by Cate Tiernan
No. I had decided to go, and now I was going to deal with it. So it was a little scary—I would be in Gloucester soon. I sat down and watched a screen with the weather forecast refresh itself about two hundred times before it was time to board the bus.
The bus to Boston was almost empty, so I had two seats to myself, nice and close to the driver. This made me feel a little more secure. He didn't seem to notice anything strange about my being alone. I guess this was pretty much standard runaway procedure, something he'd seen before—something just what my mother had done over thirty years before. Shoving my bag behind my head, I closed my eyes and fell right asleep.
I dreamed of the mermaid again. It was night this time, and we were both on the shore. The sea was calm now. The mermaid hid herself under a green veil, and she pointed up to the moon, which was a hook hanging low over the water—a waxing moon. We sat in silence for a long time; then a wave lapped up on the sand. As it pulled away, the beach was glowing with runes and Gaelic words. All the space between us was filled up by this mysterious writing. Another wave came and washed it all away, leaving the beach bare and sandy. And when I looked up for the mermaid, she was gone. I woke up just as the bus was pulling into Boston's South Station, the biggest bus and train depot in the city.
I discovered by reading a few rainbow-colored folding transit maps and asking a few commuters that I needed to take two subway lines to get to North Station, where I would be able to get on a train to Gloucester at seven-thirty. From there, the ride to Gloucester would take about an hour. My brain was waxy and numb from too much emotion and too little sleep. The color-coded routes on the maps seemed like they would be impossible to navigate. But I pulled up some hidden reserve of energy and brainpower and managed to get myself on the subway and across town. For the third time in only a few hours I was waiting on another platform. If only I had a car I thought. Life would be a lot easier.
I thought of my bed back in Widow's Vale, all made, ready to be climbed into and enjoyed. Of course, there was nothing else left in my room, but my bed was there. My dad probably pacing. I was sure he'd been up all night…
There was a phone behind me. Impulsively I picked it up and called the house collect. Someone snatched the phone off the hook on the first ring. It was my dad, who frantically accepted the charges.
"Hello? Alisa?"
"It's me, Dad," I replied, frightened by the urgency in his voice.
"Alisa, where are you?"
"It's okay, Dad," I said, keeping my on the track for any sight of the train. "I'm fine. I just need… some time."
"Time? What are you talking about?"
"It's just been too much for me to take in," I sighed.
"Alisa…," he said. He sounded confused, like he didn't know which would be more effective: being angry or pleading.
"I'm not just running off," I said. "I'm going to see Mom's family."
He had no idea what to say to that. I might as well have just told him that I'd hopped on a slow boat to China. My mother never talked about her family, so my dad always assumed it that they must have been pretty bad to make her run away when she was eighteen. From what he'd told me, my mom wasn't exactly a rebel.
"There's a lot you don't know about the," I added. Understatement of the year. "They know I'm coming. They want to see me. I have to go."
"I've had enough of this, Alisa," he said, opting for the angry approach.
"I'm just telling you," I continued, "so you won't worry. I'm in safe hands, not out on the streets somewhere. I'm going to a house, to stay with mom's brother. There is no need to call the police or anything."
"Your mother didn't even had a brother!" he said, his voice breaking.
"She did," I said. "He lives in a nice place. It's fine. I'm fine. I just need to think. I promise that I'll stay there, where it's safe—just please don't call the police. I promise that I'll call."
"Do I have a choice?" he finally said.
"Not really," I admitted.
"I love you, Alisa. You know that, don't you? I know you've been…"
The train was coming.
"I love you, Dad." I felt myself choke up on that. "I have to go. Please don't worry about me."
I think he was calling my name when I hung up. My hands shook, and my eyes stung. Onward, I thought. No turning back now.
I crashed again on the commuter train, with my head resting against the window. No dreams this time. I woke with a jolt and a crick in my neck as I heard the conductor announcing that we were pulling into Gloucester.
No one was around on the platform. Only a few people were out walking on the street—it was still early on an overcast Sunday morning, after all. I didn't know where I was or how to find Sam's house, so I just headed out and started walking in the direction that seemed most promising. I don't know how to describe it, but the town felt right to me. I could sense the heavy pull of the ocean. Lobster traps and fishing gear turned up everywhere—in signs and displays, on people's lawns. It seemed like a very modest place, a functioning fishing town, very old and not very fancy. While I definitely wasn't giddy with delight, I felt a sense of calm after the chaotic night. Whatever it was that had been calling me—it was here.
A half hour later a lonely cab happened to go past me, and I frantically waved it down. The driver looked at me a bit hesitantly—I guess high school kids don't usually hail cabs off the street in Gloucester—then took me in. I gave him the printout of the e-mail with Sam's address on it and settled back in the seat. We wound up and down the tight streets filled with colonial style houses, many marked with plaques commemorating the people who had lived there hundreds of years ago. The cab slowed at a neat little cape house, tucked tightly in a row of similar houses on one of the town's center streets. We stopped and the driver turned on me.
"It's all right," he said, eyeing me and my bag. "No charge."
"Are you sure?" I said, reaching into my pocket for my eighteen dollars. "I have money."
"Don't worry about it," he said. "I'm going off duty."
I must look lost, I thought. Or just really pathetic. Still, it was nice of the driver. I thanked him profusely and slid out of the car.
So there I was, standing on my uncle's doorstep at just before ten in the morning on a Sunday. I looked up above his door and saw a pentacle there—a little one, imprinted into a clay plate, and carefully hung above the entrance. This was definitely the right place.
It should have felt very strange and very scary. My uncle and I were strangers to each other. But I knew that it was going to be all right. There was something about his relationship with my mother, the tone of his note, and my dreams that told me he would welcome me. With a deep breath, I rang the bell.
Meowing from inside. Lots of it. I tightened my grip on the handle of the bag as I heard footsteps coming towards the door. "It's all right," a man's voice was saying. "Calm down, it's just the doorbell."
More frantic meowing.
"What, do you think it's a fish delivery for you guys?" he said. "Just calm down. Let me through.
The door opened.
The man who stood before me looked very boyish, though I knew he was in his forties. His hair was light brown, streaked through with golden blond and a few shots of gray. His blue eyes were framed by a stylish pair of wire-rimmed glasses. Obviously he had just been relaxing on a lazy Sunday morning, and was comfortably dressed in a Boston University T-shirt and a pair of running pants.
"Sam Curtis?" I asked.
"Yes?" he said, looking at me strangely. He became very still and seemingly tense as he studied me. It was as if he had found a mysterious package on his front step and was still trying to figure out if it was a clock or a bomb.
"I'm Alisa," I said, "Alisa Soto. Sarah's daughter."
"Goddess!" said Sam, gripping the door frame. I could tell he wasn't sure of he should hug me or shake my hand. As a compromise, he decided to grab my shoulder.
"I can't believe it!" he almost whispered, looking me ov
er. "Alisa!"
I nodded shyly.
"How did you get here? It's what, ten in the morning?"
"I got your note," I said quickly evading his question, "and I thought it would be okay."
"Of course!" he said. "Of course! Let's get you inside."
7. Sam
Samhain, October 31, 1948
Máirin's Book of Shadows is missing. I was reading it all last night before going to sleep, and I left it on my desk. When I woke up, it was gone. I immediately ran to tell Mother. I was wild with excitement and fear, but she was very subdued when I told her that it was missing. She told me not to worry. The there was nothing that could be done. Control, she reminded me. Witches must always be master of themselves. Only clear thought can produce strong magick.
Still, I feel as though I had the answer in my hands, only to have it snitched away! Oh, Goddess, what can I do?
— Aoibheann
Inside Sam's house, I was met by the comforting witchy smell of lingering herbs and incense, particularly sage. Everything was made of wood and brick, and there was a fireplace with a little fire to take off the morning chill. Two Siamese cats padded up to me, chattering their greetings.
"Meet Astrophe and Mandu," he said, picking up one of the cats and handing him to me. The cat purred loudly and pushed his head under my chin in affection. "That's Mandu," Sam said. "He's a baby, loves to be picked up. Astrophe will get you when you sit down. He thinks every lap is his."
"Astrophe and Mandu?" I asked as the cat gave me little kisses with his wet nose. "Are those magickal names?"
"No," Sam laughed. "Cat-astrophe. Cat-mandu."
I groaned, remembering my mom's description of her brother in her Book of Shadows. She'd said he was a real joker. Actually, she'd said he was asinine. I knew they played practical jokes on each other all the time.
"It's so early," he said. "When did you leave to get here?"
He cast a slightly strange look over his shoulder at me, but I kept my focus on Mandu, who was swatting my hair.
"Sorry," I said. "I thought I'd take the earliest train. You know. Get a jump on things."
Lame. Obvious. But what was I going to say?
"Wait a minute," he said, "let me change into some proper clothes, and I'll make us some breakfast. I'll be right back. Make yourself at home."
With one cat in my arms and another wrapped around my ankles, I took a walk through Sam's living room. The wood floor was covered with a large Turkish rug colored in browns and oranges. On one side of the room there was a small altar, with some candles, seashells, fresh flowers, a cup and a beautiful black-handled athame. He seemed to have about a million representations of the moon, in pictures, tiles and masks.
Bookshelves took up most of the wall space. (Rowanwands are famous for collecting, and sometimes hoarding, knowledge. I wasn't sure if I'd gotten much of that particular family trait.) Sam's collection covered an incredible array of subjects, from physics to literature to art. There were volumes on herbs, magick, Wiccan history, divination, Celtic Gods and Goddesses, tarot, and hundred other witch-related subjects. Two shelves were devoted to volumes on astronomy. Three more were occupied by books on yoga, meditation, charka's, and Indian religion.
I noticed a few shelves that were devoted to the history of homosexuality and some current books on gay politics and culture. I was paused on these when I realized that Sam was back. He was casually dressed in a maroon short-sleeved shirt and tan pants.
"I have a lot of books, I know," he said. "Such an Rowanwand. This is nothing. You should see the family library. I think we have more books then the town library."
He noticed what shelf I was looking at and smiled.
"Oh," he said, nodding. "I'm gay."
I didn't know much about my uncle, so the fact he was gay was just one item on a very long list. I liked his ease with the fact. I figured it had something to do with being Wiccan. I supposed they were a lot more open and well adjusted when it came to that subject. So I had a gay uncle. That was kind of cool.
"Okay," he said, directing me to the kitchen, "let's get some food for you. I can tell you're starved."
There's no use hiding anything from witches. They always seem to know. I set Mandu down on the ground and followed Sam into the kitchen.
"Do you drink coffee?" he asked.
I nodded. I was dying for coffee, actually. I hadn't slept much.
"How do you like it?"
"Sweet," I said, sitting down at the table. Astrophe, as promised, hopped right into my lap and curled into a ball. "And milky, please."
"Sweet and milky coffee," Sam nodded approvingly. "You are definitely my niece! We're going to get along well." He cheerfully put down two huge mugs and filled them up. Then he loaded sugar and milk and pushed a cup in my direction. I took it, thanking him. It was incredible. Uncle Sam didn't fool around in the coffee department. This was the good stuff.
"All right," he said, opening the refrigerator. "Let's see. How about an omelette? I have some cheddar cheese and bacon. That might taste good."
He couldn't have know that I'd been living on mashed tofu and organic leeks for weeks now, could he? A bacon and cheese omelette sounded like heaven on a plate. I tried not to drool when I nodded my appreciation. For appetizers, he had put some chocolate croissants, macaroons, orange slices and strawberries on a plate for me to munch on as he worked. Munch I did. I could barely control myself. I noticed that he kept glancing back at me as he set some brown eggs, hickory-smoked bacon, and a big piece of cheese wrapped in paper out on the counter.
"I'm sorry that I keep staring," he finally said, whisking together the eggs. "It's just that you look so much like your mom."
This stopped me cold.
"I do?" I asked.
"It's kind of amazing," he said.
I had a few photos of my mom, and while I'd seen a little resemblance, I didn't think I really looked a lot like her. My father's family is from Buenos Aires, so I'm half Latina. Half witch, half Latina… half everything. My eyes are brown, and my hair is dark but streaked with a honey color. My skin has a warm olive tone—not at all like the alabaster face that I saw in the pictures.
"Mom was very blond, right?" I said. "Kind of pale?"
"That's true," Sam admitted. "The Curtises come from England, and we all tend to be fair. Your coloring is darker, but there's so much of your mother in you. It's in your expression. Your face. Your height, the way you stand. Even your voice. You could be her twin."
"I'd like to know more about her," I said. "That's why I'm here."
He nodded, as if I'd just said something he'd expected to hear. Then he turned to the stove and poured the egg mixture into the pan where the bacon was cooking.
"I'm glad," he said. "I've wondered what your life must be like. I assume you weren't raised practicing Wicca?"
"No," I said, grabbing another strawberry. "I didn't know about any of this until a few months ago. I kind of stumbled into a coven at school. I saw people do things that I'd never known were possible. I've seen a lot, actually. Not all good."
He turned in surprise, then had to go back and do a little fancy pan-shaking. A minute later he presented me with the largest omelette ever made.
"Aren't you going to eat something?" I asked as he sat down.
"I will." He smiled. "Later. I'd rather talk now. You eat up."
I didn't need to be told twice. Between mouthfuls, I told Sam a little about Widow's Vale Kithic, my dad and Hilary. This left the door open for him to start talking.
"About your mom," he said. "There's a lot to tell."
"I know part of the story," I said, accepting more coffee. "I have her Book of Shadows."
"How did you get that?" he asked, shocked.
"Through a friend, actually," I shrugged. "It just kind of turned up at her house. It seemed to have a pull on me. I actually stole it from her. She didn't mind after I told her why."
"It just turned up at your friend's house?" I nodded. Sam loo
ked at me for a second, then laughed and shook his head. "Well, the Goddess certainly does work in mysterious ways. So you must know your mother stripped herself of her powers. Do you know why?"
"I know about the storm," I said, feeling that was what he was getting at.
When he was young, Sam had used a book of dark magick to try bring a little much-needed rain to the town. Instead he accidentally produced a storm that raged out of control and killed several sailors. This was one of the events that had caused my mother to give up her magick, but not the only one. She had been pushed to the brink by her own telekinesis, which had frightened her as much as mine frightened me. The final thing that caused her to strip herself was a telekinetic incident after she argued with Sam. A table lurched away from the wall and pushed him down the stairs, nearly killing him. Sam didn't know anything about my mom's telekinesis. I could see he thought she'd left because of his actions, and it was clear that the guilt never left him.
"I was a really stupid kid," he said. "Beyond stupid. I had good intentions, but I produced really bad results. Horrific results."
"It wasn't just that," I said, trying to make him feel better. "She was afraid in general. She thought that her own powers were dangerous. She—"
I cut myself off. Did I want to get into the whole story of her telekinesis and mine? I would eventually, but maybe not this very moment.
"It was a lot of things," I said. "She wrote about it. It wasn't just the storm, honestly."
He looked up, and his eyes had a glint of hope in them. He'd obviously been carrying a very heavy weight around with him for years. I felt for him.
"You know," he said, nervously shifting his coffee cup, "we know Sarah—your mom—is gone. We could sense that much—but we really don't know…"
"She died in 1991," I explained, "right before I turned four. She had breast cancer."
"Breast cancer," he repeated, taking it in. Maybe to witches that seems really mundane. For all I know, we can cure that with magick. That thought made me a bit sick to my stomach—maybe my mother could have lived.