I didn’t even bother looking at Oscar, it was only Miles who needed to hear what I had to say. “I quit.”
I ran out the door before I could even comprehend what I just did. But on some level, I must have known since I burst into tears. The ramifications began to swirl in my mind as I ran toward the cottage. The most beautiful place I had ever lived. The place where my daughter slept peacefully, not knowing her mom was disrupting her life. And then there was Henry. How was I going to leave him? A loud sob escaped me.
“Aspen,” Miles called after me. “Please, stop.”
Not happening. I had to pack and disappoint my daughter. After that I needed to figure out what was wrong with me. Or buy a cockroach. Probably both.
Miles caught up to me. He grabbed my hand moments before I made it to the cottage’s front porch. “Bloody hell, woman.” He turned me toward him. Did I mention he was only wearing pajama pants? He chased after me barefoot and half-naked. By how perky his pecks were and all the goosebumps that covered him, I would say he was uncomfortable to say the least. I was so heartsick, though, I didn’t even care how beautiful his body was or that he must have been freezing.
He pulled me toward him, though I put up a fight. “Aspen, what’s happened? Why would you quit?” His teeth chattered.
“I figured I would beat you to the punch. I heard you tell Oscar you wished you could fire me.” I yanked my hand away from him.
He scrubbed his hands over his face. “What you heard was taken out of context.”
“Was it? Because Penelope said this would happen.”
His jaw clenched. “Please, let’s go inside and discuss this.”
“No. It was a mistake to think I could work for you. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend that I don’t have feelings for you. That I don’t want to entangle our lives, romantically, emotionally, and every other way. But I’m going to believe you and leave before you hurt me.”
Miles’s shivering ceased. He stepped closer. “Why do you think I said I want to fire you? I hate having that bloody contract between us, but I know it’s what keeps you safe from me. If you think for one second that I don’t want you, that you don’t keep me up at night wishing you were sharing my bed, wishing I could be the man you deserve, then you are sorely mistaken. Never before has a woman bewitched me the way you have.”
He ran the back of his cold hand down my wet cheek. “From the moment I met you, I knew there was something special about you, more than just reminding me of Isabella. Your goodness became more apparent as I’ve watched how you’ve taken care of Henry and me.”
He drew closer to me, taking my face in his shaky hands. “Then the night we kissed.” He leaned down as if he wanted to relive it. Our breath mingled between us. “I thought I could simply walk away from it unchanged, but I can’t stop thinking about you. The connection was something I’d never felt before. In that kiss, you so willingly gave yourself to me and I realized you deserved that in return. Aspen,” he whispered, “I don’t know if I can be that man. Like your ex-husband, I’ve been a selfish bastard my entire life. I would never subject you to someone like him again. And like my father, I can’t keep my eyes off the nanny. What kind of man does that make me?” He dropped his hands and backed away.
“You’re not Leland or your father.”
He hung his head. “I’m afraid I am.”
I took his hand in mine and held it against my heart that was about to beat out of my chest. “Believe me when I say you are no Leland. He would have never canceled his plans to take Chloe last night, and she’s his flesh and blood. He wouldn’t have stopped that night we kissed. He would have taken all he could get, not caring that he planned to break my heart. And how can you say you’re like your father? He was a married man when he pursued your mother.”
“That is one sin that I have not committed.”
“What sins do you think you’ve committed?”
He pulled his hand away from me. The heavy breaths he released in the cold air lingered between us. “Most of my life I’ve done what I wanted, caring very little about others. There have been exceptions, but even then, I’ve still hurt them. Take Penelope, for example.”
My forehead crinkled at the sound of her name.
“I couldn’t commit to her the way she wanted. I haven’t been able to commit to any woman for long.”
“Maybe you haven’t found the right woman.”
“I have found her.” His anguished eyes peered into my own. “She lives and breathes in front of me this very moment. I wish I could write myself to be the man you deserve. But we are not my characters, and as much as I wish it, I know I’m not the man you need.”
“You’re wrong,” my voice cracked. “You’ve been the man I needed since the day you came into my life. No man has ever treated me with such deference. You have made me feel like your equal despite our very different financial situations. More importantly, you helped me recognize my worth. And the way you’ve treated my daughter has meant more to me than you will ever know. I know you aren’t a perfect man, but you are a good man. I see it in everything you do for Henry, Chloe, and me. And maybe it’s not your nature to think of others before yourself, but you are trying and that in and of itself says more about who you really are. It makes you the man I not only need, but want.”
His entire body shook, but not from the cold, it was as if he could hardly believe what I was saying. “I don’t want to try only to end up failing you. I won’t hurt you.”
I released a heavy breath. My hopes were dashed. “If that’s how you feel, then you already have. I’ll work for you until you can find a nanny to replace me,” I could barely say it through the raw emotion coursing through me and pouring down my face. The thought of leaving Henry and Miles was a pain I had never known.
Miles took my hand. “Aspen, please reconsider. Henry needs you. I need you. We can remain friends.”
“No, Miles, we can’t. I’m always going to want to be more than your friend. And I want to be more than needed. I need to be wanted. I deserve a man who will risk it all for me.”
“You are mistaken if you don’t think that I want you. I have never wanted anyone more. If I could, I would give anything to be with you.”
“Then give anything.”
He gave me a pained stare. His beautiful chest was raising and lowering at a mad pace.
I waited and watched him shiver in the cold. His mouth parted several times as if he was going to speak, but in the end, he walked away. I didn’t watch him go. I refused to witness another man walking away from me.
~*~
“Are you going to put Henry down today?” Emma asked while we were doing backward jogging with the girls to help them warm up before the game.
The answer was no. I was never putting him down even though he was getting heavy. I was going to snuggle him every second until he got a new nanny. Stabbing pain in my heart accompanied that thought. Which induced more tears. I felt like I’d cried all day.
Emma tugged on my arm and stopped jogging. “Will you please talk to me?”
I had been refusing to since we arrived. I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t even told Chloe yet. Even though she knew something was wrong, she was so disappointed Miles wasn’t coming with us after he promised he would be here.
Emma pulled me to the side. “Aspen, what’s going on? Where’s Miles?”
“Probably still locked up in his office.” Oscar and Molly had informed me that as soon as he came back into the house after our little discussion, he ran straight up to Henry’s room and promised him he would make it all better before asking Molly to bring Henry to me. Then he warned them all not to bother him and shut himself in his office.
“What happened between you two?”
“I told him the truth about how I feel, and he doesn’t want to try,” I blubbered. “I think it’s time to have a cockroach named after him.”
Emma went to hug me, but instead looked over my shoulder and grinned. “You
might want to hold off on that.”
“Why?”
She pointed behind me. “Because your boss is headed our way. And, dang, does he look good. He’s got the David Beckham vibe going on in that stocking cap and tight jeans. Me-ow.” She unceremoniously took Henry out of my arms.
“Hey, give him back.”
She flashed me a devious smile. “I have a feeling you aren’t going to want anyone between the two of you.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I disagreed.
“I don’t think I’m the wrong one here. Turn around.”
Like a child, I refused. Emma nudged me, though, until I complied. Holy mother, she was right, and I wasn’t very happy about it. I didn’t need him looking like a walking men’s cologne commercial. Suddenly the forty-degree weather felt like the Bahamas. Emma pushed me forward. “Go.”
I couldn’t move. I was completely mesmerized by the man walking with a purpose holding a black folder in his hand. Did he bring his manuscript with him?
My mom interfered. She maneuvered her way down the bleachers, waving her report at Miles. “Oh good, you came. Aspen said you wouldn’t be here.”
I cringed.
Miles paused to speak to her at the edge of the field. I couldn’t hear what he said, but he pointed in my direction and Mom nodded before looking my way and giving me two thumbs up. Not sure what that meant. I was about to find out.
Miles approached, making sure to keep eye contact with me. It held me in my place in the middle of the soccer field. When he landed next to me, he was smack dab in the middle of my personal space, intoxicating me with his smell and the thunderous aura that surrounded him.
“Hello, darling,” he said as if he hadn’t left me crying just hours earlier.
“What are you doing here?” I stuttered. I thought we had already hashed out our fate, yet here he was. Was he chasing after me?
“I promised Chloe I would be here.”
“Oh.” Of course. I was never worth the chase.
His lip twitched. “I also brought something for you.” He held up the black folder. “It’s a new contract I drew up. I hope you find the terms amenable.” He handed it to me.
I stared at it, not sure what to make of this. “I told you, I quit.”
“I don’t accept your resignation.”
“I can’t work for you. I need to get back to the girls.” I turned to leave.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me to him. We are talking up-against-his-body, sharing-body-heat close.
“Please don’t,” I begged him. “I can’t be close to you and know I can’t have you.” I started to pull away.
He wasn’t letting go. “Aspen,” he whispered my name as if it was a secret he wanted to keep. “If you truly want me, I am yours.”
I blinked an inordinate amount of times trying to let what he said sink in. “I thought you didn’t want to try.”
“No, my love,” he ran a finger down my tear stained cheek, “I’m afraid to try; there is a difference. But I’m more afraid to be without you. I don’t know if I can be me without you anymore.”
That was probably the most beautiful thing anyone could say to me. “Why the change of heart?”
“I realized it was the first time in my life I couldn’t walk away. No woman has ever affected me the way you have. If you give me the chance, I will do anything and everything in my power not to muck this up. Though I fear I will hurt you on occasion, but never on purpose.”
I ran my hand across his stubbled cheek. “I’m not expecting perfection.”
He took my hand and kissed my palm. “That is a good thing, because if you accept the new contract, you will need to sign a clause stating you acknowledge that I’m getting the better end of the deal.”
“When did you have a new contract drawn up?”
“Darling, I am a writer; I wrote it myself, today.”
Was that why he locked himself in his office? I took the folder from him, eager to read it. I opened it up to find a single sheet of paper.
THIS AGREEMENT is made as of NOW and going forth FOREVER between Miles Wickham and Aspen Parker, whose last name may be subject to change upon further review.
WHEREAS Miles Wickham desires Aspen Parker to be employed as his Nanny and Personal Assistant and Aspen Parker agrees to render such services, she must agree to the terms and conditions set forth.
Ms. Parker will agree to never call Mr. Wickham her boss. She may use the following terms: Lover. Boyfriend. Darling. My Love. Dear. Secret pet names are also acceptable.
Mr. Wickham requests one child-free night per week for adult only activities that will be decided upon by both parties. Mr. Wickham reserves the right to request more than one night when the occasion calls for it. Ms. Parker may also request child-free nights.
Ms. Parker will agree to use proper language when teaching Mr. Wickham’s nephew. This includes but is not limited to: Pants will be called trousers. Soccer will be called football. The bathroom is the loo.
Mr. Wickham will provide kisses on demand as well as other types of physical affection. A complete listing will be provided upon acceptance of the contract.
Ms. Parker will promise to, as she has most capably done already, keep her employer and lover from being a complete arse. She will voice any and all concerns as they may arise.
Mr. Wickham will promise to do his utmost to be a man of his word and faithfully keep all the terms and conditions set forth in this contract, and any others the lovely Ms. Parker would like to negotiate.
By initialing here, Ms. Parker acknowledges that she is by far superior and that she is doing this of her own free will and choice. In return, Mr. Wickham will do his best to deserve her, climb any wall for her, and risk it all, even his heart.
I laughed and cried through the entire thing. I lifted my head to meet his anxious eyes. “I think this is the most beautiful thing you have ever written.”
He leaned down and brushed his warm lips against my cheek. “Do you agree to the terms?” he whispered in my ear.
I didn’t really need to think about it, but I thought he should sweat it out for at least a few seconds.
When I didn’t answer right away, he leaned away with concern.
I dropped the folder and grabbed his coat, pulling him closer to me. “I’m all yours. Now, I demand that you kiss me.”
“Mmm,” he groaned, “I think I’m going to like this new contract.” He brushed my hair back and took a moment to gaze into my eyes. “Aspen, thank you.”
“For what?”
“For helping me be a better man, and for this.” He leaned in and skimmed my lips once before pressing his against my own. His slow hands ran down my back and landed on my hips, bringing me closer to him.
I barely got a taste of him before Emma let Henry blow her whistle. She yelled, “Hey, no curve fondling—there’s kids on this field.”
We both gave her an apologetic grin.
She returned our smiles with one of her own and let Henry loose. He ran to me and I took him up in my arms, right where he belonged. Miles kissed his head and then mine. I swore I heard Sophie say, “Now they’re yours. Take good care of them for me.”
I had every intention to.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Isabella stared up at the abandoned castle and, for the first time, the crumbling stones did not haunt her. The truth had set her free.
Dexter took her hand and held it firmly in his own. “It’s over.”
She turned towards him and admired the man who had saved her life in more ways than one. She loved everything about him, from the way the cowlick on the top of his head perpetually went untamed, to the mischief that played in his chocolate eyes. But mostly, she loved the way he protected her heart, even from herself if he needed to. She rested her head on his broad shoulder. “This is just the beginning.”
I wiped my eyes and peeked over the Ascending Stones completed first draft to find Miles nervously pacing the floor in front
of the rather large Christmas tree the kids had picked out at the tree farm last week. Henry’s new electric train went around and around it. My little man could spend hours watching it. Miles, always impeccably dressed in his black sweater turtleneck and trousers, looked beautiful in the glow of the white Christmas lights and fireplace.
I couldn’t believe Isabella’s journey had come to end. Together, she and Dexter had discovered it was his uncle who was the true killer. He was in love, more like obsessed, with Dexter’s mother. In a fit of rage, the uncle killed Dexter’s mother because he could never have her. He also killed the Alexanders, who turned out to be Dexter’s grandparents. The uncle framed Isabella’s father because he knew that he was Dexter’s mother’s one true love. Dexter’s father was honorable, like his son, and had married Dexter’s mother to protect her from his evil twin. Miles had done an amazing job with all the twists and turns. I was guessing until the end who did it.
I tried to savor each word because I didn’t want it to end, not only because the writing was amazing, but because I owed so much to Isabella. Because of her, I learned to forgive myself and was willing to take a chance on love again. And who better to take that chance with than Isabella’s creator? I know Miles said that Isabella came to him, but I think she always lived inside of him. She was the part of him who yearned to break free from his family’s shame. A shame that was never his to bear.
“I’m finished,” I informed Miles.
He immediately stopped his pacing and raced to my side on the couch. “Well?” He was as eager as a child on Christmas morning.
I placed my hands on his stubbled cheeks and kissed him once. “It’s brilliant. I have a new favorite book.”
His hands cupped my face. “Are you in earnest, darling?”
“I would never lie to you.”
“It is one of the many reasons I love you.”
“I love you, too. Should we go and get the kids? I’m sure my mom has them in a sugar coma by now and it’s almost Henry’s bedtime. I don’t want him to be grouchy tomorrow.” The kids had spent the day with my parents making Christmas cookies and shopping, giving me the day to read. Miles wanted my opinion before he sent the completed manuscript to his editor.
My Not So Wicked Boss (My Not So Wicked Series Book 3) Page 23