by Melanie
She sighed again. 'If only he'd wake up. Then we'd know where we all stood with the poor wretch.'
Over the last few days, she had discovered something important. She was a mother first and foremost. Her child had to come first. Any sympathy she felt for those in Sickbay had to come second. It was because of this, and as much as she hated the loss of any life, she found herself feeling it would have made all their lives so much easier if Paris and Souris had not survived whatever had happened to put each of them in there.
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Two days after The Diogenes had abandoned them, the Doctor permitted the Captain to awaken from her artificially induced rest. Once she had heard everything that had transpired while she was asleep, she fleetingly wished he had left her unconscious.
Two beds down lay Souris, sleeping peacefully. The dark waves of long hair that framed her face and tumbled over the edge of the bed emphasized her deathly pallor.
Still in on the bed in the surgical bay, lay an equally pale Tom. Gone were the actual wounds from his experience, yet they still showed in the lines of his sleeping face. Once dressed, Kathryn had spent a long time simply sitting next to his bedside, watching him sleep and thinking of everything Chakotay and Sunfire said had happened to him. More than once she felt torn between tears for Tom and the desire to hunt down the people who had done this to him and exact vengeance. Finally, she had to physically
remove herself from his presence before she gathered him up in her arms and hugged him to her breast in relief in having safely away from his tormentors.
So she went over to the Doctor standing at Souris' bedside and found herself asking questions he already had answered. For once, he seemed to understand the real reason she was asking was not that she had forgotten what he had said, but she needed something to distract her from the reality around her. So he told her again of his discovery about the Implants.
While it was interesting to know how the Implants could take adrenaline and channel it to sustaining an AlphaOmegan until whatever had caused the adrenaline to be produced was gone or over, it did not tell any of them what they wanted to know most. It was nice to have a neat explanation for how Tom had continued functioning, given the degree to which he was injured, and a reason for why his adrenaline during the parole test had spiked then fallen below normal levels. What it did not give any clues as to was
when he or Souris would awaken. It also did not stop her from hoping the answer would be different every time she asked the Doctor about it.
"So you still haven't found anything in the file on Implants that will give you an idea of when she'll wake up?"
Standing across Souris' bed from her, the Doctor shrugged. "I don't know, Captain. While the readings are similar to that of Mr. Paris when he *Awoke*, as Mr. Tuvok says to call it, I can't predict a timetable for her regaining consciousness any more than I could for him back then."
The Sickbay doors opened and Harry entered, making a beeline for the woman in the bed.
The EMH held up a hand to forestall Harry's questions. He knew it would be the same ones he had asked every time he had entered Sickbay over the past two days. "No, Ensign, she is not awake. Yes, I will call you when she does."
Harry visibly deflated and nodded.
Stepping aside so the young man could take his usual seat by Souris' bed, the Doctor added another piece of information. "Mr. Paris still has not awoken either, if you're interested."
Tom's best friend acknowledged the information with an uncomfortable glance towards Tom. Kathryn instantly recognized it for what it was -- Harry simply not knowing how to act where Tom was concerned. In light of everything they now knew and so much they still did not know, she fully understood Harry's ill ease. It was sad to see the conflict in the ensign, the desire to be there for the kind-hearted man who was his "brother" yet the fear of the deadly soldier he had been made to be.
'Almost as sad as the absence of the one who should be here, but wasn't,' she said to herself. In the couple of hours the Captain had been awake, B'Elanna had not visited even once. During his brief visit thirty minutes earlier, Chakotay had told her of B'Elanna's depression. The Commander held some hope that she would recover from this. 'She showed up for her shift today,' he had informed her. 'She seems okay.' Both of them knew, however, B'Elanna was anything but okay and she would not be until she and Tom could hash things out between them. She only hoped her favorite couple could get past this. It would be a tragedy for them to break up over this. He really was going to need all the love and support he could get when he awoke.
A scream from Tom shattered the silence.
Three heads whipped around in time to see the man jerk upright, throwing off his blanket, and ripping at his Sickbay-issue sleepwear in terror at their confining him. Instantly at his side, the Captain tried to calm him as the Doctor prepared a sedative in case she failed to settle him.
"Tom, it's okay. You're safe now. It's okay."
Frightened blue eyes met her concerned grey ones. It took over a minute for her calm words and stroking his hair for the fear to abate.
Shakily, he looked around Sickbay as if he never had seen it before. Apparently satisfied there was no danger lurking around there somewhere, he stared down at his torn tunic. Confused, he looked at her in askance.
"You had a nightmare," she murmured. "The Doctor can get you another shirt."
Nodding, the EMH tried to smile at Tom. "So, Mr. Paris, how are you feeling?"
Blinking, he looked from one to another then to Souris lying in her bed and a wide-eyed Harry staring back at him. The instant their eyes met, Tom jerked his away and stared down at his hands. With his eyes averted, he did not see the sad look on his "little brother's" face.
"Did you have a service for the others?" Tom softly asked the Captain.
"No, not yet," the EMH answered for her.
"I only woke up a couple hours ago myself," Janeway told the patient. "The Doctor's kept their bodies in stasis. It seems everyone's been too busy trying to put Voyager back together to think of funerals. And they thought you, Souris, and myself would wish to be there."
He nodded in agreement. "Souris has not come to yet then?"
"No."
Tom's eyes jerked to the Doctor's. "Her Implant. We have to attempt to reinitialize it before she Awakens fully."
"Mr. Tuvok told me about your plan and the possibility of reinitializing the Implants," the EMH sighed. "I tried with hers already. The self-destruct destroyed too much of it to restart it."
Tom was silent for a moment. "And Sunfire?"
The Captain sighed. "According to Chakotay, she is damaged but refuses to allow anyone to touch her except you."
"Engineering would be baffled by her anyway. They've never seen a ship of her design before." He addressed the Doctor. "When can I leave? Sunfire needs attention."
"Not for a couple of days," the hologram pronounced. "You were badly hurt. You need food and rest."
"And then there are questions you're going to have to answer," Chakotay added as he walked in and caught the tail end of Tom's question. "Raven made some serious accusations about you and things you'd done. Everyone wants to know what's true and what's not. Some of the crew are pretty mad and others aren't sure what to think."
"Chakotay," the Captain started to admonish, but Tom cut her off.
"I know at least part of what Raven told all of you, Commander," the pilot said. "Alpha Two made sure I saw your meeting where Raven told you the story about me. But Raven was lying. For the most part anyway. I am an AlphaOmegan and they did come here to capture me, but not for any of the crimes he outlined, and certainly not for murdering Sunfire."
Kathryn frowned. "The recording we saw?"
"It was faked, Captain. They took the actual recording from her Implant and inserted my image over the real murderer."
"They made it seem almost believable. If we hadn't know you...."
"It had to be credible or none of you would confide in them."
He nodded.
"Was that why the Captain was shot?" Chakotay asked. "To make us believe you were out of control?"
"Trying to get you to confide in them so 'they had enough info to help me' wasn't working fast enough, so Alpha Two wanted to turn everyone against me, by me trying to kill the Captain. Then the Gherop came and ruined his plan before it could see fruition."
Kathryn leaned closer to him. "Tom, what was this information they wanted so badly?"
"The information about their connection to Section 31."
"Pardan said the AlphaOmegans were established to reel Section 31 in."
"What he didn't know and only the Protectors, Section 31's commanding officers, and I do know is they have been in league with each other since practically the beginning of the AlphaOmegans."
"Let me get this straight. You're saying they are in collusion?"
"There is a very accurate saying, Captain. In order to catch something, you have to become that something." He smiled ironically, eyes inward. "So they did, only by the time they had, they all realized it actually was a good idea for both of them to survive."
His eyes returned to her. "All the religions are wrong, you know. They've always thought the Universe was in the hands of some supreme deity or deities. In reality it's in the tritanium fist of mortals who just think they're gods."
"I don't under-"
"You know what has always appealed to me about the Twentieth Century? That, subconsciously at least, it reminded me so much about our own time. In the Twentieth, there were so many people talking about 'Big Brother,' their governments, always watching them through surveillance devices, allegedly for security purposes. Some individuals even claimed to know for a fact that there were these conspiracies in which their political bodies were doing all sorts of horrible things and covering it up."
"Paranoia was common in the mid to late Twentieth Century, yes, but what does that have to do with-"
"They were right, Captain. There *were* conspiracies. There *were* inhumane acts committed by the same governments who were supposed to be protecting them. After the Federation was born, everyone thought those days were over. They were wrong. Things merely moved to a bigger arena."
Tom pushed himself to sit upright. "In the Grand Scheme of things, until the Dominion appeared on the scene anyway, there was very little that went on in the Alpha or Beta Quadrants that The Protectors and Section 31 did not permit to occur. For the ordinary individual, little things, like what you had for breakfast, what clothes you wore off duty, those things more or less were your choice."
"More or less?"
"Usually you could decide the day to day things for yourselves. Unless there was a reason they wanted you to have eggs for breakfast with bacon, not sausages, or wear a blue dress, not green pants. But bigger things, like your career, your society's economic and political stability, they all were firmly overseen by The Protectors and Section 31."
"There's no way they could do that."
"They can and do. They have people everywhere."
"All rich and powerful like the Paris family?" Chakotay interjected.
"Not every AlphaOmegan is one because of family ties. Though they don't even know it, every child born in the Alpha or Beta Quadrants is subjected to testing as they grow up. If they pass all of the tests, they eventually may become an AlphaOmegan. If at not, they are rejected and get to live a normal life."
"But they picked you because you're a Paris."
"Initially, yes. I was automatically chosen because they knew I had the potential to become as illustrious as the rest of my family so they wanted me. Before I was even born they me set upon this path. The Tom Paris who might have been never had the chance to exist." Tom shook his head to clear it. "It was not until I was a child and scored within the highest percentile in certain tests that their interest in me became more than as a 'potential' and they began rigorously training me. It's the same way with others. They accept
possibles into their program and throughout the Training discard any that don't measure up. Only a few make it to actual AlphaOmegan status. Many become technicians instead or are dropped all together."
The Captain shook her head. "Why do any of this at all?"
"Because of their mandate," Tom said impatiently. "They were told they were to maintain peace in the Alpha and Beta Quadrants so that was what they were trying to do. And they realized right away that the people they were attempting to protect were a bunch of morons intent on killing each other. So they stepped in and started taking care of the *children* as they see everyone to be. Of course they didn't think of doing that all on their own. The Organians helped."
"The Organians?"
"Remember your history, Captain. The Organian Peace Treaty of 2267. An advanced species known as the Organians forced a peace treaty between the Federation and the Klingon Empire."
"I know, but they wanted nothing further to do with us until we had matured as a species and set aside our war-like ways. From what Pardan and Raven claimed, the AlphaOmegans haven't done that. Why would the Organians help them?"
"They weren't actually *helping* them. Not knowingly anyway. Their forcing a peace gave the two groups a head start in enforcing one of their own. The Organians made it possible for The Protectors and Section 31 to assume absolute power over everything in a much shorter timeframe than was expected. That meant they finally could really begin maintaining the peace as they were supposed to be doing."
"But to kill people to do it? How can they justify that?"
"Their mandate was to keep the peace. If it takes the sacrifice of some to fix problems before they become problems, then isn't it worth it?"
"Do you really believe that?!" Harry gasped from across the room.
"In a twisted way, they are correct, yes. If the death of one can stop the deaths of millions, then it is worth it."
"But if they control everything, then why is it necessary? Why would anything happen that they don't want to happen?"
"Unlike the AlphaOmegans, the rest of the Galaxy haven't been drugged and beaten and Implanted into submission. They still have some free will of their own so unexpected things can happen. You go right instead of left when you're out for a walk and you're killed in a random act of violence. You fall in love with someone and you change your entire mindset and life because of that relationship. The unexpected does happen and it annoys the Hell out of them, but there is nothing they can do about it."
"Like your father and I being captured by the Cardassians?" Kathryn whispered hopefully. She really did not want to find out what had happened to her and the Admiral all was because of some conspiracy. It was easier in a way for her to accept it as an accident than people actually having had plotted out her capture.
"Yes, Captain. You were captured because there was a freak accident and the one who was supposed to stop your capture from happening was killed. If he had lived, Camet's people wouldn't have found you. You and the Admiral would have found the information they wanted him to find out about the Cardassians' operations in that area and you would have gone home heroes."
"What about Caldik Prime?" Chakotay murmured. "Was that another *accident* or an assassination? Where did they fall into this Grand Scheme of things?"
"Commander-" The Captain had censure in her voice, which he ignored.
Tom stiffened. "That was an accident, Commander. Pilot error."
"Tuvok says you claim to have been made to be some sort of super spy slash assassin. He said they molded you into the perfect tool for their plans. Then how can you have screwed up so badly as to commit a pilot error?"
"Commander, I have endured interrogations that would have broken even Tuvok. I have been exposed to and performed atrocities that would send any of you scurrying into the darkest recesses of your minds, never to come out. Through all that The Protectors did their damnedes
t to eliminate any trace of anything they did not want to be a part of my psychological makeup. But even they aren't omnipotent or omniscient. They couldn't remove all the flaws so I royally screwed up and three of my friends paid for that with their lives. Of course The Protectors patted themselves on the back later because the accident furnished them with the perfect excuse for me and Starfleet to part company."
"Sunfire told us about your reason for being in the Maquis. And on Voyager."
"I see."
"You see. What some of the crew can't see is how you can live with yourself? With everything you were going to do to these people, your *friends*, with this biobomb?"
"I didn't remember about the BoB until I was escaping from The Diogenes, Commander. Five years ago I wouldn't have felt anything when I triggered it. I would have done what I was programmed and that would have been that."
Tom stared deep into each of the four's eyes in turn. Finally, he sighed when he got the answer he all along had known was going to be there when the others found out about him.
"I am to be punished for things that I was programd to do or never even did, aren't I?" Tom asked Janeway, who looked uncomfortable at the question but did not break eye contact.
"Did you really kill those Cardassians?" she questioned.
"Yes, I did," he confessed in a matter of fact tone. "They destroyed my father and nearly my family. Because of Camet, my father never was the same. He became harder. My mother and my sisters at least always had been able to get him to show some affection towards them. But then he was captured and tortured and even they couldn't reach him anymore."
Tom's eyes got a far away look. "I love my family. I'd die for them." He came back to her though his eyes were hollow now. "A part of me died that day. I took lives of my own volition. I wasn't programd to do it. I wasn't tortured or drugged or mentally conditioned to accept some order that was against my morals, what few The Protectors had left me with. I chose to hunt them down and kill them. I chose vengeance and I got it. It's unfortunate that more than Camet and Meer had to die, but they were in my