Harper walks into the kitchen, her hair’s in a messy bun, she’s wearing sweats and a hoodie—the look of a woman who deserves however much wine she wants tonight. But she doesn’t look spent... she looks like she’s ready for an evening with her husband. Earlier I heard them discussing the night’s plan to keep marathoning through The Walking Dead.
Romance at its motherfucking best.
“After a night with us, I bet you’re ready to go get sterilized,” Jaxon says, laughing. Harper laughs too, as she pours herself a glass of white wine.
I shrug at Jaxon’s comment, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks. Thank God I have a beard big enough to hide some of my emotion. The truth is I want Honor to have my children. I want to fill her with my seed and watch her belly blossom. I want to take care of her; of all of her children, make us a family.
And that’s after just one day with her.
“I don’t know, man,” I tell him. “Sure, you and Harper look exhausted—but it’s a good exhaustion.”
Jaxon and Harper smile at this, she raises her glass to her husband’s bottle. “Cheers to the sweet labor of love,” she says.
I take a swig of my beer and can’t help but think this is what I’ve been missing all my life. I’ve been fucking around, getting in trouble, trying to help my friends—people who could have found a way to help themselves.
I know I have a soft spot for taking care of people. But maybe that’s why my heart is so open to Honor right now. I’m good at fighting injustice, for taking my friends who are down-on-their-luck under my wing. I’ll stick up for the weary. Hell, I’ll go to jail for them. Now, though, for the first time in my life, I want to put all that good intention in the right place.
There is only one place I feel like it belongs. With the woman who captured my heart with one glance. Who I fell for before I even knew her name.
Just then, Honor walks in the room, a crying infant in her arms. She doesn’t look the good kind of exhausted. She just looks worn out.
“Hey, sweetie,” Harper says, frowning. “Titus giving you a run for your money?”
“Yeah,” she says. “Every time I try to lay him down without me, he starts up again. I think I’m just gonna call it a night, okay? I’ll go to bed with him, that way the rest of the tribe can stay asleep.”
“You sure?” Harper asks. “We don’t mind him staying up with us. We’re gonna turn on Netflix.”
“No.” Honor tries to smile, but it’s grim. “I don’t think the zombie apocalypse is going to help Titus fall asleep.”
“We could put on something else?” Jaxon asks.
Honor shakes her head. “No way—this is your time. And honestly, I’m exhausted.”
“Okay,” Harper says, biting her lip. “Sleep well.”
“Goodnight.” Honor waves with her free hand, and as she leaves I feel her heart breaking just a bit with each step she takes.
I watch her leave, and I swear she gives me the slightest nod, toward her door, before turning to Harper and Jaxon myself.
“I’m gonna call it a night myself,” I tell them.
“You sure? It’s only 8:30,” Jaxon says.
“I’m sure. I’m not used to all this back-breaking work.”
“Alright man. See ya in the morning.”
I head to my room, biding my time for when Honor’s kids fall asleep, knowing that once they are down for the count, I’m going to help put a smile back on my angel’s face.
Chapter Eleven
Honor
Titus is finally drunk on mama milk and sound asleep. Only took two hours. I blink, knowing what I need right now is a shower before I go to bed myself. It’s been a long 24 hours.
I ease him from my mattress and set him in the Pack ‘n Play. His little hands are tucked under his chin, and I could melt from looking at his perfection. I’m so grateful for my children, but my heart? It’s so tender right now.
Knowing my children won’t have a father to watch them grow up is so sad—especially since my choices and my lack of bravery for so long is what made this happen. I should have been wiser years ago.
Should have run before I was ensnared by a man like Luke.
I grab my bathrobe from a hook and open the bathroom door. Swallowing my shame, I remind myself that I did the best I could. I am doing the best I can.
I know I need to call Luke. Harper and Jaxon both want me to. But I’m not ready. Not yet. It’s only been a week. And I know how persuasive he is. He can lay on the guilt like nobody’s business—how else would he have convinced so many people to change their religious views? He is a wheeler and a dealer.
And a cheat.
The images of him cheating on me... and on True and Kind... with another woman... are permanently glued in my mind. He says he was going to marry the prostitute, make her his fourth wife, but I wasn’t going to stay around and watch that happen.
Those memories fade away, however, as I step into the bathroom and see Hawk standing here.
In nothing but boxers.
The lighting is low. The bath is full of bubbles. Candles are lit. His eyes are on mine.
“Did I interrupt something?” I ask, poorly hiding a smile.
My heart thrums with pleasure, the sadness that had been filling me as I put Titus to sleep slips away.
How could any woman be sad with this romantic gesture before them?
“Angel, you didn’t interrupt anything at all. I was getting this ready for you.” Hawk steps toward me and brushes a loose tendril of hair from my face. “You look exhausted, completely worn out. I hate to see you like this.”
He cups my face and I lean into his palm. Feeling him cradle my cheek is so comforting, so utterly soothing.
“It’s been hard moving here,” I admit. “I wanted to talk to you earlier, about the cult ... about everything, but it was impossible with Jaxon and Harper here. I didn’t want you to find out about my past like you did this morning. When Jaxon was talking to me... I was scared you’d heard too much... and that you would be done with me.”
Hawk shakes his head softly, “Hush,” he says. “You don’t need to justify anything to me. Who you are is enough. I’m just grateful to be with you right now.”
“A week ago, I was sharing a house with a man and two of his other wives. When I said my life is complicated, I wasn’t exaggerating.”
“Hey, I get that, I have so much to learn about you, about your past, about your future. What you want for your life. But we don’t need to talk about all that right now. Your eyes are filled with exhaustion, and I’m guessing your body needs to relax. I was thinking you could take this bath and have some alone time. You deserve it, Honor.”
I feel heat rise to my cheeks and I bite my bottom lip.
“What is it?” he asks, resting his forehead on mine. The movement is so intimate, it makes my core tighten, my panties soaked. A man has never been like this with me before. So completely patient.
“I want to relax,” I tell him. “And I am exhausted. But I don’t want to take this bath by myself. I want you, too...”
I don’t finish the sentence because it feels so brazen to say what my body wants. Who am I to talk like that, to ask for what I desire?
“You don’t need to be embarrassed with me,” he says. “Hell, I’ve done enough things to embarrass both of us. There’s nothing you can say or do that’s gonna make me think less of you. Because right now I feel like I see you for what you are.”
“Yeah?” I lick my lips, not sure how he sees me. “And what’s that, Hawk?” My words are merely a whisper on my lips.
I want to know how Hawk sees me, and at the same time, I don’t want him to say a word. Part of me is scared that if he tells me how he feels about me, I’ll be let down.
Because I’ve known him for one single day, but my feelings are deep and wide.
“I see you as a gentle woman, wise beyond your years. I watched you tonight, cradling your babies in your arms, soothing them with your words. Patience pouring out of you. Bu
t you let all that goodness drain you until there was nothing left.”
“You don’t understand, Hawk. It’s not that I don’t want to keep some of that for myself, but I’m alone in this world. And no one is here to help pick up the pieces of my broken life. I have to give everything I’ve got to my sons because no one else is here to help me.”
Hawk’s jaw tenses, he looks at me with intention, desire. Truth.
“Let me help you. For as long as we have. Let me help you.”
I shake my head, wanting him so badly, but not wanting to take more than I ought. Scared to death that he is going to hurt me like Luke did.
I protect myself with my words, “I don’t know anything about you.”
He scoffs immediately as if my words are ridiculous. “Does that matter right now?” he asks.
He says it so plainly, I’m forced to respond. Forced to answer in truth.
And the truth is, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care about Hawk’s past—and not in a dismissive way. In an accepting way.
I want his help.
And what is that? Accepting someone’s grace, when you don’t even know them? And more than that—what does it say about Hawk, being so willing to offer it?
I swallow because deep down I know exactly what that is.
It is love.
I blink, feeling like that word is ridiculous in this moment. A man like Hawk can’t love a woman like me. But oh, how my heart is pulled toward him.
My own feelings seem so reckless. How can I consider love when my life is in such a state of disrepair?
Harper seemed to hit the nail on the head earlier today. I’m in no place to start something with a man.
But then I look up at Hawk’s cloudy gray eyes; he’s waiting for an answer. “I’ll ask you again, Angel,” he says. “You don’t know much about me, but does that matter right now?”
I shake my head and I wrap my arms around his neck. “Right now, all that matters is this.”
And I press my mouth against his, his soft lips somehow firm against mine. This kiss steadies me, holds me in place.
And yet, manages to take my breath away; manages to let my fears float into the oblivion.
In place of the fear, all that is left in this candlelit bathroom is a flicker of love.
Chapter Twelve
Hawk
It doesn’t take long to get her out of her clothes, and when she pulls her tank top off over her head, I see her beautiful breasts for the first time.
Damn, looking at her topless, I know she is more than a woman. She is a mother. And her breasts, the ones that give life to her babies, are full and gorgeous, generous globes of pure pleasure.
She covers herself with her palms, her fingers brushing against her hard nipples, then letting her fingers roam lower, grazing down toward her beautiful pussy.
“You don’t need to be embarrassed around me, remember?” I tell her. “I thought we just covered that.”
In the soft candlelit glow of the bathroom, I see her cheeks flush pale pink and she bites her bottom lip, having no idea how fucking hot she looks right now.
A real woman before me, her body has been given as an offering of love to her sons. Still, no matter how much of a woman she is, I know her heart is still so fragile and I don’t fucking take that lightly. I take it like the gift it is.
Honor has been through way too much and the last thing I’m going to do is hurt her. Honor deserves a life full of bubble baths and candlelight and romance.
“If you’re telling me to not be embarrassed, I’m wondering why your boxers are still on?” She raises an eyebrow toward me and moves her hands to her hips, and when she does her body is revealed in all its glory.
“You know the moment I take these boxers off my cock is going to jump out and scare you.” I laugh softly and she just shakes her head.
Her lips turn to a smile. “I don’t scare easily.”
I take a step toward her, I’m not going to hold back if she gives me the go-ahead.
I drop my boxers and start stroking my long, hard shaft.
“Last night was so fucking hot,” I tell her. I remember fucking her in the back of my truck, filling her up with my length, and damn I’m hard as a rock thinking about it again.
“I’ve obviously had sex, more than I would have liked, but Hawk, what you did to me last night...” She stops, and I see tears in her eyes. I brush one away with my thumb. “When you touched me last night,” she says, “it made me feel so beautiful.”
“Good. That’s how you deserve to feel. Forever.”
Honor laughs quietly. “You’ve known me a day and already telling me how I should feel forever?” She closes her eyes and exhales. “This all feels like a dream, Hawk. Like, it’s too good to be true.”
I know I need to tell her why I ended up here. I need to explain my past and let her know that I may see her as the most beautiful thing in the world, but I’ve got a dark past; have a track record that isn’t anything I’m proud of. I don’t want to tell her that tonight because it will fill her heart with worry, it will cause her brows to crease, a frown to form, and right now this woman doesn’t need to feel anything but blissed out.
I pull her toward me, my cock hard against her belly, and I kiss her harder, more deeply, my hands are in her hair, and her arms are around my neck. I just want to be closer, closer. Close enough to devour her.
She’s whimpering against my mouth, so desperate for pleasure.
“Do you think Harper will hear?” she asks, pulling away mid-kiss.
I shake my head. “Jaxon and Harper are busy watching a show about fucking zombies. They’re in their own world. And we are in ours.”
She looks at the bathroom door, leading to her bedroom. It’s open a crack, and there isn’t a single noise from inside.
“You sure you’re okay with this?” I ask.
Her eyes brighten, reassuring me that she wants this as badly as I do.
“Make love to me in the bathtub,” she says, running her finger down my chest. “I’ve never done that before.”
I grin, loving the fact that Harper and Jaxon put in a Jacuzzi tub here. It’s big enough for the two of us.
As we step into the hot water, Honor’s shoulders relax instantly, and she sinks down into the bubbles.
“Oh, this feels so good,” she says.
I pull her toward me and she lies against my chest. Having her close like this is more than I ever imagined for myself. With this woman, here in my arms, I want to be a better man.
“I’ve never taken a bath with a woman, so this is a first for both of us.”
She laughs. “That surprises me, that we found a first to share. It seems like... with my story and... whatever your story is... I was kind of thinking that between the two of us we’ve seen it all.”
“I have a feeling there’s a lot of firsts we could share.”
I swallow, feeling her soft skin against mine.
Sure, I slept with a bunch of women, but I never made love to anyone but her. And yes, I’ve been through the wringer with the law, but I’ve never had a reason to be a real man. To step up and create a life that mattered.
“Is it crazy?” she asks. “That I want to have a lot of firsts with you?”
“It’s not crazy at all,” I tell her. I press my fingers to her pussy and as I touch her, her soft folds open to me. And when she slides over my cock, rocking against me, it’s like she is ready to be filled up completely. I run my hands over her ass and pull her closer still. She sinks down on my cock, eyes closed as she does. Her breasts are round, her ass is perfect, her body made to bring forth life. To give pleasure. I don’t want her to experience any more pain.
I make love to Honor, my cock deep inside of her and she pants above me, her breasts bouncing slowly as she moves over me, grinding against me until she’s tipping over into an orgasm.
“Oh Hawk, oh, I’m so close,” she moans.
I fill her up, thrusting deep inside of her, exploding
in her pussy the way she wants, the way I need.
“Oh, baby,” I manage, catching my breath, my cock still pounding inside of her, our bodies hot and full of passion. “Angel, this is everything.”
She nods wordlessly because she knows that’s the absolute truth. She smiles then as if she has something to say that’s going to make me happy.
“It was good, right?” I ask.
She nods, pulling from me and sitting opposite me in the tub. Our bodies are red from the hot water, and she twists her hair up on her head, wrapping an elastic band around it. “I’m so hot. Literally. Could use a cool shower.” She smiles. “So... I was thinking.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Well, I’ve never taken a shower with a man either. I think we should have another first.”
I grin, loving the way this woman thinks. I stand and take her hand. I may have showered with a woman before, but never with Honor. Never with the woman, I’m going to make my wife.
Chapter Thirteen
Honor
For the next week, I’m in a blissed-out state of euphoria.
Suddenly taking care of these children isn’t anywhere near as demanding... because after they go to sleep each night I sneak away into the bathroom or into Hawk’s bedroom and we talk for hours. We make love for hours.
In doing so, we learn the hard facts about our pasts, but somehow, they’re made lighter because they have been shared with someone else.
When Hawk tells me about his track record, about being in jail half a dozen times, for getting arrested for breaking and entering, for the bar fights and the stolen cars... about his mom killing an innocent person, and how it messed with his head. There are a lot of tears on my part.
But there is a lot of forgiveness too.
I can see that beneath the list of crimes, they were all committed as acts of love.
The stolen car was really just a case of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. His buddy had bought the car—not knowing it was stolen. When they found out, Hawk attempted to return it to its rightful owner—which is when he was pulled over by the cops.
The Mountain Man’s Babies: Books 1-5 Page 35