Dolly glanced at Annie, felt the heat in her cheeks, and tried to hold back a smile.
Dolly kept all of Liam’s letters under her pillow at night, tied in a piece of red ribbon Annie had given her. She would put them in the hidden box during the day. Liam had written in this particular letter how he longed to feel her breath on his neck as they made love in his warm bed. He craved her sweet lips on his. She blushed and giggled when he wrote that he couldn’t wait to lay his head on her lovely breasts. He noted that her letters were wonderful and happy, not sad. He said it helped him not to worry about her and he could focus on his studies.
For the most part she was happy, but she did have her moments of tears in the middle of the night, pining for him. She did not want to tell him anything that would take him from his studies. Those were the times she held on to the gold heart and remembered her vow that she would make it through. After all, he did propose to her. Her heart fluttered and her belly tickled with excitement at the thought that they were promised, and her undying love for Liam kept her faith alive. It helped, too, that Annie took her to Mass every Sunday. She remembered a gold cross on a chain in her little box of belongings. It was her mother’s. She decided to put it on her chain with the gold heart. It gave her comfort. Confession put her mind at greater ease as well, for the prostitution and the lovemaking with Liam out of wedlock. The Priest had told her that God forgives her. She had many Hail Mary’s to get through, but did them all.
At St. Georges Market that morning she and Annie, always short on time, went to the same vendors. Carrying their own wicker baskets for the food, they soon filled them with the produce, meat, and eggs they would need for the next couple of days. The meat vendor they usually went to had a younger man instead of the kindly elderly gentleman they were used to.
"Where’s Mr. Leary this mornin’?” Annie asked.
The young man was about Liam’s age, with disturbing darting eyes. “Me Da died all-of-a-sudden Friday night," he said. “I’m here to take his place to keep the business goin’.”
It was apparent to Dolly right away that the young man's eyes were feasting on her in a most impolite way. She had seen plenty like him in her life before Liam.
“Oh, dear. My sympathies, Mr. Leary.” Annie said. Dolly, too, felt a bit of shock.
“Call me Edward,” he said. He was speaking to Annie but giving Dolly a longer-than-usual look. He didn’t just focus on her face. Annie glanced at Dolly, who gave Annie a fleeting glance back. Dolly didn’t like Edward Leary at all. She got plenty of stares from men wherever they went, but not like this Edward Leary. She saw that Annie was unnerved as well. He oozed a more-than-subtle lechery.
~~~
“Remember, Annie, what I was doin’ when Liam rescued me.” Dolly wasted no time talking to Annie in the taxi about this smarmy Edward character. “I read it right away, the lecherer. I’ll not go near him except when I’m with you.”
“Good,” Annie said. “I feel better. Most young girls your age would fall for a charmer like that and get into real trouble.” Annie looked out the glassed window of the carriage. It had started to rain as soon as they entered the cab to go home.
Dolly smiled. “Liam’s quite a charmer, ye know.”
Annie smiled back. “Not at all like this Edward.”
“He’s a gentleman, and always asks for my permission.” Dolly blushed with embarrassment at accidentally revealing her thoughts. She had never confided in Annie about any part of her sexual relationship with Liam. They had only discussed matters of the heart.
Annie’s cheeks pinked rosy as well. “He has a good heart,” she said. She patted Dolly on the arm. They sat quiet for a minute.
“I know ye haven’t told me a thing about what you and Liam do, Dolly, but now it’s out in the open. We’re all complicit now and we’re playin’ with dynamite. I can’t tell ye what to do. Ye’re of age now. Just be careful.”
“Yes, Annie.”
“And now, there’s this Edward fellow. We have to be careful.”
Dolly shifted closer and leaned on Annie. She felt Annie do the same.
Chapter 16
Farm work and family life went on as usual. Autumn turned into winter, and Eva’s pregnancy advanced. She was healthy and robust, and getting big at nearly seven months. A loom was added to the cabin in the late fall. They put it in the warm, central room, next to a sunny window. Eva enjoyed weaving, and now the cabin floors did not want for runners and throw rugs adding color, vibrancy, and warmth to the cabin. White and gray were the dominant colors outdoors, except when the sky showed a pale blue. Eva also made curtains out of hand-made bobbin lace. She developed an interest in the intricate artisanal work and spent time at Mamma’s, learning from both her and Mamma Mattson. She kept bright red geraniums on the windowsills in old clay pots. She knitted, and made baby clothes from soft, warm flannel.
Victor spent time with her as well, sitting in their rockers next to the stove in the evenings. Eva loved having him read to her in the lamplight from newspapers, books, and letters his and her family received occasionally from relatives and friends in America.
The question of America never came up. Eva had made it clear to Victor, in spite of him keeping the subject open, that she wanted to stay right where she was, having planned with Liisa they would have their families together. Aili, too, got into those plans.
They acquired a cat. It was Eva’s from home who followed her to the lakeside cabin one day in October and decided to stay. Tupu was very good at keeping the mouse and other rodent population at a minimum. Tupu kept Eva company when Victor spent days working, or had errands to run for the farm in Rauma as long as a sleigh or wagon could make the trip. Most of the time, however, it was just too cold to make the six-hour round trip. Aili and Liisa came over to visit only once a week, busy at home tending to their mother and sick father.
Finally, the mounds of snow and frigid air kept everybody at home. Everyone had homemade skis to get places, but it was best to stay put with frigid temperatures. Also, the wolves were hungry at this time of the winter, when their natural food source was scarce. It was rare to see wolves, but they were spotted occasionally, or heard howling in the night. So far, none had been heard near the Mattson farm that winter.
~~~
It was dark at four-thirty in the afternoon when Victor came home from helping with the livestock feeding. He usually brought several things on the sled from his mother, mostly food and dairy. It took a few minutes for him to enter the house. Eva was preparing supper at the stove and couldn’t imagine what was taking him so long. She heard a constant banging and bumping in and out of the covered entry.
Finally, he opened the inner door and backed into the room carrying a wooden box.
“You look chilled to the bone,” she said.
He looked at her, smiling.
“What are you bringing in, a moose carcass? It took you forever to get in here,” she said dryly.
His face was windblown and red, and his nose was running. He closed the door with his foot.
“It’s freezing out there, and very funny, I’m not hauling a moose carcass in. My fingertips are burning cold, and I brought the sled into the entryway to keep it from getting covered from blowing snow. I had a hell of a time finding it and digging it out this morning.” He brought the box to the table, set it down with a thud, and stood for a few moments. He blew out a big breath of air and shivered. “I’m glad I am home. It smells good in here. Are we having fish?”
She smiled, walked to him with her kerchief out, wiped his nose, and put her arms around him. She nuzzled his cold neck and breathed her warm breath on him to warm him up.
“Here, give me your hands.” She cupped his red fingers in her hands and blew hot air into the chamber she made to warm them. “Do you need to put them in cool water?”
“No. Just keep blowing on them and let me stand by the stove.”
She watched his demeanor change rapidly from cranky to comfortable.
She poured him hot coffee and set it on the table. She took the sugar bowl from the cupboard and the small pitcher of cream from the pantry. As she moved around the kitchen, she began to be aware of his arousal. He always came home roused to her pregnant state.
He fixed his coffee. His spoon chimed on the ceramic cup as he stirred. She was aware that his eyes were on her as she looked into the pot of fish soup on the far edge of the stove, where it was keeping warm. She gave him a coy side-glance on purpose. His eyes followed her as she sliced a few pieces of sour rye bread that she'd baked earlier. She ladled some soup in a bowl for him. After she set the bowl and bread on the table, she looked into his eyes. She started to go for her own bowl, but before she could get too far, he reached for her wrist and pulled her close. “Will you warm me some more?”
“How can I warm you?”
“Pull your skirt up and sit on my lap,” he said in mock demand.
She happily obliged him.
“You like doing this for me, don’t you?” he said.
“Yes.” She gave him a strong, clear gaze.
She knew he was aware that she had taken to leaving off her bloomers as her belly grew, making it more comfortable for her. It also was convenient for such occasions. He pulled himself out of his trousers and long johns, and entered her. She hummed in pleasure as she steadied herself, hands on his shoulders. He pushed back her heavy, winter shift to see her swollen belly, his seed, his get, which, Eva was aware, aroused him like nothing had so far. She rocked as he steadily watched her belly, until he released hard. In her climax, she collapsed into his lap and chest, smiling and nuzzling his neck. He gently tilted her face to him with both hands, kissing her slow and long. Supper was quiet, as they basked in their drowsy intimacy.
Later in the evening, while they sat near the stove, Eva mended, and Victor read the newspapers from the box. When he was finished, they began to chat.
“How is everyone?” she asked.
“Staying warm next to the stoves, it has been so cold. My mother and father are fine. Hannes has cabin fever and your sisters are fidgety. I went to check on them. And, your father is still staying alive. My mother thinks he is waiting for his grandchild to be born.” He smiled softly and patted Eva's knee.
“Suomi Sisu,” Eva said, referring to what the Finns called an inborn resolve, guts, intestinal fortitude, despite the odds and possible failure. She smiled, thinking of her father and his quiet strength. “He’ll most likely succeed.”
Victor smiled and nodded. After a few moments, he turned toward her. “How have you felt today? Is everything all right?” He had gotten in the habit of checking on her health and well-being. She would give him a frown if he asked too much, but he usually ignored her admonishment. Her sardonic reply to his overdone “How are yous” would be, “The same as I was an hour ago.”
“Since you’ve asked just one other time today,” she said, “I will answer that I feel bigger, but I am fine.”
“What did you do all day? I smell bread.”
“I had baked bread and was on my feet all morning, so I took a nap after my mid-day meal. It felt good to lie down.”
“Is that normal?”
“Yes, it’s not easy hauling this big belly around. Mamma said she took naps.”
“I’ll ask my mother when I see her tomorrow.”
Eva rolled her eyes and sighed.
~~~
The next morning, Eva woke early. It was still dark and Victor was up getting ready to head to the farm and his daily chores. He would stoke the fire in the cook stove, make coffee and start a pot of oatmeal each morning. Eva lay with a heavy heart, for she was just dreaming of Eino. It was a mixed-up recollection of her last few meetings with him. The angry one and then the last where they had made love the one and only time before he left. The thing that stood out to her was his anger at her. “You foolish girl,” he had said back then and then repeated in the dream. Her guilt that she had put behind her months ago suddenly washed over her, drowning her happiness in her marriage. She began to cry into her pillow. Why did you have to come back in a dream, Eino? I’ve been so happy. What do I do now? “Victor,” she called. He rushed to her from the kitchen.
“What is it?” he said with grave concern.
She reached out her arms for him to take her into his.
He held her fast. “Why all the tears?”
She felt compelled to tell at least part of the truth. “I just dreamed about Eino.”
He said nothing. He just held her and rocked her until the tears subsided.
~~~
As he skied in the frigid cold to the farm for the day, Victor’s stomach churned at the morning’s events. It’s going to take her days to get over her dream. She still harbors feelings for him. They were not gone, just hiding. Eino will always stand in between me and Eva. She loved him … and still does. He was not happy. His jealousy billowed into a black cloud of hatred for his brother in his mind and heart. Then he remembered it was a regular hay delivery day to the Niemi farm. The large sleigh would glide easily and hold a month’s worth of hay, and the very willing Sally would be waiting for him.
~~~
Coming into mid-March, the late winter temperatures were a bit milder. But to Eva, in her ninth month, it felt like winter was never going to end. When is this baby going to be born? She was at her wit’s end.
“I forgot to tell you last night, Eva,” Victor announced Saturday morning as she was preparing breakfast. “I invited everyone to sauna today. You haven’t seen anyone for a couple of weeks, and everyone wants to know how you are doing.”
“You did what?” she demanded, stirring a pot of oatmeal. “Why didn’t you ask me if I wanted people over? I feel like a moose—” She put the wooden spoon down on the table with a snap. She felt torn between wanting company, and not wanting anyone to see her in this advanced stage, grumpy and unable to sit, stand, or lie down without discomfort.
“I hope that frown you’ve been wearing for the last several days doesn’t permanently settle in,” Victor said, his own frown forming.
“If you don’t like it, go back to your original bedroom.” She put her fists on her hips, belly grossly protruding through her flannel nightgown.
“Why did you say that?”
“I’m not happy with this impromptu visit.”
“But I’ve already asked them. What do you want me to do, un-invite them? I’m in a difficult position, Eva.” He sounded irritated. “If you ask me, I cannot wait another minute for this baby to be born. You are—”
She refused to wait for Victor to finish his thought and angrily waddled to the bedroom, slamming the door after her. Although she yelled “Shut up!” she realized that this was probably incomprehensible to him.
Curious as to why Victor didn’t follow her in to cajole her like he usually did, she cracked the door to see what he was doing. She watched him lean on the nearest windowsill with fists clenched, breathing slowly the way people do to maintain composure. He stretched his neck back and forth. She could see that these last few weeks with her had been harder on him than she realized.
“I want this baby to be born and my sweet Eva to come back to me,” he murmured.
Full of remorse, she tiptoed out of the bedroom and moved towards him.
He looked up. She put on her best little-girl-sorry look, not to try to manipulate him, but to make him feel better. Their eyes met and stayed fixed on each other. He tried to maintain his cross frown but was unable. He huffed at her through his nose as she came to him. She gently started to massage his neck, which always made him melt whenever she did. As she pulled his indigo blue sweater up from behind, she found bare skin white from the winter and kissed his strong, muscular back. The kisses tickled him, making him snort and turn around quickly to stop the tease. He folded her in his long, toned arms. Her big belly was
in the way, so she turned to the side.
“We have lots of bread and cold ham. I have some korpu for coffee. Let’s offer them a sandwich, coffee, and beer for after sauna. It will be fine.” She spoke softly and apologetically.
“I have a feeling they’ll bring a lot of food with them. You know our mothers.” He kissed her head. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask you first. I should have. It’s been a long winter and it is mild enough for people to come out. You’ve been so cooped up and isolated, I just thought—” His voice trailed off. She put her hand on his cheek to quiet him.
“Thank you for thinking of me. I really don’t mind that they are coming. Maybe I felt like giving you a hard time.” She looked up at him. “It’s in my nature, you realize, and you are such a good target.”
He pulled her closer, seemingly careful not to squeeze too hard, “Yes, well sometimes I feel a little too targeted, so could you have some mercy on me occasionally? Otherwise, I just may move you back to your parents’ house.” He kissed the top of her head.
“Don’t try to fool me with that one. I know for a fact that you love being married to me, Victor Mattson. Plus, you can’t make me do what I don’t want to do.” She pretended smugness.
“Shut up, Villi Ruusu and let me kiss that look off your face,” Victor said, covering her face with kisses. They both started to giggle.
~~~
The sauna day visit turned out to be rather pleasant for Eva. Victor was right. She had been isolated with the weather, especially so near her delivery time. It was seven o’clock by the time everyone left. She and Victor cleaned up and started to get ready for bed.
She trudged and shuffled to the bedroom, supporting her back with both hands. It felt weak to her.
“Is your back hurting you?” he asked, seemingly worried.
“I don’t think any more than usual.” She wasn’t telling the truth. Her back was hurting a lot for most of the afternoon, and she was feeling great pressure down below. It made her very frightened, so in her own mind she minimized the obvious physical changes of the last twenty-four hours. “I am very tired though. Liisa helped me to the privy before she left, so I’m going to bed. I really need to sleep.” She avoided telling Victor that she had lost the mucus plug in the privy, finding it on the wiping cloth. He would just be annoyingly over-attentive, she thought. And she was in no mood for that.
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