“Awakenings. Auras. Episodes. Aura sparking.” She flushed as she remembered Mellis’s comment that aura sparking could, and did, lead to foreplay. Enough so both Alarin and Greg refused to do it. And Mellis was willing—as long as she had a sexual partner waiting in the wings. “I had dreams last night,” she blurted out suddenly.
“What kind of dreams?”
She bit her lip. She didn’t want to admit to her dreams, but maybe Greg needed to know. “Sex … nothing specific. Just … erotic.” She didn’t remember them very clearly, but they had certainly been filled with indescribable physical sensation. No one in particular had starred in them, despite her sensitivity to both Alarin and Greg the night before, which made her more willing to actually admit to them.
“Really?” Greg moved, getting off the chair and coming toward her. She eyed him nervously. “I’m just going to scan you,” he said as he sat next to her on the edge of the bed. “I want to see if there are any physical changes in you.”
She let him run his hands above her skin. His blanket gapped, revealing that he didn’t have any clothes on underneath—at least not to his waist. “Am I okay?” she asked him as he tightened the blanket around himself again and sat back.
“You’re fine. No physical changes, either. But you are most certainly showing all the symptoms of Awakening. Apparently, humans Awaken the way we do.”
“Do I have to?” Tamara asked, staring down at her hands.
“Have to what?”
“Awaken. Have psi. Whatever.”
Greg cocked his head and looked at her. “I don’t think I understand. Why wouldn’t you want to?”
She ran her fingertips over the bedspread, the rough fabric catching on her skin. It sent tiny little shivers down her spine. “Because it’s scary.”
“What’s scary about it?” he asked, scooting back so he rested against the wall, the blankets still wrapped around his body.
“It’s … different. I don’t know what it will be like.”
“That’s part of life, Tamara. Uncertainty about where the future is going. Not having psi doesn’t change that.”
Tamara bit her lip. “Yes, but…” she trailed off.
“But what?”
She took a breath and let it out slowly. “Why me?”
“Why not you? Denying it won’t change what’s happening. It will just make it more painful.”
“But I won’t be me anymore.”
Greg leaned forward. “Of course you will. It might be that you will become more of who you truly are, but you’ll still be you. There is no way for you to lose that part of yourself that’s truly you, Tamara. The only parts of you that you can let go of are the parts that aren’t genuine or don’t matter.”
She blinked at him, her mind becoming frazzled by his words. “I don’t understand.”
“You don’t need to. You’re changing whether you want to or not, Tamara. Just let go and let it happen. Otherwise, you’ll make it more difficult for yourself than it needs to be. And far more painful. Resisting Awakening never works and just creates more problems than it avoids.”
She squinted at him. “I’m not Azellian,” she reminded him.
“No, but there are some things that go beyond species,” Greg replied. “The truth that resistance is far more painful than allowance is one of them.”
“What if I just want to fight it? Because I can?”
“The choice is yours, but it’s not going to get you anywhere. Your psi is breaking through whether you want it to or not. Which is why you’re having these episodes. And why you’re here, whether you realize it consciously or not.”
There was an uncomfortable truth in what he was saying. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Would you be okay if I just walked away?”
“From what? Yourself? Good luck with that. You can walk away from us if you like, but it won’t change what’s happening to you, and we happen to know quite a bit about it. The aarya have guided you to those who can help you through this, Tamara. You’re not alone.”
She looked up at him. “I feel alone.”
Greg shrugged. “Once you open the doors to your psi, you will never be alone again. It’s part of the joy of it.”
She blinked at him. “Really?”
“Absolutely!”
“Even for me, a human with psi? Even though no other human I know has these abilities?”
“You’ll find yourself drawn to those who resonate with you,” Greg replied. “Like us. We might not be human in our upbringing, but there really aren’t that many differences between us, psi or not, and you resonate with us quite well.”
“I feel like I’ve known you guys forever. Is that what you mean?”
“It feels the same way on our end. Who knows? Maybe we knew each other in a past life?”
“Past lives? Really?”
Greg waved a hand. “Past lives, other dimensions, other experiences, on a different energy plane. Does it really matter? Don’t get lost in the meanings of the words I’m using. You’ve brought yourself to what you’ve been asking for, Tamara. Friends. Most especially, friends who understand. And we’re here to help you through this.”
She made a face. “Why now?”
“Because it’s time and you’re ready?”
“Are you sure it’s not because I’ve spent time around you Azellians?”
“Do you mean are we triggering it in you?”
“Yes. I shoved it down three years ago. Why can’t I do that now?”
Greg studied her, his amber eyes compassionate. “You could,” he said, “but it will very likely just pop out again. You wouldn’t have been attracted to us if you weren’t ready for it to come out now.”
Tamara pushed herself off the bed. “I need some time,” she murmured, rubbing a hand over her cheek. “Time to think about this. To get used to the idea.”
“Do that,” Greg said, maneuvering himself off the bed. “If you’re really Awakening like an Azellian, then there are things we can do to get you prepared. We can start Monday, if you like?”
“Things like aura sparking?”
Greg smiled. “That’s usually not something Healers do to help with Awakening. It’s usually something Awakening partners will do with each other.”
“Is it really foreplay?”
“It can be. Why?”
“Just wondering. When Merran showed me, we were in a restaurant.”
“Well, it’s pretty mild and doesn’t reveal much to an outside observer, so it’s often the way one Azellian will show another sexual interest, particularly in a public setting.”
Tamara twitched. “Does that mean…”
“That Merran is sexually interested in you?” Greg asked bluntly. Tamara blushed. “I don’t know. You’ll have to ask him. If you were psi, you’d know pretty much right away, though. Azellians don’t usually hide sexual interest from each other.”
“I can’t ask him,” Tamara gasped, somewhat horrified by the thought.
“Why not? If he’s not interested, he’ll tell you. If he is, well, that’s another question and one for the two of you to answer.”
Tamara scrubbed her palm against her cheek, trying to rub away her embarrassment. They probably thought humans came in flaming, brilliant scarlet, considering how often she blushed in their presence.
Noticing her discomfort, Greg added, “You don’t have to rush anything, Tamara. Merran’s not going anywhere and neither are you.” Shifting topics, he asked, “Do you want to meet on Monday? I can get you started doing some focusing and visualization exercises to help you ride out the episodes more easily.”
Tamara took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Okay, Monday. What time? I’ve got classes until one.”
Greg made his way to his desk, waddling a little so as not to trip over the trailing blankets. He leaned over his laptop and tapped a key. The screen came up quickly. “How about two?”
“Okay, two it is.” Tamara headed for the door, hesitating as s
he put her hand on the handle. “Greg … thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” She didn’t turn around, but pulled the door open and stepped out of his room.
She’d never done the walk of shame before, as the college students called the early morning sneak-back-to-your-own-dorm-room amble, but she found herself dodging other people and avoiding eye contact anyway. She and Greg had not done anything to create the shame—and honestly, never would—but it was still an odd experience to hurry back to her dorm room in the crisp morning air wearing last night’s clothes, with her hair a mess.
She managed to make it back to her room without running into anyone she knew—fortunately, it was a Saturday morning and the campus was quiet. First-year seminars were over and the continuing students hadn’t arrived yet, although they would be trickling in all weekend to begin classes on Monday. She got into her room without incident and gathered her clothes to shower before she had to go to work. Greg had told her to take her time, and she fully intended to, despite the meeting on Monday.
A little while later, Alarin climbed the stairs to Greg’s room, wondering if Tamara had left or if she was still sleeping sprawled on Greg’s bed. As he came up to Greg’s room, he could only sense one occupant, so he tapped at the edge of Greg’s shields and entered at his friend’s greeting.
“She’s gone I see,” he said, closing the door behind him.
Greg looked up from the computer, his blond hair still wet from the shower. “She left pretty early this morning.”
“How’s she doing this morning?”
“Fine. As normal as ever. There’s really very little sign that she’s Awakening physically, but she is sure having all the symptoms of it.”
“Anything else happen after we left?” Alarin went to the bed and sat on it, resting his arms on his spread knees.
“No, but she woke up this morning and said she had Awakening dreams.”
“Any unusual sexual behavior this morning?”
“No, not really, but I wouldn’t expect it. She’s not a thirteen-year-old adolescent who’s been raised Azellian, Alari. She’s human … in her late teens or early twenties. She’s quite able to suppress that particular symptom if she wants to. No, it was just the admission, which turned her the color of a very ripe tomato.”
Alarin grinned. “She’s really cute with that blushing she does, isn’t she?”
Greg raised an eyebrow. “Not you, too.”
Alarin mirrored Greg’s gesture back at him. “Not me, too, what?”
“It’s very interesting that Merran showed her aura sparking.”
“Noticed that too, did you?” He frowned. “Are you implying that I’m sexually interested in her?”
“Are you?”
Alarin shrugged. “By the aarya’s eyes, no. Not with Ida in the wings waiting for me to do something so she has an excuse to come to Earth. I just think it’s cute that she blushes all the time. Are you thinking Merran’s sexually interested in her?”
Greg turned his chair around and leaned back against it. “He certainly flirted with her enough last week when we went out to eat.”
“That doesn’t mean anything. Merran’s a flirt.”
“He reacted to her projection of sexual desire at him.”
Alarin shrugged. “She’s cute. Why wouldn’t he react?”
“He showed her aura sparking.”
Alarin grinned. “Which Mel pointed out is not always foreplay. Anything else?”
Greg threw his arms up in the air. “Well, Tamara thinks he might be.”
“Ah, now, that’s proof.” Alarin sat up. “Why do you care?”
Greg shrugged. “I have this feeling it’s going to be important. Do we encourage or discourage it?”
“If she’s really Awakening the way we do, then she’s going to need a sexual partner. Why not Merran? If her flash a couple of weeks ago is any indication, they share a talent.”
“Do you think he’d be willing to do it?”
“He was willing to help us out, so why not?”
“This is not just doing some training and telling her about our history and psi, Alari. This is taking the brunt of her Awakening. If she does Awaken the way we do, it could get rough.”
“Rough? Why?”
Greg shook his head. “There’s a trauma that happened to her a few years ago. She shared a story with me about an experience she had. I don’t know, but I think she may have already Awakened once, then forced it back down because of that trauma. And you know the older it happens the rougher it is. There’s a reason the aarya have us Awaken to our psi at puberty. It never comes easier than at that time.”
Alarin frowned. “Will it be dangerous?”
“While I’m training her, I can work with her through some of the trauma … get it cleared out before she Awakens fully. So I’ll do what I can to mitigate it but it depends on how powerful she is. She could burn him out if she’s strong enough. And if she really does react like an Azellian would, of course.”
“Well, there’s certainly enough evidence that she will react like one of us. As for burning him out, she’d have to be extremely powerful. Merran can channel energy like no one I’ve ever seen, Greg. He’s had acolyte training.”
Greg relaxed. “Damn, I forget that he’s had aarya training. Okay, well let’s encourage this thing between them. Do you know a subtle way to do this? You know Mer. If he thinks we want him to get involved, he’ll find a million different reasons to push her away.”
“Leave that to me.”
“Forcing him won’t stick, Alari.”
“I’m not going to coerce him, Greg. I’ll work around him. Believe me, with my mother, I know how to work around people. When’s the next time you meet with Tamara?”
“Monday at two.”
“Let me take her to the embassy. I’ll arrange for Merran to give us a tour or something. That will give them a reason to spend time together, and from an angle Merran won’t suspect.”
“You think he is sexually interested in Tamara? You seemed to dismiss all my evidence.”
Alarin grinned. “I think it’s pretty certain actually. He not only flirted with her, he played her aura like it was his personal dizvir when we went out. And then he showed her aura sparking the next day? How much more evidence do you need? A flashing digital sign like on the Performing Arts Center?”
Greg ignored the sarcasm. “A dizvir? Interesting analogy … the aarya use those instruments to generate vibrations during Festival.”
“I know. And if you paid any attention to Tamara’s resonance … even through those shields … he was striking quite a chord off her.”
“Fine, fine. Go. Take her to the embassy, get her and Merran together, and we’ll see what happens.”
Alarin grinned and got to his feet. “This is going to be fun. Merran doesn’t have a chance.”
Greg gave him a suspicious look. “You sure you’re not enjoying this a bit too much?”
“Too much?”
“You sure you’re not getting him to have sex with her because you want to?”
Alarin laughed. “Yeah, that’s an effective way to get a woman into my bed. Shove her at someone else. If I wanted Tamara in my bed, I’d have her there … and not in Merran’s.”
“Okay, fine, just checking.”
Alarin changed the subject. “You want to go to lunch?”
Greg nodded and got to his feet. “Yeah, I’m starving. You might be used to this planning of someone else’s life, but I’m not and it makes me hungry.”
Alarin grinned and held the door, the two of them heading out to the cafeteria.
It took Alarin a day before he could get a chance to call Merran. Since he didn’t want Merran to pick up on his motivations, he used the cell phone rather than mental contact. Merran was in a meeting, so Alarin settled at his desk to meditate and wait. About an hour later, his cell phone buzzed. The readout on the small screen indicated it was the embassy.
He picked up the phone and
swiped a finger across it. “’Lo, Merran.”
“Alari. What’s up?” Merran asked in Azellian.
“Working on a Sunday?”
“Since when do Azellians observe a human religious holiday?”
“Yeah, but in a meeting?”
“Since when do the Dorbin observe a human religious holiday?” He paused. “And since when do you call to interrogate me on my activities?”
Alarin laughed. “Actually, I’m calling to see if you have some time tomorrow to guide Tamara and me around the embassy between two and four.”
“Two and four? Let me see. Uh … I’d have to, um, juggle my appointments.” He fell silent for a few moments. “The Atheran ambassador wants to try to talk me into something I probably don’t have the authority to agree to. Then I have a meeting with the school administrators to listen to their ideas on ways to improve our program.”
“That was quick. Regular classes haven’t even started yet!”
“Oh, they’re just bursting with ideas and can’t wait to tell me about them. I could have Janille call them tomorrow and reschedule. I might be able reach the Atheran ambassador today, but not the school administrators.” Merran paused. “All right, fine. I’ll tell Janille to rearrange my schedule and we’ll see you two tomorrow. Any reason it’s going to be just the two of you?”
“She had another episode night before last. Telekinetic this time. Greg’s going to start training her like an Awakening Azellian, but she’s having some difficulty with the adjustment. I’ve seen her a few times over the past couple of days. She’s a little on edge about it all. I thought she could use a change of pace.”
“Greg told me about the episode. He said it was pretty typical. She’s having trouble adjusting, is she? Well, you’re probably right, she could use something different. We’ll see you tomorrow, then?”
Alarin ended the call, smiling slightly. It’s all about management, he thought to himself. He looked out the window at the continuing students who were just now starting to arrive on campus. Watching them struggle with heavy loads and trunks was amusing. He got to his feet. Maybe he’d go outside and offer his help. Give me a chance to meet some new people.
At the embassy, Merran hid his suddenly mixed feelings as he stared at the phone.
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