”
Dal didn’t pretend to not understand. “Who said I’ve coped, brother?”
They both knew the horrors of war and post-traumatic stress disorder. In fact, they’d helped each other get through it all. If you could ever recover from such a thing.
“If anyone’s got a right to be stressed out by life, it’s you,” Cade continued.
Dal flashed that good-natured grin of his and clapped Cade on the back. “One thing’s for certain. We’ve both earned the right to some happiness in life. And like it or not, that woman you just ticked off makes you happy. I could see that in the way you lit up the moment she arrived.”
Cade snorted. “Look who’s talking. You never date, either. Why aren’t you married and settled down?”
Dal glanced at his legs. “You know why. I’ve had one fiancée dump me already because of my leg. I’m not about to try for a second. I don’t enjoy rejection that much.”
“Michelle isn’t the only woman in the world. There are others who aren’t quite as shallow.”
Dal shook his head. “We’re not talking about me right now. Lyn doesn’t know it yet, but I can see she feels the same about you. You’ve just got to convince yourself and then her that you should be together.”
The man turned away, heading toward the cab of the truck. No doubt he’d want to drive on their way home to Sunrise Ranch. Dal didn’t let anything get in his way. At least, not anymore.
But Dal also didn’t date. Didn’t become involved. A hypocrite who deserved the love of a good woman as much as Cade did.
As he closed the tailgate then sat inside the truck, Cade ignored Dal’s knowing grin. But Cade couldn’t help wo
ndering why he’d decided Lyn Warner wasn’t an option for him. Maybe, just maybe, he should change his mind about that.
Then again, maybe not.
* * *
“You won’t be seeing Dr. Baldwin anymore.” Lyn rolled the car window up as she drove home, hoping Kristen understood her decision and didn’t fight her on it.
Tremors tingled over her hands, and she tightened her fingers around the steering wheel.
“Why not?” The girl looked at her, brushing strands of long, blond hair back from her sun-kissed face. No doubt she’d have some new freckles across her nose after spending the better part of the afternoon outside.
Lyn took a deep breath, feeling exhausted by today’s events. “I just think it’s the right move for us to make. Dr. Baldwin’s a small-town doctor, honey. I want to ensure you receive the best care possible.”
“But Dr. Baldwin is the best care.”
“I don’t think so, hon. I think we can do better.”
“You just don’t want me to ride horses again,” Kristen accused.
Was Lyn that transparent? And why deny it? Kristen had always been so astute. It’d do no good to lie. “That’s partly true. I just want you safe. I think you need another doctor from Reno.”
“No!” Kristen exploded. “Dr. Baldwin’s not small-town. He cares about me. More than you do. He wants me to succeed. He wants me to try new things. To prove to myself that I can do it.”
Lyn jerked. She’d expected a blowup, but not quite this volatile.
“One day, you’ll understand.” Lyn spoke in an unruffled, insistent tone. “When you’re grown-up, you can decide what you want to do. Until then, I have to make the decisions for us.”
How she wished Rob was here to bring them both an element of peace. He’d always provided a leavening of calm in their home. But that was impossible now.
The girl huffed and flounced around to stare out her window again. Or rather, glare. Lyn almost flinched at the venom she saw in Kristen’s eyes. Hatred and resentment—for her mother.
They drove in silence for several heart-pounding moments. Then Kristen spoke softly, and Lyn heard the shattered tears in her voice.
“Why didn’t you let me die with Daddy?”
“What?” Lyn had heard the question clear enough, but it took a few moments for her to absorb the impact.
Kristen flounced around to look at her mother. A large teardrop raced down her cheek and plopped onto her lap. “I wish I’d died with Dad. You won’t let me live, so why’d you bother saving me?”
Memories rushed through Lyn’s mind. The crush of metal and glass. The car upside down. Rob’s broken body lying battered and unmoving beside her. His empty eyes staring wide as she fought to pull Kristen from the burning vehicle.
The horror of losing her husband overshadowed every other emotion. She had to get Kristen free. Adrenaline had pumped through her body, giving her the strength to push past the crunched metal as she pulled her daughter to safety. Even then, Kristen had still lost her leg while Lyn had survived the accident with nothing more than a few scratches.
“Because I love you so much.” Lyn spoke the words around a breathless hitch. She fought off the sobs that clogged her throat. She had to be strong. For Kristen. For Rob. Because that’s what he would want her to do. To keep their daughter safe.
“Then why won’t you let me do things, Mom? If you love me, let me try. I’m not an invalid. Dr. Baldwin said so.” The plaintive request was whispered in a begging voice.
Lyn didn’t reply, but she knew the answer. She couldn’t let go. Not of her little girl. Not when she felt so responsible for what happened that night. No matter what Cade told them.
Lyn couldn’t overcome her fear.
They didn’t speak the rest of the way home. When they arrived, Kristen hurried inside the house and slammed the door in Lyn’s face. Lyn stood on the welcome mat for several seconds, feeling like an outsider in her own home. Feeling as though she didn’t belong. Not anywhere.
She forced herself not to react. Not to feel wounded and angry. But it was impossible. She’d hurt Kristen that day. This was the least Lyn deserved. She couldn’t deny Cade’s therapy had helped. A lot. Kristen walked and ran almost as well as a normal kid now.
Because of Cade. And Lyn had hurt him. A kind man she couldn’t help feeling close to. A man who made her laugh and feel alive again for the first time in a long time.
What if he was right? What if she was being overprotective, stifling Kristen and holding her back? The truth kicked Lyn hard in the chops. But how could she let go when she had no other lifeline to hold on to and no one but herself to trust?
She reached out and turned the doorknob. Inside, everything was quiet, except the tick of the grandfather clock perched against the wall like a disapproving giant. The house smelled of pine cleaner from the floors she’d mopped the evening before. Clean and sterile. Just like her life.
Lyn set her purse and keys on the kitchen table and slipped off her shoes. She padded down the hallway to the back of the house, wanting time alone. Maybe later, she’d be able to entice Kristen to go outside and plant flowers with her.
Maybe not.
Inside the bathroom, Lyn stared at herself in the mirror. Though she looked the same, she barely recognized herself. The past year had taken its toll, inside and out. Faint circles beneath her eyes indicated a myriad of sleepless nights. Twin worry lines had formed on her forehead, just between her brows. Not something anyone else would notice, but still new to her. The nagging fear inside never let up. Fear that she could lose everything that meant anything to her at any moment. And the tighter she held on, the more she strangled the joy out of her life.
The more she strangled Kristen.
Cade’s words about prayer came back to haunt her. At one time, she’d shared a loving relationship with the Lord and trusted Him to nurture and care for her family. She’d tried to live the best life possible and turn the rest over to Him. Free and happy.
Now she didn’t trust anyone, least of all God. But living without trust had turned her into a haggard, frightened woman. A person who no longer believed in anything benevolent or lovely. And it had destroyed her relationship with Kristen.
It was also destroying Lyn’s soul.
With a quick twist of her wrist, she flipped on the cold water and splashed her face. Reaching for a fresh towel, she pressed the terry cloth against her cheeks and breathed deeply of the fragrant smell of fabric softener. It helped remind her that life could be normal and mundane. That this trouble between her and Kristen would pass. Eventually.
Or would it?
Not if Lyn didn’t change something. And fast.
Chapter Ten
The following week, Lyn drove Kristen into Reno for physical therapy with Dr. Fletcher. Not a fun experience. Kristen didn’t speak the entire trip, didn’t exert herself during her exercises, and didn’t eat a single bite of pizza at lunch. The jaunty hop in her stride disappeared, and the limp returned. She wasn’t even trying.
When they got home late that afternoon, Kristen refused Lyn’s request that she help plant flowers in their yard and hobbled inside the house, slamming the door behind her. Later, she stared out the picture window. Watching the road for someone who wasn’t there.
Determined to stay busy, Lyn changed her clothes, jerked on her canvas gloves and knelt on a foam pad in the front flowerbed. She plucked weeds and turned the rich dark soil with a hand shovel. Now and then, she glanced up to see Kristen’s profile as she sat at the kitchen table. Her mouth was tight, her eyes fixed in a harsh glare.
Hating her mom.
Lyn blinked away tears of frustration and reached for another yellow marigold, popped it out of its black plastic cup and shoved it into the small hole she’d dug. Pressing tight, she packed dirt around t
he roots, angry at herself. Feeling guilty for taking Cade away from Kristen. Still frustrated and drained by her angry encounter with him a week earlier. She’d done the right thing, hadn’t she?
Kristen missed the kind doctor. So did Lyn.
A lot.
The sound of an engine came from behind, and Lyn glanced over her shoulder. A blue truck pulled up in front of her house.
Dallin Savatch, Cade’s friend, hopped out of the vehicle. Dressed in blue jeans, boots and a black T-shirt, he strode up the sidewalk toward her. Confident. Strong. Showing not a single hint that he was an amputee.
Lyn stood, brushing dirt off her work shirt. Her mind filled with a multitude of questions as she wondered what he was doing here.
“Howdy, ma’am.” He flashed a smile, his hazel eyes showing no animosity.
“Hello, Mr. Savatch.”
He sucked in a quick breath. “Tell you what. You can call me Dal if I can call you Lyn.”
She hesitated. Being on a first-name basis with him would open doors to familiarity and bring her closer to Cade. She wasn’t sure that’s what she wanted, but she sure didn’t like the sick feeling she’d carried inside her heart ever since her fight with the handsome doctor.
“All right...Dal.”
He reached out a hand to brace against the porch railing. The gesture seemed quite casual, but Lyn recognized it as a subtle way to ease the weight on his amputated leg.
“What can I do for you?” she asked.
“Actually, it’s what I can do for you.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know you’re hurting, Lyn. Cade’s told me a bit about you and Kristen. But I think it’s a mistake to keep your daughter from working with Cade.”
“Did he send you here?”
“No, no. I came on my own. He cares a great deal and can help Kristen.”
“On his terms. I’m Kristen’s mother and know what’s best for her. Cade needs to respect that. He doesn’t understand what we’ve been through or how much we’ve lost.”
“I agree he needs to respect your decisions, but he does understand. He’s been through the trauma of war. Even if I could bring myself to do so, I can’t begin to tell you how bad it was over there for all of us, but especially for him.”